dangerous compassions

this may be the night / our bodies fill with light

Thursday, December 18, 2014

car news

Today we bought a car with the money help of a friend.  It's an Echo.  I think we might just call it the Echo.

We took a taxi to Carmichael to look at it.  I hadn't taken a taxi in a very long time.

After buying the Echo, we went to help a friend who needed a tow.  We got AAA to tow his truck to his home.  It was a good deed.

Two good deeds.  At least. 

Wednesday, December 17, 2014


Today I waited a lot.  Someone overnighted a check to me.  I was to expect it around 3.  And it did come around 3. 

So then I was opening the envelope and ripped the check.  I am the stupidest person on earth.  But it will turn out okay, whatever happens.

Tuesday, December 16, 2014


Today we saw a friend for lunch at the co-op.  And then I saw another friend for coffee at Naked Lounge.  And in the morning we bussed to Target for chonies and two Christmas presents.  So I was walking a lot today again. 

I feel maxed out socially. 

It was my first time lightrailing by myself.  I did fine.

When I was walking home in the dark, it started to rain.  It was more like sprinkling but with big raindrops.  I walked fast, talking to Ming on the phone.

I wish I could tell you something beautiful and make you happy.  Maybe my intention is enough.

Monday, December 15, 2014

the homemade Panda Express noodles

They taste delicious!  And I don't have to pick out the celery because I didn't put any in.


saying goodbye to BOB

Yesterday Crepeville was packed.  Looked like we might have to sit outside in the cold, but eventually a table was free.

This morning BOB will be picked up and towed away.  How do I feel about that?  Sad and in denial, I think.  But sometimes saying goodbye is inevitable.  

Sunday, December 14, 2014

vegan noodles

I really want to make some noodles like at Panda Express but vegan.  So I looked up some recipes.  I need noodles, cabbage...  I have all the other things.  Should be fun. 

Meanwhile, I'm seeing a friend for shopping at the bead store and lunch.  Then I'll go to Safeway.  It's a challenge not having wheels.  But I am walking more than ever.

Saturday, December 13, 2014

ginkgo fruits

This morning we took lightrail to Trader Joe's and got the good tortillas.  We saw some good stuffs on our walk.  Here's a statue with cactus and some ginkgo fruits.

Friday, December 12, 2014

grieving BOB

We took everything out of BOB today in preparation for junking it.  There were old tapes from the middle thing, tons of stuffs in the glove box--we found a roll of quarters in there.  A bag of rocks and shells I wanted to return to the sea.

It's sad.  Sad to lose BOB.  It took us such good places--to Canada, to Las Vegas, to Santa Maria many times.  To Berkeley.  Good people rode and slept in it.  Peace walkers caught rides in it, Catholic Workers, friends. 

And before us, BOB had another life even.  So many lives in a vehicle from 1985.

So thanks to my parents for buying me BOB for $1000 originally, and goodbye to BOB.  I'm just waiting for a quote from Pick n Pull.

Thursday, December 11, 2014


We survived the storm smashingly.  That is, we didn't get smashed.  Literally or figuratively.  We didn't lose power.  I think we're fine.

I made soba noodles with broccoli in peanut pumpkin sauce for dinner.  It was good.  This time I added raw garlic, cayenne pepper, and the juice of half a lemon.  And you know what?  It didn't really taste better than last time.  Just different. 

I made a mistake and didn't go outside today.  It was dark before I knew it.  I will do better tomorrow.

vegan toona

We bought some vegan toona at the co-op.  We wanted to try it.  It was something like $4 for a can of it. 

Today I opened it up.  I expected it to look like tuna, but it looked more like cat food.  It's brown.  It's made of pea protein.  It tastes kind of like tuna, kind of like...fake meat.  But it's oily!

So I mixed it with some pretend mayo for toona salad before realizing how oily it was.  I made sandwiches out of it, and I felt like I was eating a lot of it.  Like I should have eaten less just to try it out. 

I was hoping it'd be appropriate for this macaroni salad I liked as a kid, but I don't think so.  No.

So I give it about two stars out of five for underwhelming.

Ming said how the oil leaked out and it didn't hold together.

Oh, we were out of pickles.  They would have improved things.

Ming's rating is "a good attempt."  He says four out of five.

night note

I woke up from a dream about plans to go to a food bank, dusting chairs, getting into a fight with Clint Eastwood after he gave me a nasty look.  I have no interest in Clint Eastwood, but doesn't he give nasty looks? 

The wind is blowing a lot outside.  Someone's windchimes tink.  A big storm is coming.  SMUD even sent us emails telling us to be prepared. 

"Why do they want us to have a battery operated clock?" I asked.  Ming didn't know.  "So we know what time to eat lunch?" I asked.

"So we know how long it took for them to fix our power," Ming suggested.

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

farm dream

Good morning.  Late morning is an awkward time for me.  What do you like to do in the late morning?

Today I'm wearing a new shirt.  Not sure how I feel about it.  "What do you think?" I asked Ming.

He smiled.  "I like it," he said.

It's pink and smells perfumey.  It's in a tiedyed style but it's printed on and pink.  Fake tiedye.  The sleeves are kind of weird. 

This morning I woke up at 2:30 from a dream.  I dreamt I was writing a poem.  And I still remembered parts of it.  So I got up and wrote them down.  It's called "farm dream with Liam."

Tuesday, December 09, 2014

life after BOB

I like to put a raisin in my oatmeal though I do not like raisins.  I wonder if it gives me a little tiny bit of some nutrition I need?

I have the raisins out because Ming has raisins in his oatmeal--a lot of them.

Fall and winter excite me.

We are exploring some options regarding what to do post-BOB.  It's stressful but okay.

Monday, December 08, 2014

three weird guys

1.  The guy on the lightrail I sat next to asked me where cows come from (possibly Iowa) then laughed maniacally.

2.  The guy on the street corner in a residential area sitting on the curb eating something out of a bag scooted over strangely when pedestrians walked by.

3.  The guy who was standing in the street was confronted by another guy and they were blocking traffic in the dark.

grapefruit sage

We got some kombucha from the co-op and it's so delicious.  It's grapefruit sage.  It's my new favorite, tied with verbena rose.

sunflower time

I took down some dried sage sprays I had in a vase by my monitor and replaced them with fake sunflowers my mom gave me.  It's cheerful.  Time marches on.

Sunday, December 07, 2014

way quicker than using cashews

Do you love nutritional yeast?  How about pumpkin?  This mac and cheeze is pretty good, and I had all the ingredients other than the dijon mustard.  


the end of BOB

So our neighbor looked at BOB.  We verified that there's an awful lot of exhaust coming out of the tail pipe.  He says it's because the engine's gaskets are leaky.  The oil and water gaskets are leaky, so lots of water vapor is coming out the tailpipe when the engine's warming up.  Once it gets up to temp, it's fine.

(Well, fine is a relative term.  About ten different things are wrong with BOB, but we have worked around or ignored those ten things.)

Our neighbor says not to stress the engine, to get oil changes more frequently than the 5000 miles we'd been doing, and there's nothing to do but be gentle with it and keep driving it.

But the copious amount of exhaust is not okay.  I don't want to get a fix it ticket from a cop thinking we're a gross polluter.

If the exhaust was just in our backyard that might be okay.  But it will make huge clouds of exhaust also whenever we leave where we are.  That's not okay.

So we're not going to take it on long trips anymore, and we're not going to drive it much anymore.  I guess it will become worthless.  Maybe just hold onto it until it needs to be smogged again and see what they say.  If it's leaky gaskets, there's nothing to be done, I guess, other than get a new engine, which we're not going to do.

I feel like crying.  I wish BOB had a more definite end.  I wish it was dead or alive, not a weird half-alive.

what's in a name

Bead Fetish changed their name to Capital City Beads.  A change for the boring, I'd say!  Oh well.

Berkeley with friends

Yesterday we spent in Berkeley with friends.  They drove.  We went to the zine fest at City College.  We saw lots of friends and acquaintances.  Didn't want to buy any zines but did end up buying a few.  We mostly traded.  People are so nice.  And I bought some purple stationery with swirls from artnoose. 

Friday, December 05, 2014

BOB strife

This morning we were supposed to go to Davis to see Ming's son for his birthday, but he got behind on schoolwork for some reasons and we're not going.  So Ming canceled the train tickets.

Last night when we left the Sac Prisoner Support letter writing event, BOB was smoking a lot from the tailpipe.  It made me very anxious.  We are in a bad position because if we take BOB to a mechanic, they say to get a new vehicle.  No one understands. 

We want to drive it until either the engine or the transmission dies, but maybe the smoking means the engine is going.  I wish it was time to smog it.  Maybe they have a cash for clunkers program right now.

I don't know what to do.  I guess we should stop driving it and see if our neighbor will take a look at it some weekend.  But we're supposed to go to Santa Cruz next weekend.  I don't know how to get there.  I guess we can't go.

We've had so many good times with BOB it will be sad to say goodbye.

Thursday, December 04, 2014

hash brown skillet

Yesterday I went to vegan breakfast at The Plum with my friend M.  We both got the soyrizo dish.  I thought it was okay but only ate half of it.  Took the rest home for Ming.  I thought the bell peppers didn't really belong and the raw tomatoes on top...were not for me.

Wednesday, December 03, 2014


We went to see my friend P who usually lives in Colorado.  We had tea and cookies and enjoyed life.  He talked to us about how to do a good oral history interview. 

Driving home we encountered flooding that freaked me out.  But we made it.

Tuesday, December 02, 2014


Today I finished reading The Voyeurs and wrote a letter to a friend while waiting in BOB.  It's rainy, and there are in fact flash flood warnings.  Hopefully PG&E will show up soon to fix a gas leak behind our stove.  I ate tortillas for lunch.  And that is your semi-random collection of facts for today.

Monday, December 01, 2014

mange mange mange mange

This morning we walked to the co-op before the sun came up.  It was wet out but not raining.  It was a beautiful walk.

Why am I so hungry?

I was out of two zines, so we went to this copy shop I like and made a few copies.  Then Ming went back in to get them cut--I'd forgotten.

Well, I'm going to eat.

Sunday, November 30, 2014


This morning at the farmers market we bought some chanterelles on a whim.  I had never had them.  So I fried them up in pretend butter and we ate them.  I had never tasted anything like them.  So good.  This pic doesn't show the orange color so well.

good mail day

Last night we got home from our trip.  It's good to be home because it's rainy here.  And it's home.

I keep getting all these spams from people wanting to sell me real estate in other countries.  Wtf.

This morning, oh happy day! we got the mail that accumulated during our absence.  There's some great letters.

And we went to the farmers market.  And we went to the Safeway early.

Mom painted my nails a silvery blue, yesterday.  Tomorrow's her birthday.

Saturday, November 29, 2014


Yesterday was our Thanksgiving, and we made a huge feast.  It was a lot of work.  But we didn't bake our own pies this year, and we skipped sausage rolls. 

This morning we're having fry ups for breakfast.  It's good.

Today we'll go home.  It's hard to go home.

Friday, November 28, 2014

what my brother said

They're going to get hurt anyway.  Might as well have fun doing it.

we're happy it's raining

We're happy it's raining.
We're happy it's raining.
To nourish the earth.
To nourish the earth.
We're happy it's raining.
We're happy it's raining.
To put out the fires.
To put out the fires.

We went to the co-op,
tra la, tra lee!
to buy an avocado
for you and for me--
mostly for me.

We're happy it's raining.
We're happy it's raining.
To nourish the earth.
To nourish the earth.
We're happy it's raining.
We're happy it's raining.
To put out the fires.
To put out the fires.

We went to the co-op,
tra la, tra loo!
to buy some broccoli
for me and for you--
mostly for you.

We're happy it's raining.
We're happy it's raining.
To nourish the earth.
To nourish the earth.
We're happy it's raining.
We're happy it's raining.
To put out the fires.
To put out the fires.
We're happy it's raining.
We're happy it's raining.
To wash off BOB.
To wash off BOB.
We're happy it's raining.
We're happy it's raining.
To nourish our souls.
To nourish out souls.
We're happy it's raining.
We're happy it's raining.

new mini-song

You picked up everything
for all the points it'll bring.
Or did you do something silly,
something willy nilly. 

thanks for

Last night Mom beat me at rummy, but then we played speed.  When I won, it was a new thing.  I had never beat her at speed in my life.  So then we had a rematch and I beat her again.  Mom made Twilight Zone sounds. 

I said it was because she was sorting all day and had used up her sorting mind.  She cleaned out the back bedroom and we carried a heavy bookshelf out to the back patio.

Today is Thanksgiving here, and we have a Thanksgiving song.  It includes, "Thanks for everything, everything, everything, everything."