heart warrior

This morning I see my new endocrinologist.  I'm trying not to be anxious.  Either she's good and will listen to me and work with me, or maybe I don't need an endocrinologist?

I'm mostly done with being abused by doctors.  I don't want to stick with anyone who will fat shame me.  Diets don't work, and I'm not getting bariatric surgery, so we need to work with what we have.  I'm willing to make changes, but I'm never going to hop on the weightloss roller coaster.

Yesterday afternoon I took a lyft to a free yoga class.  It was hard for me--recently I've only done All Bodies classes or chair yoga.  I told the teacher it's hard for me to be on my knees, and she suggested putting a folded mat under my knees, which didn't really help, so I tried and stopped.

Also, child's pose used to be nice, but it hurts my lower legs now, the hard contact with the floor.  It's ok.  I relaxed in another pose.

I felt guilty sometimes for making her accommodate me, but there were only two students in the class, and I'm valid.  I also felt guilty sometimes for not being able to do everything, but that doesn't make much sense.

Mostly I had a little smile and it felt good to move and try, the breathing, knowing I was doing something kind for myself. 

I did great at some warrior poses.  I've always liked those.  I'm a heart warrior, a peace warrior.

My first yoga teacher was so good to me.  I went to her classes for long enough that her words are in my mind.  When we did mountain pose, she would say, "Feel your strong mountain energy," and I still hear that when I do mountain pose.

I think with the warrior poses, she said a similar thing--"Feel your strong warrior energy."   I appreciate those ideas inside me.