my religion is kindness

Dinnertime, dinnertime.
What's so good about dinnertime.
Almost as good as breakfast time.
Dinnertime.

I'm experimenting with having a million things to do and not doing them.

My desk, hmm.  It's like an experiment in piles.  How many piles can be piled.  Piles.

Ming said taking a shower could be a sensory reset.  I have some sensory issues.  I asked him why--is it because I'm crazy?  I said it wasn't fair.

I was telling him how when I was a kid,  I memorized poems.  I was trying to please.  I was a smart kid, a good kid, and that gave me a defined path.  I knew what to do.  Be smart, be good, don't get in trouble. 

But I was also an anxious, shy, bullied kid and a dominated, abused kid.  It's like I was a magnet for assholes.

My friend read the hospital zine and told me I had a unique take on things.  I felt disagreement.  I don't think it's so unique, what I went through. 

I asked for an example.  She said how when I was left alone waiting for my procedure, I called it being in the loneliness bay.  She said the artist shows us reality by using their unique perspective--that's the artist's job.  I like the loneliness bay thing.

I just don't want to be alone.  My friend says on facebook all the time how spiritual people are good and religious people are bad.  Religious people are just in it because they're scared of hell, religious people do what they're told.

I was telling Ming it hurts me because I've very religious.  Contact with the divine is my life.  I asked him if he was religious.  He kind of said no.

I said, "I have like three religions, right?  Isn't that really religious?"  He said the more religions you have, the less religious you are.

I said I would go to church every day, if there was a church for me.  There just is none.

Today there were eight of us at the radical mental health collective event.  I cried in front of everyone.  Ming took a picture.