all this light

Ming's birthday yesterday, I had a lot of feelings.  I asked him beforehand what his expectations were, and I forgot to ask myself.  Oops. 

Didn't know I'd cry because my mom is dead.  She was never that involved with Ming's birthday.  But doing all the important things with her on the other side feels so sad.  So!!! sad!!!

Lots going on--decisions to make for the groups we're involved with, meetings to have, my own feelings about everything, others' feelings about the pandemic, supporting people in new ways, people trying to support me in new ways.  Friends who left.  Changing relationships. 

Spring is always weird!  Oh, spring.  How did you get so weird.  The sunlight affects me a lot.  I spent the first 42 years or so of my life a fall and mild winter girl.  Now I'm a sun-worshiping lady.  I love it all.  But what do I do, with all this light?

I made pumpkin coffeecake.  What a good idea; I should get a coffeecake award.  Well, I did--the reward is tasty coffeecake.  It's way better than I thought I'd be.  Please remind me to put canned pumpkin in my cakes always.

I'm a baker again; it had been a while.  Now I have flour--I was given some wheat flour and some quinoa flour.  Oats.  Baking powder and baking soda.  Look out for carby goodness.  I'm always a fiend for rice and pasta, but now I can bake again.  Not sure how that changed.

Birthdays have the cake ritual, but the whole day feels like a ritual, kind of.  Helping someone transition from one age to another.  I will hold you safe as you age.  I will be here for you as you become a new person.

Like a birth, or a death--that would be cool if we had Birthday Doulas.  Someone who could come help you with that.  Maybe a party planner is a Birthday Doula.

Our friend gave Ming a present of dinner delivered from Veganos.  It was yummy.  Ming had an impossible burrito, while I had sopes.

Tomorrow is guacamole day.  I bought half a case of avocados, and they're ripe!  Wish you were here. 

I like to add garlic and salt--that's it.  I know people put peppers, tomatoes, lemon or lime juice, cilantro, onions, maybe some spices.  Maybe salsa only.  My mom used to put mayo, strangely! 

I tried lots of ways, years ago, and found my favorite is garlic and salt only.  Maybe a little cayenne too.  I'll try to remember to take pictures.  Love to you.