dangerous compassions

I call you / from the comet's cradle

Tuesday, March 31, 2015


New psychiatrist today. Sadness. Special new psychiatrist sadness. 

We are taking a break from the Sacred Peace Walk today. We shopped though. And we may go out to the goddess temple for dinner. 

Monday, March 30, 2015

sacred peace walk

Sunday, March 29, 2015


Today is Ming's birthday. He is a nice birthday person. 

Saturday, March 28, 2015


Sometimes a ton of dogs bark.  It sounds like about 10 dogs at the same time.

Today is orientation for the Sacred Peace Walk.  I don't have to make dinner because someone's donating a hundred papusas.  But someone should make salad and beans.

Lunch will be sandwiches.  I need to make tuna fish and pasta salad and cut carrots and celery.

Well, I hope you're having a satisfying day.

Thursday, March 26, 2015

nice here

I went to the welfare office.  I went to the mental health clinic.  Both took three hours and were hard.  I need to do a lot of self-care to recuperate.

I ate something like an otter pop.

I lay in bed for a long time doing nothing.  It felt luxurious.  I like it here.

I made some nice vegan orange chicken for lunch with rice and kale.  Well, I didn't really make the vegan orange chicken.  It came frozen from Trader Joe's.

I think I mighta caught a cold from friends.  Sometimes I sneeze.  Maybe I'm just allergic to Las Vegas.

It's a good time of year, nice here.

Wednesday, March 25, 2015


We are "getting settled."  This morning we served the hungry with Catholic Worker and washed dishes.  It was good to be with friends.  I handed out paper bowls then dished some roasted potatoes and carrots.  I ate a hotdog bun with pretend butter and honey.  I drank some cold tea.

How are you?  I am enjoying life.

Ming's out with a friend picking up some foods, a food donation for the Sacred Peace Walk--it's a bit early.  The Walk doesn't start until Saturday.  Well, that's orientation.  The walk-Walk really starts Sunday.

It is amazing to have a new home.

Monday, March 23, 2015

road friends

Today we're moving. These are our friends who are helping us move. I took this pic at the Starbux where we stopped to use the restroom. 

Saturday, March 21, 2015

a lot

My freecycle ads finally posted.  I'm listening to music (the Heathers) and trying to take it easy.  The landlord does his first walkthrough today at 5. 

We were supposed to attend a brunch this morning but it was canceled, which is probably actually good for us.  We still have a lot to do.

Friday, March 20, 2015


Today I said goodbye to my therapist.  "Never forget me," she said as I walked away. 

"I won't," I said.

Ming picked up two baby tree collards this evening.  We will bring them with us to Las Vegas and see if we can keep them alive in the desert.

We have packed a lot, but the freecycle mods must be on vacation or something, because my ads aren't going through.  No one's ads are going through.  I need to get rid of a bunch of stuff and am getting a bit panicky. 

Thursday, March 19, 2015

worldly pleasures

Yesterday we went to Zelda's for some garlic-topped pizza.  It was delicious.

Today we went to Davis to deliver an end table thing to Ming's son.  It was fun.  We went to the co-op for lunch and groceries.  Afterward Ming and I went to Teabo for boba.  I had chocolate flavor, and it was heavenly.  Almost as good as Purple Kow.

We need all these worldly pleasures to keep us from losing it as we pack like crazy.

Ming and Ross

Wednesday, March 18, 2015

she loves me


It's not quite crunch time regarding packing, but it is time to pack a lot.  I get bogged down with sorting.  I freak out trying to get rid of stuff and group like with like.  Piles pile up.  I get frustrated / overwhelmed. 

I have this cute ribbon that looks like measuring tape.  It's adorable and good.  But what do I do with it?  Wrap a present for a seamstress?  I don't know any.  Well, I know plenty of Taylors. 

Last night I saw a friend, the first person I knew in Sacramento.  She has been so good to me for a long time.  We went for a walk at Land Park.  We circumnavigated ponds.  We found we have different definitions of pond vs lake. I think of lakes as huge, like the Great Lakes.  We talked about her job.  We talked about sex. 

She just moved into a house and is unpacking, so she unpacked some boxes for me while I sat in a comfy chair.  She unpacked the boxes to give me, to give me the boxes.  I wanted small ones for papers. 

I don't want to finish this blog post because when I do, I have to pack more.  But we are going to drop off a handmade sickle for Ming's friend C.  And I am seeing a friend at 10:45.  We will say goodbye.

Tuesday, March 17, 2015

freecycling chairs


My friend P, she has a son with schizoaffective disorder.  He is missing right now.  He is 50-something and homeless and stopped picking up his monthly social security check.  Maybe he's dead. 

P was telling me about this person who lives at her retirement home.  Her name is Mary, and she thinks she's the mother of God.  She introduces herself that way.

P hates it.  She told Mary, "I don't want you to talk to me that way."  She doesn't want to encourage it, she told me.

I am the opposite.  I would listen to Mary, I think, and wonder if she really was somehow the mother of God.  But maybe Mary is annoying and I would start avoiding her.  I have never lived in an assisted living place.  It reminds me of a dorm full of old people.

Monday, March 16, 2015

how the hearing went

I'm up late for me, eating leftover party cake.  I've gotten some attention today regarding the hearing I had this morning.  Lotsa people prayed for me or sent good wishes.  Some friends and family texted today or called to see how it went. 

I think it went well.  I did my best to very clearly speak the truth.  I was nervous beyond nervous.  If you know me well, you know that when I get very nervous, I tend to behave in a very subdued manner.  That's what happened today, only a tear escaped my left eye and slid down the side of my face as I was questioned. 

Afterward I got lost.  I left the wrong way and couldn't figure out how to get back to the entrance.  It's a very confusing building.  I found a pond and a fountain and a little bridge.  Finally I circumnavigated the immense building until I found Ming.  I was extraordinarily disoriented and kept asking him if I was okay and if everything was okay.  It was prolonged terrible stress.

But we celebrated with a breakfast at Maya's Taqueria.  And I saw a friend in the afternoon.  We did the bulletin at church.  I made pasta for dinner and leftover kidney beans.

And now here I am with an empty pretend tupperware that recently held vegan chocolate cake.  Now my tummy holds the vegan chocolate cake.

We won't know the judge's decision for a few weeks.  They have up to 90 days though.  I will be okay either way.  If we don't get it, we'll just start over.

Mr Mackerel strikes again

Sunday, March 15, 2015

tree face

party win

We had a going away party yesterday.  It was not without mishaps.  Three people showed up early.  One person was almost two hours early.  It was actually nice to see her two-on-one while I chopped carrots and put olives in a bowl.

A couple brought a juicer and stuff to juice.  I had the most delicious glass of apple juice I had ever tasted.  I also had some sips of a delicious lemony gingery elixir. 

People came and went--at one point a couple arrived with three of their children.  They were dressed up and seemed serious.  One curious girl found my stash of FUN IS FREE, my quote zine, and we passed them around for everyone to read.  Friends laughed at my silly quotes.

Because people came so early, I didn't have the chance to clean up as much as I wanted to beforehand.  Oh well.

My hearing is tomorrow morning, and lots of people are praying for me or sending good vibes.  It starts at 9, if you would like to pray too.

Saturday, March 14, 2015

Shut Down Creech!

The event we were at was covered by a Russian journalist.


Longhaul montage

urban ag

Our friend is featured in this article about urban ag in Sacramento.


Friday, March 13, 2015


the sun

This morning, the earth moved in its usual way, I'm assuming, because the sun "came up" and all's well.  I mean everything's in motion.  And it's okay.

Today we're off to Berkeley to see Ming's relatives and a friend of mine. 

Yesterday Ming helped me clean my desk by helping me put all the desk papers into a box.  Does that really count? 

Thursday, March 12, 2015

another telephone pictionary

Shut Down Creech!

Here's another article about the event Ming and I were at last week.


Wednesday, March 11, 2015

bad behavior

Some guy in a suit threatened to kill another guy in the post office just now.  They had been driving, and one guy cut the other off.  Wow--an example of when it's important to let things go.  Everyone in the post office got tense.  People glanced back nervously. 

Before that, it was fun to see Ming's son R in Davis.  We ate and shopped.  The son bought ankle weights.  He showed us the building of the apartment he'll have in the fall.

Then my reward was some boba tea from Teabo.  It's better than Quickly but not as good as Purple Kow.

Tuesday, March 10, 2015


I got sad and napped, woke up sadder.  But rice is cooking, and I hope to find my way soon.

Today I said goodbye to two people.  I don't know if I'll ever see them again.

We took down the outside Christmas lights that had been up but missing an extension cord for a year.  We plugged them in indoors, and the blue ones were half-dead, so we put them with e-waste.  The colorful ones, the green and blue blink.

telephone pictionary

Monday, March 09, 2015

sugar water at Naked Lounge

Sunday, March 08, 2015

Mr Mackerel

Clap Your Hands Say Yeah

I was going through this bag of stuff.  It was from my last move, stuff from my desk I never dealt with.  A lot of it I could throw away.  But every piece of paper requires consideration, and that part of my brain can only do so much at a time.

I guess I could have just thrown all of it away.  A saner person might do that. 

I have mail to open and read from when Ming and I were away on our trip.  More paper seems perverted. 

Yesterday I didn't blog because we were in Berkeley all day.  We saw friends and went to a concert by Clap Your Hands Say Yeah's Alec Ounsworth.  It was fantastic.  He played some of my favorite songs from the first two albums.  It was a house show.  I felt like the weirdest person there, which is usual.  It was a room full of people my age or so, the vast majority white and affluent.  I felt like a weirdo, and we were right in the front, right next to the musician.  So when Ming yawned multiple times (narcolepsy) I was sort of horrified.

But I was thinking how a relationship is like meditation, when you're trying to observe the breath without controlling it.  It takes everything in me to try not to control Ming, but I gotta try.

Friday, March 06, 2015

Shut Down Creech!

Here's an article about the event Ming and I were at this week.


savoring here

I wish I was a person who didn't accumulate so much stationery, zines, and other paper stuff.  How many times have you heard me complain about how messy my desk is?  Maybe lotsa times. 

We had noodles for dinner.  They were boring.  I wasn't thinking straight or I would have added some garlic and ginger.  It's to the point where I don't want to buy any more food, just use up what we have, but can we live on canned tomato sauce and government green beans?  No way.

We made it home safe from Las Vegas.  But soon Las Vegas will be home.  I feel torn.  I wish we were already there.  But I want to savor here.  We'll be back.  But never like this.  I love this small apartment.  I will miss it but hopefully not dream about it too much.  Not those terrible dreams that I left important things behind.  I dreamt like that when I left Rovana.

It's exhausting.  So exhausting I gotta go to bed.  Gnight!

Thursday, March 05, 2015

desert friends

the earth

Oops, I feel off the face of the earth.  I got so busy planning and enacting food for Shut Down Creech that everything else fell by the wayside.  Well, I am alive and functioning.  I have spent some good time in the desert but didn't vigil at all.  I gave a little speech at a thing.  I'm working on getting food donations for this year's Sacred Peace Walk.

Today I wanted to hang out more at the Goddess Temple but some jets were flying air show style, in formation, making trails, and I couldn't handle the noise.  So Ming refilled my water bottle and we drove back to Las Vegas.

We have not much to do until tomorrow morning when we return to Sacramento for two weeks of hard work, mostly, before we move to Las Vegas entirely.

I'm moody.  And what a long, strange trip it's been.

Monday, March 02, 2015


With our matching tiedye, we are almost done with this retreat.  We have snacks for the road.  We meet for a group photo with banners in ten minutes.

Then we travel to Lockheed to demonstrate, and some friends will probably get arrested.  We call it "risking arrest" because who knows--the guards and cops could turn over a new leaf and join us.

I survived all eight shared meals and am thriving on some nice hugs and good conversations.

Sunday, March 01, 2015


This morning Ming and I went for a walk off the grounds of this retreat center.  It was good to see plants and breathe fresh air.

I'm wearing the tiedye I dyed myself.  Including the socks.  Ming is wearing his too, so we match, which may be obnoxious.

Shouldna packed the shorts.  Shoulda packed only pants.  It's cold.

Have I told you about the tame bunnies?  There are three domesticated bunnies who live here.  They hop around.  You can pet them.  Where are the predators, I wonder?