dangerous compassions

I call you / from the comet's cradle

Monday, May 29, 2017

long, strange

Gmorning, friends.  Today we take the 5 to the undisclosed location.  Then tomorrow or so, home to Vegas.  What a long, strange trip it's been.

Yesterday some of our friends were arrested at a protest.  And our friend's mom.  What the fudge.  Also one of our friends was attacked by a white supremacist.

Makes me want to stay away from protests, but I guess that's what "they" want.

Meanwhile friend drama is worsening when I thought it really couldn't.

Ming says we're five minutes from leaving, so I will pack up this computer.  Love to all.

Sunday, May 28, 2017

Lotusland grotesques




family


dancing and advancing

Survived yesterday.  Saw Swami, had a brunch party, went to the Bay Area to see Ming's mom and older son.  Walked.  I got really tired on the drive home to Sacramento.  I slept fitfully with bad dreams.

How are you, anyway?  I hope you're finding what you need.

The cats we're catsitting are being good.  I need to clean litter boxes.  I also need breakfast.  Those two things don't go together!

A good Las Vegas friend is having problems and it's affecting me poorly.  She tells me her troubles and they're huge.  She has her car parked at our house right now.  She told me (I got the message this morning) that she's seeking professional help.  I hope she finds a good therapist right away.  It can happen.

Saturday, May 27, 2017

dream

I was sleeping poorly then had a vivid dream about procuring funding for a soteria house.  I got up to write about it.  Turns out Catholic Workers funded it.  The dream was super realistic in a way.

But my back hurts and I should go back to bed while I still can.  Long long day planned today.

Friday, May 26, 2017

am I a hippie?

We are in Sacramento now.  We have lots of fun planned.

Mom and Ming and I were talking about whether Ming's a hippie.

Long hair?  Check.
Tree hugger?  Check.
Peace activist?  Check.
Kind and sensitive and loving?  Check, check, check.

I said the only thing is he missing doing drugs.

"That's a good thing," Mom said.

"Yeah, I wouldn't put up with that shit," I said.

"It's amazing, the things you put up with when you're in love," Mom said.

Well, I share with Ming the hippie characteristics.  So am I a hippie? I don't think I look the part.  But is looking the part important?

Also we used to brew our own kombucha, make our own sauerkraut, and make our own yogurt.  Maybe we really are hippies.

strawberry lover


Wednesday, May 24, 2017

am I a hipster?

Gmorning, world.  I found this expensive kinda kombucha at Trader Joe's here at the undisclosed location.  It's got all the good qualities.  Only three grams of sugar in a serving too.  I'm delighted.  The flavor is pink lady apple.

Am I a hipster?  I got my kombucha, my zines, Sufjan Stevens.  Well, I don't look like a hipster, which I think is the important thing.  To hipsters.

Ming's mom resurfaced.  We had been trying to get a hold of her for days.  She is home.  She had been with her bestie.  We secretly have the bestie's phone number but never got desperate enough to use it.

Last night we had Thai food with my mom and her sister.  Ming's green curry was so delicious.  My pad see ew was pretty good.  I devoured it.  I had mine with mock duck.  I've never had real duck.

Today we have laundry going.  We'll abscond to the town of my birth.  Well, not really abscond.  I used to say that word a lot when I was young.  I was being dramatic.

Tuesday, May 23, 2017

fruit fest

I've got this big ole chomebook.  I like it, but it's big.  I'm at our favorite cafe with Ming.  I ordered some pasta.  Ming ordered coffee and has a day-old croissant.

We went on a wild goose chase looking for a Pismo farmers market that didn't exist.  Damn it.

But we went to the wonderful strawberry stand.  We bought strawberries and apricots and blackberries and peaches and snap peas.

There was a marine layer.  I liked the chill.  It reminded me of my youth.

We got some sugarfree chocolates too.  Someone in the shop was being trained.  "Temperature is very important," the trainer said.

I feel healthy and well again though we didn't walk or dance yet today.  A worker just handed me my pasta.  I feel free.

Monday, May 22, 2017

queen of zines

Stopped at the Barstow panera.  Ming's out at the car taking a pill.

The drive so far, for me, has been easy.  All I have to do is watch, passenge, dj.  Try not to sleep.

I feel healthy and well.  Yesterday morning we danced.  This morning I circumnavigated the Mad Greek restaurant with ravens.

Except my right thumb has been twitching for a few days.  I think it's from txting, handwriting, maybe typing.  It makes me feel a bit infirm.  I think it happens more when I'm dehydrated.  Not sure.

Some customers at another table were talking about their timeshares.  Paying $20,000.  Sometimes I feel so comfortable, nowadays, I forget I'm not rich.  But those people are rich.

This morning we left at 5:41.  Our friend R saw us at 5:24 and hugged us, about to scatter his mom's ashes.  He said, "Love you guys," twice.  And our friend M waved to us from his door in his bathrobe.

Last night King Ron was over late, for us, wearing the rainbow tiedyed teeshirt I gave him a couple weeks ago.  I noticed some small holes in it from his cigarette burns yesterday at Food Not Bombs.

We met a new person named J.  She started talking about zines.  King Ron and Ming told her that I'm the queen of zines.  Well, I'll admit I'm the local queen.

Sunday, May 21, 2017

win

Gmorning.  Last night's meeting was wonderful.  There were eleven people.  We talked, ate, thought, planned, listened, and had fun.  It couldn't have been better.

This morning I need to exercise and type up some stuff.  We have Food Not Bombs.  Otherwise a chill day before a trip to the undisclosed location.

Saturday, May 20, 2017

death to whatever

--You know when people say "death to" whatever?
--Yeah?
--Do they mean like literally killing someone or is it figurative?
--I think it's figurative.  Most of those things they say it about can't be killed anyway.

birdbath cactus



King Ron


you are beautiful

Well, today's the big day.  This evening at 6 is the first meeting of Las Vegas Radical Mental Health Collective.  I hope people show up and that we work together well and have fun.  I hope I can handle facilitating.

Did I tell you about my new friend D who gave me a bottle of essential oils?  She's a massage therapist.  I need to dilute some.

My new computer is great and has wonderful speakers.  I love it.  I put a "you are beautiful" sticker on it.

Friday, May 19, 2017

this morning at Creech


relief

Ming ended up not getting arrested.  In fact it was a cop-free vigil.  We got flipped off a few times.

Then we went to the Goddess Temple and had tea with the priestess.  I prayed in the temple for a little while.

Then we went to Red Robin hungrily.

Anyway, Ming helped me open up my computer.  It's good.  Feels huge compared to my little one.  I'll get used to it.

risk

Today is a peace vigil at the air force base.  Ask me if I want to go.  I don't.

Then in the evening is political prisoner letter writing night.  I have a better attitude about that.

Then tomorrow is the big event: Las Vegas Radical Mental Health Collective's first meeting.  I'm pretty ready.

Ran out of ripe avocados.  My right thumb is twitchy.  My new computer came in the mail last night.  I'll open the box later.

Ming might get arrested today.  Not willingly.  We'll see.

Thursday, May 18, 2017

miracles of today

Avocado toast and tea again--I am a habit creature.  Not too hot here.  Yesterday there was an amazing wind.

My new chromebook shipped yesterday.  It's supposed to be here tomorrow.

Today is me and Ming's anniversary, our monthly anniversary.  Every 18th.  Happy anniversary, loved one.

I don't know what miracles today holds.  But I feel kind of ready.

Wednesday, May 17, 2017

rainbowy

Avocado toast and tea again.  Ming got me some sugarfree red vines yesterday.  Nice.

This morning I woke up from an elaborate farmer dream.  Chickens, poverty, isolation.

I think I don't have much I have to do today, but I'm not sure because I can't find the calendar.

At the dollar store I bought this kit for making rubber band bracelets.  And I read the instructions and made one.  It's rainbowy.


Tuesday, May 16, 2017

every zine is a mental health zine

Yesterday we did a ton of things.  A highlight was going to Costco with King Ron with a lady who was donating $100 worth of bowls and a huge bag of sugar.  They both have kids and were talking about their kids and school stuff and Jewish martial arts.

That wasn't the real fun part--the fun part was talking with King Ron while he drove.  I noticed he cleaned out his car somewhat.  It used to be full of recycling on the floors.

I listened to music, bound some zines, and chatted with a friend SJ for hours on facebook messenger.  It was cozy.

My throat is sore again and my bestie liked the poem I wrote.  I feel creative after the complex dreams I dreamed, but really, nothing comes of it.  Occasionally a poem.  A dreamy feeling or image makes its way into something.

We went to our storage unit and I got a box of zines so I could look through it for mental health zines for the meeting.  After a while of looking through zines, I told Ming, "After a while of looking through zines, I'm realizing that every zine is a mental health zine."

Monday, May 15, 2017

five for a dollar

The five apricots I bought at the Roots community garden event--they are so good.  I've eaten four.  The fifth is sitting on the counter waiting for me.

Just had some avocado toast for breakfast.  It was great.

Woke up early and talked to a friend on my phone.  Posted something about grief on facebook.

I have a sore throat.  I haven't been sick in a long time.  If I am sick, that's ok.

I've been writing poems like crazy.

I hope you're doing things you want to do.

Sunday, May 14, 2017

lifespan

I had to listen to the Joanna Newsom album Ys about ten times before I really got it.

Ming's retrieved the vegan pasta from the Freedom House event fridge for us to heat up for Food Not Bombs this morning.  The oven will heat our house.

My chromebook, it started crashing so much.  I ordered a new one.  First I called our computer consultant to ask if he thought he could fix it.  He said they're made to be disposable, which I had told Ming moments before.

It was crashing about five times a day?  It was annoying.  But it will be a challenge to switch everything over.  I love this little chromebook, three and a half years old.  Maybe that's an ok lifespan?

friends at the Catholic Worker





Saturday, May 13, 2017

veg quest

I bought some butternut squash zigzags from Trader Joe's.  I had been intrigued by them for a long time.  I sauteed them in a little olive oil for a few minutes then added some veggie broth and kept cooking them and covered it for a while...  My verdict: it's kinda good kinda boring.

I prefer these snap peas which taste so green and fresh.  They're plump and lovely.

Also I think avocados count as veg since they're not sweet.  What do you think?

cute

I cooked up some cute little vegan sausages for my breakfast.  Ming is serving the hungry.  I served a couple days ago so am taking today off.

But there's a meeting I need to go to.  I dread it because there was also a meeting yesterday and there was some drama.  I feel like a bad pumpkin.  But I gotta be me.  Putting the brakes on a project everyone else wanted to move forward with.  It's about community.

I am still feeling out what it means to be in community and for community to change.  I had a lot of feelings.  I have a lot of feelings.  I don't always know which ones to listen to or what they all mean.  But I try.

Today after the meeting there's something like a farmers market at the Roots community garden.  Ming and I wanted to table for NDE there but were a day late asking for a table.  Maybe next time.

Or maybe next time it'll be the middle of June and too hot.  Ming called to ask me a question.  King Ron's phone broke and a new one is on its way.

Friday, May 12, 2017

I will always love you

Yesterday I went to lunch with my friend J, which nourished my soul.  I told her about all the songs on the cd I made for her.  Imagine us eating pupusas, me explaining "Lovesong" by the Cure to her.

However far away
I will always love you.
However long I stay
I will always love you.
Whatever words I say
I will always love you.
I will always love you.

Also something exciting came in the mail: my poet friend Michael Hannon's new book.  It's called The Muse Turns Her Back and is good.  I started reading it right away.  He talks like he's really old but looks fine in the photo.  Still I should say I love him.

Yet another exciting thing is that I scheduled the first meeting of the Las Vegas Radical Mental Health Collective.  It's not tomorrow but next Saturday.  King Ron secured the meeting location.  I hope people can make it.  It's kind of short notice...?

Today's a visioning meeting.  I wonder if we'll meet in the prayer room.  I had avocado toast.

"It's the quintessential love song to put on a cd for someone you love," I told J.  We talked about what quintessential means.

Thursday, May 11, 2017

witty

I've been lonely.  So last night we lingered at Freedom House as our friends ate dinner.

And this morning I went with Ming to serve the hungry though Thursday isn't my usual day.

I've been writing lots of letters.  Lots of poem-bits too.

Last night we went to Kung Fu tea, which was fun.  We parked perpendicular to a No Trespassing wall.  There were dirty dumpsters and oil dumpsters.  A rat trap, a random litter box.

"I need something interesting or witty to say," I told Ming.

"Hmm," he said.

Wednesday, May 10, 2017

commune

Yesterday I got some writing done while Ming was gone.  Today our plans are amorphous.  It's a full moon.

Last night King Ron came over and Ming was breaking open seed pods to get seeds out--tree collard--and we were talking.  King Ron said it was like being on the commune, and I felt happy.

Now Ming's refilling soap dispensers with Dr Bronner's unscented, and there's so much to do, but who will do it?

Tuesday, May 09, 2017

listening to this song over and over again might not be the best choice


indigo

Yesterday we went to red rock.  I liked the indigo and kept taking pictures of it.  We went on a walk.  There was nobody on our trail.  It's such a nice trail too.

Then we went to the patio starbux and I ate a bagel.  Ming had a fancy coffee drink and an octopus cookie, which he photographed.

I wrote a letter to a friend and it was good.  He's on a raspberry farm in Oregon.  I need an address.

Ming''s out hiking with friends.  "Tell me you're not going to try to out-man each other," I said.  It's near Pahranagat, which I had to google hard to find the spelling of.