dangerous compassions

I call you / from the comet's cradle

Sunday, December 31, 2017

the hazards of being massaged by the strong

Last night we had dinner with T at the youthful Thai place Jackie Bee.  It was great to see her.  She hadn't eaten Thai food in ten years.  She got sesame chicken.

Then we went over to A's place to drop off a shitton of pantry food.  And he made us ginger tea, and he massaged me for a long time, leaving two bruises on my arms!  The hazards of being massaged by the strong. 

And he read to me for a chapter.  Tonight we're going to the goddess temple and he's going to read to me into the new year.

Also in the news, H is in the hospital again.  Ming visited him yesterday and will again this morning.  R is speaking again with his exgirlfriend.  He got a new guitar and played us some songs.

Saturday, December 30, 2017

reality winner

If I was Sufjan Stevens, I'd write a song about Reality Winner.


This morning I woke up with pain from my pinched nerve.  My strategy for dealing with pinched nerve pain is to take low dose aspirin because it's anti-inflammatory, eat nuts for the same reason, and exercise.  I haven't been exercising much lately, so I need to restart.

This morning I have tea.  I need to get some stuff done then be social in the evening.

I need less stuff and more places to put the stuff I keep.  I was reading this book about Dorothy Day yesterday and she had very few possessions.  Not me.  My stationery, for example, is out of control.

Last night I had a longish txt conversation with A about some conflict.  It easily could have turned into an argument but we did great keeping it cool.  We learned about one another.  I think it was good.

However, he keeps trying to make fried rice without chilling the rice beforehand.  I don't know if that's going to work out.

Friday, December 29, 2017

blog neglect apology

Sorry I've been neglecting the blog.  Luckily Ming's picked up some slack.

Do you know about Reality Winner?  She's the whistleblower with the best name ever!

I'm listening to Sufjan Stevens and thinking about breakfast.

Life is a tumult.  Life is weird.  I need to catch up on some mail.

Wednesday, December 27, 2017

Late night post by Guest Blogger

Guest Blogger again.

We are safe back at the disclosed location. We left the undisclosed location at 6:30am, got back to the Las Vegas area by 4pm, went and straightaway visited with A for two hours, then got home.

I got very little sleep last night. Such is the way with narcolepsy. We took frequent breaks from driving on the way home and our hero drove about half of the total distance, generally in the rural areas of the travel.

While I could not sleep, I was more productive than usual for a usual sleepless night. I did finish watching I Am Not Your Negro, and then watched more on Hoopla seeing Halo 4: Forward Unto Dawn. Kinda strange the variety of what can be found on the free library video viewing app Hoopla.

Gotta go.

Tuesday, December 26, 2017

nicey nicey nicey stuff by Guest Blogger

We are here in the undisclosed location. We survived and thrived at the Christmas party last night. Tamales were had and enjoyed.

I are going to the local yoga studio for "Ahimsa yoga" today.

I received as a gift yesterday a handwritten certificate for a free dinner, for which I am happy. I think that dinner is scheduled for tonight.

Been busy doing laundry, washing up dishes, mundane but supportive household tasks. Been trying to watch I Am Not Your Negro on Hoopla, learn some HTML, ...

This trip I did succeed in finishing watched the library DVD of Elysium, learned some origami, got an Origami calender from the Solvang foray the other day.

The Space X launch of the Falcon 9 (that I missed seeing on Friday), was the talk of the party last night.

Guest blogger out.

Monday, December 25, 2017


Late last night I was on the phone with A, and he told me merry Christmas and that it had just turned midnight.  I read him one page of the book we're reading.  It was 44 minutes.

Today Mom cut my hair.  She thought I was crying afterward.  She did take a lot off!

Yesterday we went to Solvang for the bookstore.  It was fun.  It was fun to walk in stormy weather though it never rained, eat pretzels, get fudge.

Tonight's a Christmas party I dread every year.  I toy with the idea of not going but always go.

Sunday, December 24, 2017


We wanted to go to the forest today but the road is closed because of the fire.  Mom went to Cotsco.  We're sleepy.

It's almost 2018.  What have you learned this year?

I picked up the ukulele.  I found some new friends.  I founded the Las Vegas Radical Mental Health Collective.  I studied Spanish.  I wrote a shitton of poems.  I threw a couple parties.

It was a beautiful year and I'm ready for more beauty.

Saturday, December 23, 2017

sunset tree

A's origami

Friday, December 22, 2017

Vandenberg AFB, Space X launches, and Guest Blogger blogging.

The nicest spousey in the world has invited me to Guest Blog.

We are safely arrived at the undisclosed location for the "holidays". We got here yesterday at 4:12pm. We have a day of small tasks aligned up for us today. Some grocery shopping and the like.

There is a launch from Vandenberg AFB going off today at 5:27pm but I am not sure how I feel about Iridium satellites and Space X Falcon flights. Is what Space X doing go against
 "RESISTANCE TO MISSILE TESTING, SPACE-BASED WEAPONS, DRONES, AND THE U.S. WAR MACHINE" ? Will there be a demonstration today against the flight ?

In anycase I attempted to contact the Catholic Workers of Guadelupe to see if they would be needing general support, or not, this week.

More later. Guest Blogger out.

Thursday, December 21, 2017


We are stopped at our usual Barstow panera stop on the way to the undisclosed location.  I am not too thrilled about the trip, not into Christmas, but I need to see my mom.

Last night we were at A's place.  He read to me.  He played Jimi Hendrix for us and we danced.  I pet his dogs: Button, Penelope, and Cora.  Cora is the underdog.  I like her best--she's little and sweet.  Button is alpha dog, I think, and A favors her.

"Would I be correct to say you don't give a care about the dogs?"  I asked.

"I don't give two fucks about the dogs," Ming says.  "No, actually, I like the dogs.  I'm liking the dogs more and more.  Especially the one who lays on its back and I play with it."

"That's Button!"

talk in the Rice room

"Well, she's kind of a big shot, in the peace movement.  She broke into this super secure nuclear facility with these two guys and showed it wasn't so secure after all!"

"What'd she do when she got there?"

"Oh, the usual.  Banged on stuff and maybe poured some blood."


Wednesday, December 20, 2017

this morning's soupline sunrise

Ming snapped this pic for me this morning.


I'm sucking zinc lozenges that taste like chalky lemon, chewing fruity vitamin c wafers, and trying to drink a lot of water.  I want to be well.

Tuesday, December 19, 2017

Ming's tarp collection

the ground

This is what the ground looks like at Badwater once you get pretty far out.

sunset at badwater

pupfish, badwater, pizza

We are home from a great camping trip. 

We did some walking.  We walked a mile at Badwater and a mile at Salt Creek.  No pupfish yesterday.  Maybe next time. 

Our friend A was a delightful travel companion.  He did all of the driving.

Then back in town we went to Costco for pizza.  We hung out at our house for a few hours.  A read me book about paper cranes that made him cry.  "I'm okay," he said.  Also we meditated in the Rice room.

Today I'm tired.  Ming is hiking with friends.  We need to clean house.  Thursday we leave for the undisclosed location for xmas.

Sunday, December 17, 2017

desert luck

Life is confusing.  But I like it.  I work very hard to keep my stress as low as possible.  Stress is poison, for me.

But I hear it's not that way for everyone.  I had a friend who thrived on it.  I think she got a thrill.

I have a lot to do this morning but thought I'd say hello before we leave for camping.  My throat hurts and my nose runs and I'm afraid I'm sick.  We shall see!  I haven't been sick in a long time.

Wish us desert luck.  I look forward to Badwater, pupfish, etc.

Saturday, December 16, 2017

camping in the wind

We're going to Death Valley tomorrow and it's supposed to be windy.  That kinda sucks.  Camping in the wind can be hard.  Hard to sleep when the tent's slapping your head.

I need to get ready.  We need to talk.  I need to make lists.  We need to go to storage for some gear.

Meanwhile Peacemaker Boy is coming over.  Then we're all going to this 11 am meeting about the MLK Day parade stuff.

I crave chocolate.  I wish I had some of that nice chocolate with the ginger cookie bits.  Did I already tell you about it?

Friday, December 15, 2017


I went to bed early early intending to sleep but instead txted.  So now I'm up to eat dinner: leftover eggplant parm made by our matriarch.  Yum.

Today I got the best news--a good a1c.  I am so glad I do not have diabetes.  I didn't really celebrate though.  Maybe tomorrow? 

Tomorrow is stuffed with plans.  Two meetings, lunch, a party, picking up A and his massage chair from the last day of Cowboy Christmas, radical mental health...  I get the feeling I overscheduled.  Something's gotta go.

I've been making little books out of paper with colorful cardstock covers.  I bind them with thread like zines.  They are great to write long letters in.

But they are seven more things on my chaotic desk.  It's never been this bad.  The house looks terrible.  So we stayed home tonight.

Thursday, December 14, 2017

dreamy E

Last night we went to A's house with food for his dinner, including a porkchop Ming picked up at the Catholic Worker hospitality day.  It was weird to give someone a porkchop.  And half a baked potato, a biscuit, 18 green beans...

He read to me.  He wanted to keep reading but I didn't want to overstay.  The dogs nudged my hands and made me pet them.  The dogs climbed on me.  I was like, what do you want from me?  What is fun about shoving their faces up to my face?  Weird.  Those dogs want a lot of love.

So do I.  I can relate.  I should go back to bed--it's the middle of the night.  I was up with a fitful dream about the letter E being replaced with a slightly different letter E and all this art about it.

Wednesday, December 13, 2017


At yesterday's surprise party, R cut the cake creatively.  He's going to be 30 soon.

ha ha funny

I went to bed early and slept in late, awoken a few times by nice txts.  It was luxurious to lie there all warm and happy for 14 hours.

M was at the annual cookie making party.  It went well.  I posted a buncha pics to the Catholic Worker facebook page.

Ming swept.  He took out the trash.  He's washing dishes.

Life is funny.

Tuesday, December 12, 2017


Last night at A's house, J brought his dog over to meet A's dogs for the first time.  I didn't want to be there when they met, afraid there'd be bloodshed or at least a whole lot of noise.

I was wrong about bloodshed, but I was right about the noise. 

We brought over a lot of pesto pasta salad.  It was appreciated.  Got some good hugs.  The neighbor came over twice.  We played with singing bowls.  I said I wouldn't go on the huge ferris wheel.  A smudged me with sage from Rasta Fam.  It smelled good.

This morning I have a dermatologist appointment.  I dread it.  Yesterday my blood draw went fine, but I'm left with a big bruise anyway.

Monday, December 11, 2017

train psychic

This afternoon I took a luxurious nap then was woken up by the txt I was waiting for.

A's dogs are getting used to us.  Or are we getting used to them?  Mutual, I guess.  Yesterday I called the smallest of the dogs "Pretty-pretty."  She is kind of nice.

I like our bed more now that we have the big fluffy blanket on it.  That blanket was a hell of a good idea.  We combed Ross until we found the best one.  And the dark blue is not too dark.

Other day Ming predicted 75 cars on a passing train and we counted 74.  I was amazed at his skills.  It was fun to watch the train pass.

Sunday, December 10, 2017

good deeds

Yesterday I did a good deed.  I was at my friend's house, and he told me he didn't want to wash his dishes.  Then he got a phonecall and I washed his dishes while he was on the phone.  "What are you doing over there?" he asked when he got off the phone.

"Just a little bit of Christmas magic," I said.

Just now I did another good deed.  Some prisoner mail was returned.  I researched for a while till I found his new address.  Then I repackaged the card to him with the new address.

Small things but maybe I help the world.

Last night we saw our friend A for dinner.  It's not sustainable to take him out to eat so many times.  I should bring over food that I cook.  But the dogs.  Oh, the dogs.

Saturday, December 09, 2017


yesterday's vigil


Ming's gone to the final day of his wilderness first aid class.  I am cooking lunch today for a friend.  She is a new friend. 

Only one problem.  The house is a mess.  Maybe I could take the food to the back house?  Maybe I'll do that.  She's supposed to be here at noon.

So I need to take a shower then chop veg in a little while.  Happy Saturday, everyone.

Friday, December 08, 2017


This morning Ming came to bed for morning cuddle and we dozed.  Then we got up and went to the Worker to serve.  I helped with dishes.

Then we went to Creech to vigil.  Creech is the air force base.  Two cops stopped by to talk to us / assess us.

Then we went to the goddess temple for tea with the priestess.  It was nice.  She'd made gingerbread.  I had Thanksgiving tea.

Then we ran errands.  I needed to buy some ingredients for a lunch I'm cooking up tomorrow: bell pepper, soyrizo, greens, a can of beans.

Ming got coffee at Madhouse.  I got peach iced tea.  The art was colorful.

Anyway, tonight's political prisoner letter writing night.  We need to leave here in about two hours.  Wish us luck.

Thursday, December 07, 2017

the only solution is love and love comes with community

Someone knit me a sweater.  It's wide enough but may be too short.  I'm deciding.

This morning we gave A a ride to work.  He is working Cowboy Christmas.  He's the massage therapist.  He needed a ride because he had to bring his massage chair.  It was a pleasure to give him a ride.

Then we were late to our weekly peace vigil.  I hugged people.  I talked to people and held my sign.

Tonight's a prayer thing.  Like usual, we'll bring juice for the potluck afterward.

7-11 has these chocolate bars with bits of gingersnaps in them.  I find 7-11s sketch and avoid them, but this chocolate is great!  It reminds me of Wonka bars with the bits of graham crackers.

Wednesday, December 06, 2017

love to all

Hey, the morning got away from me.  Ming's washing dishes.  When I cook community lunch, there are lots of pots and pans afterward.

Last night we went to our friend's house.  He read to us this sci-fi story.  Also we went to Indian food. Also we brought donated dog food for his dogs.

This morning we got burritos for breakfast and went to patio Starbux where I wrote in my journal for a while and Ming drank a mocha.

Now I'm listening to Aimee Mann and thinking about binding some zines.

Tuesday, December 05, 2017

bed weather

Last night txted with A for a couple hours about some important stuff.  We talked about our visions for our futures.  We talked about needs, and I got a little validation.

Ming has been doing this wildlife first aid class.  I think it's a recruitment tool for the search & rescue.

Today is the birthday of one of Ming's children.  I cook community lunch for about eight people.  It will be all vegan.  Taco salad.  It's not that much work.

It got really cold here.  It's bed weather.  We need to adjust.

Monday, December 04, 2017

baklava and chocolate coconut things

the trick

Yesterday we went to lunch with A.  We went to Jackie Bee.  My tummy was feeling so so.  I ate little.  But I had some boba tea. 

Then we went to Red Rock where the guys hiked and I wrote some letters and wrote in my journal.  It was super windy.  I sat in the car.

Then we tried going to Amber Unicorn but it closed right when we got there.

Then we went to this Mediterranean place where we got some small things.  The guys got Turkish coffee.  I got some labneh.  A got some baklava, which he fed us bites of, and some chocolate coconut ball things.  Ming got dolmas that I didn't care for.  They were crunchy and drizzled with a weird brown sauce.

Then we took A home and I was socially exhausted in a cumulative way from too many social days.  I went to bed at around 6 because I couldn't maintain consciousness / attention.  Then I got up in the night and wrote.  Then I went back to bed and slept till 7:30.  So I slept 12 hours last night.  I hope it did the trick.

Sunday, December 03, 2017

how I'm so calm

Last night was chaotic.  We picked someone up who was stranded.  She was wild.  It was a favor for a friend.

Then this wild person wanted to go to radical mental health collective.  So yeah.  It was chaotic.  But she brought pizza...?

Today there's supposed to be a hike.  We'll see if she comes.  We're supposed to know in a little while.

I was up late and then up in the night.  My sleeping is a little off.

They wanted to know how I'm so calm.  My friend A said I have presence, something  in common with Amma.  But he's never seen Amma, so I don't know how he knows.

I decided I'm calm because I arrange my life to be as low-stress as possible.  It's careful orchestration. 

Ming had other ideas.  He says I don't need to be all over the place because I'm not hurting for attention or someone to listen to me.  I write letters, blog, talk one-on-one with people, have Ming...

Well, Sunday blessings.

Saturday, December 02, 2017

beautiful night

Last night we picked up A and his roommate.  They were not ready.  A had to let his dogs pee, clean up a mess...  The roommate and I talked while he smoked two cigarettes.

I brought their household some food from J's pantry.  There were two types of pancake mix, apple juice, some blueberry muffin mix, a box of mac & cheese, sweet potato soup...

Then we went to Haven Craft for D's art opening.  She does art with skulls.  She was not there.  We brought her flowers and a card we'd all signed.

It was First Friday.  So we went around, waiting for D to show up at 8.  I got overloaded quickly.  I oscillated between overloaded and really overloaded.

A massaged me in front of a food truck while Ming waited for some vegan wurst.  A and Ming shared the wurst, and A fed me a bite.  They broke bread.  It was sacred.

A bought things: honey stix, a sage bundle, a hotdog.  By the hotdog stand some weird guy talked to us for a while.  He was from San Diego and talked about how great Vegas is.

Then we went back to Haven Craft and it was swarming with people.  Finally D showed up.  She was moved to receive the flowers and card.  The flowers were red gerber daisies.  We had some good hugs.

Then I got overloadeder and Ming and I left.  But the other guys were still in there.  I stood outside quietly singing to myself, a Durga song, my favorite.

Then A and roommate passed by while M was going to the car for meds.  I caught up with them, and they were surprised I came out of nowhere.

Then we went to Cheesecake Factory.  I had been wanting to go for a long time, maybe a year.  I got some Early Grey tea.  The guys got coffee.  I ate an omelette that really wasn't all that good.  I gave all my toast to A.

I got a piece of low carb cheesecake to go.  I just finished it for breakfast.

A drove us to his place.  We said our goodbyes.  It was a beautiful night.  We didn't get home till midnight.  We went straight to bed.

Friday, December 01, 2017

happy birthday!

This morning I was up around 5 and served the hungry.  Then I called my mom.  It's her birthday! 

Then we had a long visioning meeting.  Then we went to pupusas.  It was fun.  Some spoke of God.  R tried to get me to understand some geometry.

Last night I talked to my friend A on the phone for two hours and eleven minutes.  It was my longest phonecall of recent memory.  Most people I get full on exhausted after 40 minutes.

We talked about his ex girlfriends, the need for validation, collaboration, the body healing itself, peace through peaceful behavior of the individual, personal responsibility, his roommate, his other roommate, laundry, books, weed, his dogs.  I read him a poem.

Tonight we're seeing him and one of his roommates.  We're going to our friend D's art opening at Haven Craft.  Then dinner.