dangerous compassions

I call you / from the comet's cradle

Sunday, August 31, 2008

Amba Lalite

This morning P came over to deliver a manuscript for me to proofread. Then he took Erik to do some moving stuff. Their big task was to get a washing machine out of storage, into P's van, and upstairs into P's second floor apartment. It was traumatic, P said. It took them a lot longer than I thought it would.

I had church and choir practice. Choir practice was only four of us. We sang my favorite song, Amba Lalite. We're going to sing it in an upcoming puja, so we've started practicing it again. If that link works, Amba Lalite is the first song listed, and the way the guy sings it is a lot like we do it, but without the drums and cymbals. And we have a little less style. But same song.

Saturday, August 30, 2008

thinking about going vegan

I was reading up on it online. The main challenge would be cheese. As it is, I eat a cheese sandwich for lunch most days. So I would need something else to make a sandwich. Eliminating butter would be no big deal. Ice cream would be fine--the soy kind is tasty.

We would not be strict vegans--we would demote ourselves to vegetarians while eating out and at my parents' house.

Tonight we went to Whole Foods--I got some vegan margarine Earth Balance, some vegan mayo (a different kind from the kind I tried a couple months ago), some fake salami for sandwiches, a container of lemon soy yogurt to try. Oh, and Ener-G egg replacer for baking. I had been longing for egg replacer for baking for a long time.

I have actually been thinking about going vegan for a while, paying attention to which of our meals are already vegan. I think we would be fine, and as a bonus, I think we would be healthier. We eat too much cheese, or at least I do--maybe Erik's okay.

How does Erik feel about this? "I want to try it out," he says. "I welcome it."

Through the zine community I'm familiar with veganism--I've seen plenty of vegan recipes in zines. Sometimes it seems like vegans are the norm, when it comes to zinesters. We could be straight-edge vegan punks without the punk part.

I've also seen lots of vegan blogs. I know there's support out there. It's not a super unusual thing anymore.

new zine forum

Here's a new zine forum I just joined, Crabby Media. Looks good.

addressing envelopes

Today Erik's at a Zen retreat. I baked zucchini bread, and I'm working on addressing envelopes for sending out Erik and LM Magazine #44. I have the layout all done, and I'm waiting to make copies on Tuesday. I guess I'll call the copy place to see if they're open Monday, but I bet they'll be closed for Labor Day.

Friday, August 29, 2008


My favorite infoshop in the world Long Haul in Berkeley was raided at gunpoint on Wednesday. Property was seized (sounds like mostly computers), the warrant was provided after the fact and was vague, and the search lasted more than an hour and a half. The FBI, Berkeley police, and Alameda sheriff conducted the raid. They were looking for evidence that a felony was committed.

I feel upset. Long Haul is the place where I donate all the zines I don't want anymore as well as copies of all the zines I make. I've never used their zine library, but I've donated to it many times. Long Haul puts out a zine called Slingshot.

Thursday, August 28, 2008


Today we went to Roseville to do forms for our main employer. They're making all the online workers redo their I-9 forms. Something about heightened homeland security BS. Like a terrorist would commit acts of terrorism by scoring SAT essays? I must not understand.

New zine website, social networking, looks good, called We Make Zines.

Erik wanted me to watch Obama's speech with him. "Is it okay if I make fun of it the whole time?" I asked, and he said yes, but it still wasn't worth it.

Tonight I made chorizo and eggs for dinner, soy chorizo which is very good. We went to the dollar store today for produce. I got lots of green grapes, some mushrooms, some zucchini for making more zucchini bread, a bunch of asparagus. Don't ask me how asparagus is being grown so late in summer. Erik got two cantaloupes. Usually the melons there are small or look old, but these ones seemed healthy.

I am so close to finishing Erik and Laura-Marie Magazine #44 that I wish I was just done now, but I've got about three fourths of a page to go. I will read more zines to fill the page with zine reviews, is the plan. Today in the mail came the coupon I was wishing and hoping for: Copy Central's four cent black and white copies coupon. So I'm ready to go.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008


Today I went to Berkeley with church friends to receive darshan from a person from India who's considered a living saint. She's called Mother Meera. She put her hands on my head, and then we looked into one another's eyes for a few seconds. I feel skeptical about this being a spiritually worthwhile thing to do, but it was a learning experience. It was my first time at any kind of "let's go see a saint" event, and I'm glad I did it.

It took place at a Presbyterian church called St John's. The entire two and a half hours of hundreds of us receiving darshan was in complete silence. I went in the same car with three older men, and we sat together: our spot was in the front row on the left side. Our row was first to receive darshan. Afterwards we were kind of supposed to meditate, but I did very little of that. Mostly I sat there watching hundreds of people receive darshan. I looked at their clothes, their hair, their socks, the expressions they had right after receiving darshan. It was interesting and boring at the same time.

After all of this, we went to dinner at a place just off University called Bombay Bistro. The food was pretty good. One of the older men treated me to dinner, which was a nice surprise. Then we went to a bookstore called Pegasus. I browsed a bit and called Erik on my cell phone.

Then we came home. Constant conversation in the car, both on the way there and on the way back. I was frazzled by so much social contact--furthermore, I forgot to take my medication this morning, so I was a little worried about that--as it happened, I was fine.

When I say that I feel skeptical that it was a spiritually worthwhile thing to do, I mean that I tend to doubt that anyone is more divine than anyone else. I suspect that you could find a spark of divinity in just about everyone. But some people develop a reputation.

My friend P once told me that she thinks it's silly to travel long distances to receive darshan, and I'm not sure about her reason, but I mostly think we should see the divinity in the people and things nearby. But I wanted to try it, and maybe it wasn't silly. I'm not sure. I'll think about it for a few days and maybe get back to you.

One of the older men I traveled with said that we can have an experience like this and not think much of it, but it can actually do us a lot of good. I don't know if I believe that. I have issues with faith--I don't believe much of anything.

But I went. The men I went with compared Mother Meera to Ammachi, the hugging saint. They told me that Amma is very warm and charismatic. She grabs you and hugs you and whispers mantras in your ear. Mother Meera is very detached, almost cold. I would like to see Amma someday. I missed her this year--maybe next year. Seeing Mother Meera is free--I don't know if seeing Amma is free.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Fox & Goose again

This morning I had a dentist appointment, which I had been dreading, which goes without saying. The hygienist was out, which means the dentist himself gave me my cleaning. The good news is that I have no cavities. They do x-rays there once a year--is this normal? For some reason, I thought more like every other year. Anyway, we have no insurance of any kind, so I paid, and it was $209.

Then we went out to lunch at Fox & Goose Pub. We both had the Welsh rarebit, which is an English muffin covered in Welsh rarebit sauce along with some onions and black olives. So tasty. Then we shared a dessert called burnt cream, which is their specialty, and we loved it. It's like when I was a kid and got doughnuts with cream in the inside, like that, but better.

It was Erik's first time at Fox & Goose, and he liked the ambiance. The ceilings are very high, the building's brick, and there are lots of old beer ads. I think it's beautiful. It was my third time there. My first time was with a woman who was my friend for a very brief time. We met online, and somehow things fell apart--I don't even remember her name. The second time was just recently with my women's writers group.

Monday, August 25, 2008


This morning we went to Vedanta to look at Krishna still decorated from last night's celebration. Photo by Erik.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

mostly food

I accidentally bought a bag of red plums--I thought they were nectarines--and didn't know what to do with them, so I decided to make fruit salad. The recipe is red plums, green grapes, banana, mango, and strawberries. I think the grapes are my favorite. The mangoes are really good too. Anyway, it's a great way to use up my red plums.

I baked some pumpkin bread the other day. I tried following the recipe to the letter, but I didn't have any ground cloves, so I just added an extra teaspoon cinnamon. The bread turned out delicious but slightly bland. So next time I'll probably buy some ground cloves. Also, I want to put in walnuts.

Today I made garlands for Krishna--I made the three head garlands just like last year. I think they turned out very pretty, but we'll see tonight.

Saturday, August 23, 2008


I really wanted Hillary Clinton to get picked as Obama's vice president. Oh well.


Today I'm going at noon to help decorate for Krishna puja. This will be my third year. I tack artificial flowers to the railing of the bridge across the Krishna pond. Then I'm helping make garlands tomorrow. Last year I made the three garlands that fit tight at the top of Krishna's head, but this year P said I'm making the big garland that drapes around his neck. The puja is tomorrow night. It's the biggest one, and I think Erik's going to go, but it's not my favorite. It takes place at three different locations (at the baby Krishna statue, at the big Krishna statue, and indoors), which is too much moving around, especially for the choir because we have to cart all our stuff, including the harmonium, which is heavy. Also, it tends to be hot. Today's high is supposed to be 92. But tomorrow it's supposed to hit 95. That's pretty hot for being out in it.

Friday, August 22, 2008


My artist friend Byran Babylon made this art. It broke in the mail, and I kept the largest shard. Photos by Erik.


We got this mint plant at the dollar store. It makes me happy.

Thursday, August 21, 2008


I made some zucchini bread, and it turned out great. It's a honey zucchini bread.

3 eggs
1 c. honey
2 tsp. vanilla
1 c. cooking oil
1 tsp. salt
1/4 tsp. baking powder
1 tsp. baking soda
3 1/2 tsp. cinnamon
2 c. whole wheat flour
1/2 c. bran
2 c. grated zucchini, unpeeled
1 c. chopped nuts

Beat eggs and honey together; stir in vanilla and oil. Combine dry ingredients and add to first mixture, beating well. Stir in zucchini, nuts. Pour 2 greased loaf pans and bake at 325 degrees for 60 to 70 minutes.

breaking the silence

The nicest thing that happened lately is that someone came to wash the blood off the stairs. It had been dripped on the staircase when a neighbor cut his hands by smashing a window, a few days ago. But someone came to wash it--they missed a few places, but it's much improved.

Erik and I watched a BBC version of Dorothy Sayers' mystery Gaudy Night. We got it from the library. It's really well done, suspenseful. The romance between Harriet Vane and Lord Peter Wimsey is a bonus.

Last night was women's writers group. Beforehand we had dinner at Fox & Goose Pub. H and I both had veggie pasty, which is served with Welsh rarebit sauce, my favorite. We were going to have dessert too, but drunk people were so loud and noisy that we had to leave. H gave me a drink of her beer--I hadn't tasted beer in a long time.

Right now Erik is at the fair. He's not interested in rides but in seeing the sights, like seeing the animals. He's going back again tonight with his friend T.

Monday, August 18, 2008


This morning I went to the lab place and got blood drawn. They only had to stick me once, so I was glad. I went there fasting. The worker behind the counter seemed to hate people. The patients in the waiting room seemed to be in bad moods. The phlebotomist was young and unfriendly. I don't like going there. But I read Brainscan #20 and tried to relax while I waited. Then they called me in, and I read a laminated piece of paper on the wall to my left saying how you're supposed to apply pressure to the site of the venipuncture for two to three minutes after the procedure and other advice. "We strive to provide you with a pain-free experience, but sometimes discomfort is unavoidable," the sign said, something along those lines. It was strange how the sign was giving me so much info, but the actual people were silent. Someone who couldn't read would feel lost.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

good mood

Yesterday there was some kind of domestic disturbance, and we heard a window get smashed. This morning going downstairs we saw blood drips. A neighbor had glass shards in a milk crate, and there was a trail of blood drips the length of the staircase and some at the bottom on the stairs on the ground. Sometimes I really hate living here. There is another staircase we could use, but that one is right by the crazy lady's door, so I avoid it almost always.

Today we went to the big farmers market downtown. It was packed. We got some organic bell peppers, some avocados, a cucumber, and a basket of organic cherry plums. I had never heard of cherry plums before, but a basket was only one dollar. I haven't tried them yet.

Then we went to the bird refuge near Davis. We looked at views and drove around. There were beautiful small sunflowers. I read, and Erik wrote haiku. We felt happy.

Then we went to the Davis co-op. I love it there. We looked around for a long time. Erik compared the Davis co-op to other places we love like Elephant Pharmacy in Berkeley and Staff of Life in Santa Cruz. We got high-gluten flour for making more seitan. We got a small bottle of hand sanitizer to live in the car's glove box, for after using port-a-potties. We got a pretty washcloth. We got a food that had been missing from our diet for years: cheezy poofs. They're kind of like eating cheese air. But good.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

if there's one thing I can never confess

This morning I had a psychiatrist appointment at 9, and this time I didn't forget. I went. That was fine. I don't like my psychiatrist. Today he was insensitive and super rushed. I was in and out in 15 minutes. Also, the room we were in had no privacy--one of the doors was a curtain, and someone was in the next room making copies, I could hear--if they wanted to, they could have listened to every single word I said.

Then we went to the farmers market. We bought tomatoes, nectarines, a plum, no pesticides eggplant, some yellow squash. Oh, and two melons for Erik. It was good to get out.

Then I baked some cornbread. I tried using honey instead of maple syrup for my sweetener, and it turned out great.

Also, we made seitan again. This time we halved the soy sauce and doubled the garlic and ginger. Tastes perfect to me--Erik would like it a little saltier.

I've been reading Cat's Eye by Margaret Attwood, which is fabulous, as well as zines--today I read White Elephants #2, and I'm in the middle of Loserdom #18, which is sent to me by someone in Ireland--somehow, we got on one another's mailing lists years ago.

For a couple days the high was 99 degrees here, but today's high is 93. I just ate some nice blueberries. I'm scared of going to worship tomorrow because I'm scared of being cornered by bookstore boss about my quitting or whatever Swami discussed with him. So I don't think I'll go. My women peeps are all at a weekend retreat that I chose not to attend. I keep feeling like I need one more sentence--maybe this will do.

Friday, August 15, 2008


I've been staying home a lot messing around on the computer--working on Erik and Laura-Marie Magazine #44, which keeps getting longer and longer as I wait for the cover! And working on functionally ill #4, which is kind of almost done too. I got a different artist to do the cover for that one. He and I are in the middle of arranging it on myspace.

I was reading like mad, a book called Cecile by Ruthann Robson. It's short stories but reads like a novel. I finished it this morning. The two main characters are lesbians. Then I started Instead of Education by John Holt. It's good and pretty readable, not too heavy. Holt is an unschooler. A few days ago my friend A wanted to know why I was interested in Holt. I said because I'm an ex-teacher. Also, I am very into in adult development and learning.

Kitty likes to stand in the middle of the room crying like he wants to be petted, but then if you pet him, he's not satisfied. He's impossible to please. "Do you like the sound of your own voice?" I ask him.

Yesterday was a good mail day. I got a package I was waiting for, some Christmas presents (I shop early) and White Elephants #2 by my friend Katie H. And I got Lilliputs from my friend Don Wentworth. I'm always excited to have those on my desk.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

the missing tapes

Tonight was women's writers group. We read Yoko Ono's Grapefruit and wrote imitations. They really turned out. Then we wrote a memory as if it was going to happen as opposed to already happened. That was a really interesting way to get a handle on things.

Women's writers group was only two of us this time. Our third had ride problems. So we might meet again next week. I would really like that.

We met at Naked Lounge. The music was too loud. I got herbal iced tea. It was pink.

This morning I went to Vedanta to try to find those tapes and copy "A Cudgel of Delusion" for Swami. Surprisingly, Swami and R were in the bookstore when I arrived. R was putting statuary into paper bags and moving the paper bags into a storage room across the way. Swami had found the tapes (they had been missing). So I copied them for him. I typed the labels. There was no chair, so I was on my knees and typed. (The bookstore is in the middle of remodeling.)

Then Swami recruited me to help R put stuff in bags. So I did that until we were finished. At one point R playfully kept me in the storage room with a broom he was using to wipe away cobwebs. He used the broom to bar my way. "What's the secret word?" he asked.

"Vedanta," I answered.

"How did you know?" he asked and let me pass. It was a good moment of laughter in a serious morning and mood.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

the talk with Swami

Today I spoke with Swami about what's been going on at the bookstore. I was super nervous. I had never really spoken with him in his office before (it had always been in the library or outside). I asked for privacy and closed the door. At one point I got really shaky. I had talked to my mom about it beforehand--she told me to use I-messages and breathe. So that's what I tried to do. I remember his baseball cap on the desk and his concerned yet neutral listening look. I like his listening look. I felt heard.

Swami boiled my problem down to three main concerns, which is fine--personally, I would have boiled it down to one concern: I have an anxiety problem, and the bookstore boss activates it. But Swami boiled it down to three. He said he would speak to the bookstore boss, which scares me because I don't want to be on even worse terms with him, but maybe that can't be helped. I really don't know what Swami will say to him. Maybe Swami will just say how I want to quit. He said he would speak to the board about it also.

The bottom line is that I can quit, but he's asked me to stay until they can find a replacement for me. That's fine. My request is noted and known. He said there's a woman who might start working at the bookstore soon, and maybe she will take my place.

I feel good and like I did the right thing, but I also feel scared. I'm afraid the bookstore boss will corner me next week after worship and verbally attack me for speaking to Swami about my problems. I'm scared of him.

This afternoon I'm going to see P, and I'll tell her everything.

Monday, August 11, 2008

as much as I definitely enjoy solitude

I have an appointment for 10:30 tomorrow morning with Swami to talk to him about quitting the bookstore. I'm nervous.

Tomorrow Erik starts a one week job scoring CBEST. Tonight he's at the movies with T. He got free tickets to some satire.

Today I saw my friend A. She showed me her new house. The walls in the livingroom are burgundy.

Sunday, August 10, 2008


Yesterday Erik and T went to a Japanese cultural bazaar then to Second Saturday art walk. So he was gone a lot. They had fun. They got to see the Sacramento Taiko Dan perform for free.

I went to do that job I was dreading. I had been assured no housecleaning involved, so I felt pretty resentful when I was vacuuming and dusting. I carried lots of boxes from the livingroom to the garage. I helped move furniture. The couple really needed help: the woman has a problem with her knee, and the man has had bypass surgery and isn't supposed to lift anything. We got an incredible amount of work done in those three hours. And I'm going back this afternoon to clear out the first bedroom. I'm really not looking forward to it. But I got myself into this and feel obligated. Also, it's sad how they aren't able to do it themselves.

The good thing is that they gave me tomatoes and zucchini from their garden. I've had some tomato sandwiches, and they're delicious. Why are homegrown tomatoes so much better than ones from the store?

Saturday, August 09, 2008

I'm banging on your feet from underground

Kitty had cat crisis last night, and we were up about a third of the night with him. So we're exhausted today and haven't done much of anything yet. I wrote a letter to my friend J in Australia for an hour, a good way to wake up. Now we're listening to Talking Heads and Erik's doing yoga, a sun salute over and over again. Kitty's sleeping, of course.

Friday, August 08, 2008

are you writing from the heart?

Dear World,

Last night my friend A was in town because she had a post-op appointment in Davis. She had to get a cast, and it's purple.

We went to dinner. At first, we didn't know where to go. A's husband F was sick of Indian food. We decided to go to Thai food, a place we had never been to before called Lemongrass.

We walked in and were surprised to see that it was a fancy restaurant. The eaters were dressed up. I felt out of place. But it was okay. The little child did very well. The waitstaff brought her crayons and paper. The older girl wanted to color too, so F ripped the little one's paper in half. They drew cartoonish animals: cats, puppies, bats, horses. We talked about bats, a time that a bat got in their house and they had to catch it with an improvised net made out of a laundry bag. "Or was I not supposed to mention that for some reason?" the older girl asked. She's very concerned with private vs public knowledge.

I ordered a dish called Monk's Curry. It's a yellow curry with tofu and all different kinds of veggies including some winter squash, a kind I had never heard of before: kabosha squash. My food was really good. Oh, and A ordered an appetizer for us, Crispy Veggie Rolls.

Then we went to ice cream. We went to Cold Stone. I got a small That's How I Roll, which is delicious, but a small was way too much: about twice as much as I needed. I wish they would let adults get kid size, but it specified 12 and under.

Then we went to a Long's Drugs near where I live to look for a metallic sharpie so I could sign A's cast. We found silver, fortunately. I signed A's cast with "LM" and a little heart. The pens came in a two pack, and A gave me the extra pen. Maybe I will use it to address envelopes next time I send out zines.

This morning Erik and I went to Howe park to walk and then do our usual. I read three zines and liked all of them: the anteater's dream, the pleiades #14, and Celso #4. We looked at spiders.


Thursday, August 07, 2008

cemetery again

This morning we went to the old city cemetery. We walked around looking at graves--we walked in the part of the cemetery that we missed last time.

An area of the cemetery is dedicated to showing off California native plants. There are three kinds of sage, for example: hummingbird sage, black sage, and creeping sage. We looked at a bush called Nevin's Barberry that had lots of beautiful bugs in it. The bugs looked sort of like box elder bugs but rounder.

In the cemetery lots of naked ladies were blooming. This is my favorite flower from childhood.

Then we sat at a picnic table and did some writing and reading. I read three zines and liked two of them: the anatomic air review and Four Horsemen #2. These are zines I've had for years in an obscure to-be-read pile in the bedroom. Lately I've been reading so many zines that I'm working through my backlog, which feels good.

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

seitan and more

Yesterday we made seitan, also known as "wheat meat." It's fake meat made from wheat gluten. We followed a recipe we got off the internet. We did a good job following the recipe. But the seitan turned out way too salty. Erik likes it. But I can't eat it. Next time, less soy sauce. We need a new recipe.

We used to joke around a lot about how seitan sounds like satan. Then we started to irritate ourselves and don't joke about it anymore.

This morning we went to McKinley park again. We brought snacks and water, so we were able to sit by the duck pond for a much longer time today. Erik wrote haiku. I wrote in my journal and read two zines that I didn't like at all. They had been highly recommended to me, but I found the tone biting. They were both self-righteous, boring. They were ranty. Oh well. The vast majority of my zines I get through trades, but I actually bought these ones. I'll donate them to the Long Haul Infoshop's zine library, which is what I do with most of the zines I read. (A few I keep, and a few I pass on to friends who I think would like them.)

Then we went to the McKinley library where Erik looked at DVDs and CDs. He found some Mozart violin concertos and some Takemitsu.

Today's high is 93, which is as hot as it gets around here lately. It's been a mild summer, and I couldn't be more pleased.

a job

Sometimes I feel like all I do in my blog is complain. If you feel the same way, please skip this post.

My friend P said a woman who goes to our church, R, was in need of some help. She said she'd pay, that she wanted some young person to help her. She had some remodeling done on her house, and she needs to unpack boxes and get everything put back where it belongs. I really didn't want to do it. P asked me if I had any ideas about someone who could do it. I realized that there was no one but me. So I said I would.

Yesterday I called R, and after a little while, I got her to understand who I am. She didn't really know my name. We talked about when I could come help her. She asked me to name my rate. I said $10, which I think is about a rock bottom rate. I find that rate magnanimous of me. She talked to her husband about what day I could come, and slipped in that she would be willing to pay me $8 an hour. At this point we had already discussed timings, and I didn't feel like I could get out of it. So I agreed.

Now I'm stuck doing work I don't want to do at a rate I don't believe she could be so miserly as to suggest. She won't even tell me when. She says she'll call me. So I'm supposed to keep my schedule open for her and not make any plans all day Friday or Saturday in case that's when she wants to do it. She says she needs her husband to be there to help decide what to do with the papers and things. I don't see how I will be useful at all. "I already have a cleaning lady," R explained. "She cleans the bathroom and the kitchen and vacuums the floors," she explained. She was trying to make me understand that I wouldn't be cleaning. I wonder how much she pays the cleaning lady.

Tuesday, August 05, 2008


Last night there was an apartment complex fight. The crazy lady vs whoever. We listened to the yelling and cursing as we lay in bed. Finally I got up around 11 to put in earplugs.

This morning we went for a walk at McKinley park than sat on a bench by the duck pond. I read zines and wrote in my journal. Erik wrote haiku. We stayed for a long time. Then we went to the co-op for soy sauce.

Now I'm drinking decaf green tea with soymilk. I just read Postsecret. This morning I read an interesting article about an ex-vegan who now butchers his own pigs. He was a straight edge punk rocker, and he said that on the road they lived on Twizzlers and Fritos. Personally, I love Fritos but never let myself buy them. They've only got three ingredients: corn, corn oil, and salt. But the corn's probably GMO.

Monday, August 04, 2008

postcard from a corn maze

Today for lunch I made blueberry cornmeal pancakes. They were very good: they always are. I like mine with butter and honey. Erik likes his with butter and maple syrup.

For dinner I made lentil soup. It's just lentils with onions, garlic, salt, pepper, cumin. It's subtle and tasty. The flavor of the lentils comes through.

I got a postcard I had been happily waiting for, and I got three zines from the maker of Frothy: Frothy #2, Frothy #2.5, and Cheer the Fuck Upism.

Erik initiated me into the mysteries of ginger. Somehow, he knew all about ginger and I didn't. (He read about it in Ed Brown's cookbook and made a cabbage tofu dish with ginger in it.) I learned how easy it is to peel ginger, and how hard it is to grate it. I learned how it feels to break a piece off from a larger piece. And I learned more about how good it smells. I made Erik some scrambled eggs with ginger and soy sauce and pepper. He loved them. So now I can use ginger at any time.

Sunday, August 03, 2008


Today I got a package in the mail from an artist named Bryan Babylon. It actually came yesterday, but we didn't get it until today. We were leaving the apartment for a walk this morning, and it was before us on the floor. It was a package sealed with black duct tape, slightly heavy and very substantial. A couple weeks ago, I sent him all three functionally ills, so he sent me art. Unfortunately, the glass one broke. I'm keeping the largest shard--it's beautiful. He also sent something he painted. It's beautiful too. And some papers that were done in magic marker, and a collage. He sent a great deal of art, and I'm pleased, but it's really sad that the glass broke.

He said he'll make a cover for me, and I'm happy because I need a cover for functionally ill #4. It's not ready yet, but I'm all out of cover ideas.

Big news in my little world: it looks like the bookstore boss is quitting. P told me that the bookstore boss has been thinking about it for a while, and I think today might have been the day. So who will run the bookstore now?

Something strange happened. P asked, "So are you going to come back?" as if I had quit the bookstore, but I never quit. I just wanted to.

"So are you going to come back?" asked D, who was there. (This was after choir practice, and we were in the atrium.)

"I didn't think I ever quit!" I said.

"Well, I heard you threw a book at him and stormed out!" D said.

"Thew a book at him?!" I asked.

"I'm just kidding," D said, and she gave me a big hug. "It was just a question, whether you were coming back. It was a question mark," she said, and she drew a question mark in the air.

So I guess P has been telling people that I might quit, because D had the idea that I had quit, which is very nice in a way, because then I might have quit without officially quitting, and it would be all over.

But if the bookstore boss quits, then there's no reason for me to quit. But who will run the place? It's been suggested that two people will co-run it, the two women other than me. I doubt either could do the bookkeeping, is the only thing. And there's no way I'm doing the bookkeeping. Maybe the bookstore will fall apart.

Erik's writing haiku. I'm listening to '80s music and about to read some feminist sci-fi or maybe finish juicing those oranges.

Saturday, August 02, 2008

like duckweed

, originally uploaded by ELund.


, originally uploaded by ELund.


, originally uploaded by ELund.

red-beaked gull

, originally uploaded by ELund.


PICT0215, originally uploaded by ELund.

Rattlesnake Canyon

PICT0107, originally uploaded by ELund.


seal, originally uploaded by ELund.


PICT0317, originally uploaded by ELund.

Friday, August 01, 2008


Today I got in the mail a postcard depicting hundreds of green aliens surfing on golden anvils. I showed it to Erik, and it made him laugh. The postcard is from a new zine friend. She lives in Portland and makes a zine called Below Noon. She sent me #3, and it made me feel happy and silly. It included a madlib which Erik and I completed gladly. Anyway, I think Green Aliens Surfing On Golden Anvils sounds like mnemonic device. Again, I wish I had a scanner so I could show you.

Today we worked. It was mostly painless. It's CSET writing skills, which is a one day job. The best thing that happened was when we got cheesecake. Also, I liked the second prompt. CSET is just like CBEST in that there's a analytical prompt and then a personal, more creative prompt. Everyone likes the second one better, including me.

Tonight was samiti. I was late. My favorite thing was this delicious Indian almond cookie prasad. I also really liked it when two friends kissed me and another said she loved me. I said I loved her too, as I was out the door.

Erik's sick! He had a sore throat and now has a runny nose and sneezes.

Kitty woke us up about ten times last night. That was our punishment for four nights away. Here's hoping for better sleep tonight.