dangerous compassions

I call you / from the comet's cradle

Thursday, December 30, 2010

still in Colorado

It stopped snowing. I've been waiting for my hair to dry so I can go for a walk. The big gusts of wind have died down. My brother took all my mail to send it for me, thank god. We're kind of snowed in. But my brother has to work. He's supposed to come back soon and take us to the grocery. We need ingredients for dinner and cookies. We didn't have shampoo so I washed my hair with soap, something I don't remember doing before, and it worked fine.

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

in Colorado

I'm in Colorado. It's been snowing all morning. I have a few hours alone and my dad's laptop. I washed laundry, talked on the phone with L, and developed a headache. I'm sorry I've been out of touch. I'll be back in Sac around January 3rd.

Sunday, December 26, 2010

in person

My tennies got holes in them, so I bought new ones today at Ross. They are white with green (green's my favorite). I bought some clothes too. Erik and my dad are talking about football in the living room. Soon we're leaving to go see my best friend E.

Christmas in Lompoc last night was packed. I got to see my cousin S who was in prison for five years and got out late last month. We spoke a little bit, and it was awesome to see him in person after so many letters.

Saturday, December 25, 2010


Today was very much Christmas. We opened presents in the morning, had enchiladas for late lunch, baked a cherry pie, had sausage rolls, went to Lompoc in the evening for tamales and more presents. Right now Erik and my dad are watching Avatar. It's my bedtime--goodnight.

Friday, December 24, 2010


Tonight my mom and I made pumpkin empanadas. The pastry has beer in it. They are so good!

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Mt Tam

Today we went to Mt Tam. There were beautiful moments. I'm now exhausted and on my way to bed. As I'm lying in bed trying to fall asleep, I will try to think of nice things to blog for you.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010


Yesterday we went to the bird refuge. It was actually closed on account of flooding. But we parked outside the gate. I finished two letters and wrote a third while Erik birded.

Today I'm going to see my friend P at the skilled nursing facility. I hope to be more comfortable this time. I don't want to burden her with my discomfort.

I've got the Christmas presents all wrapped, the very few I'm giving--parents, aunt whose name I picked in the draw, best friend. We never got a card out to Erik's dad, unfortunately. Quite a few people never got cards.

Yesterday I got a card from someone I hadn't heard from since around May. I thought I'd lost her. I've been writing to her periodically this whole time, and I finally had just given up.

Monday, December 20, 2010

chimps playing with stick dolls

I'm curious about stick carrying.


Sunday, December 19, 2010

lack of snow geese

Today we went birding with our friend A. Erik lured me out there with visions of snow geese, but we didn't see one snow goose! let alone hundreds coming in at dusk like they'd seen last time. Oh well. We might have seen a belted kingfisher.


Yesterday I went to visit P in the skilled nursing home. It was horrible there. She has a roommate, and the roommate was moaning the whole time, or more like keening. That was really disturbing. P seems a little out of it, and I think she said they have her on a sedative, and I have no idea why.

Then we went to the library and a thrift store where Erik found some things. I almost bought a sheet, but it was kind of ugly plaid, a plaid with a lot of white in it. I will check back for a prettier one.

I need to do some Christmas shopping for my dad--he finally gave me an ideas list. But I figure tomorrow--Monday--will be less crazy than today. Last night I made myself a long to do list.

It's pouring rain here. I want to walk, though, and the hourly forecast says it will let up around 10.

SAT scoring ended yesterday, and I have a song in my heart.

Saturday, December 18, 2010

phone calls

Last night I lay in the car while it was raining, talking to a friend on the phone. The car was warm from having the heater on while we were driving home. I was listening to the rain and listening to my friend's voice, and it was beautiful.

A few days ago I did the same thing only instead of rain falling from the sky, large yellow leaves were falling from the trees above me onto the car. That was beautiful too.

Thursday, December 16, 2010


I made enchiladas again--this time the filling was potatoes with soy chorizo. They were really good.

Today I went to the hospital to visit my friend P. It was my first time being at a hospital since my younger niece was born. I found it overwhelming, all that equipment in the halls and strange smells, but seeing P was worth it. I didn't touch anything except my friend when I hugged her. I kept my hands in my jacket pockets. I'm paranoid about hospital germs.

This afternoon they transferred P to skilled nursing. I don't know how long until she can go home.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010


Hey, I forgot to blog yesterday. That's weird.

Today at my favorite park I sat on a park bench in full sun. I felt the sun shine on me, and it felt good. I was sitting under huge trees that have lost almost all of their leaves.

Nothing I am feeling or doing is blogworthy, or nothing I'm feeling or doing is bloggable.

At Trader Joe's I like this punk rock checker who's pregnant. Today she asked if I found everything okay, and I wanted to complain that the Trader Joe's enchilada sauce isn't vegetarian, but I didn't feel strong enough.

Monday, December 13, 2010

birding question

Why are white-faced ibises called white-faced ibises when they don't have white faces?


The neighbors have invented a new game involving a bucket. From the sound of it, they're throwing rocks into the bucket? At any rate, it's loud, and I wish to god they'd move on. Last night I put in earplugs.

Today M came to see me. We had a great time at our favorite cafe and Thai food. She has a cold, and I hope I don't catch it. She wore a black scarf and a green sweater with elbow patches. I praised the elbow patches, and she said they were the reason she bought the sweater.

Tonight I was on the phone for about an hour and a half with my friend A. Her parents have a free plane ticket because of a credit card, and I might fly out there next month.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

neighbor art #2

The neighbor boy sold this drawing to Erik, I think for a dollar. Is it Crash Bandicoot?

excerpt from a letter about the fest

I'm still exhausted from yesterday. Being so
social for so long took everything out of me.

The guy tabling next to me was great. He wore a top hat and
drew things. He wasn't selling anything--he was just promoting his
web comics and his lit zine. He was enthusiastic and nice, but I
heard his spiels to fest visitors over and over. He drew me a picture
to give to a friend, and I hugged him.

I made $4. I sold a medium mini-journal and a small mini-journal.
Then someone wanted functionally ill 7 but didn't want to draw
something, so she offered a dollar and I accepted.

I got some zines and bought a beautiful book of fifty 50-word stories. I
met a guy named J who I liked. I bonded with the people I
went there with.

It was hard carrying things around--I brought a camping chair for
M to sit, but there wasn't room at the table.

I was writing a letter to my friend J the whole time, so it was nice
to have her to talk to.

Very few people took even the free zines. I don't know what it is.
Many fest visitors, their eyes just passed over my zines like they
didn't exist. I don't know why. I tried not to take it personally.
Maybe they were only there for books? But I would think readers would
like zines too. I'm glad I had a description of functionally ill on
the table, just a sentence. If I hadn't, even less people would have
been interested.

All in all, I don't think I'll ever do it again, but there were nice
things about it.

I didn't get many drawings. H drew two things, and M drew
two things. My friend K who lives in Berkeley paid a visit, and
she drew Underwater Piano. The drawings are good and funny. Maybe
I'll scan them.

post fest

It's Erik's birthday. He's out birding with A. Instead of cake, we're having vegan ice cream tonight, and tacos. I'm supposed to be scoring SAT, but instead, I was just trying to figure out tumblr. I don't get it at all and am not convinced I should.

I want to blog about yesterday's fest, but not now. I think I'm finally recovering.

Friday, December 10, 2010

night night

I've been getting ready for the zine fest tomorrow. I hope people show up. I know one person who's coming, my friend K. "At least we'll have each other," I told Erik in reference to my fellow tablers.

I'm tired. Cats are gross. That is all.


Erik: I want enchiladas.
me: What do you want in them?
Erik: Enchiladas.

Thursday, December 09, 2010

Party City

Last night I went to a party supply store for a dark blue plastic tablecloth for our table at the East Bay Alternative Press Book Fair. It was my second time ever at a party supply store. I found it to be very strange. Anyway, a dark blue plastic tablecloth is $1.99.

Wednesday, December 08, 2010

dentistry update

Today I got my permanent crown. I was so optimistic about it, thinking they'd just pop off the temporary one and glue on the permanent one and I'd be on my merry way. I don't remember my last crown being so...traumatic. Well, it's over, but I still need some fillings.

Tuesday, December 07, 2010

candy cane

Erik brought home a candy cane from work today.

me: This tastes really weird.
Erik: It's cheap candy. Throw it away.
me: You know what it tastes like? You're going to think I'm crazy.
Erik: It's crap!
me: It tastes like strawberry-cinnamon.
Erik: Throw it away!

raspberry cordials

Yesterday M was coming to see me, but she called at 10:30 to say she forgot, and if she left then, it wouldn't make sense because she would have to turn back around and come home so soon (she lives 45 minutes away)--anyway, so I lost my day's plans. Erik was on his way to Consumnes to bird watch, but when I lost my plans, he asked me if I wanted to go, and to make a long story short, we went to Berkeley instead.

But on the way to Berkeley, we stopped in Fairfield and saw M and her boyfriend for lunch. She and her bf have been together for 11 years, but I'd never met him. She had told me he's a ham, and she described him well. He seems very nice.

So that was stressful--we had Chinese food. I was quiet.

Then we went to Tilden Park, and it was cold and damp. Erik went out on trails while I sat at a picnic table and worked on a letter and Christmas cards. We weren't in the best mood. We were sad, feeling weighted down by responsibilities and work. December SAT starts Thursday. Then work work work until Christmas. Then Erik has to start calling in for jury duty right after Christmas.

I got a craving for raspberry cordials, a kind of candy I had when I was a teenager--it's chocolate spheres with sweet raspberry liquid inside. They're so good! I don't know where I would find them in person, but online, shipping's about $8. A place like Cost Plus World Market might have them--not sure.

Today Erik's working outside the home--he has a four day job. I've done some housework and sent some mail. It feels good to accomplish things.

Sunday, December 05, 2010

mini journals

Arg! I wrote a beautiful post about my recent craze of making mini journals, and lost it when the internet went out. Oh well. Insert beautiful post about my recent craze of making mini journals here.

ideas list for what to draw

Today I bought a small sketchbook at a craft store. At the zine fest on Saturday, I'm planning to offer the option of drawing something instead of trading, in case someone doesn't have something to trade. I want to come up with a list of ideas of things to draw. I thought of monster, monkey, and sofa. Maybe sofa's not a good one. Personally, I like drawings of donuts, but I'm worried people would just draw a circle inside a circle say, "Here's your donut," without a lot of artfulness. Any ideas? Maybe I should give some joke ideas, like sharks playing poker.

Saturday, December 04, 2010

Erik's REI finds

If I was a real blogger, I would take pictures of Erik's finds to show to you, but maybe you could use your imagination.

He got a Kelty pack for $20. It's a small backpacking size which could be used for an overnight trip. Or it could be used as a huge daypack.

He got a groundcloth for $10.

And the best find of all was a pair of boots for $10. The boots were originally $160. Omg. The brand is Vasque.

I thought Kelty was the name of those seals that turn into people, or people who turn into seals. But I googled it and came up empty handed. Selkie! I just googled "seals that turn into people" and got selkie.


I think I forgot to tell you about bookmaking at the library on Wednesday night--I made three small journals. Today we're going to do some bookmaking at my friend H's place. I have some ideas to make more small journals. I actually like to make small journals and write letters in them. Long letters. If the recipients want to keep the letters, they are in cute booklet form.

Right now Erik's at an REI sale with his friend P. He's looking for backpacking stuff and might spend up to $200.

Last night Kitty was demonic. Our sleep was interrupted over and over again by his howls. Erik's the primary nighttime caretaker, so I slept more than he did. Still I'm tired, and I don't know if I'll go to choir practice even if he's home with the car in time.

bug bite update

The outer pink circle surrounding my bug bite has faded--it can barely be seen. The inner red circle is still there. This has happened to me once before, at least--I remember it was on my thigh. I don't have any symptoms of illness, so I think I'm fine--however, I've been around people who have colds lately, so if I did get sick, I wouldn't feel convinced it was lyme's disease. Anyway, thanks for your concern, friends.

Friday, December 03, 2010

pineapple mystery

When I eat raw pineapple, then I eat something else, the thing I eat after the pineapple tastes weird. Does this happen to other people too? It's like pineapple temporarily changes my taste buds in some way.

Today Erik got a new computer mouse at Target. He's trying it out.

Something bit me on my left arm, my upper arm, on the inside. I don't know what bit me, but it's super itchy and swelled. There's an inner red circle about the size of a nickel and then an outer pink circle about the size of the diameter of a golf ball. I was indoors, and I hope it wasn't a spider, but I was awake.

Thursday, December 02, 2010


If I keep doing a few Christmas cards every day, I'll be done by...February! I guess they can be New Years cards too.

Today Erik heard from his favorite friend, the jury commissioner. He's on standby starting Dec 27th. WTF?

Wednesday, December 01, 2010

amnesty international

I like writing letters for Amnesty International!

Christmas cards, REI

I've got some strange Christmas cards from the '70s that I'm sending some people but not enough for everyone so some people are getting understated recycled smaller Christmas cards. I started today in earnest.

Saturday's a big event at REI called yard sale or something and lots of outdoor equipment will be there for cheap. It's from 10 to 1, so I guess I'll be missing choir practice.