dangerous compassions

I call you / from the comet's cradle

Wednesday, April 29, 2009


Erik said if I start writing, I'll figure out what to blog about. Today I had yoga. First we went to Smart & Final for onions, which are ten pounds for a dollar. We also got tomatoes--two pounds for a dollar--and avocados--four for a dollar. We didn't go beyond the sales that tempted us there.

Then yoga was good. We worked hard--it was more intense than usual. Afterward we went to a Japanese store Erik likes called Oto's. I was self-conscious even more than usual because I was wearing exercise clothes. We went for broad beans, which we found, and Erik ate a whole bag while finishing Seven Samurai this evening.

Then I took a nap known as Yoga Nap. I dozed.

Then we went to McKinley park, where I walked only 20 minutes. Then I wrote in my journal while Erik finished his run and started reading Carrots and Condoms #2

Then was women's writers group. S came late. H worked on her zine. We planned a collaborative project, and I was very quiet. People make an effort to include me, which is very sweet, but sometimes my mind gets overloaded and I'm incapable of articulate thought. At times I disassociated a little, which I hadn't done in a long time.

Tomorrow is a free day. We talked about going into the mountains, but I don't know if we will. Friday is a shit day. I'm getting a female exam--I haven't had one in about six years (which is bad--it's supposed to be every year). We have some household tasks that need to get done that we've been dreading.

Friday night is Samiti Satsang. Then Saturday is a board meeting. I need to get ready for that by working on the agenda, and new membership lists need to be ready by then too.

Then Sunday we're going out of town, which I'm looking forward to, though I have a more-than-reasonable amount of anxiety about the car breaking down during a trip.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

third time's the charm

The window was finally repaired today. The workers had come twice with the wrong size glass. So that's over with.

Monday, April 27, 2009


Here are some new pictures by Erik from yesterday's hike.

water bottle


Sunday, April 26, 2009


Yesterday I was feeling kind of down and edgy. We waited all morning for the glass guy to show up, and he did at 11:30. He'd brought the wrong size glass, so he said someone would call us to let us know whether he'd be able to get the right size that day or whether we'd have to wait until Monday. Meanwhile, I got a text from H asking if I wanted to go to McKinley park, and I did. So the glass company called and said Monday between noon and 2. So we went to the park.

H had her knitting--she's knitting squares for Code Pink. We sat by the duck pond and people watched. At one point a terrific fight broke out between a couple of white geese. I was afraid to see blood on white feathers, but there was none.

Today Erik is hiking with T. I skipped worship for the nth week in a row. Listened to Clap Your Hands Say Yeah and old Cure. Washed dishes, wrote a letter. Life is quiet.

Friday, April 24, 2009

odd day

This morning I wanted to take the truck to the park. (Erik's been working an in-person job.) So I got in the truck, but I heard a weird sound and looked into the back and saw the rear passenger window had been smashed in. So I realized I wasn't going to the park. I walked one street over to drop some mail in a blue mailbox. Then I went into my apartment to think about what to do. Well, I decided to go for a walk to think about what to do. Once I got down the street a ways, I realized I needed to call the cops, so I better turn around and go back home.

I realized that when the police came, they might want to see my registration and proof of insurance. So I looked in the glovebox and couldn't find proof of insurance. I went back upstairs and looked for the little slip from GEICO but couldn't find it. I decided I needed to call Erik. So I called him, but he didn't answer. I called him again and again, thinking eventually he would get sick of the vibration in his pocket and answer the damn phone, but he didn't answer, so I decided he must have left it in the car and called his work and said there was a bit of an emergency. I found out later that that scared the shit out of him--when the worker told him his wife was on the phone and it was an emergency, he thought someone died.

Erik came home and helped me. I was too scared to call the cops. He called the cops for me. He also got the printer set up again so I could print out proof of insurance. But we didn't need it--no one came out after all. They got all the info they needed to make a report over the phone.

So then Erik went back to work, and I called the insurance company to verify that this wasn't covered, and they gave me the number of an auto glass place and told me it would cost around a hundred dollars. Well, the auto glass place said $245.90. I agreed, and we set up an appointment for Monday.

Then I talked to my mom, and she said to call around, so I called around and found a place that's coming out tomorrow morning and will only charge $169. We'll see how that goes.

So that was my morning. I was edgy and unhappy. Then I tried doing laundry, but the coin thing jammed. I tried for a long time to make it release my dollar fifty, but to no avail. How annoying.

Then I baked a vegan carrot-ginger cake. It was a lot of work: breaking up the walnuts, peeling and grating the ginger, grating the carrots. But it's somewhat meditative. I think it helped me feel better. At least it gave me something to do. I was too wound up to read. I was just waiting for Erik to come home from work.

Then in the evening I went to my friend K's place. She was making a meal out of the produce from her CSA box, and I was a helper. Then I was an eater. Everything was so tasty. I think I liked the pasta dish best. I think I liked the asparagus best. Also, it was interesting to eat a vegan carrot cake other than my own--K and her friend whose first name starts with the letter I had baked a vegan carrot cake before I got there. They put frosting on theirs (at our place, we don't do frosting). So it was different.

I was edgy to be around people but happy too.

This morning (to get achronological) when I woke up, I thought, "If I didn't know better, I'd say it's raining," because it sounded like rain. And then as it turns out it really was raining, though it wasn't supposed to. So that was an odd beginning to an odd day.

Thursday, April 23, 2009


Today I baked vegan cornbread. When I went to take it out of the oven, I noticed it was very done--almost burned. What went wrong? Then I realized the oven was on 450, not 350. Oops. I tried a piece, and it was still good. It's not dried out, and the top crust has a lovely little crunch. The bottom and side crusts are a little too brown but still okay. The inside is tasty. So it's not a complete loss, not at all.

But it means that the cookies I baked yesterday for S came out overdone, and Erik didn't tell me! (I couldn't taste them because I don't eat chocolate.) I guess what I need to do is make the cookies again, correctly this time, and give some to S to show her their true goodness.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

I finished Persuasion today.

Persuasion Persuasion by Jane Austen

My review

rating: 3 of 5 stars
This is the first Jane Austen book I've ever read. I tried many times when I was young. I found it to be easy reading but difficult to enjoy. It didn't have the vitality I look for. I didn't fall in love with any of the characters (though I liked Anne just fine). I didn't even find any of the characters appealing enough that I would want to spend time with them if they were people. I guess reading Persuasion has helped me learn about what I like in novels. I actually listened to it as an unabridged audiobook, which might have helped me get through the first chapter. If I didn't know it was unabridged, I would have blamed the abridgment for leaving too much out. The ending--though I knew what would happen--came out of nowhere. All the feelings seemed tamped down, and everything felt at arm's length. It's not the way life feels, to me. I'm glad I don't live in that world.

View all my reviews.


Yesterday I stubbed my toe on the vacuum cleaner, my right foot's little toe. Then in the middle of the night I stubbed my toe on the vacuum cleaner again. It bled, and the nail seems half-off. So I moved the vacuum cleaner.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

some quotes I like

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This is a new mini-zine I made.

Monday, April 20, 2009

fridge update

The fridge is now on its side, in the street.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

the fridge

For a few days now there's been a fridge out on the street. I don't know why it's out there. But along with all the shopping carts, it's giving the neighborhood a certain je ne sais quoi.

scary sheep

Erik likes to listen to nature recordings. The other day he was hearing one with sheep baaing, and he played it for me. Kitty freaked out. He went to the window and looked around in a worried way. He meowed emotionally. I don't know why sheep would bother him so much. He's heard plenty of other nature recordings and never reacted like that.

Friday, April 17, 2009

new scanner

Here's hoping my blogs will be more visually interesting from now on.

mystery food

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Here is that weird bunny sticker. What is Bunny eating, anyway?


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A couple weeks ago at Whole Foods I got a delicious lemon poppy seed cookie, Frankly Natural's Vegan Decadence Lemon Poppy Cookie. It was very large but flat. It had a rich, lemony flavor, delicate yet strong. I hope to get another one day, though it's hard to eat such a cookie in moderation. I ate half, intending to save the other half for another day, but then ate the other half a couple hours later. Erik tried it and liked it very much too.



Today we went downtown to run some errands. We picked up Erik's new yoga mat! which we got through freecycle. We dropped off some books at my friend S's workplace, and we dropped off some zines at my friend H's workplace. Then we went to McKinley Park so Erik could run and I could walk. It was good to be out.

Just now I went across the street to buy some produce and get a $10 bill to include in a card for a friend's daughter. At first the checker gave me a bill that was ripped and poorly repaired with tape. "Oh, can I get a prettier one? It's for a birthday present," I said, and she was really nice about it. She found a pretty one for me.

At McKinley Park after I walked I sat on a bench and wrote a note to my cousin S who's in prison, and I wrote it on a card I got from the dollar store. It's of Van Gogh's Sunflowers. I couldn't figure out why they were at the dollar store. Then I was looking at the back and saw that the painting was by Vincent can Gogh.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

summer already?

Monday it's supposed to hit 95F (35C) here.

yoga mats, dinner, ellipses

We need another yoga mat because Erik uses mine, and he does sun salutes over and over again and gets sweaty, so he gets sweat on the mat, and I don't want to bring it to yoga class like that, so I have to wash it. It would just be better if we had our own mats. So I called around trying to find the cheapest yoga mat in town, and I signed Erik up for freecycle so he could ask for one there. Looks like the cheapest yoga mat in town that can be found at a store might be the $12.99 mat at Target which is out of stock at the Arden Target but in stock at the Riverside Target. So if we don't get one freecycle, we might go there.

For dinner I made a stir fry of broccoli, carrots, green garlic, garlic, and tons of ginger. We ate it with whole wheat couscous instead of rice because we were short on time. It was so delicious and so healthful, but when I have a really healthful, vegetable-y meal like that, my reaction immediately afterward is "Where's my ice cream?" We haven't had anything ice cream-like in the apartment for months. Also, we're long out of cookies. I owe Erik a carrot cake from a promise a couple weeks ago....

Had some consternation about ellipses recently. I thought they were always three dots, but I learned they can be four if they end a complete sentence. So I was proofreading P's latest interview, and I had some four-dot ellipses and three-dot ellipses, and he called wanting to know what the deal was. There was another difficulty, which was when an ellipse is embedded in a sentence...like this, or when an ellipse just trails off entirely, like this.... It was a difficult phone call for me, because I want P to think I know what I'm doing and to trust me, but there can be differing opinions, and interviews are weird because there are a lot more ellipses and m-dashes than in regular writing.

got a scanner

This morning Erik and I went to Rancho Cordova to pick up a scanner that I got through freecycle. Erik researched the drivers and found out there's a driver for Vista but it won't do all the functions? Kind of confusing. It's two years old. I can't wait to get a USB cable to try it out, but I need Erik's help for that. He's scoring 7 hour days Friday and Saturday, 9 1/2 hours on Sunday and Monday--then he starts scoring CBEST on Tuesday, which means he'll work 8 hour days in person and then come home and score more online. So next week isn't good. We'll see.

great reviews

This morning I got some news--great reviews of ELM #44 and functionally ill #3 have been posted at Hungry Forest.


Tuesday, April 14, 2009


I was proofreading an interview transcription for my friend P, and it was super hard work. The guy who was being interviewed has an elliptical way of speaking, lots of false starts, and it was a heck of a pain to punctuate. But I finished this morning, and P's going to pick it up tomorrow and give me another interview transcription half as long to proofread for him--he's riding his bike here, which I think is a long way.

I have proofreading and editing skills, but I wish I had more. I wish I knew the actual proofing marks and could do it for a living. That would be good at-home work, freelance. For a long time now I've been thinking I should locate some schooling for this, either online or in person here in Sacramento. For a while I was interested in tech writing as a career, but that fell away. So I researched some tech writing programs a few years ago.... I should research editing programs. Kind of scary though.

Yesterday on our walk Erik and I were talking about jobs. When we lived in Bishop I applied for and really wanted a job teaching sex ed. They didn't hire me because I can't speak Spanish. I promised to learn, but that wasn't good enough, and they ended up hiring someone from out of the area. Yesterday I was pondering how different my life might be now if I had gotten that job and held onto it for a couple of years. So many other jobs would become available to me if I had that non-profit experience.

But I'm not interested in teaching anymore, I don't think. Well, I would teach again if I found a very special place, but that's a lot more of a dream than a plan.

In some ways scoring from home is ideal, but the work is so meaningless and tedious and brain-numbing. I guess editing could be the same way, depending on what I was editing. So maybe it's not such a good idea after all.


I want a scanner so I can scan stuff. For example, I want to review products (food products) on my blog, and I would like to be able to scan the labels so there's a visual.

So I asked on freecycle, but I didn't mention that it needs to be compatible with Vista, so I got some offers, but I guess the scanners were too old because there were no Vista drivers available. I'm still waiting to hear back from someone with a model number so I can see if the scanner she's offering me has a Vista driver, but I guess it's a long shot.

We had a scanner a long time ago, but we had problems with it and ended up giving it to Erik's friend T. It worked for him for a while and then broke. I asked on freecycle for a SCSI scanner because my USB ports were broken? And someone gave me one, but then we couldn't get it to work, and I think I ended up refreecycling it. Now I have a new computer (few months ago) and all the ports work.

Monday, April 13, 2009


1. picked up medication at mental health place, where a certain guy was spouting off about how he used to be an astronaut, an astronomer, a movie star, a teenaged jet pilot....boy did that make it hard to proofread
2. scored North Carolina for just two hours
3. proofread interview for P for at least two hours
4. made photocopies of important paperwork
5. dropped off important paperwork for the never-ending Medi-Cal application
6. made some delicious pasta with a tomato-y sauce and toasted pine nuts
7. lots of little things too

Sunday, April 12, 2009

first Easter without eggs

This morning we took turns hiding citrus fruits for one another in the living room.

Friday, April 10, 2009

vegan peanutbutter fudge

This evening I made a half batch of vegan peanutbutter fudge for Easter, only I don't think it's going to last until Easter.

Thursday, April 09, 2009

Cafe Gratitude

I just found out that Cafe Gratitude is a chain, and it just about shocked the shit out of me. I thought it was a "This could only work in Berkeley" kind of place, but I guess it works in San Francisco, Oakland, Healdsburg, and San Raf too.

Anyway, Cafe Gratitude is a pretty expensive place to eat. I would say it's on the expensive side. All the foods have funny names. For example, Erik ordered I Am Graceful, and I ordered I Am Passionate. I almost ordered I Am Sensational, but it had hemp seeds in it, and I don't like hemp. Erik's food was a grain bowl, and mine was pizza. However, it was unlike any pizza I had ever encountered. The food is live, organic, and vegan. I think "live" is a subset of raw, but I could be wrong about that.

The waiter told us that the question of the day was, "Who can you reach out to and love today?" At the middle of each table is a stack of cards that we used to play a game. First we had to chose a special name. We had a pick a spirit word and an abundance word. I chose "mana" and "heaps," so my name was Mana Heaps Laura-Marie. Erik was All That Is Abounding Erik. Then we played the game. Each card had an inspirational quote on it and then some questions and River Guides. Questions are like, "How do you feel about being rich?" and "When is a time you didn't speak up for yourself?" It's a talking game. Erik was much better at this game than I was. I had a hard time coming up with examples and playing along. Erik is obviously much more attuned to abundance and accepting what life has to offer, etc.

mail day

Today I got some fabulous mail. My friend C in Minneapolis sent me a letter and a CD called Bike Songs for the Revolution. I haven't listened to it yet. Some of its songs are "Midnight Bicycle Mystery," "Bike Rides & High Fives," "Bicycle Song," and "Bicycle Bicycle, You Are My Bicycle." She also sent a sticker and a dried orange-yellow flower. The sticker is a cartoon rabbit eating some strange food. It looks sort of like a piece of pizza but purple and with some kind of round purple fruit on it. Wish I had a scanner so I could show it to you. I also got a letter from my friend E in Australia.

I cut my hair

This morning in the shower I lopped off three or four inches. My hair has become so thin that those last few inches dwindled down to nothing. So it's shorter and better now.

Wednesday, April 08, 2009

how today was

We woke up late, and I was tired the way I get tired the day after a trip. But I went to yoga. It was harder than last week. We found out scoring for North Carolina started a day early. I went to Vedanta to help P with mailing out the newsletters. I went to Office Max to pick up Samiti brochures from the printers. I napped in the evening dreamlessly. Or at least I don't remember any dreams. Erik is upset about work.

how Tuesday went

1. went to Berkeley
2. bought bread at Acme
3. copied some zines
4. went to lunch at Naan and Curry (the food was excellent)
5. drove into San Francisco
6. went to Japan town
7. did some shopping and very little buying
8. got a beautiful cup (I'll see if Erik will take a picture soon)
9. went over the Golden Gate bridge
10. stopped at a vista point to look at the city and be among tourists
11. went to Muir Beach
12. it was too cold and windy, so we couldn't stay long
13. went to Steep Ravine
14. walked on the trail
15. hung out by the side of the trail, watching the creek and looking at all the green
16. drove through Mt Tamalpais park
17. drove over the Richmond bridge
18. went back to Berkeley
19. ate dinner at Cafe Gratitude (our food was delicious, and I hope to blog about it in detail another day)
20. came home late

Monday, April 06, 2009

Bariani olive oil

The other day I was at the co-op, and we needed olive oil. So I was standing there staring at my choices, when someone walked up and grabbed a bottle of Bariani Olive Oil. I noticed on the label it said it was from California. So I decided to buy local and chose that one.

I wanted to try it by itself, so we bought some Acme bread at the co-op today, and I poured some of the olive oil on a plate to dip the bread in, and it's the best olive oil I've ever tried in my life. I was reading the label more carefully and saw that it's from Sacramento! And just now I looked it up online and saw some rave reviews, so I'm not the only one who thinks it's the best.

Sunday, April 05, 2009

what's happenin'

1. made chewy carob-raspberry cookies
2. walked around the neighborhood
3. talked on the phone with A--her power's out
4. done training
5. Erik's done training too
6. therefore, party time
7. seeing P tomorrow
8. might go out of town Tuesday
9. yoga Wednesday
10. scoring starts Thurs

Saturday, April 04, 2009


The neighbors are having a party. The music is loud. I get the feeling it will continue until bedtime and beyond. Meanwhile, we're supposed to be training. I guess tomorrow.

We made a huge stir fry with broccoli, broccoflower, carrots, onions, green garlic, garlic, and ginger. It's super good. We went to farmers' market today, the one here in Arden.

Yesterday we went to McKinley Park so Erik could run and I could walk. On the way home on the freeway, we were in a small accident. There was no damage, but we had to pull over. Strangely, the driver didn't come out to talk to us--his passengers did instead. "That's not bad," a passenger said, seeing the dent on the side of our car that was already there. "That was already there," Erik said.

Friday, April 03, 2009

Rama puja

Yesterday in the morning I went with H to Berkeley. There we made photocopies of zines (I made more of functionally ill #1 and #3 as well as a new little mini-zine called Some Quotes I Like). Then we went to Cha Ya for lunch, vegan Japanese food. We shared everything, and it was delicious. I hadn't been there in a long time. H taught me how to text.

Then in the afternoon Erik and I walked. Then we went to Fair Oaks to eat dinner at the Sunflower. It was for our anniversary. There we went to the park and watched two nearly-identical roosters fight. Fair Oaks is the place with all the feral chickens. One rooster chased the other all around. A small tan chicken followed them closely and sometimes got in the middle of the fighting. Roosters crowed. Our food was delicious but messy. I got a super nut burger. Erik got the mushroom millet.

Today we're training on North Carolina. I was on the phone with tech support for an hour trying to get my computer to do the things it was supposed to do. My patience wore thin and I had a hard time concentrating. Then the worker transferred me to his supervisor, and the problem was solved within 5 minutes.

Last night I slept almost 12 hours, 8 to 8. Now I have a neck ache. Tonight's Rama puja. I feel sick of religion and don't want to go. Erik's upset about things the Catholic church is doing, and I am too.

Wednesday, April 01, 2009

yoga, cat toy

This morning I went to yoga. I was prepared to get really sweaty and come home and sleep, but it was much more gentle than I remembered. I loved it. I left feeling light and loose and elated.

Then we went to the pet store and bought Kitty some food and litter. We also bought him some treats, some wheat grass, and a little hollow plastic ball with holes in it and a bell inside. He immediately started eating the grass, and he played with the ball right away too. In the past he's ignored toys, so it was really fun to see him enjoy this one.