my other blog

I have another blog that I've tried to keep anonymous. It's where I put more personal things, about sex and marriage. I started it a couple weeks ago, not knowing what I was doing or what my intent was--just to try it out.

And recently I worked on promoting it a little. Promotion has never been an interest of mine, so this was new--it's all new, speaking honestly about sex in particular. In some ways, I'm progressive, and I’ve done things others would only dream about--in others, I'm very repressed. Though lately becoming less repressed, which is what the other blog is about.

Last night I got my first comment, and it was mean. I was told that I should leave Erik, shame was heaped upon me, and the unknown commenter was, for some reason, disappointed with me. The whole idea is really odd, because someone needs to have an investment to be disappointed, and I don't see how a stranger could be invested. Anyway, the person spoke in clichés, and I don't have a great deal of respect for their intelligence.

What I’m doing is a little out of the ordinary, and I can’t expect a casual reader to understand, especially out of context. The way I summed it up is that it’s not really one-handed reading. And if someone comes to the site expecting that, they’re going to be approaching it with the wrong mentality.

I thought I had something unique to share, as an honest person on my particular journey. And with some writing skills. My goal wasn’t to be like the other sex blogs, though maybe I could fit into that category for convenience and promotion’s sake.

But the comment still cut me to the heart. I’m not one to comment rudely. As far as I’m concerned, there are as many websites as there are fish in the sea, and if you don’t like mine, then move on.

It’s been talked to death how the anonymity of the internet makes people do and say things they never would in real life. And I think this person had some anger that they wanted to get out on me. Or they wanted to feel big by telling me what to do. Or something. I know how it can feel, to imagine you have superior knowledge and want to do the world the kindness of sharing it. I’m conceited that way too.

What it comes down to is that I’m very thin-skinned, and my impulse was the scrap the whole thing. Instead I set the comments to moderated.

Is being thin-skinned a problem or an asset. When it comes to mean comments, it’s a liability. Conflict is basically the whole reason I quit teaching, the whole reason I started going to my last therapist, something that scares me very much, and has to do with ancient angers.

The problem is that any insult I suspect is true. So even if the person speaks in clichés and I don’t think they really understand what I’m doing or where I’m coming from, something in me still believes they’re right.