dangerous compassions

I call you / from the comet's cradle

Friday, October 20, 2017

where two or three are gathered

Well, I woke up crying at 1 in the morning, got up, wrote two poems, finished another two.  Did some promotion of my events.  Sent some email.

Then I went back to bed at 4.  Woke up in time for a Round Table discussion on wisdom practices at the Catholic Worker up in the prayer room.  We have to take our shoes off to go up there, now.

Then J and I meditated together for 20 minutes.  Felt good.

Then we went to the glasses store and chose some frames for Ming and ordered his new glasses, which cost a fortune!

That's about all the remotely interesting stuff.  Might have dinner with A this evening.

Oh, we went to the farmers market too.  Hadn't been in a long, long time.  The BBQ smelled good.

Thursday, October 19, 2017

museum altar


Wednesday, October 18, 2017

magically good

Gmorning--how are you, reader?  In some ways, I keep my cards close to my chest.  In other ways, I'm an open book.  Sometimes I wish I could be more free.

Tomorrow's the one year anniversary of my dad's death.  How do you think I'll do?

Yesterday the Catholic Workers liked the lunch I made.  I was nervous about the potato salad.  It was my first time making potato salad for people I wasn't related to.  But it went over well.  And they loved the lentil soup.

The lentil soup had a magically good flavor.  Sometimes it's better than others.

Last night we picked up my penpal from Wolverhampton.  I realized last night that she's a neat freak and our house is probably making her crazy.  Oops.  Hopefully the Rice Room is not too cluttered or dusty.

A lot of good people have stayed in that room!  Our friend C is probably coming in a few days.  She might stay two weeks.  Without boyfriend or dog.  I think we'll go to the hot springs!

Well, wish me luck.  I wanted to go see my mom.  That didn't work out.

Tuesday, October 17, 2017

damaging, deliberate, delicious

I ate some leftover pizza for breakfast.  I'm feeling pretty good but arguing with a friend.  It feels damaging.  She is a pretty important friend so it's hard.  I don't know how we'll come out of it.  She lives in New Mexico so it's not like I run into her.  It's an intentional friendship--deliberate.

I am a deliberate person.  I think I make a lot of sense.  I am full of intention and may be predictable.  Ming and I were talking about commitment and loyalty, what we mean when we talk about those.

Also I have been thinking about how crazy I am, because my craziness seems reduced.  I do keep things very tamped down...but I think that works well for me.

Anyway, too deep for this blog post.  The cold pizza was delicious.

Monday, October 16, 2017

monsoon


newsletter time


Oatman, Arizona

Well.  Yesterday we went to Oatman.  I was living on 40 minutes sleep.  I was a bit out of it, more than usual.

In Oatman some burros got our burritos in a feeding frenzy.  It was kind of traumatic for me.  After that I prettymuch avoided the wild burros that roam the streets.

I looked at some shops but got done fast.  "My tourist performance is nearing its end," I said to Ming.  I bought nothing, not even a postcard.

There was a bar with signed dollar bills covering the walls and ceiling.  Our friends drank there.  Ming had two cokes.

I sat outside by the car waiting for an hour for everyone else to be done.

Then we went to Kingman for IHOP.  My food was good.

Then we went to Chloride to look at this mural painted on these rocks.  Our friends explored and took pictures.

I prefered the plantlife.  I took some picture of these berries on a large bush.  The leaves looked like oak leaves but were not.

Then on the way home I slept a lot.  It was good.

This morning I woke up with a very sore throat.  I think I'm sick.  And that's what I get.

Saturday, October 14, 2017

busy day

This morning I slept then dozed.  Then we went to serve the hungry: pancake day.  I poured syrup, which hurts my back.  Pain but not damage.

I heard a fellow volunteer make a racist statement about his Black women students.

Then we washed a fuckton of dishes.  I think it was the most dishes ever.  Afterward G thanked me and shook my hand like always.

Then we had a good meeting.

Then we went to Costco to pick up four things and get something printed for NDE.

Then we went to Blick to pick up some more violet water-soluble ink.  It was way cheaper there.

Then we were really hungry and came home and ate last night's leftovers for lunch.

Next up: a volunteer is coming.  She might install three new security doors R bought.

Later tonight: a potluck.  I need to start cooking at 5:30.

Friday, October 13, 2017

special dinner

Well, everything's going okay.  Today we have a Creech Vigil and in the evening a special dinner my friend M is making me for my birthday.  My birthday present.

Last night we went to a talk at Writer's Block.  It was about a nuclear test gone awry.  True story.

Then when we came home at 8:30 there were five cop cars, some in front of our house.  Scary shit.  I hope the neighbors are okay.

Thursday, October 12, 2017

hard times require furious dancing

This morning I just wanted to keep dreaming.  But Ming woke me up to say goodbye before he went to serve the hungry.  He didn't want to go serve the hungry.  But there's this guy who got his glasses smashed on the soup line, and Ming volunteered to take him to get new glasses.

Lotsa good stuff happened yesterday.  We went to the Goddess Temple where I sang and prayed.  We gave a nice old lady a ride to the airport.  She said she loved us like last year.  We had lunch with a new friend and her three-year-old.  We went to this art supply store in Henderson where we spent a small fortune.

I'm making this new zine and decided to do a fancy cover.  So Ming is going to carve a linoleum block with the zine's title and a picture of a grackle.  We're printing the covers on raspberry cardstock.

So wish us luck!  I'm listening to the Mountain Goats, a cd I checked out from the library.

I feel unresponded to.  I send countless emails that get no reply.  I am pretty fastidious about replying to people, myself.  But I do have those two emails from September sitting in my inbox.

Oh, and I changed my sig file--amazing.  It had been the same for a couple years, I think.

Wednesday, October 11, 2017

gowns

Ming coughs like a half-dead person and I'm like, "Is this what I have to look forward to?"

I ate toast.  I need another walk.

I bought two dresses from amazon this morning.  Both are lacy.  One dark red, one gray.

When I was a kid I had a dark green lacy dress and I want one like that.  I wore it to work and when I graduated from high school.  It was under the...

"What do you call the graduation clothes?" I asked Ming.

"Cap and gown," he said.

"Why don't you rent those?" I asked.

"You had to buy the hat, but you rented the gown."

Tuesday, October 10, 2017

such is life

My noodles were draining by the sink.  Ming washed his hands.  "Did you splash my noodles?" I asked.

"No," he said.

"Don't fuck with my noodles!" I yelled.

He made motions like he was poking my noodles.

I flipped him off heartily.

arroyo grande

This morning we traveled all the way to Summerlin to walk in an arroyo.  Nice.  I smelled good plant smells, and there was a trickle of water coming out of a pipe.  "Look, a river!" I said.

Ming wants to go to the cheesecake factory.  He made a poor choice and ate my half-donut.  He says his brain wasn't working right yesterday.  I would agree.  "Stupid-head," he called himself, which made me laugh.

Monday, October 09, 2017

update

Ming fixed the faucet!  Three cheers for Ming!

Hip hip horray!

tea needs

I've been sad.  But Ming and I took a walk this morning, and I felt better almost right away.

Then we went to Home Depot.  I sat in the car watching a guy load boards onto his truck.

Ming is trying to fix our bathroom faucet, which was dripping.  Now it's disassembled.

I need tea.  I need this better mood to last.

Sunday, October 08, 2017

dryer

We got a dryer.  For a long time we only hung our clothes to dry.  Now I still want to hang our clothes to dry.  But it might be good for when it's rainy.

That's the news around here.  Today it's supposed to hit 91.  But it's cool at the moment.

new people

Ming and I both have sore throats.  Hope we're not getting sick.  There's so much to do.

Last night's radical mental health meeting--it requires some preparation, which is good and bad.  I didn't enjoy getting the food ready or setting it out...but some physical preparation is good for mental prep.

It was all kind of overwhelming.  Too many feelings, needs, social friction, personalities, words to think about, touch, eye contact...  I'm not the one to organize.  But if I don't do it, who will?  I don't want to hand over my baby to someone who might not care for it.  I don't want to hand over my baby at all.

There were nine of us last night including two new people.  The new people were women, which is great.

Saturday, October 07, 2017

holding T's sign


better

Last night we went out to sushi with friends after a-cafe.  It was fun.  I got hugs and some good laughs.  My new friend P gave me a shawl she crocheted for me.  It's black and lovely.

My vegan roll wasn't so good--too much pickled something--but I wasn't very hungry.  Ming liked his.

This morning: serving the hungry, dishes, a meeting.  Last week everyone was out of sorts.  Hopefully today there will be better feelings.

Friday, October 06, 2017

why does a seagull fly over the sea?

Last night there was a prayer thing with my peeps.  It was up in the prayer room.  I came early because Ming had to be at a meeting.

I hung out with J, and I sang in the prayer room for a while.  J read the words in English.

Then was the prayer thing.  We did some singing and read Bible stuff and other wisdom words.  I was so sleepy I was having a semi-surreal experience.  I was fading in and out.  Not sure what was wrong with me.

I asked A over txt "Why does a seagull fly over the sea?"  He had some guesses.  But he hasn't gotten it yet.

Some workers are here fixing our fence.  I hope they don't kill the apple trees or harm the grapevine.

Thursday, October 05, 2017

me and J


California

Yesterday we went to the hot springs in Tecopa.  We brought A with us.  He risked losing his job!  Spoiler: luckily, he did not lose his job.

It was hella relaxing and fun.  However, A did all of the driving.  We thanked him profusely, but I hope it didn't tax him too much.

We did three dips.  Then we went to China Ranch date farm.  Had date shakes, and they took a little hike.  I tried to avoid getting bitten by these huge evil flies.

Then we returned to the hot springs for another dip.  We sat outside for a long time on the couch thing, just being together and talking quietly.

Then we went to Zen Curry and got nice Japanese curry.  I was dehydrated, and A and I both had headaches in the same spot.

Lots of warmth and good feelings.  A had never been to a hot springs before.  "Now I can say I went to California with you," I said.  "Who would I impress with that?"

"Me," A said.  "I would be impressed."

Tuesday, October 03, 2017

curious

At community lunch I got overwhelmed by talk of the shooting and fled.  Realized I'm not cut out to be a listening ear about that.  Tragedy? guns?  Not so much.  So I changed my mind about going to the training tonight.

Ming went without me.  I stayed home and made enchiladas.  They turned out great.  Delicious.  But I skipped the rice and beans.

Listening to music, feeling curious about my own life.

Tuesdays

I'm proud of myself for doing about an hour of organizing last night, moved books around, threw some things away, put like with like, with Ming's help.  I needed some hand holding.  There's a lot more to do, but I see improvement.

Yesterday I hung out at the university while Ming attended a history class.  It was fun.  I wrote a letter by the art museum.

Last night txted with A for four hours.  Wow.  Stayed up till 12:30 in the morning.  Thought I'd sleep in this morning and did not.

Tomorrow--hot springs.  I told Ming, "If I was any more excited, it'd be pathological."

This morning Ming is hiking with friends.  Today's community lunch.  I'm not cooking.  I like Tuesdays.

Monday, October 02, 2017

someone to worry about

I was awake in the night and checked my messages.  There was a message from my friend D saying we must have heard what happened, and it was scary.  I was like no, what happened?

Then this morning I got up at 5:45 and Ming asked if I was safe.  I was like, what the hell are you talking about?  I guess a bunch of people on facebook want to know if I'm safe because of the massacre that took place last night on the Strip.

So to all my readers, yes, I am safe.  I don't go to country music concerts, if I can help it.  As far as I know, all my peeps are safe too.  They don't go to country music concerts either.  Well, one of my friends works security at concerts.  Oh, now I have someone to worry about.

Sunday, October 01, 2017

Gandhi movie, patience oats, the Devil's Pause

Ming proofread the visioning meeting notes I typed up.  We fixed a few things.  Then I submitted them to the group.

Pagan Pride was ok.  R said he would come at 3 to help and never showed or txted / called.  He's going through his own stuff.

Yesterday I txted with my friend M for a couple hours.  Felt good to connect with him like that.  We talked about his deep dark stuff.

Today I get to rest a lot.  Ming's going to a Gandhi movie.  I have nothing on my agenda.  I'm cooking up the steel cut oats that take half an hour--they were given to me.

I wanted to tell you--when you're at a red light waiting and the light turns green and cars pass through the intersection and then the light turns yellow and red and you didn't get to go--when you have to wait through a fruitless cycle--that's called the Devil's Pause.  We've been calling it that and it's fun to have a name for it.

Saturday, September 30, 2017

scarf


pagan pride


political prisoner letter writing night


goodbye to September

Today's Las Vegas's annual Pagan Pride.  Nevada Desert Experience has a community table.  We will talk to people all day, is the idea.  I'll need some breaks, though.

I'm worried about being confronted by angry military pagans who think we shouldn't be there.  I wish I'd prepared some soundbites.

It's going to be a long day.  We're serving the hungry then meeting then setting up at Pagan Pride then tabling all day.

September's one of my favorite months, but it's time to bid it a fond farewell.  October's good too.

Friday, September 29, 2017

new zine