things

This morning I gardened with P. I did a little weeding. I mostly picked up huge piles of sticks and tried to smash them into a green waste can. Then I got the biggest cart and put sticks in the cart. Then I dumped the cart at the place where we put green waste when all the cans are full. Then I did another load. P did all the actual work. I just did clean up. She wanted to completely finish this area out front so we wouldn't have to think about it anymore. "It's perfect," I told her when she kept going back to get just a few more weeds or a few more sticks.

As we gardened, we talked about how Erik and I aren't moving to Portland unless we can get more scoring work online. We talked about her son who's getting out of jail this month, and how hard it is to make arrangements for him to have somewhere to go once he's out. We talked about the way the choir teases her for being demanding. She was wearing a dark blue knit hat that she had pulled down to cover her ears. I noticed her pants looked baggy--I think she's lost more weight, but that's not something we really talk about.

She hugged me hello, which is sort of unusual for gardening. But it's usual to hug goodbye. When I hug her, it makes me smell like her. It's sort of a laundry detergent smell, and I think it also has some makeup smell.

Having a hard time making myself score today. I just want to lie in bed; stare at the picture of Lakshmi, Ganesha, and Sarasvati on the wall; and think about things.