dangerous compassions

I call you / from the comet's cradle

Saturday, March 31, 2018

new LVRMHC website

I made a free wordpress site for the Las Vegas Radical Mental Health Collective.


I am so proud of the LVRMHC because I have seen so many other radical mental health collectives, for whatever reason, flounder.  Ours is nearly a year old and doing great.  Go us!

if my heart has strings

Well.  I think my lips are still sunburnt--they feel weird.  And I need to do all sorts of things, cleaning up after the Sacred Peace Walk and all the regular stuff that fell by the wayside during the craziness of the event.  The craziness of the Laura-Marie. 

Ming and I had some conflict like every year during the Walk but it was minor.  I think it's over.  We took two Walkers to the airport at 4 this morning.  Three walkers remain, two of whom are on the NDE council, so they'll stay through the council meeting Monday.

This morning I served the hungry with Catholic Worker.  I had a weird time.  There was a guy who was seriously out of it.  I tried to help him.  He pulled at my heartstrings.  If my heart has strings.  He would ask for a cup when he already had one.  He asked for shelter.  "I don't have any shelter," I said.  "But I have iced tea...?"

I need to sort through the leftover Walk food and make room and throw away the bad stuff and figure out what to do with the good.  Some is going to the Worker.  Like the excess lentil soup from last night's donated dinner.  I think it's very nutritious soup.  Lots of veg.

Friday, March 30, 2018


A learning how to play T's nyckelharpa on the porch of the Goddess Temple guesthouse.

Sacred Peace Walk 2018

Shadow Children 2018

healthy Laura-Marie

Yesterday was Ming's birthday.  We bought a chocolate cake from Costco.  We bought $109 of pupusas.  We bought some strawberries!  We took all that and more out to Peace Camp and had a nice dinner with the Walkers.

But it was too much for me.  I am beat.  I'm taking it easy today.  I'm not going out to the Walk.  But there is a dinner tonight here that I can't really avoid.

By not going out today I am missing the sunrise ceremony, the Stations of the Cross, the line crossing at the Test Site, and lunch.  And the closing ceremony.  Sounded like R on the phone this morning didn't want me to miss all that.  But we need a healthy Laura-Marie.

Tomorrow morning we have a 4am airport drop off.  Someone's listening to Norteno music next door really loud.  I had a nice breakfast.

Nobody got sick, no calamities besides lots of blisters.  It was a good Sacred Peace Walk.  Next up: board meeting on Monday.

Thursday, March 29, 2018


Well, yesterday was so wild I can't remember it.  I remember a few moments.  We went out to the walkers with lunch.  We delivered the foods.  Ming and I did our Sanskrit prayer.  Someone asked us to do it a second time.  True, it's pretty.

Then what?  We hung out.  The walkers circled.  Then they left to vigil at Creech Air Force Base.  Was I going to stand out in the sun for an hr and a half?  No.  So A ate an ambitious sandwich and read me the first chapter of the third Earthsea book.  Loved it.

Then we drove to A's house to pick up three carpets and his massage chair to deliver them to a quilt show.  We met A's mom, and she gave us a tour of the quilts.  They were amazing.  It was my second quilt show.  It's in Henderson.

Then we went to Big 5 where A shopped for shoes.  I was hungry, tired, had a headache, and needed to pee.  He asked me for shoe advice.  I got tireder.

Then we went to Thai food.  I ate tons of noodles.  The guys had curry.

Then we dropped off A with goodbyes knowing we might not see him for a little while.  He'll be massaging at the quilt show.

Lots of phone calls and logisticating during all that.  D was released from jail.  Then R.  Snacks are needed and our personal supply was raided with our permission.

Then at home S was here, arrived from Utah.  Ming asked if he could get a ride with her this morning out to the walkers.  She said yes.  So we went to bed and moments later (it felt like) it was morning and they needed to pack lunch stuff into the coolers and go.

I wished Ming a happy birthday early.  The needle that had been on my desk for several days is gone.  I'm afraid someone knocked it onto the floor.

I'm taking the morning off so I better rest and get recharged somewhat before going out to the walk this evening with pupusas and cake.

Wednesday, March 28, 2018


I gotta order a bunch of pupusas for the Walkers.  Tomorrow is Ming's birthday. 

I realized we'll be in California for A's birthday.  I need to get him a present.

I need to buy a Costco cake too.  I'm scattered and tired.  I have a headache.

Sacred Peace Walk is a wild time.  But I'm doing better than last year.

Tuesday, March 27, 2018


I'm making pasta salad for the walkers.  It's easy.  I already made tuna fish.  We prepped some veg.

I need to slice some red onions.  We got half a case of red onions donated.

This morning we're supposed to pick up a donation from a store.  We're waiting for a call.

I'm putting freshly ground black pepper on foods.  It's good.

Monday, March 26, 2018

Sacred Peace Walk: hazards

So many things happened today.  Sacred Peace Walk is like a dust devil.  A whirlwind.  A strange mix of fun and stress.  We know how to do it at this point, no longer reinventing the wheel.  But I got taxed at lunchtime being social.  I was handing out paper plates to the walkers, the eaters.

Well, first we picked up A.  We waited at least half an hour for him to finish getting ready.  I was afraid T was getting fed up waiting for him.  But it turns out she was fine.

Well, before then Ming prepped a bunch of veg.  We found things, washed things.  I peeled cucumbers.  Ming sliced.

And Ming had hardboiled eggs, and we brought just about the right amount.  Food is amazing. 

I bumped a thornbush and got a sticker in my shoe that pokes me sometimes.  I need to dig that out.  The desert has its hazards.

"I hope you're having too much fun to reply to my txt," I txted A.  He is a peace walker now.

The Catholic Worker needs tables to set out dinner.  We always forget that part.  So the lunch tables are out waiting for dinner.

Well, I'm delirious.  S needs these Japanese pain pads made with hot peppers and I found some at Walmart.  He slipped me a $20.

Sunday, March 25, 2018

Sacred Peace Walk prayer

The Sacred Peace Walk has begun.  We were at the Atomic Testing Museum to see everyone off and get blessed.  Then I came home to cook lentil soup and quinoa and gather things.

Lunch was successful.  The soup would have been better with fresh garlic but I didn't have any.  We need a few things for tomorrow.  Like bread and ice.

Dinner should be here soon: vegan ceviche.  And all the walkers should be here soon.  I feel exhausted.  I need to relax.

Inexplicably, our car is in the shop.  Well, I guess it's explicable.  It's a long story though.  To make a long story short, there's a leak in the power steering fluid that needs some further diagnosis tomorrow morning.

God, please bless me to do your will.  Please help me be nice to people even when they're driving me crazy.  Please help me treat people with all the kindness in the world.  Please keep all the walkers safe and healthy.  Please bless all the relationships that form.  Thank you for community and love.

Someone thanked me for lunch.  I said, "It's my pleasure and my job."  It was funny.  It's not really my job, is it?  Volunteer job.

Saturday, March 24, 2018

lentil soup, rice, salad

This morning I served the hungry.  A lady changed her shirt in front of everyone.  She was topless for a while.  No one made a big deal about it.

Also a guy had a baseball bat and was hitting rocks.  He'd throw a rock up in the air and hit it like a ball.  He was great at it.

The wind made my eyes cold. 

Then we washed dishes and had a meeting.  Then Ming and I went to Walmart where I shopped for the last of the Sacred Peace Walk groceries.  I'm done now.  Well, we'll need to replenish in a couple days.

So next up I need to prep veg.  Wash and cut celery, wash and cut broccoli, wash snap peas, peel and slice cukes... 

Tomorrow morning I'll make lentil soup for lunch for their first day walking.  Rice.  Salad.

So yesterday was hard.  I needed support.  I got some.

Friday, March 23, 2018


Well, it's time.  I gotta get my show on the road and do some shopping for lunches and snacks for the Walkers. 

I ate a bunch of fake bacon for breakfast.  It was pretty good.

I think we're doing a good job.  Love to all!

Thursday, March 22, 2018

Donations for the Sacred Peace Walk and book release party.

Guest Blogger

Today was preparations for the Sacred Peace Walk wherein we went shopping. We went to different stores to get ingredients for the people cooking meals for the beginning days of the Sacred Peace Walk. It was a lot of groceries, filling the van.

R had gotten gift cards as donations for the Sacred Peace Walk from various stores. He also got donated 12 cases of water even though we generally eschew disposable plastic bottles of water. It is what we got donated to us though.

We also got ready for a book release party.

Wednesday, March 21, 2018


This morning I went to the dentist where I found out I have no cavities.  But the cleaning I received has my mouth feeling raw and tender.  It was brutal.  Cried on the drive home, feeling dysfunctional.  Kind of want to go to bed and sleep a few more hours.

But I'm up, listening to Deep Forest, feeling the tenderness of my gums.  Ming is loading the dishwasher.

Friends are coming over at 2 for tea.  It might rain.

Last night the party was strange.  I didn't feel strong enough to mingle.  Ming mingled.  A made origami and pet the cats, talked to the chickens.  I sat with him on the couch and felt hungry.  There were party snax.

But we went to a nice 24 hr Mexican joint for dinner around 10 pm.  We dropped off A at his apartment where he tended to dogs.

I need to clean out the fridges in anticipation of all the food that will soon be here for the Sacred Peace Walk.  I need to do some planning too.  Call all the cooks.  Clean my desk.

Tuesday, March 20, 2018

how I wish how I wish you were here

Gmorning.  Tonight there's an equinox party and I need to think of what to bring.

This morning I saved the day when our community member had forgotten his red lentils at his daughter's house and I happened to have some.  They'd been sitting in the pantry for a long time but seemed fine.

Rumors around here of a creepy guy hanging around casing the joint.  Don't know what to believe.

Ming is hiking with his guyfriends.  Soon is a Sacred Peace Walk meeting then community lunch.  Wish you were here.

Monday, March 19, 2018

excuse me

It's almost Sacred Peace Walk time.  "Everything's going to change," I forgot to tell A.  He's planning to help with lunches and do some walking.  I just want to go back to bed.

Last night we went to the Mexican ice cream shop.  It was super busy.  I got an Oreo shake.  It was ok.  Ming got some guava sorbet in a cone.  A got a cone of butter pecan and a chocolate brownie shake.  We stood outside and talked about Carlos Castaneda, when he saw a calf that wasn't there.

Why am I so tired anyway?  This morning we did a big Costco shop for the Catholic Worker.  The lady said they didn't have birdseed, but Ming found it as if he was a birdseed psychic.  We bought everything and unloaded at the Worker.

Ming's eating blueberries by the handful.  Excuse me while I kiss this guy.

Sunday, March 18, 2018


Last night was Radical Mental Health Collective.  We brought A.  A couple other people came.  We took a selfie.

I've been wearing my scarab necklace.  It's kind of weird.

Love to all.

Saturday, March 17, 2018

vitamin d

Last night we went to this Mexican party and danced and ate potluck food.  It was fun.

Cold today though sunny with a wind.

Life circumstances have got me needier than usual.  Ming is out at a sleep study.

Maybe I'll write some letters, catch some rays.

Friday, March 16, 2018


Yesterday was highly unusual.

This morning Ming's brought our car to the shop for the squealing belt. 

Last night I slept about 12 hrs.

Will life ever return to normal?

Wednesday, March 14, 2018


I've been playing tin whistle too.  I like "Holy, Holy, Holy" and "Cucanandy."

R installed the faucet.  We came home and poof.  He is like a faucet elf.

At Fry's Ming bought me some fairy lights.  They glow pink.

Tuesday, March 13, 2018

collecting songs

Oops, it's Tuesday.  Somehow I missed yesterday.  We ran errands then had a date.  Then we picked up A from work and went out to Fry's to buy a couple things.  Then we went to Sunrise Coffee and I had a London Fog.  M and A tried it--they said it tasted like soap, the nice part of soap.

Then we went to A's place and he washed dishes.  He's been dazzling me lately with his language skill since my second-to-last letter where I told him I was so surprised when I realized he's smarter than I am.  He knows it delights me.

And he started reading me OtherWhere which is the sequel to The Others which he read me recently.  He really loves that book, and now I do too.  We were so excited to find sequels.

Yesterday also my new friend S recorded me singing two Mother songs and it was fun.  She's collecting songs.

Sunday, March 11, 2018

smart enough

I picked up the ukulele again.  It was dusty.  I blew the dust off.  I'm learning "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing" which is simple.

The kitchen faucet broke.  Ming bought a new one.  Now he's going to read the instructions.

Our houseguests were easy and a delight.  Last night A started reading me Dune.  "I don't know if I'm smart enough for this book," I told him.  But he seemed unconcerned.

Saturday, March 10, 2018


Last night we saw A.  We picked him up at work.  Then we went to political prisoner letter writing night.  There were more writers than usual.  A couple DSA people came very late.  But that was fine.

Then we went to Smashburger for dinner, a place none of us had tried before.  Ming and I got black bean burgers.  I was not too impressed.  They had run out of shakes.  Thought about going to the nearby In&Out for shakes but decided against it.

Then at A's house he made hot cocoa for us.  We didn't stay long.  He offered to read to me, but it was almost 11 and I knew I had to get up at 5:30 this morning.

Tonight an old penpal is flying here with her spouse.  We're having dinner.  Then she and her spouse are sleeping over in the lounge.

Well, its almost time to go serve the hungry.  It's monthly pancake day.  I pour syrup.

Friday, March 09, 2018

strangely enough

This morning I'm not feeling well so I stayed home from the monthly Creech Air Force Base vigil.

Did some writing, eating cold pizza.  Ming should be home in about three hours.  I should start the laundry and everything.

Feel like taking a bath but there's no bathtub in our entire compound, strangely enough.

Tonight is political prisoner letter writing night, which Ming and I organize, so we can't skip it.

Thursday, March 08, 2018

gratitude list

1.  veggie sausages
2.  rhythmic dishwasher water sounds
3.  resources
4.  Earl Grey tea
5.  true love

And the beat goes on.

Wednesday, March 07, 2018

hot springs

This morning we went to the hot springs.  I drove about 30 miles of it.  It was my first time driving the van.  I did great.

The sky was cloudy.  We took two dips.  There were a lot of Koreans.  Pool #4 was being cleaned, my favorite pool, so we couldn't use it.

On the way home we stopped for vegan fastfood at Vege-way.  It was delicious, but Ming is sick.  He thinks it's food poisoning from something he ate yesterday.

Then we got stuck in traffic closer to home.  Took us a while but here we are at Bartlett.  It's cold in our house and I have a chill.

Tuesday, March 06, 2018


I've been arguing with A over txt for hours.  Ask me if that's my idea of fun.  I'm all about communication, dialog.  But after a while I'm tired of it.  Tired of fighting.

So I'm listening to Eileen and the In-Betweens and at 3 we have a thank you note party.  Our friend R is coming over.  We've done this before.

Monday, March 05, 2018

citizens of the world

Yesterday was the concert.  The venue was a bit stuffy, but the band is great: Eileen and the In-Betweens.  Ming and I danced in the back the whole time.  I didn't get the chance to say hi to Eileen.

After the concert was dinner at the Catholic Worker.  I socialized a little.  I ate some thrice-baked potatoes and a delicious sliver of lemon pie.  I talked to a German lady who I met a couple years ago and thought I'd never see again.

Night before last was the Radical Mental Health Collective meeting.  There were only three of us.  Some people seem to have fallen off the face of the earth.  I feel discouraged.

Then we went to an open mic at the Pacific Life Community gathering.  There was a cozy atmosphere.  My friend Vera played my favorite song and dedicated it to me, "Citizens of the World."  She called me her homegirl.  I was happy.

Sunday, March 04, 2018


Last night I read a poem at an open mic for the Pacific Life Community gathering.  Ming snapped a picture.

Saturday, March 03, 2018

not in that order

I want to cuddle up under the fuzzy blanket and go to bed.  It's the Pacific Life Community gathering this weekend and I've participated exactly not at all.  We were supposed to pick someone up at the airport but that didn't happen.

I just want to sleep, eat M&Ms, and be read to.

Friday, March 02, 2018


Today I wasn't feeling well.  We were at Mr Sandwich and I had vegan pho.  I was explaining to Ming how I felt like I was living in a dystopia. 

"We're sitting in the car at this intersection with all these other cars, polluting our air, and then these billboard trucks go by, and there are huge tv screens playing ads, and I just feel like the world is a piece of crap!" I complained.  It was a feeling.

Things seems better now.  It's up and down.

gratitude journal

1.  cheese and pickle sandwiches
2.  freedom
3.  things are moving along (March is busy)
4.  safe trips
5.  being organized

Thursday, March 01, 2018


Yesterday we went to Vegeway on a date.  We ate the lovely vegan fastfood.  Then we went to Sunrise coffee where I forgot to get my drink decaf.  So I only drank half.

Then we went to A's house where he read me the last three chapters of The Tombs of Atuan.  I cried like a baby. 

Afterward when A was walking me to the van, he said, "You had all the feels."