park day

Yesterday I was supposed to have lunch with my friend A and her two daughters, but lunch turned into a whole day--lunch, then a doctor's appointment in Davis, an afternoon at the park, and dinner. And after dinner. It exhausted me but was really worth it. The older girl is the apple of my eye. (During the doctor's appointment, we walked to Rite Aid and got ice cream. She got chocolate, and I got two scoops: butter pecan and pecan praline. I had never bought ice cream for a kid before, and it was beautiful. Unfortunately, we saw a dead crow.) The younger girl is adorable but taxing. There's a reason I'm never going to be a mom. I mean, there are tons of reasons I'm never going to be a mom.

A and I had good conversations, and I just like how it feels to be near her. She makes me feel supported in my selfhood.

The bees seem to have gone away. I look outside the window and for a while saw many bees flying around, but now I see none, so either they left or they're all too cold to fly now or something. I need to open the door and actually look, but I'm a little afraid.

There's something else I wanted to tell you, but I can't remember. Listening to Mountain Goats tracks, cold because the air conditioner has been on for hours now trying to freeze those bees. (At first our project was to scare then away, but then our project became to chill them.) Listening now to "Firefly" by Don Peris.