dangerous compassions

I call you / from the comet's cradle

Monday, February 28, 2011

a blank

Today was a big old headache. "S happens," says Erik. We lived to tell the tale, hundreds of dollars lighter. My world view has been a little damaged. Sorry to be so cryptic--I just don't want to go into it here.

I'm trying to think of something light hearted to say and drawing a blank.

1. I'm grateful for my health--I can see, hear, walk, etc.
2. I'm grateful for Erik and his endless support.
3. We took a dusk walk at the park and hashed things out brilliantly.
4. I have a nice warm bed to sleep in tonight.
5. The neighbor boy sold Erik two ghost stories. I will see about scanning them and posting them here.

Sunday, February 27, 2011

our Berkeley day

This morning when we woke up we were trying to figure out what to do today. I wanted to make some photocopies because I was running low on a couple zines that were reviewed in Zine World 30 so I'm getting orders for them. So we went to Berkeley.

On the way we stopped at a rest stop. This rest stop was closed for remodeling for something like a year, so I was kind of excited to go there after it being closed for so long. It's the rest stop overlooking Six Flags or whatever you call the amusement park with roller coasters.

Then in Berkeley I made copies. I was kind of shocked to find out that the place I go to got new copy machines. They're so fast! I figured out how to use them right away. Very easy.

Then we went to Tilden Park where Erik hiked four hours and I wrote letters and read zines. I read a vegan cookzine, a Truckface, and the Fresno thrift store zine. They were all good, especially the Truckface. I was doing great (except it was cold) until a bunch of kids with fake guns overran my picnic area. Then I left and went to the car with 45 minutes left before Erik was done hiking. I listened to Sufjan Stevens in the car and made a list of stupid things I've done. I think it will end up as a poem. Everyone should make a list of stupid things they've done and make a poem out of it, or maybe draw a comic of it. If I could draw, that's what I would draw.

Then we went to our favorite restaurant and ate Indian-Pakistani food. Yum.

Then we talked on the drive home. The end!

Saturday, February 26, 2011


The pilot keeps going out, and I relight it with matches. Last night when we got home, it was 54 in our apartment. During the night the pilot went out, and it was 54 again when we woke up this morning.

Last night we went to vegan Indian food with our friend A. It was pretty tasty. Then we went to a comedy club. We had never been to one before. The audience was very sparse. In fact--it was improv--there were as many people on stage as there were in the audience. The premise of the improv was In Your Facebook--they pull someone from the audience and look through their facebook to find things to improv about. It was pretty funny. It started out not so funny and got better.

I liked the place in that it seemed pretty DIY--it wasn't slick and polished. The fact that there were so few people made me think they might not be doing well, but there are other shows. The person introducing the show we attended said that on some other day, there would be an improv match between people who are drunk and people who are high.

Speaking of drunk, while we were walking through the city we were passed on the sidewalk by someone who was so drunk he couldn't walk straight. He told us, "I'm the most beautiful man in Sacramento," looking right at me. It made me really uncomfortable, but he moved on, talking to other people he passed on the street too.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

disability zines exhibit

Functionally ill was featured in this blog exhibit.


Wednesday, February 23, 2011

that's what neighbors are for

There was a knock at the door. I answered. "Do you have a wrench?" the neighbor boy asked, showing me his skateboard.

"Let me see," I said, and I went to the toolbox, grabbing a monkey wrench, which I figured could be adjusted to fit anything.

"This?" I asked. He said no. He pointed to something on his skateboard and explained that the wrench needed to fit in there.

So I went back to the toolbox. I thought maybe a phillips screwdriver would fit in the hole.

"This?" I asked. Then the neighbor boy started laughing.

"Allen wrench!" the neighbor boy's brother yelled from downstairs.

"Oh," I said. "Just a sec." I looked in the toolbox. There were free wrenches from Ikea.

"This?" I asked.

"Yeah," he said, as I handed it to him and he tried it.

"You could have it," I said. I can't remember if he said thank you.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Mandarin duck

We saw a strange duck at McKinley Park. I remembered our friend P saying there was something rare or unusual around. So we saw this duck--it looked a little like a wood duck. Anyway, I googled "strange duck mckinley park" and came up with Mandarin duck! And that was the duck.

we now return

We were where my parents live--we got home this afternoon. We stopped in San Jose for Indian food--it was good. Now it's getting dusky outside, and Kitty howls.

Saturday, February 19, 2011


Last night I job searched and it sucked. I didn't find the kind of thing I was looking for. I found a bunch of jobs that I was somewhat qualified for that would probably make me miserable. And a bunch of jobs I'm not qualified for that would probably make me miserable. I'll try gain another day. Erik says people job search for a year and don't find anything. So I guess I need to persevere.

Friday, February 18, 2011


Last night was a birthday dinner for my friend H. It was me, her, her boyfriend, and her two housemates. I had met the housemates before only briefly. It went really well.

Also yesterday I saw my friend P at her assisted living facility. We had a good talk and nice hugs.

Yesterday I bought some job interview clothes at the thrift store. I am all ready for a job interview, once I do laundry. May the best man win.

Thursday, February 17, 2011


We didn't know how to pronounce chiton--seems it's "KITE-un." (We had been saying "CHIT-ton.")

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

overly cautious

Today it hailed for a couple minutes. I watched it bounce. The weather website I use said the hail might get up to marble size. So my best friend A who I was chatting with online convinced me to call the friend I was supposed to visit and cancel--we actually rescheduled for tomorrow morning. Then the sun came out.

Today I generated a shit ton of mail. For example, someone on sendsomething.net said origami paper is hard to find in her country, so I'm sending some to her. Other people I'm sending zines.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

sweet potato vegan enchiladas

Yesterday we went to Berkeley. It was raining, so we didn't hike beforehand. I wrote letters and we drank tea at our favorite tea shop. I photocopied back issues of zines. So I have binding to do.

I'm trying to perfect my vegan enchiladas recipe. Today I'm trying sweet potatoes for the filling.

mystery music

I inter-library loaned a cd from the library that I have no recollection of requesting. It arrived for me and I was like, what is this? So I checked it out, and I'm listening to it right now. Strangely, there's a song called "Wallace Stevens" on it. Maybe that's what interested me?

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Kitty's new name

Butt Duckie

Saturday, February 12, 2011


Erik: "People are buttheads."
me: "It's very generous of you to say that."

Farm Fresh To You

I'm thinking about getting organic veggie delivery from this company.


Friday, February 11, 2011


Erik's super good sleeping bag came UPS today. I got a zine request from someone who runs zine workshops for NAMI. So I'm going to ship those out today.

I'm working hard trying to find a meeting place for a meeting I want to get going. I'm learning a lot about local resources for that.

Something I ordered from Etsy came today, and I didn't recognize the return address and was wondering what it was--there was no clue on the outside of the package that it had to do with an Etsy order. I thought it was from someone on sendsomething.net.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

doing what I do

Today I went to the park to walk but got the calf pain I hate. Then I wrote a letter to half of ButterSword. Hi, ButterSword! It was nice to get some sun. Then I went to Trader Joe's--I forgot bags and forgot my list, but I magically remembered everything on my list, I verified when I got home. Go me!

Wednesday, February 09, 2011

lost file

Yesterday I copied the bulletin and prepared 200 of them for mailing. It was okay. Folding 350 bulletins (with the folding machine) is mind-numbing. Before I did this job with P, and that made it more bearable, the conversation and togetherness.

Ever need a file you can't find? Where is my file? I've tried all my tricks, and it evades me.

Monday, February 07, 2011

the city

Yesterday we went to San Francisco. It was fun to see a part of the city we were unfamiliar with, the area near Civic Center BART station.

First we went to the Ferry Building where I got a salt caramel vegan donut from Pepple's Donuts. It was delicious. I devoured it.

Then we went to Erik's favorite bookstore Green Apple. I got some cards and Erik got some books.

Then we went to a favorite Indian-Pakistani restaurant in the Tenderloin called Chutney. We loved our food.

Then we went to Civic Center and looked at the books for sale at the library and walked through a farmers market and sat in the shade--it was hot.

Then I was going to a meeting, and we walked around there for a long time looking for a place for Erik to wait while I was at the meeting for two hours. Randomly we ended up visiting a Honda dealership to get a new dipstick for our car--it's been broken for years.

Then I had an excellent meeting, and I want to go return.

Then we took the BART back to West Oakland station and got our car and drove home. It was a long-ass happy day.

Friday, February 04, 2011

love this comic


I showed it to Erik and we talked about it.

Thursday, February 03, 2011

no girl as warm as you

Today I wore short sleeves for my walk. It's 61 degrees out there. Felt heavenly.

I've scored SAT two hours so far today. I continue to meet my goals.

Listening to 10,000 Maniacs. I love "Stockton Gala Days."

That summer fields grew high
with foxglove stalks and ivy.
Wild apple blossoms everywhere.
Emerald green like none I have seen
apart from dreams that escape me.
There was no girl as warm as you.

Objects in Mirrors suicide survival zine

Here's a call for submissions to my friend Megan's new zine Objects in Mirrors.


I'm glad you are reading this, because being here reading this means
you're alive, and in my humble opinion no matter who you are or what
you do, the world is a better place because you're in it.

There have been a lot of times i didn't think i was going to make it
through the night. I have had one over dose and a lot of near
attempts, and have found not wanting to be alive is a lonely and
exhausting struggle.

I'd like to compile a survival guide for being suicidal, because i
feel not enough good guides exist on this topic. I plan to publish
this guide in a zine I'm creating also called "Objects In Mirrors"
that i'm hoping to distribute by the end of feb.

I envision this guide including things like identifying your emotions,
alternatives to suicide based on what emotion youre feeling, messages
of hope, survivor stories, a worksheet to make a crisis plan/mad map,

Is anyone interested in helping me compile this guide? Let me know
what part of the guide you'd like to work on, what else you think the
guide should include, and email me with your ideas at objectsinmirrors
at gmail dot com.

Original art, photographs, poems, journal entries, and song lyrics
relating to mental health are welcomed for the creative expressions
section. Anyone whose submissions are chosen will receive a free

objectsinmirrors at gmail dot com

Wednesday, February 02, 2011


I've been preparing Valentines to send in the mail, mostly to single friends. And I have a lot of single friends--why is that? My two best friends are single.

Erik's working a new two day job today and tomorrow. I didn't get a lunchtime call.

SAT scoring is going very well. I'm meeting my goals.

It's sunny. I went for a walk and pushed up my sleeves to catch some rays.

Tuesday, February 01, 2011


Got sucked into Etsy shopping. Too much computer time!