a mystery

Chowing down on cereal.  I was up early, before 5.   I like putting extra nuts in my cereal.

Last night my friend A was going to come over but didn't make it.  Now we're trying for today.  We talked on the phone for half an hour.  He likes to talk to me about the Gita.  Last night he said something new when I asked why he likes Krishna so much.  I had been wondering for a while.

Then I asked if he had ever read Franny & Zooey because the way Franny had a mental health crisis related to the Jesus prayer seemed pertinent to the mantras we were talking about.

Yesterday I chatted with my friend L in England and he was in so much emotional pain it was like he was in another dimension.  I couldn't reach him.  He was monologueing in bits.  All the things he said I had heard him say before.  He was stuck.

I'm glad I'm not stuck.  My friend R was talking about needing to move on and try new things.  I remember when Ming and I moved here it was a big leap.  How long we will stay is a mystery.  I intended to stay in Sacramento for just a couple years.  I was there more than ten.  Twelve, maybe.

I remember when we came here people wanted to know how long we'd stay.  We made a year commitment then another.  Now it seems like we're just staying, as this is our home now.  But the funny thing is it always seemed like that to me.  I always thought we'd stay a long time but fear commitments.

Which is weird because I'm so committed.  I feel loyal.  Well, some would disagree.