dangerous compassions

I call you / from the comet's cradle

Monday, January 16, 2017

pumpkin seed butter

I bought some pumpkin seed butter a while back.  I put it in the fridger.  Just now I tried it.  Tastes kinda weird.  But I think I like it.  I had some straight, like I used to enjoy pecan butter, right off the spoon.  It's raw and sprouted.

This same company also made watermelon seed butter.  I bet you think I'm kidding, but I'm not.  I was like, is that even food?  I didn't buy any though I wanted to.  Next time I looked, the health food store didn't have it anymore.

how it actually went

We were there at Raw Remedies before 1 to set up.  Then R didn't arrive with the float until 2:15.  Luckily we didn't need a table--they had two tables and we set up nicely.  I wish the food didn't get cold while we waited.  There was a dj and I was dancing.

Then they arrived.  The noise got to me more and more.  Then I went to sit in the car for a while.  Then Ming packed us up and we left.

A lot of people ate.  A lot of people came back for more rice.  Yes, my rice is tasty.  I didn't burn it either, so that's nice.

Now I want to hide in a silent, dim place for a long time.

this morning's timeline

6:30 am--turned on beans
put in carrots, onions, garlic
7:15--beans boiled
stir stir stir
9--add salt to beans
wash new pot
10--start rice
11--beans will be done, taste
turn heat all the way down
11:30--rice will be done
wash greens we picked
open bags of greens we bought
11:50--cook greens
12:20--Ming home
12:30--load pots, condiments, serving utensils, plates, forks, cooler, swag into car
12:55--arrive at Raw Remedies and get set up

big cook

Today's the day!  I will cook vegan food for 50+ people for the MLK Day parade afterparty.  The greens will run out first, I predict.  I will make a list of everything not to forget.

vegan sour cream
cooler with ice and extra vegan sour cream
serving utensils
salt & pepper
NDE swag

Ming's going to the MLK Day parade and will come home at 12:30 to get me and the food.  And the NDE swag.

brown rice
olive oil
chili powder
better than bullion
canned peas

pinto beans

olive oil

vegan sour cream

Sunday, January 15, 2017

my community


Last night's a-cafe was pretty good.  I talked to some people.  A friend brought his girlfriend--it was nice to meet her.  It was a mustache party, but I couldn't get it together.

Tomorrow I'm cooking a ton of food.  I did it last year too, for the MLK parade afterparty.  Last year was Ethiopian food.  This year is brown rice, beans, and greens.  With toppings.  I can do it.

Yesterday Ming and King Ron prepped veg.  They got the new food processor working.  It's great.  It saved a lot of time.

Today I'm skipping Food Not Bombs.  I have support call at noon and support group at 3.  I will get all supported out.  Also we need to pick greens from J's garden.

Saturday, January 14, 2017

two more stupa pics

Friday, January 13, 2017

two more pics

Here's some tofu larb from the Thai place.  It was so tasty and flavorful!

This is a pic from the Arcosanti foundery where they make the metal bells.

Thursday, January 12, 2017

report on our last day in Sedona

This morning we went to the stupa.  For a while we had the place to ourselves.  We spun the spinny thing and walked three times around the stupa with prayers.  Signed the guestbook.  Sat a while.  And I took all those pictures.

Then we went to a tea shop.  I had lemon basil oolong.  Ming had a rolled up one.  It's in little spheres, but they open in the hot water.

Then we went to a bead store that was more of a jewelry store.  It was high end.

Then we went to a bookstore that was more of a gift store.  There were large $7 trilobites.  But Ming didn't get one.  He may be maxed out.

Then we went to the library to pee.  Outside there were boxes and boxes of free books.  I chose a few.  One is a biography of Che Guevara that looks amazing.  But can I get myself to read much?  We'll see.

Then we had Indian food that was really good.  Loved it.

Then we decided to go to the Grand Canyon, a two hour drive away.  We went up this long road that runs by Oak Creek, and it was very pretty.  We got closer and closer to the Grand Canyon and it started to sprinkle.  I was like, "Let's see when this turns to snow."  Within a minute or two, it was snowing a little.  Then a lot.  Then the roads were icy, and we saw a car by the side of the road that had spun out of control.

We decided to turn around.  We were within five miles of the park entrance, but it was like a blizzard.  It wasn't worth risking our safety.  Turning around was scary, but Ming did it.

Then we drove home, stopping at a Safeway in Williams.  We went by the pretty creek again.  Ming was talkative, and we had fun.

stupa this morning

Arcosanti tour review

Yesterday we toured Arcosanti, an intentional community construction zone founded by Paolo Soleri, an architect.  We were very excited to go.  It's trying to create an ecocity for 5000 people but only 70 people live there.  Ming grades it an incomplete.

Our tour guide seemed kind of bored.  Maybe he just comes off that way, because he actually shared a lot of info and showed us some cool stuff.  The place is a non-profit but is partially funded by some special bells they make.  Soleri bells.  We got to see how they're made, burnished and patina, using a method called silt-casting.

Almost bought one of the cheapest kind, which is $35.  I thought my aunt would really like one.  Not sure why.  I also almost bought some uniquely beautiful earrings but they were $22, a fair price but more than I wanted to pay.

Instead we bought postcards.  We also ate lunch at their cafe, a buffet for $10.  (The tour was $10 too.)  The food was mostly all vegan and nutritious and good but very humble.  There was a cabbage dish spiced with turmeric and ginger, a black and red lentil dish that was simple but kind of spicy, something they called goulash which was pasta with beans and a red sauce, salad with many salad toppings, bread & butter but there was no bread at the moment I passed through.  Oh and there was kale soup but Ming and I didn't have any.  I put green olive slices and red onion crescents on everything, a weird choice.  And some radish slices and cucumber slices.

I liked the huge arch things.  I liked hearing terms I was unfamiliar with.  I have a reputation for not caring about architecture.  So it was not my usual thing, though I like all things ecological.  So it kind of was my thing.

"What would you like to remember about the tour?" I asked Ming just now.

"That another way is possible," he said.  I giggled.  "Seems to me like another way is impossible."

I wanted to ask some questions, but there was no q & a period.  I wanted to ask...

1.  How community is the intentional community?
2.  Do little animals like to live in the bell clappers?
3.  Why is the music in the cafe "country?"
4.  What happened to the bakery?
and most importantly
5.  Are you immune to needing permits here?

That seemed like the first and most basic question.  But none of the other people asked it, and the other people did ask questions--older white people who seemed to have money and were used to butting in.  Well, they asked about water and power and such.

I remember when our tour guide was explaining this waterfall thing that they almost never run.  He explained how people are happier when we're near running water, that it's good for our mental health and keeps us happy.  Yet the waterfall is almost never running.  Somehow that seemed to typify the place.  It was missing the mark.

I asked Ming if it was a cult of personality and since Soleri died in 2013 the project was doomed to fail.  But they had been there since 1970 and only completed a tiny portion of the vision.  Soleri had this other place called Cosanti where he lived much of the time, coming to Arcosanti for one or two days a week.

"What does it say about the ecocity when its own creator doesn't want to live there?" Ming and I wondered in the car after the tour.

I like visiting intentional communities and seeing how other people do things.  The community aspect was barely touched upon in the tour.  People come and go a lot.

People pay to take workshops there they do all the work.  Seems weird to pay to do work, but other ecoplaces do the same.  After they've completed a workshop, they're free to come and go as they please.  They're supposed to go out to get and share knowledge then come back and improve things, is the idea.

Nice to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there.

Wednesday, January 11, 2017


We were up around 6.  I had a fantastic dream about my dad.  We tried to be quiet so we wouldn't wake up our neighbors.  Now Ming's hiking for three and a half hrs.

Arizona is weird.  As we traveled here, the freeway had huge potholes and 75 miles per hour speed limits.  I was afraid they would damage our car.  Worse, Ming was afraid we'd hit one wrong and be swung around facing the wrong direction.

Yesterday we went to Montezuma Well.  It's alkali and has a lot of arsenic in it.  There are cliff dwellings.  We went on a walk there after talking to a friendly ranger who upset me talking about the well's leeches.

Yesterday also we hiked at Bell Rock.  Oh, I already showed you pictures of that.  And we went to Chapel of the Holy Cross.  People are supposed to be quiet but they were loud.  I lit a candle and prayed for a friend.  I couldn't find the giftshop, but then Ming showed me.  We bought some postcards and medallions and saint things.

When Ming's done hiking we're going to lunch and then probably to Arcosanti, an intentional community made by a famous intentional community guy Paolo Soleri.

Housekeepers are supposed to come this morning.  I think I'm just going to ask for more tea and more shampoo.  They only gave us one little thing of shampoo.  We have a lot of hair.

Tuesday, January 10, 2017

Sedona is fun

We hiked to Bell Rock.  It was fun.

I saw this heart-shaped cactus pad.  I thought it was a good sign.

Here's a cutie by Bell Rock.

The same cutie.

This is a view from near Chapel of the Holy Cross.


Yesterday we took our time driving from Las Vegas to Sedona.  We stopped a few times.  We had frozen yogurt in Flagstaff, Italian food in Kingman.  It was fun.  It was rainy sometimes.  Ming bought us new windshield wipers at a Walmart in Flagstaff and put on the left one.

Then the sun was going down, and there were all sorts of clouds.  Some were bright pink.  It looked so beautiful, I told Ming that it looked unreal, like a bad painting, like a unicorn was going to jump over a rainbow.  This pic of course does not do it justice.

Then I saw a light glowing to my right as we drove along, and I was like, What the hell is that?  Then I looked up and saw it was the moon reflected in roadside puddles.

So that was magical.  Then we checked in at our fancy hotel.  I'd heard they'd try to sell us a timeshare but we were steadfast, refusing to fill out the raffle ticket for a Visa gift card.  She acted like we were pretty weird, which we are.

At night while I slept Ming went into the hot tub, which doesn't close until 10.  He tells me it was lightly raining.

Monday, January 09, 2017


Today we journey to a new desert.  Ming's gone out to vigil in the rain for some friends who have a drone thing at the courthouse this morning.  Then he picks me up.  Then he has a doctor's appointment.  Then we journey to the new desert.

Sunday, January 08, 2017

friends at a-cafe

new necklaces

Mine and Ming's.


Gmorning, friends.  Last night a-cafe was at Cornish Pasty.  It's kind of dark there, and the music's loud.  Food's good.  Company's better.

I'm cooking for the MLK Day parade afterparty when we get back from our trip.  I'm making beans, rice, and greens.  With toppings.  For 50 people or so.  I'm preparing for that, mentally more than logistically.

Tomorrow we go on our trip.  I need to pack and everything.  I need to call them to learn the check in time.

Oh, I wanted to tell you it kind of snowed yesterday.  It was like hails and then changed to more light little white hails, maybe small snow pellets.  It fell like that for just a little while.  We were happy.

Saturday, January 07, 2017


This day is flying by.  Today I photocopied a new zine.  First I served the hungry.  Then I dried dishes.  Then we had a meeting.

We're going on a trip on Monday.  We're getting ready.  Turns out the hotel we're staying at has bad reviews because it's got this timeshare aspect where they try to get you to watch this presentation that lasts three hours...  And there's a pushy concierge.  At least we're forewarned.  We're polite people.  But maybe we'll need to be rude.

Ming's got a problem with his foot.  He's afraid it's a bone spur.  He's getting an x-ray in a couple weeks.  He has all these medium-alarming health problems lately.

Well, I'm going to bind my zine now to the music of barking neighbor dogs.  Have a good day, friends.

Friday, January 06, 2017

old spanish trail

new years food at the party

experimental soup

I thought we had plenty of onions but we only had one, and it looked fine from the outside but was rotten.  So I'm making broccoli soup without onion for the first time in my life.  I'm hoping it will still be yummy.  I put a small can of tomato sauce in there, which I've never done before either.


Drawing pictures from internet images for a book project with my bestie.  I don't know if they're good enough.  Maybe too cartoonish?

The sun is up.  I dreamt last night of some people getting hung and one didn't die so we were putting him in the ocean...?  For some reason, that was the thing to do.

I've been remembering my dreams almost every night.

I have this little empanada made of silver for a necklace and I want to wear it.  It was in my dream too.

Thursday, January 05, 2017


This morning Ming was solicited by a prostitute.  He was walking from the serving site back to the Worker, and a woman asked him if he wanted to have a good time.

 "No thank you," he said.

"Are you sure?" she asked.  He was sure.


Yesterday we went out to Mexican food.  When we were done eating, Ming noticed a syringe with needle under the table.  He told the waiter, who seemed confused.  I wasn't there.  I was using the bathroom.

"I'm glad we weren't wearing sandals and kicked it!" I told Ming, when he told me what happened.

The newsletter is a lot of work.  I also stamped some homemade cards with a peace stamp for thank you notes for donations.  I made a flock of them and left them sitting out overnight to dry.  I like the green on green.

Wednesday, January 04, 2017


We have NDE's new newsletter all printed up.  Yesterday afternoon we had a small folding party.

Today's been really busy.

I used to lose things all the time.  Now I almost never do.  I think it's a good sign.  Ming said the same's true for him.  He told me when we get old, we'll lose things again.  I think he's insightful.

Tuesday, January 03, 2017


Gmorning.  Still sad.  Got really sad yesterday evening and worked hard to get through till night.  Did some good self-care.

The sun's coming up.  We're almost out of Dr Bronners soap and hope to get unscented this time.

This morning I have a phone date with a friend.  I'll wear a dress and a corsage on my wrist.  Just kidding.

Monday, January 02, 2017

tree need

Yesterday's party exhausted me.  A friend called our attendance a "hit and run" though we stayed an hr and 20 minutes.  I played part of a game, ate some food, worked on a puzzle.  I was doing the sansevieria and some calla lilies.  They were pretty.

I feel sad.  I have a bouquet of reasons.  It's windy today.  I want to be among trees, but we have trees in the courtyard.  Maybe breakfast will help.

Sunday, January 01, 2017

eternal flame

I was reminded of the Eternal Flame at UC Santa Barbara.  Couldn't remember what it was about.

So I looked it up.  Turns out it's for world peace.  I guess it's been malfunctiony and some people want it fixed.

I remember how intrigued by the whole idea I was as a young person.  How could a flame be eternal?  It's on a part of campus I almost never went to.

To have world peace, we need to do a lot more than keep an eternal flame in Goleta, California burning.  But symbols can be powerful.  I like it.

my oatmeal

quick cook steel-cut oats
toasted sliced almonds
ground flax seeds
coconut oil
one raisin

Saturday, December 31, 2016

friends on the last night of 2016

from our journey

sad things

Ming's got his health problem back--we thought he was well, but he's not.  We feel worried and my joy is sapped.

Did I tell you someone abandoned their truck in our driveway?  It's been there for a month.  We have a driveway wide enough for about nine cars (there are three houses on our property).  I feel kind of angry about it.  Strangers park there sometimes, which is bad behavior, but abandoning a vehicle there is a new low.

The pharmacy is out of one of my meds, but I have enough to last.

I was going to make enchiladas for New Years, but my sadness makes me feel aimless.  We'll see.

Friday, December 30, 2016

glorified tomato soup

Ate some bad expensive Indian food.  They gave me some rice that was in a metal dish that had a lid so hot I couldn't touch it.  I used my fabric napkin to open the lid.

Also we went to Red Rock today and enjoyed a walk in a canyon.  The earth was blue then tan then red.

Also I wrote a poem I like about my dad being gone.  It's short, which is a surprise.



Nevada Desert Experience got mentioned in this counterpunch list!

Thursday, December 29, 2016

oh snail climb mt fuji

Yesterday we traveled home from the land of my birth back to Las Vegas.  It was a good but difficult trip.  We stopped in Boron and got some weird postcards.

Today we ran errands and saw Ming's sis and her spouse.  We ate at Makers & Finders.  Ming talked about jumping off the Stratosphere.  "I've only heard that story about 90 times," I said afterward.

"Yeah, but it gets a good reaction," Ming said.  We had argued about him not believing me that ambulances have devices to change the street lights.

I got my book about Sedona vortices in the mail.  Now I have to read it.

Slowly responding to some mail.

Tuesday, December 27, 2016


An ant was on me.  I was like, what the hell.  That was yesterday.

Just now another ant was on me.  It bit me on my arm.  What the hell.  I didn't even do anything to it.

I got Ming some chocolate bread (pain au chocolate) but the worker said it was a chocolate croissant.  He said he'd bring some coffee after it brewed, but he never did.  So Ming asked this other guy, and the other guy gave him coffee.  Then the original guy finally came with the coffee.  I was sorry.

I have kombucha.  It's jasmine and delicious but sweet.  Oops.  I made a mistake.

Planning a cd for a friend and enjoying life.