just everything
Last night was Samiti--I almost didn't go. I was feeling so edgy from a long day of frustrations. Work was really hard.
So Samiti was just like usual. I got to see my older women friends, and I got to be in their world for a while. Sometimes I wish their world was more of a place for me. At party time, I hover at the edges, and no one talks to me. It's like they gave up trying. When we meet, they say hi and ask, "How are you?" and some hug me and kiss me. We do love one another. But the actual communication isn't there. So much of my life is closed off from them--in way, I can't blame them. I don't have grandchildren to talk about. I don't know their old friends. My voice doesn't feel valued. My voice is unknown.
I wish I could tell you all about my project scoring Arkansas, but so much of this job is confidential. Well, I'm sure it's sharable knowledge that each paper is assigned five scores: content, style, sentence formation, usage, and mechanics. So there are so many opportunities to err. And each paper is going to take a long time. The pay rate is relatively low--the lowest I've ever been paid scoring for this company--which is ironic because it's the most difficult scoring I've ever done. I finished training this morning, so I finally start live scoring today: scary.
Last night my best friend E called while I was at Samiti, and I called her back at 10:30, which is my bedtime, and we talked until 11:15. It didn't feel like long enough. She's been having trouble going off some medication and needed some communion. I was happy to have some communion too.
Today I feel like thrift store shopping--we need a couple bowls--two were lost. And I want to look at and not buy some nicknacks. I just feel the need to see some material representations of everyday life. I'm researching everyday life.
Also, I don't know if it's still asparagus season, but I want to go to the farmers market and see if I can find some cheap. I don't know if I'll actually allow myself to do these things. I have choir practice also. I need to score.
I think I forgot to report that I practiced harmonium the other day, and I hadn't forgotten anything. Those two months I went without practicing--it's like the time never passed. I was very pleased. I'm practicing Sunday morning songs because when P is away during the summer I'm going to play Sunday morning all the songs. So I need to do some practice runs with the choir--maybe today?
Erik never got invited to score Arkansas, so he's vacation boy. It's nice to have him doing the chores. Right now he's meditating, and I'm listening to some Mountain Goats on headphones, the MP3s that are on this site. "Warm Lonely Planet" and "Going to Bridlington" are my favorites.
So Samiti was just like usual. I got to see my older women friends, and I got to be in their world for a while. Sometimes I wish their world was more of a place for me. At party time, I hover at the edges, and no one talks to me. It's like they gave up trying. When we meet, they say hi and ask, "How are you?" and some hug me and kiss me. We do love one another. But the actual communication isn't there. So much of my life is closed off from them--in way, I can't blame them. I don't have grandchildren to talk about. I don't know their old friends. My voice doesn't feel valued. My voice is unknown.
I wish I could tell you all about my project scoring Arkansas, but so much of this job is confidential. Well, I'm sure it's sharable knowledge that each paper is assigned five scores: content, style, sentence formation, usage, and mechanics. So there are so many opportunities to err. And each paper is going to take a long time. The pay rate is relatively low--the lowest I've ever been paid scoring for this company--which is ironic because it's the most difficult scoring I've ever done. I finished training this morning, so I finally start live scoring today: scary.
Last night my best friend E called while I was at Samiti, and I called her back at 10:30, which is my bedtime, and we talked until 11:15. It didn't feel like long enough. She's been having trouble going off some medication and needed some communion. I was happy to have some communion too.
Today I feel like thrift store shopping--we need a couple bowls--two were lost. And I want to look at and not buy some nicknacks. I just feel the need to see some material representations of everyday life. I'm researching everyday life.
Also, I don't know if it's still asparagus season, but I want to go to the farmers market and see if I can find some cheap. I don't know if I'll actually allow myself to do these things. I have choir practice also. I need to score.
I think I forgot to report that I practiced harmonium the other day, and I hadn't forgotten anything. Those two months I went without practicing--it's like the time never passed. I was very pleased. I'm practicing Sunday morning songs because when P is away during the summer I'm going to play Sunday morning all the songs. So I need to do some practice runs with the choir--maybe today?
Erik never got invited to score Arkansas, so he's vacation boy. It's nice to have him doing the chores. Right now he's meditating, and I'm listening to some Mountain Goats on headphones, the MP3s that are on this site. "Warm Lonely Planet" and "Going to Bridlington" are my favorites.
posted by Laura-Marie @ 9:33 AM
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