dangerous compassions

I call you / from the comet's cradle

Friday, March 24, 2017

dinner win, writer's group, divinity

Last night cooking went well.  Except I flipped out at Ming super briefly for not helping me for a little while when I needed it.  Cooking for people still stresses me but I'm hoping it'll get easier.  I want to cook more community dinners in service to the community.

Just ate some leftover pancakes and veggie sausage for breakfast--yum.  Three people who were supposed to be there didn't show up, but someone who wasn't supposed to be there showed up.  Lotsa leftovers.

I have writer's group this morning.  I never want to go, so maybe I should quit.  The people are nice, but my connections there aren't deep.  There's a trivia night coming up I'm supposed to help with, something they've been doing for years to support the UU church where we meet.  I was volunteered to help with food.

I'm trying to think of something fun to tell you.  I have pictures of gods and goddesses on my desk, a candle, some little statues.  The way some people are always looking for medicine, I'm always looking for divinity.

Thursday, March 23, 2017

cooking for eight

I'm cooking for community dinner.  The asparagus and veggie sausage and carrots are ready to go.  All that's left is the pancakes.  And condiments.

I will be using an unfamiliar griddle.  I feel a little nervous.  It has a weird place in the middle of it where the metal is bent.  We didn't do it.

The painters are driving me crazy.  But it's not a very far drive.


Gmorning!  I am up in the night after having suffered from a very long, repetitive bad dream.  I've given up on sleep, for now.

I ate some cereal with almonds and started watching a movie called CRAZYWISE that an acquaintance sent me the link to.  I find it kind of disturbing and maybe it's not for me.  I don't think I'm the intended audience.  It's like, this is what crazy is like.  I already know.

The windchimes are tinkling outside, and I can hear Ming softly snoring in the other room.

Wednesday, March 22, 2017

donate to the Sacred Peace Walk


You can donate to the Sacred Peace Walk using this link.

not desert willow

Today we went to Red Rock.  I wanted to buy a special bird crossword book for my bestie from the giftshop.  Also we took a walk near Willow Springs.

We saw some amazing things.

1.  a tree in bloom, purple small flowers, electric purple--there was only one
2.  many caterpillar nests
3.  this pretty blooming plant with big leaves

Then we went to a different trailhead and Ming took a nap while I wrote a letter.  It was sweet.  Then he walked and I worked on another letter...

Next we went back to the visitor's center to ask a ranger about the three amazing things.  I had photos.

Then we had an ordeal.  I asked a volunteer, I guess he was, "Do you know about the caterpillars?"  He rudely dismissed me.

Then we asked a worker in the store.  She tried to help us.

We ended up asking a different volunteer, and she didn't know.  A butterfly, or a moth, she told us.  Not helpful.

Then we left and the store worker chased after us to tell us "milkweed."  I didn't think the caterpillars were called milkweed or were even on milkweed.

We tried to go to the ranger place, but the door said "employee entrance."  Ming wanted to knock but I was nervous.

Finally Ming talked to an administrator who took him to the ranger place, but the two rangers had left.  It was the lunch hour.  He gave her an email address and name on a business card.

To make a long story short, the administrator told Ming the tree was desert willow.  Then the nice email lady told us tent caterpillars and wild rhubarb.

Here's Ming with what the administrator told us was desert willow.  But it's not.  Sadface.

Then we went to Costco and Whole Foods and the credit union so Ming could deposit a check.  Oh and frozen yogurt.  We were out much of the day.


This morning I woke up from a very long obnoxious dream.  Part f it was I'd bought a mouse because I wanted something small to love.  It kept attracting dogs who wanted to kill it.

In real life, the only pet I have and want is a toy stuffed animal named Rusty Bunny.  The feel of his pretend fur is comforting.

Yesterday I played my Spanish learning game after neglecting it for months.  I just felt like it.

Tomorrow I'm making cornmeal pancakes for community dinner along with veggie sausage and asparagus.  I hope that's enough.

Tuesday, March 21, 2017

home note

Now we're home and Ming has gone to Creech for a peace vigil with our friends.  I couldn't bear to do all that socializing and stayed home though probably people think I'm a jerk for it.  Oh well.  I'm hella tired from travels and need some rest.  Slept about 11 hrs last night and didn't want to get up.

Work is going on at Freedom House and a little noise.  It's supposed to rain tomorrow and the temps will dip for a while.  Nice.

I want candy.  Love to all.

Monday, March 20, 2017

zine fest

Ming took this pic of this zinemaker at his table at yesterday's zinefest.  I loved his comicbooks and will review them another day.

Trabuco Canyon Vedanta Center

Now we're at a panera in Victorville!  I got a sandwich but it's on bland bread.  Shoulda asked.  I got Ming a superfruit smoothie.

It's been a weird trip.  Our hotel was fine.  The breakfast lacked protein, big time.

Then we went to the San Clemente pier and walked.  It was beautiful but felt bittersweet because I thought and said, "I don't think we'll ever be here again."  Something about that seemed sad.

Then we went to the Trabuco Canyon Vedanta Center.  We bought things in the store and walked around a bit.  And we meditated in the round room.  It kind of felt like a spaceship.  I remembered it from when I went there 17 years ago.

Sunday, March 19, 2017

on the cork board

We're in the Barstow panera and there's a thing on the cork board saying something contrary to the COEXIST bumper stickers--it says "they can't all be right" and something about Jesus being the only way to God.  I just glanced at it.  But I wonder if panera put it there or if some intolerant Christian put it there.

I know there are all kinds of Christians--believe me, I hang with the Catholic anarchists.  I don't like the intolerant ones.

"It would be bad if we had to stop coming here," Ming said.  I wonder if I should ask.  I would like to know.

Anyway, on our way to Orange County for the zine fest.

Saturday, March 18, 2017

Master of Things

I'm drinking coldbrew tea and ate a fake meat sandwich--it was fake bologna--yum yum!

Tomorrow we're going to Orange County for a zine fest.  Pretty wild.  I plan to visit my favorite Indian food restaurant too, from back when I was in grad school.  Looked it up--it still exists!

Ming's out hiking.  I need help getting zines together for tomorrow.  I make them--Ming organizes them.  Best boyfriend in the tout le monde.  He's the Master of Things.

Friday, March 17, 2017

happy swamp cooler day

Ming turned on the swamp cooler for the first time since fall.  It's 93 degrees outside.

supposed to be a blog post

This morning I didn't want to get up.  I had a dream a busload of ghouls arrived in our driveway.  They were supposed to be funny.

Last night was our NDE filmscreening.  It was supposed to be a fundraiser.  It was more like a funraiser.  The movie was good.  I met a few people.  I hugged some people who made me feel dirty.

Now I'm still tired and feeling like I can't be around people at all.  But I'm supposed to go to writers group in an hr.

Thursday, March 16, 2017

another view of today's vigil

My sunflower headband is my vigil costume.

today's vigil



"Duct tape is passe."
"What if it leaves nasty residue?"
"That's why you need Gorilla tape."

We are thinking about how to put up banners at the library tonight.  Tape them to tables?  R was talking about a banner stand.  We'd have to construct something.  I don't think Ming and I are costructors.

So tonight's the film screening.  I'm stoked for it.  I'm handling snax.  Ming's handling money.  I will help.

Our houseguest friends W and S are here.  Last night we all went to pupusas with R.  It was fun.

Afterward they went to a show, a friend's show.  I didn't go because I need so much sleep.  Our friend was having problems with her guitar and cried on stage.  I feel sorry.  R helped her.

Next up is a peace vigil at the federal building.  I look forward to it and holding my sign.

Wednesday, March 15, 2017

bad day

Yesterday was bad.  I failed at yesterday.  In the morning, Ming and I argued.  It started out about a hurtful comment but turned into an argument about more than that.

Then we found out something weird was going on with our car.  The mechanic had taken it to a different mechanic, and now there was a leak.  So the mechanic needed to take our car back to the other mechanic.  Meanwhile, we're $380 lighter.

Then we were driving to Trader Joe's in the late afternoon in our Echo despite its strange leak and almost got into an accident.  I was spacing out then looked up and Ming was about to rear end somebody.  It scared the shit outta me.  I yelled.

Then in Trader Joe's, it was hella crowded and I got bumped twice, in line, my pet peeve.  Our checker was talking to the couple in front of us in so much depth he sounded like their marriage counselor, not their checker.  I couldn't handle it and left Ming to pay.

All this tired me out so badly I went to bed at something like 6 in the evening.  And then I was in bed until something like 7:20am.  Fitful dreams and a nightmare about a killer who was sometimes me.

Monday, March 13, 2017

Nerve Lantern #10


My friend Ellen Redbird's new literary journal is out, and there's a poem by me in it!  It's called "universe hum sound."


Gmorning and welcome to Monday.  Ming reset the clock yesterday and didn't get it on the wall well and it fell off and broke.  It was a big round clock and I looked at it a lot.  I still look over there and see a blank space where the clock was.

We went to the store today for a zippered binder pouch and a seam ripper.  It was a cheap trip.  Then we went to Trader Joe's for flowers and picked up pasta, fake sausages, and sandwich stuff in addition to flowers.  The flowers were ten bucks.  There are gerber daisies, lilies, other unidentified flying flowers.  It's a colorful bouquet.

My experiments with matcha continue.  It gives me energy and a sense of wellbeing, temporarily.

I have taken care of so much work.  Yesterday I got amazed at myself for my productivity.  I've also been cleaning my desk, which is important but feels so impossible it's pointless.  But I find things that need attention, so it's fruitful.

Sunday, March 12, 2017


Gmorning, friends.  Yesterday I was very social.  I served the hungry in the morning.  It was pancake day--I did syrup.  Then we had Saturday morning meeting.

Then we got ready to go to the Goddess Temple.  Ming picked up SJ.  R joined us.  We had a Sacred Peace Walk meeting in the car as Ming drove.

Then at the Goddess Temple the Basque guy was already there.  Everyone did work but me.  I sang in the temple.  I also prayed and meditated.  I wrote in the prayer book.

Then we went to the guest house for cake and tea served to us by C.  I have a hard time turning down what's served to me.  It was lemon cake.  I especially liked the frosting.

On the drive home we talked a little.  Then I played a cd for three songs.  Sylvan Esso.  "Hey Mami," "Dreamy Bruises," and the train one.

Then we dropped off R and dropped SJ off at home, a long drive.  Then we came home and I made dinner because we'd never had lunch.  I made pasta with sundried tomato pesto.  And some veggie sausage.  We invited King Ron over.  He arrived with bread to share.

Then we talked with King Ron for a couple hours.  It was good to catch up.  We talked about trips, mutual friends, Sacred Peace Walk food.  It was good to have his company but we got tired and went to bed early when he left.

I was social all freakin' day.  Today I need to recuperate.

Earlier I heard what sounded like gunshots.  That always makes me want to turn off all the lights and hide.  I'm afraid the shooter will flee the scene, see our lights on, and demand to be let in to hide from the cops.  Is that something that really happens?  Sounds plausible.

Saturday, March 11, 2017


For years I was married to someone who drank matcha every morning.  He beat it with the bamboo whisk and everything.  I never touched the stuff.  I avoided caffeine then.

Nowadays I avoid coffee but welcome the caffeine that's in tea.  I believe tea has a chemical in it called theanine that makes tea's caffeine more gentle than coffee's.

So I bought some matcha.  Yesterday I mixed a couple teaspoons of it with a little apple juice, shaking them together in a little jar.  Then I drank that.  Then I danced.

I think I had much better energy yesterday.  So I am starting to think this is a good idea.

Friday, March 10, 2017


Yesterday we had a wearying journey home from the Central Coast.  We stopped a lot, the latter half of it.

Then we got a second wind and visited a friend.  We took her to Starbux.  She talks loud because she's partially deaf.  She's a community organizer.

Then we came home and faced the mail and Ming unpacked the car, a big task.

Now he's out at his medical tests and I have a few hours home alone.

Thursday, March 09, 2017

anti-permaculture, non-bougie strike

Ming and I are at the Barstow panera and a worker just looked at my receipt to see what we ordered.  My receipt was just sitting there on the table.  My space felt invaded.

Speaking of invading space, Ming thinks we should be exploring other planets.  I asked him if that was a permaculture thing, and we decided it's the opposite of permaculture because you have to work hard against nature to get away from planet earth.  As for me, I find it to be a giant waste of money.  People are starving and we are throwing billions of dollars away.

Speaking of unpopular opinions, I am so in support of yesterday's womens strike, for all women and all girls, cis and trans, rich and poor.  I don't have red clothes and failed to march.  We were in SLO but missed it.  But I think we should have taken it one step further and refused to have sex with our boyfriends and husbands too.  A day without a woman indeed.  Hahahahaha!  (Just kidding.)

Wednesday, March 08, 2017

green smoothie, cute kid

I had my first green smoothie today.  It was great but had agave nectar in it and was probably too much sugar.

And here's Ming with kid #2.

Tuesday, March 07, 2017


Today we journeyed from Vallejo to the undisclosed location.  We stopped a lot along the way.  I wanted to go to this great grocery store in Morro Bay for a few things: macadamia nut butter, inexpensive matcha.  I just had a suspicion about the matcha, and I was correct.

We stopped in SLO for a small farmers market.  I gave seventy cents change to the fiddler.  Bought sweet grapefruits for Mom.  Sunflower seed bread.  I'll eat some later.

Trying to figure out if the street medic people will need to be fed.  I guess everyone needs to be fed.  Is that my job?  Did I sign up for that?

Sleepy.  We did it--we made it to the undisclosed location one more time.

Monday, March 06, 2017

lopsided person

Hello, readers.  I'm at the San Leandro library while Ming helps his mom clean her apartment.

My tummy is upset and some people are at the next table--a young person's getting tutored by an older person--I think it's calculus.

Calculus is beyond me.  Regular school is beyond me.  I question it.  I know math can help people learn how to think, but for some people it's a lot of pain and strife.

I'm not well-rounded, which is okay with me.  I am a lopsided person, and I love it.

Sunday, March 05, 2017


A week ago we stayed at a hotel in Wickenville, Arizona.  Breakfast started at 4.  Can you believe that?  I think they were housing a ton of construction workers or road workers and the early breakfast time was for them.  I saw them in their reflective vests.

Now we're in the Bay Area at a hotel with really ugly fluorescent lighting in the room.  But there's a bed, microwave, fridge, free wifi.  Breakfast starts at 6:30.

Today we went to Davis to see son #2.  It was a fun visit.  We met him at the train station in the rain.  Then we drove to Indian food but I only had chai, unsweetened, because I wasn't hungry.  Then we went to boba and talked.  I asked good questions.  We all did great.

Saturday, March 04, 2017

pretty bread

So when I bought the headband with pretend sunflowers on it and wore it to our weekly peace vigil, maybe that was too youthful.  Maybe I'm too old for fake flowers in my hair.  Being too old for something is a new thing, for me.

Apropos to nothing, here's a picture of some pretty bread our friend served us in Tucson.