we are vain and we are blind

Yesterday after choir practice I was talking to my friend P. She's not doing so well. So I offered to help her with this project she's got going making three new choir binders. It's a lot of work. But P and I work together like...like synchronized swimmers who didn't have to practice at all. I started working without being told what to do, and we continued that way, making a kind of rhythm: she would bring me three sets of music, and I would put it into plastic sleeves, then put each song in its place in the binders. By the time I was done, she would have another song ready for me. We worked this way for a couple hours. Then we ran out of plastic sleeves and had to go to the office supply store for more. I'm going to help her again tomorrow afternoon. I look forward to spending the afternoon with her.

This morning I went to worship. I didn't really want to go, but I skipped last week, and next week we'll be out of town for my birthday. So I went, and I got overcome with anxiety about halfway through about something having to do with tapes. I realized I hadn't gotten any tapes ready for recording lectures, and that last week's lecture must have gone untaped. I felt horrible that I had let this responsibility slip away from me. (Getting a tape ready means checking the schedule to see what the lecture's title will be then typing up a label. Then there's a special place where tapes go.) So right after worship I went to the bookstore and got two tapes: one for today's lecture, and one spare.

So I got prasad and a fig newton and some water. And then I saw R--luckily, he was there. I asked him, "Was there no tape last week for Swami's lecture?" He said no. I said, "That's really unfortunate. Well, here's a tape for today's." Then R told me that we're not doing tapes anymore. I guess we stopped doing tapes after summer recess. So I am totally off the hook. And the way I let my responsibility slip is moot. I am not in trouble.

So, if you stayed with me for that whole discussion, I commend and thank you. I feel like I'm getting mired in details.

After church Erik and I went to Walmart so I could get my blood pressure medication. (They have it for just $4--I think they might be losing money on it.) Then we went to Big Lots looking for a stock pot. Amazingly, they had exactly what we were looking for. So at this moment I have rice cooked in one stock pot and seitan cooking in the other. We realized that if we had another big pot we would eat more rice, which is good for our budget because my parents bought us a 50 lb bag of jasmine rice from Costco.

I'm in a good mood and happy to have the rest of the day. I plan to finish watching that movie with Erik and might make the Southwestern Corn Pudding.

Last night I wrote a letter to my friend L in LA and a letter about grad school to my friend H here in Sacramento. She wanted to know what grad school's like. It made me want to make a zine about grad school, but I'm afraid I would make myself too vulnerable in the way that grad school for me was all about people, and I don't want to get in trouble. And I don't want to talk crap about my grad school experience when people know which school it is and what program it is. Does this make sense? It would be indiscreet. But maybe I could make a zine like this under another name.