quitting DBT

I've decided to quit DBT. Last night I was lying in bed feeling polluted from the day's meeting, and I decided enough is enough. I hated it yesterday, and I hate it every time. It makes me miserable. At this point I've given it a fair chance, and the cons just outweigh the pros. It's not a problem with DBT itself--the program is very good. It's just this facilitator--I can't stand the way she runs group. I feel unsafe there and very unhappy. She has major control issues, and I'm super sensitive to that. The room itself is uncomfortable. It's cramped. The lighting makes me feel ill. She specifically wants us to sit a different place every time, which drives me crazy. I resent the homework, but if it was just the homework bothering me, I would keep at it. I can't stand the way we're denied certain words. We can't use good, bad, should, shouldn't, fair, unfair, right, wrong, why, but, never, or always. I don't like the way it feels to have my language so carefully monitored. It's not done in a playful or caring way--it's very strict and authoritarian. I can't stand the way the facilitator can't be trusted. She says one thing and does another. There's no accountability. The clients are powerless, and the facilitator is all-powerful. It's just a bad situation. I've definitely learned some things and appreciate that. But it's not enough to keep me there. I have a penpal in Idaho who was talking to me about this, and he thinks I should do things that make me happy and that use my talents. He thinks I should be in more groups like my writing group. I agree.

And Erik supports me in quitting too. He's been wanting me to quit for a month. He sees how it makes me feel and doesn't think it's worth it either.

So even though a couple other friends are very pro-DBT and my psychiatrist is very pro-DBT, I'm quitting.