dangerous compassions

this may be the night / our bodies fill with light

Tuesday, September 02, 2014

new pics all taken by Ming

My backpack at the park.

Ming's kids last week at Ben & Jerry's.

Sunday "cronut" which is a dessert that's a cross between a donut and a croissant.  I didn't like it too much.


This morning we walked to Safeway, which is more than a mile away.  We bought some nice foods. 

I was telling Ming that I feel the world is pretty hateful lately.  I think it had to do with that woman yelling at us from her car the other day.  I'm misanthropic and against dogs too.  Especially off-leash dogs.

Monday, September 01, 2014


I love this song "South Carolina" by John Linnell.  These are my favorite two lines.

And I won some damages and they were punitive,
by which I mean the punishment was damaging. 

It's about a bike accident.


First day of September and it's supposed to hit 101 here today.  Screw that!

official welcome

Gmorning, friends.  I would like to officially welcome you to September.  I think it'll be a good one.  I was just saying elsewhere how I used to love this month, as a child.  New pencils, new dresses, and second third fourth fifth sixth chances.  The nip in the air.  Cold mornings.  Not really cold but enough to excite me.

Today I need to go through all the stuff I bought and traded for yesterday and get ready to mail tomorrow the presents.

Well, it's Labor Day and we don't have plans.  I called my learner last night to see if he wanted to get tutored today, but he's at a relative's house and we scheduled for Wednesday.  I need a walk.  I need rest.  I need breakfast.

Good almost-fall wishes to everyone.

Sunday, August 31, 2014

all ziney goodness is mine

Today was San Francisco Zine Fest.  It was great though I vowed not to buy anything.  I bought mostly things for other people.

I'm tired now.

Saturday, August 30, 2014

bloggable moment

This morning we walked to the farmers market and got yelled at by a driver as we walked home.  She was yelling at us for crossing the street.  She had never been a pedestrian, I guess, because she didn't know that you cross when there's a white man and then continue through the blinkey red hand.  She was trying to make a left turn as we crossed and had to wait about seven seconds.  So she yelled at us.

I stopped walking and tried to explain we had crossed when it was white, but you know how when someone's mad their thinking skills turn off.  She just shook her head.

I told Ming afterward that it was a bloggable moment.

We said the secret word (okra) and got $10 free farmers market bucks.  We bought organic strawberries, peaches, green beans, and corn.

Friday, August 29, 2014


We stopped by our loved Iraqi bakery for some delicious fresh bread.  Then we came home and ate the leftover labneh with the bread.  I made some hummus and it was good.  I sliced up some tomatoes from the garden.  Good lunch.


Last night we went to a letter writing event put on by Sac Prisoner Support.  It was fun to extend friendship in a limited way.

This morning I'm eating my cereal with lots of almond slices in it.

I read a friend's dream about a haunted Pepsi machine. 

We found something beside our front door, some things a friend promised.  But did she knock and we didn't hear?   Oh, please knock louder next time.

Thursday, August 28, 2014


Yesterday I took two naps.  Then we went to bed at 7.  Something's wrong with me, but I'm not sure what.  Hand foot & mouth relapse?  PMS?  Recovery from social times?  Ming says maybe I'm getting narcolepsy.

This morning we walked to the co-op for walnuts and a lemon.  Ming thought it opened at 6, but it opened at 7.  We looked at newspapers in the newspaper machines.  We sent some mail.

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

smoothie news

Lately we've been making smoothies using the blender a friend gave us. 

frozen strawberries slightly thawed
vanilla greek frozen yogurt
orange juice

It's very simple and tastes like a smoothie from a very popular smoothie chain.

my favorite squash

This morning we went to Trader Joe's, and I said, "Oh my god!  Look at the delicata squash!" because they had a ton.  They are huge!  We bought two.

Tuesday, August 26, 2014


Ming and our houseguest have gone to the Sac Peace Action office to watch a movie about sacred sites being harmed.  Then Ming's dropping off our houseguest at the Amtrak station.  The guest will go north.

Today I napped because I got really exhausted.  And then we made a nice dinner of quinoa with veggies.  It was tasty.

Monday, August 25, 2014


Today we dropped off our houseguest at the courthouse.  Then went to San Leandro to pick up Ming's mom and take her to Walnut Creek for a doctors appointment.

There was a lot of waiting involved.  Also sadness because the procedure has to be repeated. 

We had rush hour traffic, but at least it wasn't too hot.

I texted with a friend.  He and I have good text conversations.  We talked about my year motto, Never In a Hurry.  We talked about defensiveness and taking things personally.  Jumping to conclusions.  Tomorrow morning we're having coffee.

It's a beautiful evening.  A dog is barking.  Our houseguest is cardweaving with some hemp cord I happened to have.  I was going to freecycle it, so it's great.

fun with houseguest

Yesterday morning we went to Fox & Goose, my favorite breakfast place.  It was fun to talk about religion.  Then we walked to the big farmers market under the freeway.  It was crowded but fun.  I was running on three and a half hours of sleep.  I was disoriented and having trouble making decisions.

Then we came home and hung out, thinking we'd make a late lunch but nobody got hungry.  We decided to snack instead of lunch.

Then we went to church and saw P and toured the grounds (no more lotuses, only their pods).  Then we saw Swami, who talked to us for only five minutes because he was hungry for his lunch.  But we had a nice fast chat.  He gave us prasad.  He told us to take grapes from the vine.

Then we went to Carmichael library.  I wrote a letter and read a little.

Then we made dinner and invited over HW.  She was a fun addition to our crowd.  We talked about political things, ate a delicious meal, went for a walk.

Ming and I turned in early and I slept almost ten hours last night, which was really good.

Sunday, August 24, 2014


Didn't feel the earthquake.


I'm up still, cursing the chai I had this evening.  Ming says he should have slapped it out of my hand. 

The alarm's set for five hours from now.  We have morning plans--my favorite breakfast place in Sacramento (or the world, really) then the big farmers market under the freeway.

Saturday, August 23, 2014

mystery cd

Today was a weird day for me.  Ming had his 30 year high school reunion.  I hung out at Tilden Park by myself for two hours writing tons of letters.  Then we had vegan sushi.  Then we saw Ming's kids for ice cream but I had boba tea.

To make a long story short, we have a houseguest who is great, and I got a mystery cd in the mail!  So exciting!  No note, no letter, no tracklist.  We're listening to it.  Either the person knows me well or big coincidences abound.  And I made some tea.

Friday, August 22, 2014

from Death Tractates

I wrote two lines from a poem on the back of my cellphone in Sharpie last night, but they have mostly worn off already.  It's my favorite Brenda Hillman poem "First Tractate," and it's the last line of that poem.

I will quote the poem here in its entirety.

First Tractate by Brenda Hillman

That the soul got to choose. Nothing else
got to but the soul
got to choose.
That it was very clever, stepping
from Lightworld to lightworld
as an egret fishes through its smeared reflections –

through its deaths –
for it believed in the one life,
that it would last forever.
When she had just started being dead I called to her.
Plum trees were waiting to be entered,
the swirling way they have,
each a shower of
Each one full of hope,
and of the repetitions –

When she had been dead a while
I called again. I thought she was superior somehow
because she had become invisible,
because she had become subtle
among the shapes –

and at first she didn’t answer, everything answered.


Our houseguest will be here tomorrow night, and I'm excited but hope I'm no longer contagious. 

Today we're seeing friends for lunch, Indian food.  We're bringing them some backyard tomatoes.  I want to bring backyard sunflowers too.  I wish we had some thrift store vases.

I remember when I was in high school bringing frontyard roses to the teachers I loved.

My therapist is the closest thing to a teacher than I have now.  I love her so much. 

Thursday, August 21, 2014


I got some spots. It's hand foot & mouth.  Oops.  Mom says Dad went to the doctor who said it's a bad strain that's getting lots of adults.  And there's nothing to do but wait it out.

My computer is fixed and Ming backed up the files, but I don't have faith in the backup system so I don't know if I'll be able to get the files off it when I need them.  Yes, it was the power supply.  We are $113 lighter.

We went to a book club meeting last night.  Consensus was that it was a boring book.  I was the boardest, not being able to get more than a fourth of the way through.  Ming was the least board, enthusiastically enjoying it. 

Ming is like the opposite of Mikey in the old Life cereal commercials.  He likes everything.

Wednesday, August 20, 2014


Suddenly I'm well!  I think I slept it off.  Today I'm up.  We went for a walk, and Ming's helping me clean my desk.  We're going to have a houseguest.

Tuesday, August 19, 2014


Suddenly I'm sick.  It had been about two years.  I slept much of the day.  My throat's sore, I have a headache, my muscles ache, and my stomach does too.  Oh, and I'm super dizzy.  And I'm hot and cold.

I went to the dentist anyway because it's so hard to get an appointment there. 

I'm having applesauce, my post-dentist treat. 

Monday, August 18, 2014


Made Ethiopian yellow split pea stew again with less ginger this time.  It got a little overcooked but I like it this way. 

conversation overheard at the bulk bins

mom: Did you just drop some pistachios?
kid: Yeah.
mom: You know that's a sin.
kid: What's a sin?

nightmares by Laura-Marie aka why I'm up at 4:30

I dreamt this dog was jumping on me and I flipped off its owner.  I was yelling.

Then I dreamt about flying.  I was in a room trying to be quiet so the bad guys in the other room wouldn't get me.  And I thought it was a good idea to fly. 

Then I was watching this creepy tv show and getting more and more scared.  These men--maybe zombies--in this field doing a bad dance with a huge full moon behind them.  It was beautiful but very scary.

Then an evil animal emerged from some dead plants and headed straight for me.  I woke up crying out.

Sunday, August 17, 2014

how hard it is to be home again

This morning we walked to the co-op but didn't need anything.  We walked through the store in the early morning like, "We don't need any of this."  Finally I decided I wanted some elephant garlic.  I've had very good results with it in the past.  In some dal a long time ago.

Then we went to the big farmers market under the freeway.  It was very crowded.  But we got some fruits including the delicious plums that are actually prunes.

Ming's doing laundry.  I am struck by how hard it is to be home again.

Saturday, August 16, 2014

jackal-headed woman in the sand


Now we take our leave of Guadalupe.  Last night we went to a restaurant called Charly's Place for dinner.  I had their Basic Breakfast Burrito while Ming had a chile relleno with rice and beans.  I liked it there.

Yesterday afternoon we went to Guadalupe Beach.  I had no energy.  Then we went to the cemetery.  Then we went to the library, which was small and hot.

The air mattress is deflating.  Soon we'll be on the road.

Friday, August 15, 2014

my therapist's second-favorite joke

I can't believe a five-year-old told her this joke.

Why did the chicken half-way cross the road?


I made the decision to get a smartphone.  So many times it would have come in handy.  The dumbphone I have now is messing up, the tap tap tap buttons.  So next month my parents can pay the taxes on a smartphone. 

How will it be?  Will I get all brief?  Will I become more anxious with something more to lose?  I thought before how it was nice not having to worry about my phone.

love wins

Gmorning, sunshines.  It's a misty moisty morning here in Guadalupe.  The rooster is crowing. 

There's an ee cumings quote on the wall in the room we're staying in. 

To be nobody-but-yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else -- means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight and never stop fighting. - ee cummings

Lakes of Canada covered by Sufjan Stevens

Have I posted this before?  My favorite song.

Thursday, August 14, 2014

what my little niece says

My little niece is cute.  And nice.  And sweet.  And pretty.  And likes to wear fashionable clothes.  Is awesome.