dangerous compassions

I call you / from the comet's cradle

Tuesday, October 31, 2017


"A little kid was yelling 'trick or treat.'  And a dog was barking.  We don't have any candy."
"And we don't have a bone to give the dog."
"I don't wanna give a dog a bone.  Where's its costume?"
"It's actually a cat."
"If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it's probably Halloween."

naming cats

I learned that the very large orange cat with matted fur is called Catastrophe.  The above cat had no known name, so I decided to name her Midas Myth / Milagro.

Her name came from a list of nuclear bombs.  I read through the list and this name struck me as an extra good cat name.  There's a legend that once a cat is named for every nuclear bomb that has been detonated, the nuclear age will come to an end.

Also, it's a way to reclaim the names and wash them of their nasty meaning and return them to their good meaning.

Earlier our houseguest and I named the cat formerly known as White Cat a new name: Project 56 No. 1.  I still need to get a photo of her.  She's the most skittish of all our cats, so I predict it may not be easy.

Monday, October 30, 2017



Yesterday afternoon I got stuck in bed.  My nap dragged on.  I tried to speak sternly to myself about it being time to get up.  Eventually something worked.

We watched the Sacred Peace Walk movie yesterday, Ming and our houseguest and I.  I had to try hard not to cry.  Also it's exhausting.  It makes me feel like I just put on a Sacred Peace Walk.  It's so realistic!

This morning we might go to the Bellagio to look at this art thing.  I have never been.

Yesterday I wrote a poem I like.  It's called "red."  It's kind of about that communist Russia-themed party.

Sunday, October 29, 2017

sanitizer at the soupline

subversive truth

communist party


Last night was the party.  I hoped A should show up, but he said he didn't feel like a party person though I tried to tempt him with mention of the delicious Russian food, the kittens, and the music.

I wore my red dress.  No good picture of me in it exists.  I forgot to dress early for outdoor picture purposes.  Ming took some dusk pics.  Well, I'll show you one though I don't like it much.

Our friend D had a guestbook for her couch, which I enjoyed writing in.  I was happy.

There was a fire in a firepit in the backyard.  I stood by it for a moment until one of the party goers started talking about his dental woes.

S was there with her ukulele, but she didn't really play.

This morning it's still dark out, too early to play.

Saturday, October 28, 2017

friends make the best medicine

Gmorning.  How are you?  I'm up early.

Had a beautiful dream about moving into a house where women mental health zinesters lived.  I started talking to this woman who's a mental health zinester I used to know through the mail--she lives in England.  She seemed sad and upset but I helped her feel better.  I was going to give her some zines.

Someone came up to me with one of my zines that had binding that had fallen apart.  So I said I'd rebind it.

Last night was political prisoner letter writing night.  It was okay.  There were six of us.

Tonight's the communist Russian-themed party.  They changed the time to 6 pm  to midnight.  So we can go earlier if we want to.  I'm all ready to wear my red dress.

Friday, October 27, 2017

happy Nevada Day observed

how to talk with someone who holds a position you despise

Thursday, October 26, 2017


cabinet crap
potluck party
question friend

Wednesday, October 25, 2017

lentil soup, salad, bread

Yesterday I shoe shopped and lived to tell the tale.

Made some pasta with vegan pesto--it was good.  The pesto was from Trader Joe's and is new.

Then in the evening I made some baba ganoush.  Shared some with my friend in Freedom House.  He found it in his fridge, ate it, and txted me that it's amazing.  He's so nice.

Today we're having a guest over for lunch (in addition to our friend who is staying with us).  I'm making lentil soup, green salad, and bread.  Well, the bread is from the store.  Well, the salad is too.

This guest plays ukulele.  I hope he'll regale us with some tunes.

Tuesday, October 24, 2017

red dress

Hey, happy Tuesday.  Today I danced, played ukulele, emailed people, and stuff like that.  Life.

My friend suggested I learn "Solidarity Forever" to play on ukulele at the communist Russia-themed Halloween party we're going to on Saturday.  So I found the chords and am practicing!

I need some appropriate shoes to wear with my red dress.


Monday, October 23, 2017

weird shirt

Yesterday our friend came.  It was exciting.  We hung out in the morning.  Then this guy from India who's on a three year bicycle trip came over.  I made lunch: soyrizo and egg burritos with spinach.  Very tasty!

Then the guy who's staying in the back house came over.  So there were five of us in the house.  The guy who's staying in the back house monologued, and my brain got full. I had to go.

I wore this strange shirt my friend gave me a while back.  It was its inaugural wearing.  I will try posting a picture.

Then we went to the goddess temple.  I liked talking in the temple.  I didn't bring my song book, so we didn't sing.  Then at 5 was a dinner.  It was kind of like Thanksgiving dinner.  Ming and I eschewed the turkey and ham.

We bailed before the ritual, deciding to quit while we were ahead.  The crowd seemed unfriendly.  We needed some kind of ice breaker or introducer.

Then back at the compound we hung out more and enjoyed life.  We watched some Madonna music videos for a reason I can't recall.  Our friend said she was going to bed but stayed up almost an hour later.  We lingered.

Sunday, October 22, 2017

last night's Radical Mental Health Collective meeting

Too bad Ming's not in the picture!  He was the photographer.

Saturday, October 21, 2017


Saturday mornings I serve the hungry and have a weekly meeting.  It's good.  Community cheered me up.

Then we grocery shopped.

Today's the book fest.  I don't wanna go.  But I got to support my peeps.  G is going to be there with his printing press.  And ephemera.

Friday, October 20, 2017

where two or three are gathered

Well, I woke up crying at 1 in the morning, got up, wrote two poems, finished another two.  Did some promotion of my events.  Sent some email.

Then I went back to bed at 4.  Woke up in time for a Round Table discussion on wisdom practices at the Catholic Worker up in the prayer room.  We have to take our shoes off to go up there, now.

Then J and I meditated together for 20 minutes.  Felt good.

Then we went to the glasses store and chose some frames for Ming and ordered his new glasses, which cost a fortune!

That's about all the remotely interesting stuff.  Might have dinner with A this evening.

Oh, we went to the farmers market too.  Hadn't been in a long, long time.  The BBQ smelled good.

Thursday, October 19, 2017

museum altar

Wednesday, October 18, 2017

magically good

Gmorning--how are you, reader?  In some ways, I keep my cards close to my chest.  In other ways, I'm an open book.  Sometimes I wish I could be more free.

Tomorrow's the one year anniversary of my dad's death.  How do you think I'll do?

Yesterday the Catholic Workers liked the lunch I made.  I was nervous about the potato salad.  It was my first time making potato salad for people I wasn't related to.  But it went over well.  And they loved the lentil soup.

The lentil soup had a magically good flavor.  Sometimes it's better than others.

Last night we picked up my penpal from Wolverhampton.  I realized last night that she's a neat freak and our house is probably making her crazy.  Oops.  Hopefully the Rice Room is not too cluttered or dusty.

A lot of good people have stayed in that room!  Our friend C is probably coming in a few days.  She might stay two weeks.  Without boyfriend or dog.  I think we'll go to the hot springs!

Well, wish me luck.  I wanted to go see my mom.  That didn't work out.

Tuesday, October 17, 2017

damaging, deliberate, delicious

I ate some leftover pizza for breakfast.  I'm feeling pretty good but arguing with a friend.  It feels damaging.  She is a pretty important friend so it's hard.  I don't know how we'll come out of it.  She lives in New Mexico so it's not like I run into her.  It's an intentional friendship--deliberate.

I am a deliberate person.  I think I make a lot of sense.  I am full of intention and may be predictable.  Ming and I were talking about commitment and loyalty, what we mean when we talk about those.

Also I have been thinking about how crazy I am, because my craziness seems reduced.  I do keep things very tamped down...but I think that works well for me.

Anyway, too deep for this blog post.  The cold pizza was delicious.

Monday, October 16, 2017


newsletter time

Oatman, Arizona

Well.  Yesterday we went to Oatman.  I was living on 40 minutes sleep.  I was a bit out of it, more than usual.

In Oatman some burros got our burritos in a feeding frenzy.  It was kind of traumatic for me.  After that I prettymuch avoided the wild burros that roam the streets.

I looked at some shops but got done fast.  "My tourist performance is nearing its end," I said to Ming.  I bought nothing, not even a postcard.

There was a bar with signed dollar bills covering the walls and ceiling.  Our friends drank there.  Ming had two cokes.

I sat outside by the car waiting for an hour for everyone else to be done.

Then we went to Kingman for IHOP.  My food was good.

Then we went to Chloride to look at this mural painted on these rocks.  Our friends explored and took pictures.

I prefered the plantlife.  I took some picture of these berries on a large bush.  The leaves looked like oak leaves but were not.

Then on the way home I slept a lot.  It was good.

This morning I woke up with a very sore throat.  I think I'm sick.  And that's what I get.

Saturday, October 14, 2017

busy day

This morning I slept then dozed.  Then we went to serve the hungry: pancake day.  I poured syrup, which hurts my back.  Pain but not damage.

I heard a fellow volunteer make a racist statement about his Black women students.

Then we washed a fuckton of dishes.  I think it was the most dishes ever.  Afterward G thanked me and shook my hand like always.

Then we had a good meeting.

Then we went to Costco to pick up four things and get something printed for NDE.

Then we went to Blick to pick up some more violet water-soluble ink.  It was way cheaper there.

Then we were really hungry and came home and ate last night's leftovers for lunch.

Next up: a volunteer is coming.  She might install three new security doors R bought.

Later tonight: a potluck.  I need to start cooking at 5:30.

Friday, October 13, 2017

special dinner

Well, everything's going okay.  Today we have a Creech Vigil and in the evening a special dinner my friend M is making me for my birthday.  My birthday present.

Last night we went to a talk at Writer's Block.  It was about a nuclear test gone awry.  True story.

Then when we came home at 8:30 there were five cop cars, some in front of our house.  Scary shit.  I hope the neighbors are okay.

Thursday, October 12, 2017

hard times require furious dancing

This morning I just wanted to keep dreaming.  But Ming woke me up to say goodbye before he went to serve the hungry.  He didn't want to go serve the hungry.  But there's this guy who got his glasses smashed on the soup line, and Ming volunteered to take him to get new glasses.

Lotsa good stuff happened yesterday.  We went to the Goddess Temple where I sang and prayed.  We gave a nice old lady a ride to the airport.  She said she loved us like last year.  We had lunch with a new friend and her three-year-old.  We went to this art supply store in Henderson where we spent a small fortune.

I'm making this new zine and decided to do a fancy cover.  So Ming is going to carve a linoleum block with the zine's title and a picture of a grackle.  We're printing the covers on raspberry cardstock.

So wish us luck!  I'm listening to the Mountain Goats, a cd I checked out from the library.

I feel unresponded to.  I send countless emails that get no reply.  I am pretty fastidious about replying to people, myself.  But I do have those two emails from September sitting in my inbox.

Oh, and I changed my sig file--amazing.  It had been the same for a couple years, I think.

Wednesday, October 11, 2017


Ming coughs like a half-dead person and I'm like, "Is this what I have to look forward to?"

I ate toast.  I need another walk.

I bought two dresses from amazon this morning.  Both are lacy.  One dark red, one gray.

When I was a kid I had a dark green lacy dress and I want one like that.  I wore it to work and when I graduated from high school.  It was under the...

"What do you call the graduation clothes?" I asked Ming.

"Cap and gown," he said.

"Why don't you rent those?" I asked.

"You had to buy the hat, but you rented the gown."

Tuesday, October 10, 2017

such is life

My noodles were draining by the sink.  Ming washed his hands.  "Did you splash my noodles?" I asked.

"No," he said.

"Don't fuck with my noodles!" I yelled.

He made motions like he was poking my noodles.

I flipped him off heartily.

arroyo grande

This morning we traveled all the way to Summerlin to walk in an arroyo.  Nice.  I smelled good plant smells, and there was a trickle of water coming out of a pipe.  "Look, a river!" I said.

Ming wants to go to the cheesecake factory.  He made a poor choice and ate my half-donut.  He says his brain wasn't working right yesterday.  I would agree.  "Stupid-head," he called himself, which made me laugh.

Monday, October 09, 2017


Ming fixed the faucet!  Three cheers for Ming!

Hip hip horray!

tea needs

I've been sad.  But Ming and I took a walk this morning, and I felt better almost right away.

Then we went to Home Depot.  I sat in the car watching a guy load boards onto his truck.

Ming is trying to fix our bathroom faucet, which was dripping.  Now it's disassembled.

I need tea.  I need this better mood to last.

Sunday, October 08, 2017


We got a dryer.  For a long time we only hung our clothes to dry.  Now I still want to hang our clothes to dry.  But it might be good for when it's rainy.

That's the news around here.  Today it's supposed to hit 91.  But it's cool at the moment.

new people

Ming and I both have sore throats.  Hope we're not getting sick.  There's so much to do.

Last night's radical mental health meeting--it requires some preparation, which is good and bad.  I didn't enjoy getting the food ready or setting it out...but some physical preparation is good for mental prep.

It was all kind of overwhelming.  Too many feelings, needs, social friction, personalities, words to think about, touch, eye contact...  I'm not the one to organize.  But if I don't do it, who will?  I don't want to hand over my baby to someone who might not care for it.  I don't want to hand over my baby at all.

There were nine of us last night including two new people.  The new people were women, which is great.

Saturday, October 07, 2017

holding T's sign


Last night we went out to sushi with friends after a-cafe.  It was fun.  I got hugs and some good laughs.  My new friend P gave me a shawl she crocheted for me.  It's black and lovely.

My vegan roll wasn't so good--too much pickled something--but I wasn't very hungry.  Ming liked his.

This morning: serving the hungry, dishes, a meeting.  Last week everyone was out of sorts.  Hopefully today there will be better feelings.

Friday, October 06, 2017

why does a seagull fly over the sea?

Last night there was a prayer thing with my peeps.  It was up in the prayer room.  I came early because Ming had to be at a meeting.

I hung out with J, and I sang in the prayer room for a while.  J read the words in English.

Then was the prayer thing.  We did some singing and read Bible stuff and other wisdom words.  I was so sleepy I was having a semi-surreal experience.  I was fading in and out.  Not sure what was wrong with me.

I asked A over txt "Why does a seagull fly over the sea?"  He had some guesses.  But he hasn't gotten it yet.

Some workers are here fixing our fence.  I hope they don't kill the apple trees or harm the grapevine.

Thursday, October 05, 2017

me and J


Yesterday we went to the hot springs in Tecopa.  We brought A with us.  He risked losing his job!  Spoiler: luckily, he did not lose his job.

It was hella relaxing and fun.  However, A did all of the driving.  We thanked him profusely, but I hope it didn't tax him too much.

We did three dips.  Then we went to China Ranch date farm.  Had date shakes, and they took a little hike.  I tried to avoid getting bitten by these huge evil flies.

Then we returned to the hot springs for another dip.  We sat outside for a long time on the couch thing, just being together and talking quietly.

Then we went to Zen Curry and got nice Japanese curry.  I was dehydrated, and A and I both had headaches in the same spot.

Lots of warmth and good feelings.  A had never been to a hot springs before.  "Now I can say I went to California with you," I said.  "Who would I impress with that?"

"Me," A said.  "I would be impressed."

Tuesday, October 03, 2017


At community lunch I got overwhelmed by talk of the shooting and fled.  Realized I'm not cut out to be a listening ear about that.  Tragedy? guns?  Not so much.  So I changed my mind about going to the training tonight.

Ming went without me.  I stayed home and made enchiladas.  They turned out great.  Delicious.  But I skipped the rice and beans.

Listening to music, feeling curious about my own life.


I'm proud of myself for doing about an hour of organizing last night, moved books around, threw some things away, put like with like, with Ming's help.  I needed some hand holding.  There's a lot more to do, but I see improvement.

Yesterday I hung out at the university while Ming attended a history class.  It was fun.  I wrote a letter by the art museum.

Last night txted with A for four hours.  Wow.  Stayed up till 12:30 in the morning.  Thought I'd sleep in this morning and did not.

Tomorrow--hot springs.  I told Ming, "If I was any more excited, it'd be pathological."

This morning Ming is hiking with friends.  Today's community lunch.  I'm not cooking.  I like Tuesdays.

Monday, October 02, 2017

someone to worry about

I was awake in the night and checked my messages.  There was a message from my friend D saying we must have heard what happened, and it was scary.  I was like no, what happened?

Then this morning I got up at 5:45 and Ming asked if I was safe.  I was like, what the hell are you talking about?  I guess a bunch of people on facebook want to know if I'm safe because of the massacre that took place last night on the Strip.

So to all my readers, yes, I am safe.  I don't go to country music concerts, if I can help it.  As far as I know, all my peeps are safe too.  They don't go to country music concerts either.  Well, one of my friends works security at concerts.  Oh, now I have someone to worry about.

Sunday, October 01, 2017

Gandhi movie, patience oats, the Devil's Pause

Ming proofread the visioning meeting notes I typed up.  We fixed a few things.  Then I submitted them to the group.

Pagan Pride was ok.  R said he would come at 3 to help and never showed or txted / called.  He's going through his own stuff.

Yesterday I txted with my friend M for a couple hours.  Felt good to connect with him like that.  We talked about his deep dark stuff.

Today I get to rest a lot.  Ming's going to a Gandhi movie.  I have nothing on my agenda.  I'm cooking up the steel cut oats that take half an hour--they were given to me.

I wanted to tell you--when you're at a red light waiting and the light turns green and cars pass through the intersection and then the light turns yellow and red and you didn't get to go--when you have to wait through a fruitless cycle--that's called the Devil's Pause.  We've been calling it that and it's fun to have a name for it.