dangerous compassions

I call you / from the comet's cradle

Thursday, May 25, 2006

mercy

Issue 37 is all copied, collated, and folded. A few are bound. I'm glad to have it done yet daunted at its length and a little stressed at how intimate it is. My depression lately and always manifests as nihilism. Very why bother. But I will go through the motions in hopes that I will feel better. And if not, I will stop zining, stop speaking, subscribe to cable, and start watching TV a lot. Just kidding about the TV part. But I feel the world is much nicer to people who do nothing as opposed to people who do something. I feel like one of those little hedgehog creatures in the game at Chuck E Cheese and to speak is to stick my head out and the world is full of clubs that will smack my head back into the hiding place of the brightly-painted wooden shelter. The world really doesn't want me to speak. Unless I say something heard 100 times already which is readily understood and consumed.

As you can see, I am very bitter about speaking right now, and I rememeber why for years I didn't. Winter is easier to hide in. Summer is so bothersomely sunshiny.

I am going to CSET today, and I have my semi-dress-up clothes on ie my shirt has no ragged, frayed holes in it. I always get functional when I get there. We had the window open all night and the cool outside air was beautiful. I need to get my things together, so goodbye.

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