dangerous compassions

I call you / from the comet's cradle

Wednesday, August 31, 2016


I've been thinking about Waldorf education a lot lately since picking up a copy of  Waldorf magazine that I didn't know was a Waldorf magazine.  It was beautiful to me, some of the articles, the ideas.

I was first introduced to Waldorf about 15 years ago when I thought about working as a substitute teacher at the Bishop Waldorf school, a high school for kids who had been in trouble, mostly.  I thought Waldorf education was cool but didn't want to sub though I took the CBEST but I took the CBEST for another reason.

Then I went to New York to see my ex-bestie whose family was a Waldorf family.  I went to a bracelet making workshop with a Waldorf teacher and it was great.  There was a cabin with no running water or electricity and I peed in the woods.

Then I was living in Sacramento and went to see the Steiner school for teaching teachers.  I liked the cow.  And I got farmer friends who use biodynamic farming.  And Waldorf was touching my life in all sorts of ways.

I'm not sure how I feel about it.  I have all sorts of feelings about it.  I still think if Ming and I ever had kids, I would want to homeschool or unschool them.  We would probably go the Waldorf route if we were going to do normal school.  But we're really not having kids, so it's not fruitful to think about it.

I imagine getting better and becoming a teacher again, or a tutor, or somehow in education again.  What I would need to do to find a college where I could teach adults again.  Where that might be.  If I really could do it again, if I was well.  If I could ever be happy that way.

All those teaching dreams.

Anyway, I am at San Leandro library while Ming helps his mom with her apartment.  I called her to tell her we were running late because Ming wanted coffee.  I was distracted in the tunnel.  But it wasn't too jammed up in there.

Tuesday, August 30, 2016


Cold brew iced tea, thrift store stationery, Ming, a cool place to be. These are what make me happy. 

Sunday, August 28, 2016

naan n pasta

There's an Indian Italian restaurant here in San Leandro. It blows my mind and I really want to go there. 


Saturday, August 27, 2016

nitro coffee

Friday, August 26, 2016

five dollar chocolate

Thursday, August 25, 2016

wrong number

We are at a hotel in Bakersfield. We checked in at 3 then napped. Then the phone rang. 

--Should I answer it? I asked M. 

M said yes. So I answered it. 


--Hello. This is whoever at the front desk. I'm calling to see if everything in your room is okay. 

--Yes, everything's great. 

--Okay, let us know if you need anything. 


--Thanks. Bye. 


Phonecalls scare me. Land lines in particular. I'm afraid it will be a dead person or a killer. 

So I was suspicious about the phonecall. 

--Was that weird? I asked M. 

M said yes. It was weird. He suggested they might've accidentally called the wrong number. 

the rice

The worker at Mad Greek didn't understand the concept of vegetarian. She thought my question was pretty stupid. She didn't know what chicken stock is. It was frustrating and I wish she would have asked someone else to help. I didn't buy any rice. 

Then she thought I was a trucker when I ordered  a cup of coffee for Ming. She asked to see some kind of trucker ID. 

It was all kind of a fail. 

Wednesday, August 24, 2016

love, life's sweetest reward

This morning we served the hungry.  I scooped jalapenos, attending to the eaters' needs for juice or no juice and quantity.

Then I helped with towels when the towel people had to leave for church.  We ran out of towels.

Some morning drama was when a small fight broke out (someone threw a bowl of food at someone else, and an innocent bystander got most of the food on his shirt) and when someone stole a bike.

Then we went for a walk, but it was chaos time for schoolkids, so we avoided the springy track, instead walking around our neighborhood.

Then we ran errands.  I got special popcorn, we bought some groceries, and Ming picked up Poetry for Dummies which he had requested at the library.

Now I'm drinking peach tea and contemplating rest.  Tomorrow we leave on a trip headed north.

Tuesday, August 23, 2016

more desert

us in the desert

Monday, August 22, 2016

cleaning the firepit



Sunday, August 21, 2016

selfie at the Bronze with new necklace

life goes on

Yesterday we went to a long workshop at the Unitarian Universalist church.  It was pretty good.  I learned a lot about UU and had some good social contact with interesting people, but it was too much.  I got overloaded.

Then in the evening we went to a-cafe--bad idea.  The speaker was half an hour late.  There was chaos about the venue.  We ended up meeting outside in the heat and it was hard to hear people and I didn't like it.

This morning we were awake at 3:45 because Ming was having nightmares.  Also he has a cough.  So we got up and I have to be social more today, including a party.  I don't know how to navigate it.

Sometimes it's hard, "navigating the space between brilliance and madness."  But the sun came up.

Saturday, August 20, 2016

talk like Yoda I do

This morning we went to the track for a walk.  Then we went to the store for some chonies.

Ming is constantly fixing things, improving things, cleaning up.  I couldn't be more grateful.  I'm bursting with it.

I spend a lot of time writing letters.  I was trying to catch up and read my backlog of letters from L in Manchester and write back to them.  That's a project.  My projects are silly compared to Ming's, sort of.

I have a vision for my next poetry zine.  I want it to be printed on pink homemade paper with a silkscreened cover.  Or a linoleum block print.  In purple.  But I can't afford all that.

I will get as close as I can to my vision way cheaper.  It will be pink.  It will be bound with red thread.  This I know.

Friday, August 19, 2016

baba ganoush

I made baba ganoush with the 10 eggplants Ming harvested the other day.  We washed them, sliced them, and sauteed them in olive oil until they were cooked.  They were the Asian kind of eggplants, long and skinny.

Then in a blender we put two cloves of garlic, some olive oil, salt, pepper, smoked paprika, and cayenne.  Tahini.  Blended it.  Then we added the eggplant bit by bit, stirring and blending again and again.

"Oh, I forgot the lemon," I said.  We put in the juice of half a lemon.

It turned out pretty good, but we didn't have pita bread.  Ming thought of crackers, so we had it with Trader Joe's everything crackers.  So tasty!

the mouse

We had a mouse in our house.  Ming borrowed a catch and release trap from our friend C.  He put these nasty cheese crackers in as bait.

Then the mouse seemed to disappear.  We thought it left.

But then Ming heard a scratching sound at night, and it was coming from near the trap.  We thought maybe there was a mouse in the trap.

"If there's a mouse in that trap, it's been there for a long time, living on those crackers.  The mouse trap is probably filled with mouse poop," I said.

So Ming decided it was time to deal with the mouse trap.  He put on work gloves and took it outside and looked through the holes.  No mouse.  He went to the trash can to dump out the crackers, and a mouse ran out.

The mouse ran right by a cat.  (We have lots of cats.)  The cat chased it.  The mouse hid behind a box.  Ming moved the box, and the mouse ran toward the cat.  The cat pounced on it.

Later Ming saw the cat.  It didn't have the mouse.  "Do you think the mouse got away?" I asked.

We don't understand why the mouse scratched at the trap only at night.  "If I was in a box, I'd be scratching at it all the time," Ming said.

"Me too," I said.

what money's for

We walked at the wetlands, where I complained it's not nature.  It's very manicured, mediated.

Ming's burning incense.  When we got home a few days ago, our bedroom smelled stale.  It smells better now, but it's fun to burn the incense.

I totes forgot the cool things I was going to tell you.

I am close to a few people in England.  One of my dearest friends is in Manchester.  We write each other letters almost every day.  Short emails too.  Just about every day.

I made myself a necklace I am in love with.  It's a Celtic knot pendant on rainbow cord.  Yesterday we bought a split ring for it.  It makes me happy.

All the overseas stamps are expensive.  But I guess that's what money's for.

Oh, I was going to complain that reading all the newsletters we get in the mail would be a fulltime job.  Lots of depressing stuff too.  I need to stay well, but somebody's gotta be informed about issues.  A lot of it's really good.  But I can't keep up.

Someone special is coming to town.  I'm trying to think what we should do together.

1.  see where Ming and I live
2.  see the Catholic Worker
3.  my favorite bookstore Writer's Block
4.  pinball museum?  (it's free)
5.  El Salvadoreno for cheap pupusas
6.  the Goddess Temple--a drive but so worth it
7.  the neon museum?  probably not
8.  our favorite Indian or Thai food
9.  Red Rock
10.  the art museum at UNLV

Thursday, August 18, 2016

blessings for the feet

I ate a moon cake.  It was delicious.

This morning we walked at Lorenzi Park around the lake.  There were night herons (we thought they were green herons).  A muscovy duck with a fish.  And lots of the usual--pigeons, mallards, mourning doves, grackles.

Last night we went to pupusas with our friend M.  He told us a story about these three hitchhikers he picked up who were on meth.  It was a strangely funny story.

I'm reading more of Ask a Mexican! and I can only take it in small bits.  There was some fat hate, which is terrible, but it didn't make we want to throw the book across the room like sometimes happens when I read books with fat hate in them.

The green polish Mom painted on my nails is chipping off.  I liked the green glitter.

We bought Ming some new shoes and hopefully they will be good for his feet.

Wednesday, August 17, 2016


nice nights

This morning we woke up early to take a walk.  There were tons of people there though the sun had not yet risen.  I was amazed.

Then we did laundry.  It's hanging on the line.

Ming is sick with a cough.  So we didn't go to the goddess temple as planned.

Nights it's cooling off to the 70s.  So that's nice.

Tuesday, August 16, 2016

moon cakes


I need a single bright silver split ring for finishing a simple necklace.  I guess I need to go to a bead store.  Ming said we went to a bead store in Las Vegas once before, but I don't remember.

"I don't believe you," I told him.  "Do you want me to believe you?"  Then we talked a little about belief, like can you force yourself to believe something.  Seems like belief needs to be genuine, springing from something deep.

My nerve hurts.  I think our home bed is bad for my nerve.  But I slept okay, except for the dream about the girl trying to strangle me.

We need breakfast foods.  Bread especially.  So--catch you later!

Monday, August 15, 2016

going home

Today we're going home to Las Vegas. At the moment we're getting gas in Baker. It's hot like an oven. 

Going home is...not like a mother's warm embrace. Not like a slap in the face either. Going home is like...slipping on a banana peel?  Slipping back into place?  

Going home is like a bumpy landing at the end of a bumpy airplane ride--one more source of anxiety but at least the ride is over. 

Sunday, August 14, 2016

rich in cordage

I needed some cord for making necklaces.  We went to Michael's, which is moving to another location.  Everything was on sale.

I got cord now.  I got some pretty rainbow kind.  And some more standard bamboo kind.  And some bright blue embroidery floss for good measure.

Across the street someone parked their mega RV.  They've got the pop outs popped out, and it's taking up a ton of space.  They have small caution cones out on the street.  It bothers me.  They're taking up a lot of space.

Saturday, August 13, 2016

more friends photos

chalked in Morro Bay

i love the ground


Friday, August 12, 2016


like hat genius


We took a walk in Chinatown LA and saw some sights. Smelled some smells too.  We went into a Chinese bakery and Ming got jin duy as well as a Chinese donut. That was fun. Too bad I couldn't try them!  But I looked. 

Chinatown LA

Thursday, August 11, 2016

Los Angeles

You know the song "I Love LA"?  Was it related to the LA Olympics?  Was that 1984?  All I remember is that mural on the freeway with the little kids. Do you know what I'm talking about?


Last night I had another teaching dream.  It must be the time of year.

In one part I was teaching and it got dark and the lights wouldn't come on.  Another part had to do with juice.

Yesterday we went out of town to the Krishna cult cafe and I had a smoothie.  Ming had an acai bowl.  A fly bothered us until we left.  I was reading this Steiner-fan magazine called Lilipoh.  I picked it up for free in Boulder, Colorado on that trip we took a few months ago.  At a library.

We switched to scentless things.  It's nice to use Dr Bronner's unscented liquid soap as shampoo.  But Ming says it leaves his hair feeling less clean.

I made sandwiches.  I want to be out today again.  Maybe we should go to the beach.

But I'm waiting for a friend in LA to call me and say we should come to LA to see her.

Wednesday, August 10, 2016

new beginnings

I'm at a park at a picnic table wondering when the yardworkers will get to my spot. Ming is taking a hike. 

Last night I dreamt I was driving and got pulled over. I wasn't scared like I would be in real life. I parked by this bus stop and there was a hole in the ground I needed to avoid.  How dream-like. 

I think it's the first day of school at the high school. A cop was parked across the street from the school. There were three school buses. There was a multitude of cars. 

I used to be excited in fall--new beginnings. Could I walk through the school supplies aisle and feel that again? It has more to do with the coolness and mist of fall mornings here. But I would like a new dress. 

I keep having teaching dreams, some good some bad. 

The sycamore trees here are smallish but I have faith they will grow up huge and good. 

Tuesday, August 09, 2016

so tired

Years ago I read a book by Nigel Slater that I loved.  It was called Toast.

I have too many books and not enough time allocated to reading.  Writing is so much easier than reading.

On facebook today a good friend said something about Trump like something happened but I don't know what happened.

Ming's baking up a pizza and I think something might be wrong with my thyroid?  I'm so tired.

The dog was barking at me for no reason.  He was having a bad day, I guess.

Monday, August 08, 2016

whether laundry is weird

Dad is watching the Olympics a lot.  I'm not.  I am immune to the Olympics.

Weird day--a car wash, a trip to Grocery Outlet for the elusive sugarless cereal, a visit to a weird park.  Laundry.  Well, laundry's not weird.  Is it?  Putting your dirty clothes into a magic box and they come out clean?  It's really cool.

I'm going to take off my shoes and curl up with Rusty the Bunny.  Gnight.

Sunday, August 07, 2016

Guest Blogger here on a busy weekend

Guest Blogger here today.

We have had a busy weekend.

Yesterday while Laura-Marie stayed away from the event (of her choosing), I traveled to Guadalupe, CA, then traveled to outside Vandenberg AFB to be there with the group Vandenberg Witness and members of the Los Angeles Catholic Worker on the event of the anniversary of the bombing of Hiroshima. There were about twenty of us holding signs and banners demonstrating against the military. Four protesters decided to get arrested for trespassing in the cause of resistance to the base.

Laura-Marie wanted at least one of us to be there in honor of Guadalupe Catholic Worker Dennis Apel and his efforts to resist the base. He is currently in prison for protesting at Vandenberg AFB. While there in prison he has been writing a column for the local paper on prison conditions that he is experiencing.

Today was a fiesta picnic with family members in a park. It was fun interacting with members of Laura-Marie's family of origin though we left early such that I would not get too narcolepsy tired on the drive back.

I finally finished writing the thank you notes for donors to Nevada Desert Experience. Many donated and contributed in response to our latest appeal to our supporters. Laura-Marie's appeal letter generated over $3K for our programs for peace and a better world. To some donors I specified that their contribution would be helping produce the Sacred Peace Walk 2017 or Justice for our Desert 2016.

Saturday, August 06, 2016


Yesterday we were in Santa Barbara accidentally during fiesta. People were selling confetti eggs on the street and confetti in bags and fake hair flowers. I wanted to take a picture of the confetti eggs, and E offered to buy one for me. 

I remembered that fiesta is another excuse to get drunk. 

We had dinner at the Blue Owl. 

Today is a vigil at Vandenburg and I don't wanna go. 

viva la fiesta

Thursday, August 04, 2016

four facts

1.  Sometimes Buddy hears my voice and he barks.
2.  I needed all the rest I got today.
3.  We never made it to Costco for blueberries.
4.  Dad's making soyrizo and egg burritos for dinner, and I should help him.

Wednesday, August 03, 2016


Hot Cha

Ming has a missing friend.  The friend has been missing three years.  It made me think of "Hot Cha" by They Might Be Giants so I played the video for Ming, and we liked it.

Tuesday, August 02, 2016




Today we parked under a jacaranda tree that was dropping its flowers. 

Today we gave melted then resolidified candy to our friend. 

Today we ate rosemary bread with olive oil and talked. 

new wallet

Monday, August 01, 2016

botanic garden

bell at the temple