dangerous compassions

I call you / from the comet's cradle

Wednesday, June 19, 2019

difficult --> easy

I keep hoping if I work hard enough, I'll get down to a lower strata of desk stuff and find some things I've been idly looking for.  But more gets piled on top.  Sometimes I think I'm not making any progress.

I make to do lists and half-ignore them.  I think of ways to help myself and have no energy to implement the plans.

People give me stuff I don't know what to do with.

Time passes super fast, a lot of the time.

My good intentions are jumbled up and many are forgotten.  Can't remember what I was going to do with this cool paper that depicts beautiful insects.

Can't decide whether to write to the prisoner penpal I don't really like but feel bad for.  Meanwhile, his address is sitting here on my desk.

I prioritize, then do random things that aren't in keeping with my vision.

Life is weird.  Last night I felt intense anguish.  I have some tricks for keeping my mind in a good place, but all that was failing.

Then I slept around 11 hours, and I'm hoping things will be easier now.

2 Comments:

  • At June 19, 2019 9:15 AM, Anonymous Shanghai_skyscraper said…

    Hi LM,

    I had a melt down yesterday too. I became very suicidal.

    I like reading about your desk. Is that where you write me letters from? For me it’s my bedside table. It gets filled up with interesting books, old letters, cards, stationery, computer bits and bobs. Sometimes when I clear it out I find something pleasing.

    I wanna write you a letter today. I wanna go sit in Starfucks and write it. I’m being delayed though. I kind of need a wash. My Japanese class is going well.

    I get you on abandoned ‘to do’ lists. I have lots and lots of creative ideas to becomes a famous writer and make money. The problem is that most of the ideas are like clutching at straws like ‘get into the film industry’. I have a to do to sue the drug company that gave me the acne drug that made me psychotic. But all these things are a bit like ‘win the lottery’. I am the king of hope really.

    Ok better get this show on the road.

    Xx

     
  • At June 19, 2019 10:00 AM, Blogger Laura-Marie said…

    hey friend. yes I write most of my letters from here at my desk. I write zero letters in bed.

    I like reading abt your aspirations. I didn't know an acne drug made you psychotic.

    I ate some avocado toast and tomato toast.

    thinking of you. x

     

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