dangerous compassions

I call you / from the comet's cradle

Wednesday, May 31, 2017

punctuation necklace

It's 5:16 am and getting daylight out there.  I thought it was June and see now it's still May.

We need to do stuff like get the bulletin printed.

I dreamt I was shopping at a weird dollar store where everything kept changing.  I dreamt I was eating porridge made of walnuts and realized I was eating too many walnuts at once.

We are home now and I woke up early kind of excited by the day.

My friend C sent me a new necklace.  It's got a rose quartz on it shaped like an apostrophe.  It's my punctuation necklace.

Tuesday, May 30, 2017

the world of myth is now open to laughter

Just a quick post before we go.  Last night we went to a steakhouse with Mom.  I had a huge baked potato that was pretty good.

Now I need to get used to the fact of going home to Las Vegas.  The heat, the responsibilities.  Ming is taking everything to the car.

Brightest of blessings to all of you.

Monday, May 29, 2017

long, strange

Gmorning, friends.  Today we take the 5 to the undisclosed location.  Then tomorrow or so, home to Vegas.  What a long, strange trip it's been.

Yesterday some of our friends were arrested at a protest.  And our friend's mom.  What the fudge.  Also one of our friends was attacked by a white supremacist.

Makes me want to stay away from protests, but I guess that's what "they" want.

Meanwhile friend drama is worsening when I thought it really couldn't.

Ming says we're five minutes from leaving, so I will pack up this computer.  Love to all.

Sunday, May 28, 2017

Lotusland grotesques


dancing and advancing

Survived yesterday.  Saw Swami, had a brunch party, went to the Bay Area to see Ming's mom and older son.  Walked.  I got really tired on the drive home to Sacramento.  I slept fitfully with bad dreams.

How are you, anyway?  I hope you're finding what you need.

The cats we're catsitting are being good.  I need to clean litter boxes.  I also need breakfast.  Those two things don't go together!

A good Las Vegas friend is having problems and it's affecting me poorly.  She tells me her troubles and they're huge.  She has her car parked at our house right now.  She told me (I got the message this morning) that she's seeking professional help.  I hope she finds a good therapist right away.  It can happen.

Saturday, May 27, 2017


I was sleeping poorly then had a vivid dream about procuring funding for a soteria house.  I got up to write about it.  Turns out Catholic Workers funded it.  The dream was super realistic in a way.

But my back hurts and I should go back to bed while I still can.  Long long day planned today.

Friday, May 26, 2017

am I a hippie?

We are in Sacramento now.  We have lots of fun planned.

Mom and Ming and I were talking about whether Ming's a hippie.

Long hair?  Check.
Tree hugger?  Check.
Peace activist?  Check.
Kind and sensitive and loving?  Check, check, check.

I said the only thing is he missing doing drugs.

"That's a good thing," Mom said.

"Yeah, I wouldn't put up with that shit," I said.

"It's amazing, the things you put up with when you're in love," Mom said.

Well, I share with Ming the hippie characteristics.  So am I a hippie? I don't think I look the part.  But is looking the part important?

Also we used to brew our own kombucha, make our own sauerkraut, and make our own yogurt.  Maybe we really are hippies.

strawberry lover

Wednesday, May 24, 2017

am I a hipster?

Gmorning, world.  I found this expensive kinda kombucha at Trader Joe's here at the undisclosed location.  It's got all the good qualities.  Only three grams of sugar in a serving too.  I'm delighted.  The flavor is pink lady apple.

Am I a hipster?  I got my kombucha, my zines, Sufjan Stevens.  Well, I don't look like a hipster, which I think is the important thing.  To hipsters.

Ming's mom resurfaced.  We had been trying to get a hold of her for days.  She is home.  She had been with her bestie.  We secretly have the bestie's phone number but never got desperate enough to use it.

Last night we had Thai food with my mom and her sister.  Ming's green curry was so delicious.  My pad see ew was pretty good.  I devoured it.  I had mine with mock duck.  I've never had real duck.

Today we have laundry going.  We'll abscond to the town of my birth.  Well, not really abscond.  I used to say that word a lot when I was young.  I was being dramatic.

Tuesday, May 23, 2017

fruit fest

I've got this big ole chomebook.  I like it, but it's big.  I'm at our favorite cafe with Ming.  I ordered some pasta.  Ming ordered coffee and has a day-old croissant.

We went on a wild goose chase looking for a Pismo farmers market that didn't exist.  Damn it.

But we went to the wonderful strawberry stand.  We bought strawberries and apricots and blackberries and peaches and snap peas.

There was a marine layer.  I liked the chill.  It reminded me of my youth.

We got some sugarfree chocolates too.  Someone in the shop was being trained.  "Temperature is very important," the trainer said.

I feel healthy and well again though we didn't walk or dance yet today.  A worker just handed me my pasta.  I feel free.

Monday, May 22, 2017

queen of zines

Stopped at the Barstow panera.  Ming's out at the car taking a pill.

The drive so far, for me, has been easy.  All I have to do is watch, passenge, dj.  Try not to sleep.

I feel healthy and well.  Yesterday morning we danced.  This morning I circumnavigated the Mad Greek restaurant with ravens.

Except my right thumb has been twitching for a few days.  I think it's from txting, handwriting, maybe typing.  It makes me feel a bit infirm.  I think it happens more when I'm dehydrated.  Not sure.

Some customers at another table were talking about their timeshares.  Paying $20,000.  Sometimes I feel so comfortable, nowadays, I forget I'm not rich.  But those people are rich.

This morning we left at 5:41.  Our friend R saw us at 5:24 and hugged us, about to scatter his mom's ashes.  He said, "Love you guys," twice.  And our friend M waved to us from his door in his bathrobe.

Last night King Ron was over late, for us, wearing the rainbow tiedyed teeshirt I gave him a couple weeks ago.  I noticed some small holes in it from his cigarette burns yesterday at Food Not Bombs.

We met a new person named J.  She started talking about zines.  King Ron and Ming told her that I'm the queen of zines.  Well, I'll admit I'm the local queen.

Sunday, May 21, 2017


Gmorning.  Last night's meeting was wonderful.  There were eleven people.  We talked, ate, thought, planned, listened, and had fun.  It couldn't have been better.

This morning I need to exercise and type up some stuff.  We have Food Not Bombs.  Otherwise a chill day before a trip to the undisclosed location.

Saturday, May 20, 2017

death to whatever

--You know when people say "death to" whatever?
--Do they mean like literally killing someone or is it figurative?
--I think it's figurative.  Most of those things they say it about can't be killed anyway.

birdbath cactus

King Ron

you are beautiful

Well, today's the big day.  This evening at 6 is the first meeting of Las Vegas Radical Mental Health Collective.  I hope people show up and that we work together well and have fun.  I hope I can handle facilitating.

Did I tell you about my new friend D who gave me a bottle of essential oils?  She's a massage therapist.  I need to dilute some.

My new computer is great and has wonderful speakers.  I love it.  I put a "you are beautiful" sticker on it.

Friday, May 19, 2017

this morning at Creech


Ming ended up not getting arrested.  In fact it was a cop-free vigil.  We got flipped off a few times.

Then we went to the Goddess Temple and had tea with the priestess.  I prayed in the temple for a little while.

Then we went to Red Robin hungrily.

Anyway, Ming helped me open up my computer.  It's good.  Feels huge compared to my little one.  I'll get used to it.


Today is a peace vigil at the air force base.  Ask me if I want to go.  I don't.

Then in the evening is political prisoner letter writing night.  I have a better attitude about that.

Then tomorrow is the big event: Las Vegas Radical Mental Health Collective's first meeting.  I'm pretty ready.

Ran out of ripe avocados.  My right thumb is twitchy.  My new computer came in the mail last night.  I'll open the box later.

Ming might get arrested today.  Not willingly.  We'll see.

Thursday, May 18, 2017

miracles of today

Avocado toast and tea again--I am a habit creature.  Not too hot here.  Yesterday there was an amazing wind.

My new chromebook shipped yesterday.  It's supposed to be here tomorrow.

Today is me and Ming's anniversary, our monthly anniversary.  Every 18th.  Happy anniversary, loved one.

I don't know what miracles today holds.  But I feel kind of ready.

Wednesday, May 17, 2017


Avocado toast and tea again.  Ming got me some sugarfree red vines yesterday.  Nice.

This morning I woke up from an elaborate farmer dream.  Chickens, poverty, isolation.

I think I don't have much I have to do today, but I'm not sure because I can't find the calendar.

At the dollar store I bought this kit for making rubber band bracelets.  And I read the instructions and made one.  It's rainbowy.

Tuesday, May 16, 2017

every zine is a mental health zine

Yesterday we did a ton of things.  A highlight was going to Costco with King Ron with a lady who was donating $100 worth of bowls and a huge bag of sugar.  They both have kids and were talking about their kids and school stuff and Jewish martial arts.

That wasn't the real fun part--the fun part was talking with King Ron while he drove.  I noticed he cleaned out his car somewhat.  It used to be full of recycling on the floors.

I listened to music, bound some zines, and chatted with a friend SJ for hours on facebook messenger.  It was cozy.

My throat is sore again and my bestie liked the poem I wrote.  I feel creative after the complex dreams I dreamed, but really, nothing comes of it.  Occasionally a poem.  A dreamy feeling or image makes its way into something.

We went to our storage unit and I got a box of zines so I could look through it for mental health zines for the meeting.  After a while of looking through zines, I told Ming, "After a while of looking through zines, I'm realizing that every zine is a mental health zine."

Monday, May 15, 2017

five for a dollar

The five apricots I bought at the Roots community garden event--they are so good.  I've eaten four.  The fifth is sitting on the counter waiting for me.

Just had some avocado toast for breakfast.  It was great.

Woke up early and talked to a friend on my phone.  Posted something about grief on facebook.

I have a sore throat.  I haven't been sick in a long time.  If I am sick, that's ok.

I've been writing poems like crazy.

I hope you're doing things you want to do.

Sunday, May 14, 2017


I had to listen to the Joanna Newsom album Ys about ten times before I really got it.

Ming's retrieved the vegan pasta from the Freedom House event fridge for us to heat up for Food Not Bombs this morning.  The oven will heat our house.

My chromebook, it started crashing so much.  I ordered a new one.  First I called our computer consultant to ask if he thought he could fix it.  He said they're made to be disposable, which I had told Ming moments before.

It was crashing about five times a day?  It was annoying.  But it will be a challenge to switch everything over.  I love this little chromebook, three and a half years old.  Maybe that's an ok lifespan?

friends at the Catholic Worker

Saturday, May 13, 2017

veg quest

I bought some butternut squash zigzags from Trader Joe's.  I had been intrigued by them for a long time.  I sauteed them in a little olive oil for a few minutes then added some veggie broth and kept cooking them and covered it for a while...  My verdict: it's kinda good kinda boring.

I prefer these snap peas which taste so green and fresh.  They're plump and lovely.

Also I think avocados count as veg since they're not sweet.  What do you think?


I cooked up some cute little vegan sausages for my breakfast.  Ming is serving the hungry.  I served a couple days ago so am taking today off.

But there's a meeting I need to go to.  I dread it because there was also a meeting yesterday and there was some drama.  I feel like a bad pumpkin.  But I gotta be me.  Putting the brakes on a project everyone else wanted to move forward with.  It's about community.

I am still feeling out what it means to be in community and for community to change.  I had a lot of feelings.  I have a lot of feelings.  I don't always know which ones to listen to or what they all mean.  But I try.

Today after the meeting there's something like a farmers market at the Roots community garden.  Ming and I wanted to table for NDE there but were a day late asking for a table.  Maybe next time.

Or maybe next time it'll be the middle of June and too hot.  Ming called to ask me a question.  King Ron's phone broke and a new one is on its way.

Friday, May 12, 2017

I will always love you

Yesterday I went to lunch with my friend J, which nourished my soul.  I told her about all the songs on the cd I made for her.  Imagine us eating pupusas, me explaining "Lovesong" by the Cure to her.

However far away
I will always love you.
However long I stay
I will always love you.
Whatever words I say
I will always love you.
I will always love you.

Also something exciting came in the mail: my poet friend Michael Hannon's new book.  It's called The Muse Turns Her Back and is good.  I started reading it right away.  He talks like he's really old but looks fine in the photo.  Still I should say I love him.

Yet another exciting thing is that I scheduled the first meeting of the Las Vegas Radical Mental Health Collective.  It's not tomorrow but next Saturday.  King Ron secured the meeting location.  I hope people can make it.  It's kind of short notice...?

Today's a visioning meeting.  I wonder if we'll meet in the prayer room.  I had avocado toast.

"It's the quintessential love song to put on a cd for someone you love," I told J.  We talked about what quintessential means.

Thursday, May 11, 2017


I've been lonely.  So last night we lingered at Freedom House as our friends ate dinner.

And this morning I went with Ming to serve the hungry though Thursday isn't my usual day.

I've been writing lots of letters.  Lots of poem-bits too.

Last night we went to Kung Fu tea, which was fun.  We parked perpendicular to a No Trespassing wall.  There were dirty dumpsters and oil dumpsters.  A rat trap, a random litter box.

"I need something interesting or witty to say," I told Ming.

"Hmm," he said.

Wednesday, May 10, 2017


Yesterday I got some writing done while Ming was gone.  Today our plans are amorphous.  It's a full moon.

Last night King Ron came over and Ming was breaking open seed pods to get seeds out--tree collard--and we were talking.  King Ron said it was like being on the commune, and I felt happy.

Now Ming's refilling soap dispensers with Dr Bronner's unscented, and there's so much to do, but who will do it?

Tuesday, May 09, 2017

listening to this song over and over again might not be the best choice


Yesterday we went to red rock.  I liked the indigo and kept taking pictures of it.  We went on a walk.  There was nobody on our trail.  It's such a nice trail too.

Then we went to the patio starbux and I ate a bagel.  Ming had a fancy coffee drink and an octopus cookie, which he photographed.

I wrote a letter to a friend and it was good.  He's on a raspberry farm in Oregon.  I need an address.

Ming''s out hiking with friends.  "Tell me you're not going to try to out-man each other," I said.  It's near Pahranagat, which I had to google hard to find the spelling of.

Monday, May 08, 2017

sad upgrade

My sad has been upgraded to nihilistic and burnt out.  But I'm doing things, trying to keep busy.

Ming worked on the mountain of dishes that were created from the two big cooks.  So that's good.  We have a ton of leftovers.  Could freeze some but we usually don't eat the food that gets froze.

We might go to Red Rock but not sure.  The weather cooled down weirdly.  Love it.  It even rained a little yesterday.

But my nihilism and burnt out-ness pervades everything.  Hopefully I'll come out of it soon.

Sunday, May 07, 2017


For some reason I got sad and felt disconnected from humanity.  Then King Ron arrived to pick up me and lunch, and I felt better.

Lunch turned out good.

My little speech was ok--they listened to me.  I still need co-organizers.

It was raining a little.  It was great.  I'm listening to music that's supposed to help me feel better.

Ethiopian food and radical mental health

I ended up taking a ridiculously long nap and it felt good after all that cooking and socializing.  Then at night we went to pupusas.

I am making Ethiopian food, rice, and salad.  There are two Ethiopian foods: mesir wot and kik alicha.  The mesir wot I made not that hot.  Also I think I put in way less oil than I'm supposed to?  The online recipes are so so.

The kik alicha is mild but has a lot of ginger in it.  I haven't tried it yet.  The yellow split peas take longer to cook than the red lentils.

The rice is basmati rice.  I need to make sure it turned out.  If not, I have time to start over.

The salad is banal but has carrots.

I am giving a speech about radical mental health after lunch, I think, for the street medic training.  I feel ill-prepared, which is just a feeling.

Saturday, May 06, 2017


Lunch went great.  I liked making the food and transporting it, and then King Ron made room on the tables and set everything out so expertly.  He used to do this kind of thing for a living.  It was nice to kick back and let him do that part knowing he has it down.

The training goes until 7.  It's ten hours a day.  I'm glad I got roped into doing the food because I wouldn't have lasted.  I would have been out of my mind.

I got some thanks and even two thank you hugs.  It's the condiments that matter.  Someone raved about the vegan sour cream, and it was left over from MLK day.  Doesn't expire till December.  They liked the cilantro too.

So now's the time to research Ethiopian recipes.  Or maybe nap.

street medic training weekend

I'm doing a big cook.  Unfortunately there are tons of flies outside our front door so I can't have the door open.  The security door has gaps on the top and bottom and flies fly right in.

I am cooking for about 30 people but I'm afraid I'm making too much beans.  Rice might be ok.  I'm making flavored brown rice and plain basmati.

It's for the Street Medic training.  They're holding it at Transcending the Gender Box.  Ming will be there all day.

I have toppings: canned jalapenos, fresh cilantro, fresh tomatoes diced, and vegan sour cream.  Too bad I don't have any hot sauce.  The hot sauce in the fridge expired years ago and I don't want to serve it.  Too bad no salsa either.  We're doing this on a shoestring budget.  I didn't buy much.

Tomorrow I'm making Ethiopian food, which I've done before, for a crowd...  But I've forgotten the recipes.  I'll make that vegan too.

I write out a schedule like Thanksgiving.  What time to turn on the beans, when to add the salt, when to start the rices...  What time to be done.  King Ron is supposed to be here 11:45 to pick everything up.

So wish me luck in your hearts, kind readers, but I've done this before.  I'll be ok.

Friday, May 05, 2017


This morning Ming and I were attempting communication and failing.  I said, "Talking to you is like..."

"Yes?" he asked.

"It's like that scene in Winnie the Pooh where he and Piglet are walking around and around in circles trying to get away from that animal.  They keep seeing its tracks, but it's actually their own tracks.  I think it was called a Hufflepuff."

"That's actually one of the houses in Harry Potter," he said.

Thursday, May 04, 2017

not sneaky

This morning I lost track of time.

I woke up late.  Then I was doing my stuff and Ming was up on the roof fixing the swamp cooler (they need a lot of attention) when I realized it was 8:40 and we needed to be at the Thursday peace vigil at 9.

So I gathered my things and went outside and yelled up to Ming about needing to leave.  H was up there with him, and Ming left him holding the bag.

We ended up buying some orange soda for H as a present to say sorry.

Ming has new shoes.  They are gray hightops, tennies.  Sneakers?  We bought them yesterday.

Wednesday, May 03, 2017


"Maybe it's a meeting about everyone who's not at the meeting."


I slept in like crazy.  Ming made the bed, in the morning early, so I slept on top of the bed rather than in it, dreaming my dreams.

Last night we had an important meeting with King Ron.  It ran late.  We did check-ins then talked about feelings and the current community drama among the anarchists.

I feel like I could fall back asleep.  I'm drinking my tea and relaxing.  Nothing much going on today except a friend might fix the door of the shed.  So we need to make our own plans.

Tuesday, May 02, 2017

weird breakfast

Gmorning, world.  I had some canned pineapple and now some canned lima beans.  I used to love lima beans but these aren't doing much for me.

The march--my friend was detained.  They let her go.  I love this particular march because it's got some nice chants.

Whose streets?
Our streets!

My body,
my choice!

and of course

Hands up!
Don't shoot!

I felt pride seeing my friends and some strangers do the things.  It was two and a half miles.

But I have been so emotional, too emotional.  Shoulda slept more last night maybe.  Sleep is my panacea.

Monday, May 01, 2017

Fleet Foxes

Lately I've been listening to Fleet Foxes because I'll be listening to Sufjan Stevens on youtube and it'll switch me to Fleet Foxes.  I like their sound but all the songs sound the same to me.

Also I listened to The Microphones and an entire album about the singer's wife who died called A Crow Looked At Me.  It hurts.

After I drew my doodles, Ming asked me about what I drew.  It was immensely pleasurable to explain to him what I drew and answer his questions.  It was like preschool in a way.

I drew two punx on a teetertotter about to smash a happy person below, an insect, the sun, a person in a moon, and some doodley things that defy explanation.


Gmorning--happy May and happy May Day.  Later we'll go to a march where Ming will be street medic.  Yesterday we went to a sign making party where people were spraypainting teeshirts with a stencil.  I didn't help at all.  I sat at a table and texted with a friend.  I didn't want to do teeshirts.  I didn't want to play along.

Then I chitchatted with a couple guys and a Hannah introduced herself to me.  It was awkward and I hope not creepy, the way I just sat there.  Ming helped move a heavy teeshirt heat press thing.  I heard it was very heavy but it looked smaller than I'd imagined.

I was dreaming about the IWW and the current drama, twelve stations for twelve hours?  Someone was supposed to visit all the stations, but they were only showing up for a few.  How dreamy.

I got tired of doing what I was doing, last night, and I drew a little--doodled.  Then we went to the lounge where Ming read to me for a longer time than usual.  "Is this couch okay?" I asked Ming.  I have a fear of unfamiliar couches.  For some reason it was cooler back there.