happy birthday to a special relative

It's the birthday of a special relative, and I thought I would post some pics of him, but I realized I already posted those pics right after they were taken, and reposting them would be a party foul.  So I'm posting instead this picture of an internet guide.  We can surf with her.

Been thinking about self-validation.  Different ways to do it.  I knew someone who had this council in his head of people who had been helpful to him over the years.  And he would consult with them, in his head, the versions of them he'd internalized.  I think it was an act of the imagination.  But maybe he thought it was spiritually more, uh, real?

He was a harmful person for me, so I don't know if he's the best person to pattern one's life after, but I always thought that was a cool idea.  Or I could think of different aspects of myself and try to separate them out, like archetypes.  And I could get validation from them.

Or some kind of visualization.  Or an art I could make about it, symbolism, vividness.  Ming said we could go to a parking garage and do a ritual with a self-validation machine.  That was a funny idea--I love funny rituals.  It reminds me of when I was a teenager I had that dream about laughter.

We were at the Worker and it became time to meditate.  I was already up in the prayer room.  Listening to the rain for 20 minutes was beautiful.

Everything feels so fluxy, outta whack, and weird.  I think it's ok, but it feels dreamy at times. 

My appetite half-returned.  We borrowed our friend's minivan and ran some errands.  I could eat only a third of my lunch, as it was way too salty.  I didn't know if it was really too salty, or if it was just me, but Ming ate my leftovers later and said it was really salty.

I accused Ming of moving my tape, but then I picked up my purple sweatshirt jacket and it was under there--it fell on the floor.  I had this horrible tape dispenser for a while and didn't cut the tape right, but now I have a better one. 

Life is weird, how you can have a horrible tape dispenser that's a struggle every day.  As someone who sends a lot of mail, I'm taping things all the time.  But they only cost like two bucks, so why did I torture myself with it for a year or whatever.  In a way I didn't even notice I was doing it.  But then I look back and say, oh, I was doing that.

What am I doing now that I'll look back on like that?  Who knows.  I can hear a little rain again, will go back to bed.  Happy birthday to a lovely loved kid.