dangerous compassions

I call you / from the comet's cradle

Thursday, October 31, 2013


I got two Sleater-Kinney cds out from the library.  I have been listening to Dig Me Out a lot.  I remember when Ming and I were on our roadtrip heading north and got to the Sleater-Kinney freeway exit.  I was so delighted.  My favorite song right now is "Turn It On."  But I can't find the video for you and embed it because flash no longer works on my computer.  But you can google it if you want.

foods etc

Yesterday I got an package in the mail from AL that made me say yay many times.  She sent a pin, a pen, and some homemade pecan butter.  She is an amazing friend.  The pecan butter is the best!  I ate some by spoon this morning with breakfast.

Also, Ming's making soy yogurt again now that it's no longer summer.  The batch he made yesterday turned out perfect.

I made some more beans the other day in Ming's crock pot.  They are great northern beans.  They turned out perfect too. 

So basically all's well on the food front.  Fall's my favorite.  We are lucky.

I need some magazines for collage but don't want magazines that will make me feel like crap about myself.  I think maybe at the library book sales I can get some.  Like at McClatchy. 

I just wish everything opened at 7. 

The sun just came up and the warm glow is glowing through the blinds.

Wednesday, October 30, 2013


Today we went to the library.  There were very loud kids.  But I finished this letter I was writing to my penpal who is German but lives in England. 

As we left the building, I explained to Ming how if we had kids, I would go crazier.  I would say, "Here, you take the kid.  I'm going out."

Ming's eating grapes.  We picked some poblanos from the garden.  I need to roast them. 

Today we had an over the phone board meeting.  I almost bailed.  I was on mute because I was doing art during the phone call.  Collaging and cutting pictures out of AAA magazines because that's the only magazine we get.

This morning free breakfast was bad.  They moved the toast station so they can supervise.  People were taking whole loaves of bread and whole bowls of butter.  And making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to take home, stacks of them.  I'm guessing that's why they moved the toast station.  But it's more crowded now.  So I didn't have toast.

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

open days

I have some old bassoon books and sheet music I'm trying to get rid of.  I have some antique piano books and sheet music too.  And a leather Mexican purse.  Do you need any of these things?  Just let me know.

I have this friend I write mail to almost every day.  Lately I am writing letters because postcards could not contain me, but I managed a postcard today, which I'm proud of. 

"Is the sun not up yet, or is it dreary out?" I asked Ming this morning.  He said something about it being cloudy and not dreary.

Last night Ming and I recorded the bumblebee bee song, so now I can put it on mixes, but I feel shy about it.

Today tutoring is the only thing on our agenda, and a walk.  It feels good to have open days.

Monday, October 28, 2013

spinach walnut synergy

We made pasta for lunch--we put spinach in the sauce, and I put broken up walnut bits on mine.  The spinach and walnuts made a magical synergy! 

In other ecstatic news, I found my digital voice recorder!  Now I can record the Bumblebee song and add intros to the mixes I make.

Dave's Killer Bread

I'm working on the ELM anthology project, and it's hard.  It's emotional and fun and draining and painful and great.  Inspiring.  Comforting.  Sad.  Crazy-making.  I have to take breaks.

Today I tutor and Ming has a thing he's going to.  I will sit at a cafe and read.  Write.

I had some toast and soy yogurt for breakfast.  The bread is seedy, which I enjoy.  We got a ton of it at a giveaway a month ago, and it's in the big freezer downstairs.  So we bring up another loaf from time to time.

Sunday, October 27, 2013

friends with drinks

Here are our friends H and M and their drinks.  We had sausages with them for lunch today at Lowbrau.

ghost mice sticker and bread

Here's our new ghost mice sticker beside the Food Not Bombs sticker and below the Icarus Project sticker.

Here's how the bread looks in our way back when we do bread pickup!

ginkgo trees at church yellower


This morning I painted my nails orange for the first time ever.  Orange is my color of the year and has been for a few years.  I bought this nail polish at the dollar store months ago, carried it around in my backpack for so long, in the most outer pocket with mesh.  Where I keep my flash drive.  And my nails are orange now.

Saturday, October 26, 2013

today's excellent delicious peanut sauce recipe

1/3 cup peanut butter
1/8 cup soy sauce
3 cloves pressed garlic
several shakes sesame oil
1/4 tsp dried ginger
1/4 tsp cayenne
a little water to thin it

Would it have been better with the lime juice?  Maybe.  But it was great this way.  We dipped green beans in it, and snap peas, and used it to top a potato.

data hoarding

Ming bought me an external harddrive computer backup system.  It's a terabyte.  I have never backed up a computer in my life.  I always just lost everything when my computer died.  It was kind of like burning down the house.

Now I can be my own archivist!

what sea creature am I?

My friend Chairman Meow asked me what kind of sea creature I am, and I asked Ming, and he said a nautilus.  So I looked at the wikipedia article and am doubting it.  I thought I'm more like an octopus.

This morning we went to the farmers market in Oak Park.  It's the last one until May, which is a bummer for us.  We got awesome foods: strawberries, tomatoes, apples, green beans, snow peas.  Cookies for $2 when they were supposed to be $3.50.  The seller was nice and took our two last tokens.

Oh, also, we put the Ghost Mice sticker on our truck.  I will take a picture for you later.

Friday, October 25, 2013

Kevin Johnson and Ghost Mice

This afternoon I was walking to the women's center and saw something on the sidewalk that looked like a hospital bracelet.  I didn't pay it no mind.  Then I was walking home and thought, "I should see what it says."  So I read it, and it said Kevin Johnson.  He's a local celebrity.  He's the mayor.  And he's known for doing work in my neighborhood. 

But it said Kevin Michael Johnson, so I thought I'd come home and look up the mayor's middle name, but it's Maurice.  So that's the end of that strange story.

In other news, the Ghost Mice stickers I ordered came today!  But I thought my address was wrong, so I'm confused.  I thought I fixed it after they would have sent it.  So how that got here is a mystery.  I ordered two and they sent five.  Isn't that just something Plan-it-x would do?  They're awesome.


and all's well

Good morning, world.  Today I skipped egg day because I was running late and didn't feel like it.  I went to yoga, though, but it was canceled.  I ran into my therapist, and she told me no one was there. 

So I walked to the cafe where Ming was waiting for me, and he got his mocha to go. 

I sent some first rate mail this morning, and all's well.

Thursday, October 24, 2013

love this quote about help

Algonquin Elder Albert Dumont
"And because of the world we live in, and people are so expert in portraying themselves to be happy and 'devil-may-care' and things like this here, people are such good actors - and we should always be mindful that maybe somebody is carrying a lot of pain in their heart. And in a good world, in a perfect world, people would be okay with reaching out to say to somebody, 'I need help', but we don't live in a world like that though. People just hope that eventually they'll get over it, but eventually never comes though, because they're not accessing the healing properly. That's what I believe, anyway. You know, there's no shame in asking for help, you know, from the land - if you can't bring yourself to ask a counsellor, well then let the land, tell the land, tell it to the tree, tell it to the river, tell it to the bees and the spiders, tell it to the birds - you know, they'll listen, and they'll help you out. Tell it to your ancestors, 'cause they love you."

return of the collards

Just now we harvested collards!  I can't believe they're recovered from their decimation at the jaws of the harlequin bugs.  So I will make curried greens with beans for dinner. 

We also harvested some tomatoes from by the compost.  Late October tomatoes.  Some are splitting.

Furthermore, I had my appointment with a new psychiatrist this afternoon, and it was easy.  I was so worried about it, and now I'm free.

the incredibly true adventures of two girls in love

Dear Reader,

Good morning.  Ming's not really a girl, but I wanted to title the blogpost that.  How are you?  I feel like avoiding all of my responsibilities.  How about you?  Let's hide!

But I need to tutor, to see my new psychiatrist, and stuff like that.  I need to check the calendar.  Eat breakfast and go for a walk--blech.

Yesterday we went to the Bay Area as promised.  We saw Ming's kids and mom.  We walked the pier and saw some great graffiti which I cannot show you because we left the camera in the car.  We ate all day.

We went to a peace walk talk at night and got home just fine though it was late for us.  Then couldn't sleep at night and talked for a long time.

Well, see you later, Reader.

all love all the time,

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

poblano mushroom garlic rice

Hey, those poblanos tasted great!  We ate them in mushroom garlic rice.  They added a kick.  And I think chiles are really good for you. 

At first no chiles grew, and we thought the bees weren't doing their job, that maybe we should hand pollinate, but then we never got to it.  Then there were suddenly about 12 chiles growing.  No, more than that.  About 15.

Today we're going to the bay area to see Ming's kids and to be show & tell items for a Sacred Peace Walk talk. It will be a late night, so pray for us, if you pray.

I bought a little pumpkin at Trader Joe's and it's so cute.  But the acorn squash is too.

I never told you I made pinto beans in Ming's crockpot.  They turned out great but not like my mom's, maybe because of lower heat.

Last night Ming and I both dreamt of stolen or lost backpacks.  Strange, isn't it?

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

poblano chiles we grew in the backyard

I don't know why one of them turned red.


This morning free breakfast was better.  I went with my neighbor.  She and I talked, and I enjoyed my toast.  No one pushed me.  No one was smoking pot. 

Then Ming and I made some photocopies.  Ming said, "Congratulations," because I finished all the photocopying for my ELM project.

Then we went thrift store shopping.  I got two pairs of jeans that will be great!

Now I need to find something I lost, so I need to clean my desk.  Wish me retro-luck!

Monday, October 21, 2013


This morning I went to free breakfast and people were smoking pot in line.  It bothered me extra because I am paranoid about my SSI claim.  I think if I get into any trouble with the law, it will make me ineligible.  Or drug trouble in particular.

Last night I dreamt I had done something illegal having to do with IT and banks.  I was going to jail.  And I was thinking in my dream how I would not get SSI.

Then the day's yogurt was vanilla, not strawberry, which I had never seen before.  Then someone pushed me at the toast station.  I was trying to get my bread in the toaster, and she said, "Don't reach over my food!" and pushed me--I was upset and uncomfortable. 

After that I ate my food and felt like I couldn't handle being there, but I needed to wait for bus tickets to be given out because I get a bus ticket for my neighbor who rides the bus to school.  So I went outside and read old texts on my phone and deleted some. 

Finally it was bus ticket time.  Walking home, someone told me to smile, and I obeyed. 

Sunday, October 20, 2013

ginkgo tree at church

hurray! hurray! hurray!

Yesterday we went to a vegan fall picnic at this former boyscout camp.  There were huge acorns.  We drank tea, talked to friends, walked around, checked our raffle tickets when they did drawings. 

My favorite part was talking to this person who was running the concession stand.  He wore glittery nailpolish and asked me about my hat.  He told me Canada is not expensive and that Ming and I need to go back.  "Did you get your healthcare while you were up there?" he asked.

My other favorite part was when our friend T said, "Follow me," and led us to free food she brought to share.  It was vegan Chinese, I think.  She runs Anna's Vegan Cafe, and I don't know what kind of food that is, but it's very good.  And so inexpensive!  Vegan lunch specials $4.95 including soup!  Vegan Thai iced tea for $1.95.  I always get the eggplant and tofu in black bean sauce, and it's a delicious heap of food with rice and a crispy roll.

Last night we did bread pickup and had no car trouble.  Yesterday we had choir practice.  We also went to the SPCA thrift store so I could look at their great notecards.  The worker didn't feel like counting them so gave them to us for a dollar.  I was stoked.   

All these phonecalls to make and letters to write.  Luckily I slept the night.  Three cheers for sleeping the night!

Saturday, October 19, 2013


Can't sleep again.  Been wrestling with plugins.  Sometimes I have administrator privileges, and sometimes I don't.  I need administrator privileges to update the vulnerable, old plugins.  I try workarounds but lack skills.  I wish I knew what I was doing. 

Neighbors were talking and playing music late into the night.  Maybe I should try to go back to bed.

Friday, October 18, 2013

free yoga

Ming made me garlic spinach rice for dinner, and it's delicious. 

This morning I went to egg day. 

Then I returned to my women's place for free yoga.  It was my first time doing yoga there, and it was really good for me.  It was my first yoga class in years.  I left feeling loose and happy and like my body works.

Then I tutored.  Then I made more copies for the ELM anthology, standing at the Fed Ex store in flip flops, thirsty, but Ming got me some water from Peet's.

Lotsa poems, elaborate dreams, and semi-lost memories.

Thursday, October 17, 2013

full day

Today we did a lot--church bulletin, tea with Swami, visit with P at her assisted living facility, Carmichael library, lunch at Sheri-Punjab, neighbor work under the kitchen sink, photocopying at the nearest FedEx, letter writing.  Full day and now I can't sleep. 

I'm working hard on Erik and Laura-Marie Magazine anthology.  There were 52 issues, and I think it's going to be thick and fantastic.  Funny.  Good poems.  My bestie loaned me her ELM archive. 

Munching organic Trader Joe's version of Fritos.  I like the salt.

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

prayer flags

Today I was looking through my bestie's birthday present for me, and I found these small Tibetan prayer flags she gave me.  They are colorful and cute.  I want to put them over our front door. 


Maybe once I do, I'll show you a picture.

gender trouble

Today I wrote to Sac Peace about their use of Chelsea Manning's old name. 


I hope they start using Chelsea Manning's current name, which is Chelsea. 

Monday, October 14, 2013

the excitement around here

Last night we were woken up by a phonecall from one of Ming's kids who was at the trainstation.  He had taken the wrong train and ended up in Sacramento.  So we drove there, picked up him and his bike, and took him to our apartment where we talked.  Then he slept on the living room floor.  It was fine.  It was good to see him.

Then in the morning we got up at 5 and took him back to the trainstation so he could get home to help his mom with the babies.

Today I sent out a ton of zines, but I forgot it was a holiday, so they won't get out till tomorrow.

Bought some organic potatoes and carrots to roast.  Should be tasty. Watered at the garden, bought packing tape, purple pens.

Sunday, October 13, 2013

they only come and they come when they wanna

Sacramento's Food Not Bombs is getting harassed by cops.  It happened last week, at least, and I haven't heard what happened today.


birth announcement: functionally ill 16

I have a new functionally ill.  It's issue 16.

This is the latest issue of my mental health zine about living with schizoaffective disorder and no health insurance.

This one's about applying for SSI and SSDI, my "mental exam," long intakes, crazy performance, being pushed, and services.

quarter size, 32 pages including covers, black & white photocopy, bound with thread


Saturday, October 12, 2013

horn trouble

Today we were doing bread pickup when the horn started honking even when Ming wasn't pressing it.  That's no good.  It was honking more and more.

So we were going to disconnect the battery and have it towed, but Ming didn't have the tool to disconnect it, so we called neighbors then called AAA.

Meanwhile I was feeling really incapable of handling reality, so I called K, and she picked me up and took me home.  It was great to be rescued.

The AAA tow truck driver didn't do anything, just told Ming to drive home, which he did.  Home, Ming read the Chilton and found out which fuse to pull.  Dad said to pull the horn's wire, but Ming didn't see it.  So Ming pulled the fuse, and now we have a mute truck.

Thursday, October 10, 2013

three new plants

There's the clevelandii sage.

There's the pineapple sage golden delicious.

There's the little rosemary.

di Rosa

This morning we went to di Rosa art museum in Napa.  We left here at 9:45 to get there in time for the 11 tour.  But there was an accident on the freeway between here and Davis then a roadwork traffic jam.  So we got there late.  We payed our bucks and looked around the first gallery.  There were two drone arts, and we took pictures. 

Then we went to BOB and ate peanutbutter and jelly sandwiches and waited.

Then we went back at 1 and nobody else was there.  We got a private tour!  Our guide was nice.  She told us facts and told us her favorites. 

We saw the angel statue circling above the other statues.  We saw the car hanging from the tree (though we didn't comment on it).  We saw peafowl.  We saw the glass chapel.

Probably my favorite art was the desk.

Ming took this beautiful picture of it.

garden surprise

Day before yesterday Ming and I went to Tallini's and bought three new plants for our community garden plot--two sages and a rosemary.  The sages are clevelandii and pineapple golden delicious.  The rosemary is an upright.  They are good looking.

We had been despairing about this plot.  We were thinking about giving it up.  It's grown so wild.  The yarrow and borrage are taking over.  The New Zealand spinach is spreading.  The oregano is EVERYWHERE.

But we cleared space for these plants.  We put the drought tolerant clevelandii in the back where we water less.  We put the pineapple sage to the right, and the rosemary to the left.  We hope they flourish.

Yesterday we went over there to check things out.  The pineapple sage seems vulnerable.  I wanted to see if the snails got it.  It was fine.  We didn't water because we'd watered well the day before.

Someone in the garden came up to us.  She said, "I just wanted to tell you I love your space.  It's one of my favorites."  I laughed a little.  I think Ming thanked her.  And she walked away.

bright yellow

We went to Rumplestilskin's for bright yellow thread for binding the new functionally ill, but they didn't have any.  We decided to try Art Ellis for bookbinding thread, and they had some!  We bought 21 yards.  I skipped out saying, "It's perfect!  It's perfect!  It's perfect!"

Then at home binding with it, I asked, "Bookbinding thread, where have you been all my life?"  It goes through the holes so easily, and the knots seem so secure, and it's just beautiful in every way.

Wednesday, October 09, 2013

new cereal knowledge

Yesterday Ming and I were at Grocery Outlet and he was drawn to some shredded wheat.  I told him it's not vegetarian and we looked at the ingredients list.  There was gelatin in it. 

Today I'm having some cinnamon Life.  I have had plenty of Life in my life, but this is my first time for cinnamon.  I like regular better.

Tuesday, October 08, 2013

ginkgo fruits

Today Ming and I were walking at McKinley Park.  I was looking at the ginkgo trees and told him how I didn't know what season the female trees drop their fruits.  And I mentioned how a previous year I'd seen people collecting the fruits.  I think they're prized as medicine.  Anyway, we walked along and then I saw a ton of ginkgo fruits on the ground--we found the female tree.  And we looked up into its branches and saw fruits there too.  We were happy.


Here is a picture of me and my friend Scott, standing in his warehouse.  It's the first known picture of us together, though we have known one another for 22 years.

Monday, October 07, 2013


Today we picked up some meds, dropped off a form, got more than two week's worth of mail, read the mail, paid a bill, sent emails, made lunch of garlic spinach rice, went on a chocolate run, and more.  What a day, and it's only 1:44.

Sunday, October 06, 2013


Ming's crock pot works! as evinced by these delicious cooked great northern beans.

birthday bracelets

I'm crazy about orange but haven't worn this yet.

Here's Ming's--one of the greens is wearing away.  Those white beads aren't supposed to be white!

And here's the one I love best.  The dark red is wearing away quickly.

Saturday, October 05, 2013

home safe

Well, we made it.  BOB made it.  We're back in Sac and even did bread pickup for Food Not Bombs.  We left Las Vegas at 6:10 this morning after hugging our friend J goodbye in the kitchen of the Pace e Bene house.  We stopped for lunch at a Denny's near Fresno.  It was my first time in a Denny's in so many years!  Maybe like 12 years!  We gave the evaluation 4, 3, 3, 3, 3, 4 or something like that.  It was a scale of 1 to 5.  And for my next trick, I'll shower and go to bed.  Night, friends.

Friday, October 04, 2013

Las Vegas jelly bean party

Today we tried the Snapple flavored jelly beans--yesterday we had the ice cream flavored ones.  Ming didn't like the ice cream flavored ones.  I can't remember why.  The Snapple ones were all fruity: mango madness etc.  I think I liked the fruit punch flavor best. 

We played cards and listened to They Might Be Giants.  Our friend J came to tell us about an external hard drive for backing up the laptop, and we were willing to stop, but he wanted us to finish our game.

The list of things to do seems endless, but all I want to do is relax and listen to Sufjan Stevens on youtube. 

I don't think I ever told you about the wedding ring rash I developed weeks ago.  I stopped wearing the ring on that finger, but the rash is still with me.  I thought all I needed to do was stop wearing the ring.  Wrong!

going home

Tomorrow we're going home.  We wanted to camp in Bishop to break up the drive, but it's getting too cold there, nights.  So we'll do the whole drive tomorrow.

We have got an incredible amount done here, papers pushed, info shared, notes typed, emails sent, phone calls made. 

Today I'm taking it easy.  I want to do some self-care and do not much more than that.  I'd like to watch the movie my bestie gave me for my birthday.  It's How to Cook Your Life, which I saw a long time ago and loved and never thought I'd find again.

Thursday, October 03, 2013

how is the war economy working for you?

Last night I dreamt of Montecito and Santa Barbara, two dragons flying in the sky, play fighting, and trying to take a picture of them.

This morning we served the hungry again, washed pots again, and peace vigiled at the federal building.  I held the HOW IS THE WAR ECONOMY WORKING FOR YOU? sign.  Ming had something about nuclear waste.

Then we played cards and our friend J made us delicious breakfast for lunch.  Now we need to work on a grant application.

Wednesday, October 02, 2013

needles case

I asked my friend J for a needle and thread, and he handed me a metal box with patches, buttons, scissors, and this needle case.


Ming and I made this hard-to-photograph art yesterday at the museum.

Guadalupe beach

apple tasting the day after my birthday at See Canyon

serving the hungry, sweet potato for breakfast, rabbit fur jelly beans

This morning we were awake at 5:40 to go to Catholic Worker and do the prayer and serve the hungry.  It was fun.  From the smell when we walked in, I thought it was chili, but no, it was rice soup.  But it had chorizo in it and smelled good.

Ming and I served soup at the empty lot where we serve.  Usually we like to do bread, and Saturday we did sugar and creamer, but today we served the main dish.  It got thicker and thicker as the half-hour progressed.  The guests were in good moods, and we got a lot of thank yous but no sweeties or honeys.

There's this really good tea, holiday chai, in the cabinet of the house we're staying in.  I like drinking it in the mornings when I remember.  Then later in the day or in addition to the chai there's this hibiscus tea that's good too, but in a fruity way.

I can't believe how long we've been away from home.  I'm worried important mail is coming and we're not there for it.  But I think about mail a lot.

Today is hospitality day at the Catholic Worker and we'll go for lunch.  Our friend M said he might make us some veggie enchiladas--the main dish is chicken ones.

We shared a large sweet potato for breakfast, which was good, filling.  Maybe we should have sweet potatoes for breakfast every day.

This morning I had an elaborate dream about being pressured into transporting drugs.  They were in a shrink wrapped boot box.  I was supposed to say they were a gift.  Then the cops came and busted us.  I thought that would ruin my SSI case and was upset.  In some ways the dream was realistic and in other ways not.

I also dreamed about jelly beans with the flavors of rabbit fur and basil & lavender.  I was asking Ming why he picked those flavors--the package had just those two flavors--and I was like who wants to eat something that tastes like rabbit fur?

Tuesday, October 01, 2013

fun museum time

Today Ming and I went to the museum I had been really wanting to go to, the Barrick museum on the UNLV campus.  It was one of the best museum times I've ever had.  We looked at some Mesoamerican art about human sacrifice, which was repulsive and fascinating.  I liked the art a lot. 

Then there was a huge collage station where you could collage stuff, objects as well as paper.  The walls there were covered in visitor-made art.  We made a collage I would like to show you.  I tried taking some pictures, so hopefully some worked.

Then they had paper on boards, and you could sketch with pencil.  I drew Ming, and Ming drew me.  It was great fun.  We laughed a lot.  We left our drawings there for other people to enjoy.

up again

Up again in the middle of the night again, upset about something different tonight. 

Today we wanted to go to a museum that's on the UNLV campus, but we never made it.  Instead we ran errands and worked with our former staff person learning some things to try to keep the organization going, but maybe it's futile. 

I made my curried greens with beans dish for dinner, but I used frilly kale instead of collards, and we didn't have any curry powder, so I used other spices, but I didn't include enough, and the meal was bland.  Didn't have fresh ginger so used dried.  It smelled fragrant while it was cooking, but it didn't taste that way.