dangerous compassions

I call you / from the comet's cradle

Wednesday, June 29, 2016

three questions

LM:  What should we do today?
M:  The day is like an oyster.
LM:  Slimy and disgusting?
M:  I wonder if oysters say the same thing about us.
LM:  That we're dry and disgusting?

Tuesday, June 28, 2016

in which our hero realizes she isn't special

I used to have a little pride about being a peace activist, that I care about the state of affairs enough to do something about it. I thought I was kind of special. 

Now I realize that there is so much suffering in the world, we couldn't function if we let ourselves acknowledge it all. I choose to let in the horrors of war but block out so much else. 

Maybe most people don't protest anything but lots give to charity. 

Anyway it was good to realize I'm not really special. Or maybe I'm special but so is everyone. 

fountain

I'm at a vegan place that has a sign up saying "good vibes only" which made me nervous like what if my vibes aren't good enough?

Very different from the negativity basket at the goddess temple guesthouse. It's a basket where you leave your negativity at the door. The sign says you can pick it back up on your way out, if you want. 

The music is great. They played "The Greatest" by Cat Power. It's satellite radio with commercials. 

Ming is getting two fillings replaced. 

I'm by a fountain that has a nice trickle. 

apple picking


Monday, June 27, 2016

pumpkin smoothie

I was at the Bronze trying to figure out what to order.  I'm not buying sugar.  But I chose the pumpkin smoothie.  It cost $6.50 on the menu, but they charged me $7, and I didn't correct them.

When it was delivered to me, it was huge, and I was surprised.

I tried it, and it reminded me of batter for pumpkin bread.  At first I didn't like it.  But then the more I drank it, the more I liked it.  I intended to save some for Ming, but before I knew it, I was slurping the final sip.

Today I wanted another.  But I thought there might be sugar in the protein powder, so I decided to make my own.

So we needed pumpkin and bananas.  We went to the store and got some.  I made myself a pumpkin smoothie.  It was weird but good.  The end.

building a new world in the shell of the old

Last night we drove to Kingman, Arizona to pick up a friend who had been stuck there attempting to catch a ride hitchhiking for four days.  That's my idea of love.

This morning we went to Creech Air Force Base with him and others to peace vigil from 6 to 7:30 am.  I held a sign "no torture, no drones" and blessed all the workers as they came through.  That's my idea of love too.

Then we drove up Mt Charleston.  We had breakfast at the lodge and parted from our friend with hugs.  Lotsa love.

Then we met with a filmmaker who wanted the lowdown on Nevada Desert Experience.  He recorded our conversation then took pictures of us holding our signs.  That was sort of loving.

Finally, I texted with a friend.  He insulted the things I believe because he would rather be right than happy.  I'm done with love for the day.  If you would like to find me, I'll be in bed.

Sunday, June 26, 2016

car wash

We're getting our car washed and the tv is killing me.  Election news, smarmy doctors, offensive commercials.

I'm amazed by how thorough they're being. They've been cleaning the inside of the car for half an hour.

Today we have a goddess temple board meeting and a time bank orientation. Also a hitchhiking friend is stuck in Kingman and we might go get him, but he's not answering his phone. 

A worker asked Ming what tribe he's from. "I'm Chinese," Ming said. The longer his hair, the more he gets asked.

Saturday, June 25, 2016

video games

I wrote a poem about video games called "poems about video games."

dragon

I have this computer I bought for transcribing interviews.  I needed something besides my trusty chromebook.  I needed something that runs windows.

So I bought this computer.  And I was working on the interviews, and I would over do it.  I have a pinched nerve in my neck (I had that MRI done a while back, and they saw where it's pinched).

So I bought Dragon software so I could transcribe the interviews by voice.  But it makes so many mistakes I will have to go through everything and fix it, and I don't know if I'll be any better off.

Meanwhile I've spent hundreds of dollars.

I want to have this interview book done by October and print some copies on lulu, maybe.  It's of special interest to Catholic Workers.  And we have a Catholic Worker National Gathering at the end of October here in Las Vegas.

I'm listening to this cd I made my friend.  It's mostly Christian music.  Why do I have all this Christian music?  Two of my favorite bands are Christian and not afraid to talk about it.

Like The Time Traveler's Wife, which was sci fi but marketed as regular fiction, the Innocence Mission and Sufjan Stevens are Christian but marketed as regular music.

I find it comforting, and no one understands--this coming from the crazy atheist Hindu woman.

This morning a homeless person on the line was asking about my necklace and I explained it was Ganesha.  She wants me to give her a book about him.  I agreed.

Now I have to give her my book, which is kind of sad for me, but maybe I'll keep a page for myself.

Friday, June 24, 2016

it worked


DIY

I wanted a piece of wood with a slot cut in it to display a rigid photo.  I looked at Walmart and online and couldn't find quite what I was looking for.  So we went to Michael's craft store and bought a little saw and some blocks of wood.  I will let you know how it turns out.

Then we went to Trader Joe's and bought some vegan sausages.  Then we photocopied my entire choir book.  Then we went to Indian food for lunch--the best place, Mt Everest.

Everywhere we went, I carried the sausages with me.  I didn't want them to spoil in the hot car.

"I like carrying my sausages around with me," I told Ming in the restaurant.

ps  The reading last night went great.

Thursday, June 23, 2016

great news

Tonight I'm reading at a zine event at Writer's Block.  I called my friend M to invite him, forgetting he's in San Jose right now.

I have lots of zines to put on my table tonight.  And buttons for free.  Ming helped me.  He pulled the zines from their files.  He is the best helper in the world.

I had coffee this morning so I would stay awake until evening and I still feel weird.  Caffeine does a number on me.

Great news--I finished redoing my photo albums.  That's a relief.

Wednesday, June 22, 2016

what is summer

Our friend, his truck was broken into.  He had his backpack, laptop, phone, and guitar stolen.  But it wasn't actually his guitar--it was his niece's.  This was downtown.  Or in the arts district.

Last night my community watched the Michael Moore movie Who To Invade Next or something like that.  They all liked it.  They remarked that there was no violence so I would have been fine with it.  But it's not just about violence.

I think today I'm going to pick up the rest of my photo albums from storage and buy the pocket kind and hop to it.  I also want some juice, an avocado.

Yesterday we bought a shitton of fruit at Costco.  Blueberries, raspberries, green grapes, two kinds of cherries...  What is summer for if not for fruit.

Last night I dream Ming was wearing a skirt.  We were at home, and I asked if he was going to wear it out.  I think he said yes.

Tuesday, June 21, 2016

the news as of 7:21 on Tuesday morning

This morning I ordered some photo prints from Costco.  It was inexpensive.  I want to redo my photo albums, but I feel weird about my past.  But my current photo albums are the sticky pages kind, and I want pocket kind.

Do I have the energy to undertake a new project?  That's unknown.  Some days I have energy.  Yesterday after his procedure, they told Ming he couldn't drive for 24 hours.  I had been cooped up all day and was going nuts.

This morning I got up around 5 am.  Then I meditated and was half-falling asleep over and over again.  I need to meditate at a less-sleepy time.

Today it's supposed to be 115 degrees.  And that's the news.

the good juice


Monday, June 20, 2016

from the garden


dispatch from a lady in a nightgown

Ming's out having his procedure done.  Our community member G gave him a ride.  I am in my pjs still (I have nightgowns now) listening to music and enjoying life.

This morning when I meditated for 20 minutes, I spent some time balanced at the edge of sleep.  I would get this good feeling and feel enlightened for a sec then realize, oh, I'm about to fall asleep.  And I would pull myself back from sleep and re-relax and return to my word.

Yesterday I bought some black flip flops for nine dollars to wear with my black skort.

One of my oldest friends messaged me today to thank me for the mix cd I sent.  I am so happy for his happiness.  He hasn't listened to it yet.  I think I might have succeeded in putting all new-to-him songs on it, a feat!  I love when that happens.  Here's the tracklist minus musicians.

it's never too late
show up and be heard
white owl
the resistance
Bernadette
flames and the flood
austin to el paso
citizens of the world
zine song
joyful girl
fuck treasure island
justice delivers its death
star of wonder
calm it down
that time
the land of do what you're told
you are not alone
joy will dance
bomb the world

Sunday, June 19, 2016

scrumptious

Ming's on a clear liquid diet.  He has a medical procedure tomorrow morning.  We bought this juice--it's so good.  It tastes like drinking the smell of the most wonderful perfume.

It's 108.  I feel okay.  We bought a compost bin as a present for a friend.

Before that we went to UU church because our priestess friend T was giving the sermon.

Before that we swam at our friend M's pool.  We swam from about 7 to 9 am and had the place to ourselves.  It was a scrumptious way to start the day.

Saturday, June 18, 2016

dragon

This morning my friend J gave me a beautiful handmade apron.  Someone had given it to her, but I guess it was too girly.  She and Ming put it on me, and I felt honored and loved.

Last night I wore an apron my mom made me as I cooked up enchiladas with Ming's help.  They were pretty good but not as good as Mom's.

Ming's got a procedure Monday morning and can only have clear fluids tomorrow.  We're going to a big grocery store today to look for clear fluids.

Dragon software came in the mail yesterday.  I tried it out.  It works okay.  I gotta figure out some logistics of how to listen to the interviews and speak the words with punctuation and line breaks into the mic.

Yesterday Ming hiked.  He got holes in the soles of his cheap ass shoes.  So we went to Big 5 and got him some expensiver shoes.

Friday, June 17, 2016

boxed

Yesterday we went to our storage unit to pick up a few things.  I wanted a particular book, but I didn't find it.  But I found its manuscript, which I read five years ago--it's my best friend's book.  I couldn't bear to recycle the manuscript.

I also found some flashcards--some Spanish vocab and some English vocab too--I think I took a list of common GED words and put them on flashcards.  They're hard words and won't stick in my head very well.  I get the sad feeling that I've learned all the words in English that I'm going to learn.

But if I look at the derivations, it helps me remember them.

I asked my best friend, who is studying Spanish too, how she learns verbs.  I'm at a loss.  She gave me some really good ideas.

I also found this book called English Grammar for Students of Spanish.  It's the kind of book I don't want to actually read--I just want its contents magically in my head.  It was in storage too, in a box.

Thursday, June 16, 2016

my job

This morning we were peace vigiling when someone yelled out of his truck, "Get a fuckin' job!"  It had been a while since someone yelled at me from a moving vehicle.  It felt like a bloggable moment.

I wonder what his job is.  My job is trying to make good circumstances for world peace.  He must have some other job.

This morning I meditated for 20 minutes then sang holy songs.  It was fun.  It was good to get those done early.

R fixed our stove.  The front right burner was behaving strangely, but Ming says it's better now.  I hung laundry.  R thanked me for my letter.  I laughed.

Wednesday, June 15, 2016

I'm just hoping I'll show up and be heard

Yesterday I cooked arroz con gandules for community dinner.  Everybody liked it.  I was glad.  With kale on the side.

It's windy here.  The windchimes are going like crazy.

I got a new boombox.  It's small.  Sounds great.  My old one the tape player broke.  When I tried to play a tape, it made a loud humming sound.  We gave it to our community member H.  Last night after dinner, Ming checked to see if anyone wanted it, and H did.

"I'm the only one who walks around with a boombox," he said.  I like to see him on the street walking with his boombox.  I hope the one we gave him's not too heavy.

My pinched nerve is acting up, making many sleeping positions impossible and waking me up a lot in the night.  It's a challenge.

This song is one of my main theme songs.  It's a good theme song for a quiet person.

Tuesday, June 14, 2016

the only solution is love

I'm at Madhouse Coffee and the music is delightfully trippy and dancable. I'm waiting for Ming who is at a dentist appointment. I feel clean and a sense of wellbeing. 

I feel sad about the Orlando shooting but also unsurprised and cold / detached. This culture creates killers of one kind or another. It's predictable. 

Also on fb my friends are doing things like changing their profile pics that feel empty and meaningless to me as well as ineffectual. It means something to them. But how do we really fix things?

On one hand I feel like there's nothing I can do--on the other I feel like I'm doing a lot with peace activism and the works of mercy.  On the third hand I feel detached. I'm not voting today. I don't think laws or presidents will fix the world. Nothing but love can do that. 

Monday, June 13, 2016

what to write on the timer

Today we're going to the mountain for a picnic.  I made pasta salad with vegan sundried tomato pesto and kalamata olives.  It's good--I tried it.

I've been meditating.  I have so much baggage about it, from the past.  But I'm being really gentle with myself and relaxing into it.  I bought this trusty kitchen timer that I feel is my friend.  I want to write something on it with permanent marker but don't know what.

Ommm?  Laura-Marie?  River Victor?  friend?  I'm just not sure.  I could draw a picture...

Sunday, June 12, 2016

not jelly beans

We had this jar of jelly beans the Easter Bunny brought us.  He brought us a basket on Easter.  And this jar of jelly beans was in it.

But then Ming just now was going to get rid of it and brought it over to me, and I saw I had been wrong.  There were jelly beans in it, but on top of the jelly beans were egg-shaped colorful malt balls.  Oh happy day!

I've been making two cds all afternoon--one for a friend in Oregon and one for a family member.  It's a lot of work, picking the right songs, putting them in the right order.  It's emotional.

Meanwhile, we still need a food grade bucket for storing stuff the mouse might want.  We went to WinCo a few days ago, but they were out.

Saturday, June 11, 2016

on an envelope


busy busy

This morning I was up early to go for a walk then serve the hungry.  Then I rinsed dishes.  Then we had a Saturday meeting.  Then I talked with G for an hour while others had a garden meeting.

Then we had our visioning meeting for two and a half hours.  Whoa nelly.  Then we went to the local pupuseria which is hella cheap.  I had two pupusas de loroco and a fried banana.  They were great.

Now King Ron is over helping Ming with the office.  We have political prisoner letter writing night tonight.  I'm taking a breath.

Friday, June 10, 2016

good band name

Swami and the First Fruits

cool completeness

This morning on a toasted onion bagel with vegan mayo I assembled thin slices of our garden's first tomato.  It was sunburnt but still delicious, with salt.

At my old church in Sacramento, there was a rule that the first fruit of any tree, each season, needed to be given to Swami so he could offer it.  I remember the loquats ripened before everything else, and some years I would ask, "Has the first fruit been offered?" before eating some.  Other years I came later in the season and didn't have to ask.

Our good friend and community member Peacemaker Boy has gone to Bryce Canyon in Utah to be a seasonal worker.  He heard about the job from some homeless people he gives sandwiches to.  I hope the company doesn't make him sign a contract then treat him like shit.

This morning Ming has a test and it's at 8 so I can't go to Barnes & Nobel to wait for him--I have to wait in the waiting room, which is hard for me.  I hate doctors, doctors offices, and anything associated.

But I love tomatoes.  Ming bought burlap and made individual bags for shading each tomato and I'm like holy crap, so much work for one tomato!  But they're precious.