dangerous compassions

I call you / from the comet's cradle

Tuesday, December 30, 2014

candy heaven

This morning we went to Old Town to look for a clauddagh ring.  The ones they had were too small or too big.  But I found out the ring finger on my right hand is a size 11, so I just ordered one online.  They even called the Santa Cruz store to check if they had one, but the only one they had in my size had an opal in the heart and I don't really like opals.

So then we walked around Old Town in the cold and wind.  We went to Candy Heaven for free samples, but I ended up buying $1.61 worth of candy.  I had never actually bought candy there before.  The worker said, "Is that it?!" when he looked into my bucket. 

I got three Pez refills, a strawberry candy (the kind with a liquid center--I remember them from when I was a kid), three anise candies, and four caramels for Ming. 


I've been on hold with Social Security for more than an hour.  Thank gosh for speaker phone.

Shut Down Creech

Some friends are planning an event to shut down Creech Air Force Base in the desert near Las Vegas.  I thought I'd blog the link in case anyone wanted to see.


Little Sir Echo

This is a song I did not write.  Mom told me it was a preschool song she learned from one of her teachers who is old.  The song is old.

Little Sir Echo

Little Sir Echo, how do you do?
Hello! (Hello!) Hello! (Hello!)
Little Sir Echo, I'm very blue.
Hello! (Hello!) Hello! (Hello!)
Hello! (Hello!) Hello! (Hello!)
Won't you come over and play? (And play)
You're a nice little fellow
I know by your voice
But you're always so far away. (Away)

Sunday, December 28, 2014

BOB's quirks

Before I forget them, I wanted to make a list of BOB's quirks for posterity.

1.  sometimes took several tries to get it started
2.  passenger side window didn't roll down more than two inches
3.  windshield wipers would come on randomly
4.  non-working horn
5.  non-working AC
6.  rainwater pooled on floor on the passenger side
7.  paint peeling off the hood
8.  turn signals and brake lights worked sporadically
9.  tape player broken
10.  going 40 mph up steep hills
11.  hazard lights would get stuck on so were unusable
12.  took gymnastics for people to get in and out of the backseat
13.  backseat seat belts that extended from the middle rather than the sides
14.  oil pressure gauge was haywire
15.  left turn signal didn't turn off by itself
16.  trip odometer stuck at 3.8
17.  chopsticks to keep the rear window open
18.  oil leaks and transmission fluid leaks

And the good things about BOB.

1.  high clearance
2.  lots of cargo room for camping gear
3.  took us to Canada and back
4.  used as support vehicle for Sacred Peace Walk
5.  only cost a thousand dollars
6.  Ming helped change radiator and belts and brakes
7.  got me to school and back when I taught in Bishop
8.  never got stuck in the snow or mud
9.  tons of personality
10.  blue plates

We will love you forever in our memories, BOB!


Do you ever get something in your spinach that's not spinach?  Wonder what it is.

Little Sir Echo, how do you do?

Listening to different versions of "Little Sir Echo" on youtube.  Mom says we should called the Echo by that name.  It's a catchy tune!

Tomorrow we're going to our friends' farm for some NDE stuff.  It's really hard to find the farm.  It's like a magic farm.  But we have two different sets of directions, and I hope we make it. 

The Echo doesn't have high clearance but is zippy.

Saturday, December 27, 2014


This morning we went to our favorite Mexican place to share a breakfast burrito in celebration and eat the delicious salsas. 

Then we ran tons of errands.  We went to three different office supply stores looking for recycled envelopes of the correct type for our organization's needs.  It was exhausting and we couldn't find any.  But we settled for non-recycled. 

We also went to REI.  We bought the world's best socks.  We bought some other hopefully excellent socks.  And Ming needed a belt and found one for $5 REI brand so if it gets busted, he can return it.

And we went to Costco for organic cheese but were foiled.  Why the heck did they stop carrying the organic cheese?

Then we went to the library but I stayed in the car texting with a friend.  It's cold here.  I feel good.

Friday, December 26, 2014


Today's exciting news:

Ming and I are home from Christmas travels, and I checked the mail.  There was divorce paperwork, and I am ecstatic to see that I'm finally officially divorced.

E and I got together on Jan 6th of 2000 and were married in the spring two years later.  So the marriage officially lasted one season short of 13 years.  But in reality, it was over after 10 years.  The divorce took a long time. 

And that's one of the very few ways California sucks--divorce law.

But I am free now legally, which takes some getting used to.  I like it!  Ming and I are free to marry legally now.  Maybe one day we will.

Thursday, December 25, 2014

Ming's jeans


Santa brought me a Chromebook, and I like it but need to try to comprehend clouds.  I need to get lots of documents and photos off my old computer too.  I am ecstatic to be without a capslock button.  Hurray!

Chromebook for Christmas, iphone for birthday, and a car from a friend = I am a yuppie now?  Help!

doing the thing

Gmorning, world.  Today we'll do lots of stuff.

1.  open presents
2.  Mom will crochet a scarf
3.  Dad and brother will pick up the kids
4.  open presents again
5.  cook
6.  bake
7.  go to Lompoc to see oodles of extended fam and eat tamales
8.  pure exhaustion

Yesterday we shopped till we dropped, decorated the tree, and wrapped presents.  I was like, "Let's not decorate the tree this year.  The dog will just eat the ornaments."  I was overwhelmed by the idea of Christmas lights.  But we did it.

Wednesday, December 24, 2014


Today I saw some acorns on the ground.  They made me happy.

Tuesday, December 23, 2014


My parents have a new dog.  They say it's my new brother.  The dog's name is Buddy.  This morning he sniffed my socks a lot.  He was entirely too interested.

This afternoon my best friend E came to see me.  We went out to lunch, to the park, to a cafĂ©.  It was fun and she wore the earrings I bought for her so many years ago. 

Echo is a fantastic car!  Going up the grade was a non-event yesterday.  It used to be an ordeal.

Today my parents and Ming wrestled the mega-tree in from the patio.  It was a feat.

At the Mexican restaurant, they put candy on our pay tray.  I traded the candy in for better candy.  They put mint and cherry, but I wanted coconut, and there was coconut in the big candy bowl.  I took two.

Sunday, December 21, 2014

ear news

I've had an earache since yesterday. So I called the nurse line for my insurance.  They were busy, so someone called me back... 

Long story short, the urgentcare cleaned out my ears this morning, but I still have an earache.  And we're planning to travel tomorrow.  I don't know what to do.

Oh, and I can't hear.  I guess there's water stuck in my ears. 

Need comfort and better feelings.

Saturday, December 20, 2014

this year's oranges

Today we picked oranges for Food Not Bombs.  They're delicious.

cookie dough balls

This morning I made some cookie dough balls.  They were based on this recipe.


I didn't want to buy coconut flour or coconut milk, so I used regular flour and soymilk, both of which I had on hand.  And we keep our apartment cold in the winter, so our coconut oil is solid right now.  So I used peanut oil instead, which I had on hand.

3/4 cup almond meal
3 tbsp coconut
1 tbsp peanut oil
1 tbsp flour
1 tbsp honey
1 tbsp soymilk
1 tbsp vanilla
pinch fine salt
1/4 cup chocolate chips, half chopped

Combine everything but the chocolate chips.  Then add in the chocolate chips.  Form into tbsp balls.  Chill.  Makes 10 or so.

But we ate a few without chilling.  So delicious!

Friday, December 19, 2014

bad behavior

This morning we went to Walmart for a Christmas present that could not be found at Target.  It was raining hard. 

In the parking lot we saw a hit and run.  Someone in a silver car backed out of their parking space without looking and hit a black car.  The black car stopped, blocking the lane, and I was frustrated.  How would we get out?

Then two people got into the silver car.  One was carrying a dog.  The black car pulled up, and the silver car flew around the black car, and they drove away really really fast.

"Was that a hit and run?" I asked.

"Did you get their license plate?" Ming asked.  I hadn't even read the first digit of the license plate.

It was chilling, and I felt like the world was a bad place.  But at Walmart I found the present.  And I bought some fake flowers for the Echo.  And I got some Junior Mints which I ate happily.

Thursday, December 18, 2014

car news

Today we bought a car with the money help of a friend.  It's an Echo.  I think we might just call it the Echo.

We took a taxi to Carmichael to look at it.  I hadn't taken a taxi in a very long time.

After buying the Echo, we went to help a friend who needed a tow.  We got AAA to tow his truck to his home.  It was a good deed.

Two good deeds.  At least. 

Wednesday, December 17, 2014


Today I waited a lot.  Someone overnighted a check to me.  I was to expect it around 3.  And it did come around 3. 

So then I was opening the envelope and ripped the check.  I am the stupidest person on earth.  But it will turn out okay, whatever happens.

Tuesday, December 16, 2014


Today we saw a friend for lunch at the co-op.  And then I saw another friend for coffee at Naked Lounge.  And in the morning we bussed to Target for chonies and two Christmas presents.  So I was walking a lot today again. 

I feel maxed out socially. 

It was my first time lightrailing by myself.  I did fine.

When I was walking home in the dark, it started to rain.  It was more like sprinkling but with big raindrops.  I walked fast, talking to Ming on the phone.

I wish I could tell you something beautiful and make you happy.  Maybe my intention is enough.

Monday, December 15, 2014

the homemade Panda Express noodles

They taste delicious!  And I don't have to pick out the celery because I didn't put any in.


saying goodbye to BOB

Yesterday Crepeville was packed.  Looked like we might have to sit outside in the cold, but eventually a table was free.

This morning BOB will be picked up and towed away.  How do I feel about that?  Sad and in denial, I think.  But sometimes saying goodbye is inevitable.  

Sunday, December 14, 2014

vegan noodles

I really want to make some noodles like at Panda Express but vegan.  So I looked up some recipes.  I need noodles, cabbage...  I have all the other things.  Should be fun. 

Meanwhile, I'm seeing a friend for shopping at the bead store and lunch.  Then I'll go to Safeway.  It's a challenge not having wheels.  But I am walking more than ever.

Saturday, December 13, 2014

ginkgo fruits

This morning we took lightrail to Trader Joe's and got the good tortillas.  We saw some good stuffs on our walk.  Here's a statue with cactus and some ginkgo fruits.

Friday, December 12, 2014

grieving BOB

We took everything out of BOB today in preparation for junking it.  There were old tapes from the middle thing, tons of stuffs in the glove box--we found a roll of quarters in there.  A bag of rocks and shells I wanted to return to the sea.

It's sad.  Sad to lose BOB.  It took us such good places--to Canada, to Las Vegas, to Santa Maria many times.  To Berkeley.  Good people rode and slept in it.  Peace walkers caught rides in it, Catholic Workers, friends. 

And before us, BOB had another life even.  So many lives in a vehicle from 1985.

So thanks to my parents for buying me BOB for $1000 originally, and goodbye to BOB.  I'm just waiting for a quote from Pick n Pull.

Thursday, December 11, 2014


We survived the storm smashingly.  That is, we didn't get smashed.  Literally or figuratively.  We didn't lose power.  I think we're fine.

I made soba noodles with broccoli in peanut pumpkin sauce for dinner.  It was good.  This time I added raw garlic, cayenne pepper, and the juice of half a lemon.  And you know what?  It didn't really taste better than last time.  Just different. 

I made a mistake and didn't go outside today.  It was dark before I knew it.  I will do better tomorrow.

vegan toona

We bought some vegan toona at the co-op.  We wanted to try it.  It was something like $4 for a can of it. 

Today I opened it up.  I expected it to look like tuna, but it looked more like cat food.  It's brown.  It's made of pea protein.  It tastes kind of like tuna, kind of like...fake meat.  But it's oily!

So I mixed it with some pretend mayo for toona salad before realizing how oily it was.  I made sandwiches out of it, and I felt like I was eating a lot of it.  Like I should have eaten less just to try it out. 

I was hoping it'd be appropriate for this macaroni salad I liked as a kid, but I don't think so.  No.

So I give it about two stars out of five for underwhelming.

Ming said how the oil leaked out and it didn't hold together.

Oh, we were out of pickles.  They would have improved things.

Ming's rating is "a good attempt."  He says four out of five.

night note

I woke up from a dream about plans to go to a food bank, dusting chairs, getting into a fight with Clint Eastwood after he gave me a nasty look.  I have no interest in Clint Eastwood, but doesn't he give nasty looks? 

The wind is blowing a lot outside.  Someone's windchimes tink.  A big storm is coming.  SMUD even sent us emails telling us to be prepared. 

"Why do they want us to have a battery operated clock?" I asked.  Ming didn't know.  "So we know what time to eat lunch?" I asked.

"So we know how long it took for them to fix our power," Ming suggested.

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

farm dream

Good morning.  Late morning is an awkward time for me.  What do you like to do in the late morning?

Today I'm wearing a new shirt.  Not sure how I feel about it.  "What do you think?" I asked Ming.

He smiled.  "I like it," he said.

It's pink and smells perfumey.  It's in a tiedyed style but it's printed on and pink.  Fake tiedye.  The sleeves are kind of weird. 

This morning I woke up at 2:30 from a dream.  I dreamt I was writing a poem.  And I still remembered parts of it.  So I got up and wrote them down.  It's called "farm dream with Liam."

Tuesday, December 09, 2014

life after BOB

I like to put a raisin in my oatmeal though I do not like raisins.  I wonder if it gives me a little tiny bit of some nutrition I need?

I have the raisins out because Ming has raisins in his oatmeal--a lot of them.

Fall and winter excite me.

We are exploring some options regarding what to do post-BOB.  It's stressful but okay.

Monday, December 08, 2014

three weird guys

1.  The guy on the lightrail I sat next to asked me where cows come from (possibly Iowa) then laughed maniacally.

2.  The guy on the street corner in a residential area sitting on the curb eating something out of a bag scooted over strangely when pedestrians walked by.

3.  The guy who was standing in the street was confronted by another guy and they were blocking traffic in the dark.

grapefruit sage

We got some kombucha from the co-op and it's so delicious.  It's grapefruit sage.  It's my new favorite, tied with verbena rose.

sunflower time

I took down some dried sage sprays I had in a vase by my monitor and replaced them with fake sunflowers my mom gave me.  It's cheerful.  Time marches on.

Sunday, December 07, 2014

way quicker than using cashews

Do you love nutritional yeast?  How about pumpkin?  This mac and cheeze is pretty good, and I had all the ingredients other than the dijon mustard.  


the end of BOB

So our neighbor looked at BOB.  We verified that there's an awful lot of exhaust coming out of the tail pipe.  He says it's because the engine's gaskets are leaky.  The oil and water gaskets are leaky, so lots of water vapor is coming out the tailpipe when the engine's warming up.  Once it gets up to temp, it's fine.

(Well, fine is a relative term.  About ten different things are wrong with BOB, but we have worked around or ignored those ten things.)

Our neighbor says not to stress the engine, to get oil changes more frequently than the 5000 miles we'd been doing, and there's nothing to do but be gentle with it and keep driving it.

But the copious amount of exhaust is not okay.  I don't want to get a fix it ticket from a cop thinking we're a gross polluter.

If the exhaust was just in our backyard that might be okay.  But it will make huge clouds of exhaust also whenever we leave where we are.  That's not okay.

So we're not going to take it on long trips anymore, and we're not going to drive it much anymore.  I guess it will become worthless.  Maybe just hold onto it until it needs to be smogged again and see what they say.  If it's leaky gaskets, there's nothing to be done, I guess, other than get a new engine, which we're not going to do.

I feel like crying.  I wish BOB had a more definite end.  I wish it was dead or alive, not a weird half-alive.

what's in a name

Bead Fetish changed their name to Capital City Beads.  A change for the boring, I'd say!  Oh well.

Berkeley with friends

Yesterday we spent in Berkeley with friends.  They drove.  We went to the zine fest at City College.  We saw lots of friends and acquaintances.  Didn't want to buy any zines but did end up buying a few.  We mostly traded.  People are so nice.  And I bought some purple stationery with swirls from artnoose. 

Friday, December 05, 2014

BOB strife

This morning we were supposed to go to Davis to see Ming's son for his birthday, but he got behind on schoolwork for some reasons and we're not going.  So Ming canceled the train tickets.

Last night when we left the Sac Prisoner Support letter writing event, BOB was smoking a lot from the tailpipe.  It made me very anxious.  We are in a bad position because if we take BOB to a mechanic, they say to get a new vehicle.  No one understands. 

We want to drive it until either the engine or the transmission dies, but maybe the smoking means the engine is going.  I wish it was time to smog it.  Maybe they have a cash for clunkers program right now.

I don't know what to do.  I guess we should stop driving it and see if our neighbor will take a look at it some weekend.  But we're supposed to go to Santa Cruz next weekend.  I don't know how to get there.  I guess we can't go.

We've had so many good times with BOB it will be sad to say goodbye.

Thursday, December 04, 2014

hash brown skillet

Yesterday I went to vegan breakfast at The Plum with my friend M.  We both got the soyrizo dish.  I thought it was okay but only ate half of it.  Took the rest home for Ming.  I thought the bell peppers didn't really belong and the raw tomatoes on top...were not for me.

Wednesday, December 03, 2014


We went to see my friend P who usually lives in Colorado.  We had tea and cookies and enjoyed life.  He talked to us about how to do a good oral history interview. 

Driving home we encountered flooding that freaked me out.  But we made it.

Tuesday, December 02, 2014


Today I finished reading The Voyeurs and wrote a letter to a friend while waiting in BOB.  It's rainy, and there are in fact flash flood warnings.  Hopefully PG&E will show up soon to fix a gas leak behind our stove.  I ate tortillas for lunch.  And that is your semi-random collection of facts for today.

Monday, December 01, 2014

mange mange mange mange

This morning we walked to the co-op before the sun came up.  It was wet out but not raining.  It was a beautiful walk.

Why am I so hungry?

I was out of two zines, so we went to this copy shop I like and made a few copies.  Then Ming went back in to get them cut--I'd forgotten.

Well, I'm going to eat.