Critical Hit

Last night I finally got some flour. Either Trader Joe's is carrying white whole wheat flour all the time now or this stuff's left over from the holidays. Either way, I was happy, and if I had a way to store it safely, I would buy a ton at once. I hate running out of flour!

I want to bake some sweet potato biscuits today if I have time, and there's a new recipe for pumpkin bread I want to try soon from The Joy of Vegan Baking, which I got out from the library--I have almost 30 items out from the library right now, and it's pretty ridiculous.

I was really down for a few days, but last night when Erik came home from work, we went for a walk, and I actually had things to say and thoughts about things other than my own stupid shit. I was feeling better, but then when we went to Trader Joe's I was feeling overwhelmed and had to go sit in the car while Erik paid. Do you know that scene in Labyrinth where Sarah just took a bite of the poisoned peach and she has that dream of being at a costume ball and dancing with David Bowie? And all the people in weird masks are leering at her, and she's all bewildered and panicking? That's how I felt. Only David Bowie wasn't there.

But when I woke up this morning, I felt fine, so possibly it's over. It's actually been a hard three weeks or so, extreme moods one way or another, and I'm afraid in the notes I've written to go with zines I was sending I might have said some weird things, so I hope I'm not freaking people out.

I'm going to try scoring my full three hours today, because I think I can do it, but I am so behind, there seems to no hope of catching up, and I'm worried about getting fired, but if I do get fired--well, I guess I would strive to find another bearable part time job, but if I couldn't, I would be eligible for SSI/SSDI in a year. That would not be a great idea, but it's a plan b.

I've been listening to Ghost Mice and there's a song called "Critical Hit" that's about playing D&D and keeps saying not to give up, and at first I found it annoying, but now it's kind of my theme song.



When you're deep in a dark dungeon
And the cleric's down and dying
And you've taken all the potions you had left
And you feel like you are doomed
Because the demon you set loose
Is coming after you and you can smell/hear it's breath.
And the door between you and it is pretty thin.
The wizard is all out of spells.
The fighters took a few too many hits.
This thing, it came from hell,
It seems like it can't be killed.
Don't ever give up! not all fights are won by skill,
Some are won by luck. don't ever give in!
You've gotta keep fighting until you lose or you win.
Cross your fingers roll the die.
Wait with hope for the big two-oh (20).
Cross your fingers roll the die.
Let it go. let it roll. don't give up yet, no, don't ever quit.
There's always a chance for a critical hit.
The biggest baddest beasts have easily been beat with one lucky shot.
Dragons have fell and kingdoms have been saved
By people giving everything they've got,
By people who never gave up.
By people who know just to let the dice roll and see what comes up.
No we should never ever give up.