dangerous compassions

I call you / from the comet's cradle

Sunday, November 29, 2015

vegan French toast

I made some vegan French toast.  I had been meaning to make vegan French toast for years.  Now I finally did.

1 cup coconut milk
1 tsp corn starch
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp vanilla
sprinkle salt
four large pieces bread

Melt some coconut oil in a frying pan.  Dip bread slice in batter and cook in frying pan, both sides, till it magically becomes French toast.  Boy, with maple syrup it tastes so good.

Based on this recipe.

the Uncollected David Rakoff

Well, it's early Sunday morning.  I've been up since 2:30 am.  I want toast but should probably go back to bed.  I got up to write down some ideas that were rattling around in my head for the zine roundtable.  I did some good work.  But then I did some emailing and wrote a to do list in my journal.  I have too many things to do.  But that's normal for getting home from a trip.  But would you do some of my things for me?

Well, I just read my to do list, and they're all things I have to do myself, pretty much.

Well, it's fun to start paragraphs with "well."  This fake fireplace heater seems to do nothing.  I'm freezing my feet off.

Ming's sorting through all the mail that came while we were gone.  He's giving me lots of envelopes.  'Tis the season for return envelopes re: holiday appeals.  Oh yeah, he's up too.  I think he got too cold when I left bed.

There's a new David Rakoff book out.  I saw it when I went to the bookstore a week and a half ago.  His writing is important to me.  But I need not to accumulate things.

Friday, November 27, 2015


Today we went to the butterfly grove where they winter in Arroyo Grande. We did other fun stuff too. Now Ming is heating up leftover mashed potatoes and mushroom gravy. Parents are watching Price is Right. I can hear the dinging of a bell.

Thursday, November 26, 2015

happy thanksgiving, Frida

I'm lying in bed while family is in the living room and kitchen. Maybe the backyard too. It's dusk of some kind--nautical dusk maybe?  I can't tell whether a thread is blue or black. I'm full from dinner and headachy. I feel disconnected. But Ming's here with me. 

I'm wearing my favorite socks. That always guarantees a good showing. They're my yellow Frida Kahlo sox. 

Wednesday, November 25, 2015

scarved and hatted

I'm in the parking lot of a grocery store while Ming buys the forgotten things. Mom gave him a twenty. I'm listening to Sufjan Stevens--Christmas music. I'm wearing Ming's blue hat and scarf because he left them in the backseat and it's cold. 

Today we went to San Luis where we sat near a creek for a while. Then we went to my favy cafe. Then we walked to the bookstore where I mentioned Catholic Worker and the guy gave me a free book written by a Catholic Worker. It was a heartwarming surprise. 

In the afternoon my bestie came to town. We talked hours. 

And now here I am shivering yet too stubborn to enter the warm crowded store. 

eucalyptus friends in SLO

Tuesday, November 24, 2015

25 cents


We arrived safely at the undisclosed location. The trip was easy. We stopped at UCSB where I showed Ming where I went to school. Before that we stopped in Fillmore where Ming napped in a parking lot. Before that we stopped in Baker at Mad Greek like usual. Oh, a grocery store too. 

Oh, I photographed a payphone for you. Will post. 

Monday, November 23, 2015

spring cleaning

Yesterday Ming pulled stuff out of cabinets, we threw away a bunch of ancient pasta and flour, and we made decisions about old mechanical kitchen things.  And Ming cleaned.  It was great to get rid of yuckie kitchen stuff that needed to be dealt with.  Like there was a thing of Crisco from a long time ago in there.  Yuck!

Tomorrow we leave on a trip.  I have no energy.  Today we're lunching with a board member from Hawaii.  And in the afternoon is a Creech vigil that I don't want to go to.  I think I'll enjoy some hours alone.

Sunday, November 22, 2015


We put blue garland and silver holographic snowflakes up to decorate for Christmas.  It looks nice in here.  We got them at the dollar store.  What a deal.

Sweet potato is good with honey vinegar on it, so Ming tells me.  This morning's experiment.

We're cooking for Food Not Bombs.  I'm always hoping the beans won't burn on that one spot in the middle of the pot.  Pot spot.  I'll start the rice in half an hour.

Saturday, November 21, 2015

throwing stories into the ether


Ming and I are featured in this blog post by a friend.

sleeping in the temple

Gmorning, friends.  Yesterday we went to the goddess temple and I was so tired, out of spoons because of a breakfast party at the Catholic Worker.

Ming and I sang a little and then I put cushions on the ground and we lay there on the floor of the temple, sleeping.  The sun was shining on my butt and legs and it felt good at first then felt burning.

Drones were flying around (the goddess temple is right by Creech Air Force Base) and we could hear them.  It was strange.

Then we came home and I took a four hour nap while our friend King R chopped veggies in our kitchen for Food Not Bombs.

We ate the last of the delicious vegan potato soup.

I'm grateful for a lot of good in my life.

Then in the night I dreamt of drones.  They were toy ones, and I was trying to smash one.  It had blades on the blades.

Friday, November 20, 2015

why facebook makes me feel like crap, the reading as it was, magic beans

Facebook hurts my feelings.

*It tells me terrible things in order to try to manipulate me into action or outrage or whatever.  Instead I feel sickened and usually paralyzed.

*It shows me disturbing things I can do nothing about, like news of friends' parents dying and I don't know the friend that well so don't know how to help, and really reaching out to them would not be appropriate.

*It shows me guilt trippy, chain lettery crap like, "How many of my friends actually take the time to read my status update?  If you read this, comment with one word about your day.  Then leave this status update on your wall so I can do the same.  If you don't follow these instructions, you are not a true friend."

*Pictures of dead people, harmed animals, etc posted by well-meaning armchair activists who care about their cause but not me.

*How good a time everyone's having without me.  And vaguebooking.

Okay, that was my morning rant.  Back to the Taylor-Lai family news.

The reading last night was great.  I went first.  The crowd seemed receptive to me, and Ming says I didn't read too fast.  Five friends came and heard me read, and then two more friends showed up half hour late and missed my reading.  But we shared some nice hugs.

Today's a surprise party for Grouchy John.  We bought him some magic beans from Trader Joe's.  I hope he thinks this is a weird yet fun present.  (I want to buy everyone magic beans.)

Thursday, November 19, 2015

reading imagined

This morning we served the hungry and peace vigiled.  Then we had breakfast at Salvadoreno.  It was a good morning.

Tonight we go to a zine event where I'll read from 5 - 10 minutes.  I don't know which, 5 or 10, and it's pretty different.  I need to do it for Ming and ask him to time me.

Listening to mix cds I made myself years ago and enjoying life.

Wednesday, November 18, 2015

because you're mine, I cross the line

This morning I made mushroom gravy and it was great.  I had it over leftover mashed potatoes and brown rice from last night.

Now I smell fruity because I took a shower and put some product in my hair.  And I'm warm because we have two heaters going in the living room.

A year and seven months ago today, Ming and I had our desert ceremony at Mercury and crossed the line.  Today I think we'll have some kind of dessert ceremony.

Tuesday, November 17, 2015

soup is an art, not a science

I printed a shit-ton of fliers for Las Vegas Icarus Project, and now I need to figure out somewhere to leave them besides Rainbow's End and the Beat.  They're bright yellow.

I've been wanting to make vegan cream of potato soup with nutritional yeast in it.  I looked at some recipes and decided I can go with my instincts. 

Have you ever tried cashew milk?  We bought some for guests and I never tried it.  But I want to.

Today we walked to the post office, which was nice though I felt vulnerable.  I sent some zines to Switzerland.  

Then we stopped at the newish El Pollo Loco looking for something vegetarian.  "Do you have anything vegetarian?" I asked the worker, and she said the under 500 menu, but everything on it had chicken, which was confusing.

But that'll teach me to go looking for vegetarian food at a restaurant with chicken in its name.

Monday, November 16, 2015

from JR's binder


Survived an MRI. (It was worse than the dentist.)

Sunday, November 15, 2015

for every little girl who throws out her Easy Bake oven, there's a little boy hoping to find one

This morning we went to a punk picnic.  We heard someone play bagpipes.  Others played mandolin, violin, and ukulele.  I ate two cookies and tolerated dogs.  Ming and I kicked a ball back and forth to one another, which we had never done before.  So that was momentous.

Someone was selling field mice skulls she had obtained from owl pellets.  She's the one who baked the cookies.

Then we went to a Catholic Worker visioning meeting.  It was okay, sometimes intense, but it all resolved.  Then we went to El Salvadorian food.  We had a good time talking about the toys we liked as kids then manners.  A friend who I love and I roleplayed how to light a lady's cigarette.  It made me laugh, but that was intense too.

The power went out at the Worker house, there's a marathon right now, it started to rain and is extremely windy.  Our friend JR is over, but I think we're going to kick him out soon.

Saturday, November 14, 2015

new bowl

done with capitalism

I'm in a Target parkinglot while Ming goes to an office store for a receipt file. I'm all shopped out. It's warm. 

I got a cute little dish. I'll show you a picture later. I also got a water bottle just for tea. I like the lid. 

Fall is my favorite for all sorts of reasons. 

Friday, November 13, 2015

today in a list

1.  political prisoner letter writing night
2.  date shake
3.  slow walk in the orchard
4.  sniffles and sneezes
5.  two soaks at the hot springs
6.  beautiful desert drives
7.  wakefulness 

Thursday, November 12, 2015

peace is possible

We were vigiling at Nellis Air Force Base with the NWTRCC people last weekend.

Wednesday, November 11, 2015

date farm

hot springs true fun

Yesterday we went to Tecopa to the hot springs with friends.  Soaking at the springs was the nicest feeling in the world.  Now I understand.  It was at Delight's.  We took two dips for 25 min each.  It was so relaxing, and the water wasn't as hot as I thought it would be.

It rained on our drive there and snowed on our way home.  I wasn't expecting snow at all.

We also went to China Ranch date farm.  We walked in the orchards and spent a while in the gift shop.  We ate lunch by a little stream.  It was fun.

Monday, November 09, 2015

vegan enchilada casserole

I made vegan enchilada casserole with homemade sauce because storebought sauce was $4 a can at whole foods.  It turned out good.  For the meat I used some fake chicken--it's seitan (wheat meat).  And for cheese I used pepperjack daya.  For the tortillas I used tortilla chips.  And for olives I used actual black olives.

I would like to thank Ming for chopping the onion and garlic and fetching things.  And washing the dishes.  Thanks, sweetie.

I feel like I just ate a nice homecooked meal.

how claustrophobic I am

Next week I'm having an MRI. They'll stick me in a tube. I'll be sedated. "How claustrophobic are you?" they asked on the phone, and I didn't know how to rate it. 

Later I was talking about it with Ming. He said he is claustrophobic and I asked about elevators. He's not afraid of elevators. So I guess I'm worse. 

Yesterday we went to the mall. The workers were either really bored or thought I was going to steal half the store. It was Paper Source, one of my favorite stores, a stationery store. I got some octopus notecards among other things. 

Sunday, November 08, 2015

citizens of the world

I made some coldbrew jasmine green tea with decaf constant comment. It was so good. Ming said it tasted like juicy fruit gum. 

We went to Soul Sessions, an open mic and concert. Our friend Vera played my favorite song. I lilked it but got very cold. 

I'm blogging in bed cuddled with a sleeping Ming. The christmas lights twinkle. 

Saturday, November 07, 2015

national war tax resisters coordinating committee

Friday, November 06, 2015

it's an anomaly

--What is a poptart?
--It's two pieces of pastry with jam in between.
--That's not pastry.  You mean like pie crust?  No.  It's weird hard stuff.

--You forgot about the frosting.
--Oh yeah.  It's two pieces of pastry with jam in between and frosting on top.
--But it's a weird kind of hard frosting.

--What's with us and poptarts lately?
--What do you mean?
--We're supposed to be healthy eaters.  Is it an anomaly?


Today Ming hikes Mt Charleston.  I have a secret fear it will be too snowy up there.  I feel sad.  I'm carrying around some sad.  What are you carrying around today, dear reader?  Hopefully some happy.

Thursday, November 05, 2015

pretty good

I like it when my friends change their names.  I support it.

Today we vigil at 9.  I'm still cozy in my pjs.  I should get my show on the road.

It got down to 41 last night.  Yesterday on the freeway it was sleeting.  I loved it.

Ming gave me a bite of his toast with organic strawberry jam on it.

Wednesday, November 04, 2015


Today was a bizarre mix of highs and lows.  I enjoyed desserts, diy microwave popcorn, times with friends, sleet, lightning, a sky so strange looking I asked Ming, "What the actual fuck?"

But we got bad news that the superadobe failed and there was conflict among our friends. The smoke alarm went off.  I endured a doctor's appointment. The doctor noticed I was shaking. 

Well, I'm going to put it all behind me. Gnight. 

Tuesday, November 03, 2015



This morning we went to the goddess temple to sing and walk in the desert.  We saw a tarantula.  We had tea with our priestess friend, and she told us it's tarantula season.  Ming told me to take a picture and I said no.  I was surprised by how quickly the word tarantula came to me when I hadn't seen one in a long time.

The jimson weed flowers were open, and I took a picture of one of those.

light timer

This timer is annoying!

Oh, why?

It's making a constant grinding sound!

Oh, sorry.

Monday, November 02, 2015

vegan tomato basil cream pasta

I made some delicious pasta sauce today.  It's got garlic, fresh basil, cashew cream.  It's really delicious.  I am converted to cashew magic.


mystery cats

A friend is going to court today, and Ming is driving him and being supportive.  They just left.  The friend's kid is going too.

Lately I've been getting up with arm pain about midnight and taking pretend advil and staying up an hour.  It's okay.

I got this purple glitter tape that's pretty.  But I'm not much using it.  Writing fewer letters now that I can't handwrite well.  It helps to write big and slow.  I'm like a kid again.

I realized I'm not doing National Novel Writing Month this year.  It's November.

One of our cats is named Nonchalant.  I'm trying to figure out which.  They are outdoor cats. I know Wally, Rainbow, and Tiger.  There's the white cat that's really skittish.  I think she's just called the white cat.  An orange one I don't remember just passed through the courtyard.  Mystery cats.

Sunday, November 01, 2015

fruit salad ftw


Last night we went to a Halloween party.  We sat with our friends outside in the near-dark telling scary stories.  It was one of the best parties I had ever been to because I was not anxious.  We stayed two hours.

Also, the food was good.  We brought vegan cream of broccoli soup made with raw cashews.  It was pretty delicious.  Our vegan friend liked it.

I can hear Ming cough in his sleep.  We want to get a stress ball for me to squeeze in order to keep my right hand working.

Last night I made friends guess my costume.  I liked the attention.  They guessed Mother Earth, Dorothy Day, a secretary, someone who works at a bank, Gaia.