night life

I go to bed and wake up thinking it's morning--all those dreams, the hard work of sleep.  So glad I survived it, so glad it's a new day. 

Then I look at my phone and see what time it is, realizing that only two hours have passed.

You gotta be kidding me--I just worked like crazy to get through this night, and you're telling me I didn't get through this night?  ARrrrrrg!

I was telling Ming how all the time, all day, I'm getting little glimpses of half-remembered dream-bits and slivers of dream feelings.  It's disorienting, and I would like them to go away.  The unbidden dream stuff that nudges into my consciousness--all day.

Does this happen to everyone? I asked Ming.  I don't hear people talk about it.

No, he said.

But it happens to you!  Why does it happen to you? I asked. Narcolepsy, right?  But I don't have narcolepsy!  Did you give me narcolepsy?

I used to sleep all night like a decent human being.  Then I had my first manic episode.  I was put on a sedating bipolar cocktail.

These days, for the past four months or so, I get up every night in the middle of the night for two or three hours and write.  I like the quiet.  It's good.  I get a lot done.  But honestly, I envy people who can sleep well.

I remember when I was in the hospital, up writing in the middle of the night.  It was a great comfort, though I should have been getting what sleep I could.  A passing nurse gave me a look like, Okay--whatever, weird patient.

Ming with his narcolepsy has a night life.  He likes to watch movies in the night.  He does his things I don't really know about--call his mom late, read, clean, load and unload the dishwasher, whatever Ming does. 

Now I have a night life also.  It's ok, but I hope one day I can be a good sleeper again.