dangerous compassions

I call you / from the comet's cradle

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Jin Shin Jyutsu

Last night I had my first ever Jin Shin Jyutsu treatment. It was fun to have a new kind of experience, though I found it difficult to stay still for an hour. I think it might have helped me feel more clear-headed afterwards. I felt I was seeing the world more accurately.

Jin Shin Jyutsu is a type of energy work, like acupuncture but without the needles. It's supposed to help with health. I don't know how much faith I have in its efficacy (I have faith issues), but I'm grateful my friend P gave me this treatment, and I trust her, so I feel inclined to believe in it. Acupuncture's worth seems to be accepted as fact by so many people, and this is based on similar concepts of energy flow.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

phone resolved

Erik fixed it. Something had come loose where the phone line plugs into the computer that I didn't see. I'm happy.

phone saga

I went to the drugstore across the street and bought a new phone. I got it all set up and realized it still wouldn't get a dial tone, so it must be a problem with the line. But my DSL works just fine. I googled "no dial tone DSL works" and read some forum posts of other people who have been in the same situation as me. I guess it's common.

So I went across the street to call the phone company at a pay phone and waited on hold about ten minutes before giving up. I also called my mechanic to give him permission to do any work he sees fit, but he didn't answer, so I left a voice mail to that effect, and hopefully he got it and is making the repairs this moment.

two dreams, some campers, the phone

This morning we went for a walk and saw there are some urban campers in the parking lot across the street from our apartment complex. They've pitched a tent behind a dumpster, trying to hide from the road. We've seen them here before, with a shopping cart full of recyclables.

Last night I dreamed I was going to make a zine that said, "You know how some people teach their dog to surf? Well, I taught my bicycle to surf," with a drawing of my surfing bicycle. I don't know where that came from.

A few nights ago I dreamed I was taking a long trip by sea without a boat--I was just floating in the water. At night I looked up into the sky and saw jellyfish there, transparent between me and the stars, and I was praying a lot. After the trip, someone asked me how it was, and I said, "It was all jellyfish and prayers."

Today the phone won't work. I can't get a dial tone. Everything is plugged in, so I guess it's broken.

Monday, May 28, 2007

day trippers

Today we went to Berkeley. We ate Indian-Pak food for lunch that was delicious. I bought a new supply of recycled birthday cards. I bought some special pens in green, purple, and brown. (They write waterproof but don't smell all nasty like a Sharpie.) We bought Acme bread at Elephant Pharmacy. We went to the pier and watched some parasurfers. And we went to a copy place, where I made another run of functionally ill #1 and a rare cook zine called What We Eat. It was good but exhausting. I was feeling fragile.

Then we took the Honda to the shop, where it will stay for two days and get some needed repairs such as the air compressor and the timing belt.

Saturday, May 26, 2007


The important event was Pentecost. The color of the day was red. My friend's dancing was beautiful, and she blessed me too, at communion, when I went up with my arms crossed on my chest. It was a good mass.

just cherries

I survived two days of CSET scoring. I've been having worse than usual depression. There's nothing interesting to say about that.

This morning I got some delicious cherries at the farmers market by our bank. I got some nectarines too, but they're not quite ripe enough to eat. We also got broccoli, green onions, and a head of cabbage.

Next is choir practice. This evening I think we're going to St Francis church to see my friend S dance for some important Catholic event.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

because of bees

Yesterday I saw my friend P in the afternoon. We talked for an hour then did stuff for an hour: I helped her print a portion of her yahoo address book, I looked at a beautiful logo, she played me some music. Then the little neighbor boy came over. He had a rock named Jack.

"Is it your pet rock?" I asked.

"No, it's just Jack," he said. He also said P needed to close the door because bees could come in, and she wouldn't be able to catch them because she's too old.

This morning I went to Trader Joe's right when they opened, and it wasn't busy. I've been reading a copy of off our backs which I need to review for Feminist Review. It's super-good but heavy.

Monday, May 21, 2007

I can see a lot of life in you

Today our SAT session scored out. It's hot and windy. I read some zines and wrote a couple reviews. It's hard writing reviews of zines I don't like, because I don't want to be dishonest, but I don't want to be a jerk. I try to make neutral observations without value judgments.

The trip to Santa Maria was good. I got to see two old friends, and my nieces were in good moods when I saw them: no screaming festivals. I got to sit with my mom on the porch swing, and I weeded the garden near the squash plants. We visited pregnant goats, emus, chickens, ponies and ate ice cream under a grapevine. We packed a lot of life into two little days.

Friday, May 18, 2007

two birthdays at once

Today I went out to Chinese with my friend P for her birthday. She turned 72 today. She told me that her daughter called at 5 in the morning to sing happy birthday. We ate Evil Jungle Tofu and talked.

Another of my friends has a birthday today. I'm not sure how old she is, but I think maybe 29, my friend K. She's having a party tonight, but I can't attend because I'm going out of town. The theme of the party is "be kind to K." The invitation lists possible ways to be kind: bring her a present, refill her water glass, pat her knee and tell her she's a good person.... There's an option where you can also be kind to one other person. This sounds like a great deal of fun, but it's still a party, and I don't do well in groups, especially with alcohol and loud music.

SAT scoring is still going strong. I will go score some more now.

Thursday, May 17, 2007


Yesterday morning I had an event for the women's group I'm in. We got new cabinets for our shrine, and it was a dedication ceremony with prasad lunch. There was singing, chanting, dancing, incense, ghee lamps, and even some sacred water we got sprinkled with. It was fun. The lunch afterwards was dal, two rice dishes, lots of fruits, and some Indian desserts like rasmalai. It was delicious. I got to see a lot of good friends, and our community feels nourishing and real. I'm really glad I was able to attend.

Monday, May 14, 2007

if it wasn't for disappointment

Erik took the day off work to go with me to a dentist appointment in the morning and Kitty's vet appointment in the afternoon. I got two fillings, and Kitty got examined and talked about. Both appointments were fine, and nothing unexpected happened.

Today was an excellent mail day. I got a gift from Finland that made me giggle (thank you, M!), two letters from dear friends, and a zine from a new zine friend in Canada.

About the postal rate change, the cost of the first ounce went up, but the cost of subsequent ounces went down, so things actually got better for me in the long run, I think. When it comes to sending out heavier things.

Today I read Death in Venice, which I had been intending to read for years. I almost bailed a few times--it's very dark, and I hate seeing someone spiral to their doom. But I'm glad I can now relate to all the high school kids who have to read it.

Saturday, May 12, 2007

the news of the day

Today I went to visit my friend A. It was my first time at her house. One of her bathrooms is decorated with Virgin of Guadalupe art. She has good taste in art, and she has dogs and a gorgeous big backyard with flowers and a vegetable garden. We sat in the backyard talking and looking at birds.

Also today I found out that my main distro Sweet Pea, the distro that carries all my stuff, is closing. I feel sad because I won't have a loyal distro anymore who I can count on to stock everything I make. It's rare that a distro wants to have my zines in their catalog since there's no way to make money off them. Sweet Pea was the one. I feel alone now. Erik suggested that it's good to get rid of the middle man. But distros are a way of reaching more people.

SAT scoring started Thursday, requiring a great deal of time and effort, so life is different now and will be for another eight days or so.

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Las Vegas Lockout

Yesterday was one of the most exhausting days of my life. It all began with calling AAA to jump start my truck, and it ended with spending the afternoon with a friend who's in extreme physical pain, getting a prescription for new pain medicine that wouldn't make her vomit, and going to sleep at eight at night.

On my receipt from AAA for the jump, there's a list of various reasons the AAA person would come to the rescue, and one of the listed is "Las Vegas Lockout." I've googled it and looked it up at Urban Dictionary, but neither can shed any light. If I had to guess, I would guess it was someone locking their keys in the car with the car running, but I don't know what that would have to do with Las Vegas.

Anyway, a phrase that only gets seven google hits is pretty rare, and maybe now I'll be number eight.

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

finished the book

Today I finished my friend Martyn's book Take Me Out, so I was reading most of the day. I liked inhabiting another world for a while. I also bound zines and started the long task of addressing envelopes. It was hot again, so I ate cold foods and took good care of myself again.

Monday, May 07, 2007

happy Monday

Today I bound the new zine, read my friend Martyn Clayton's new book Take Me Out, and took good care of myself in the heat. I got kind, supportive emails and messages from friends. Mental health zine On Edge #4 arrived in the mail from Canada. ElizaDeath sent me a beautiful, spooky ATC. It was over all a very happy Monday.

Sunday, May 06, 2007

just regular life

Yesterday morning, Erik worked. I stayed home binding zines. Then in the afternoon, I had choir practice and went to see my friend K. We went to a special library then sat on her porch talking and eating fruit.

This morning I went to worship like usual and was able to find some peace there, much needed.

Kitty's been extra-demanding, and fighting with some neighbor cat when he goes out--not the kind of fighting where anyone gets hurt, but there are ugly howls that worry us and make us feel like we should do something about our menace.

It's supposed to be 94 tomorrow and just as hot the next day. Mid-May is so changeable. Today is windy with gusts, wind before the heat.

Friday, May 04, 2007

Erik and Laura-Marie Magazine #41

This morning I went to the county pharmacy all by myself. It was the first time I ever drove there, or even near there, and I was scared, but everything went well, and I only had to wait in line about five minutes. It was raining just lightly, and maybe rainy is a good time, or Friday morning is a good time.

Then I went to my usual printers to make Erik and Laura-Marie Magazine #41. The cover is amazing. Inside there are some good small essays and lots of poems. An essay on the Smiths. A little essay on divorce, a recipe for tomato rice, two bad dreams, one childhood memory involving oatmeal. Anyway, you'll see it.

Thursday, May 03, 2007

my favorite Sufjan Stevens songs today

1. Sister Winter
2. Chicago (multiple personality, adult contemporary, or regular version)
3. Concerning the UFO Sighting Near Highland, Illinois
4. The Dress Looks Nice On You
5. The Transfiguration

Today I worked a shift at the bookstore other than the usual, and I had zero customers. It was cloudy and cool. I picked up a dead bug and put it outside. I washed my grapes in the drinking fountain outside too.

I listened to religious music, including #5 from above. I say #4 is religious too. (But he's always religious, as far as I'm concerned.)

I wrote three letters during those three hours, and they all kick ass, on the short side, which gives them an extra something.

I get zines in the mail almost every day. Yesterday I got the new 398. Today I got Echo Echo. I do a lot of trades, and I have good zine friends who keep me on their mailing lists.

Last night at the puja my friend J gave me two hair clips that are made of metal--I think pewter--of a style I have never used, but I've seen them in my niece's hair, and I better start knowing how to use them, because I want J to see that I appreciate her gift.

Now I smell like incense--the bookstore has strong incense--and had an early dinner of rice and hummus already.

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

happy Buddha's birthday

This morning it was raining, and I had a dentist appointment. This afternoon it's cloudy, and my dentist appointment is over.

Tonight is Buddha's birthday puja, and Erik is coming with me. He likes Buddha extra-much. We're singing only two songs--one's in English, the Buddha song, our only Buddha song.

I'm listening to my favorite Sufjan Stevens songs and being myself by myself.

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

lack of photocopy machine

I forgot to say that while I was away on Saturday, Erik finished disassembling the photocopy machine and getting it all into the dumpster. It took three sessions, and he's the only person I've ever known to disassemble a photocopy machine, which is just one of the many ways he's miraculous.