dangerous compassions

I call you / from the comet's cradle

Tuesday, June 30, 2015


This morning we walked at 5:30 am and it was already 95 degrees out.  Is that even possible?  Was my phone lying to me?

Then later we went to a peace vigil / rally.  We held signs and chanted.  Some press was there and they didn't interview me, which is good.  I would have said no.

"Do you have a soundbite?" I asked my friend M.

"For the judge?" he asked.

"No, for the press," I said.

He told me he tells them how he's a veteran.  He was drafted in the Korean War, he said.  I like him.  He has a lot of chickens.

Then we went to our favy cafe and I wrote a letter.  The very nice barista gave us a free cookie that she wanted us to try.  It was so chocolately and kind of messy.  I will probably stick with my usual cookie.

Monday, June 29, 2015


Zico chocolate coconut water is good.  At first it tastes like chocolate milk, but then it has a lighter finish.  I like it a lot.  There's a good amount of chocolate flavor.  It's refreshing.

citizen of the world

Sunday, June 28, 2015

new journal

who moved my spoons?

I tried making some instant pudding with soymilk and it didn't set.  So I put in some chia seeds, and that worked.

Today I went to the cafe at the gay and lesbian center while Ming was at Food Not Bombs.  I wrote in my journal, wrote two letters, played Draw Something with my mom on my phone.

There are cicadas in the trees in our courtyard.  They're loud.

What happened to all my spoons?  I seemed to have tons, for a while, and now I'm back down to a minimal set.  I do my tricks and nothing works.  I know the heat doesn't help.

I need a vacation.  Maybe I can take a staycation for now.

Saturday, June 27, 2015

Writer's Block

Yesterday we went to Barnes & Noble to look at a book, but it sucked so I didn't buy it.  I was glad I got the chance to look at it.

Well, let me start over.  First we walked.  Then we served.  Then we went to Walmart to recycle some plastic bags and air pillows.

Then I researched metaphysical bookstores and called a few looking for a particular book and having no luck.

Then we went to Barnes & Noble.  I am attracted to some colorful planners.  They start this summer.  I want to go to school this fall.  But I'd have to pay out of state tuition, and screw that!  So I guess I gotta wait a year?

Then we went to Chinatown and I got boba.  I got chocolate, and it was so good.

Then I was tired.  But we ended up going to this wonderful, amazing bookstore called Writer's Block.  The selection is sort of small, but the books are well-chosen.  We bought a humor book of mythology called Zeus Grants Stupid Wishes.  I told the long-haired Asian worker that Writer's Block reminded me of the Museum of Jurassic Technology, and he said he had heard of it but never been there.

The bookstore rejuvenated me.  Then we went to a metaphysical bookstore that I didn't like at all.  There were too many dead things.  Some of the jewelry was nice.  But I felt peered at by the owners.

The metaphysical bookstore drained me.  Then we went home.

Oh, I forgot to say we also went to Whole Foods for mushroom-flavored better than bouillon and lotsa tea.  And some organic strawberry jam.  I got vanilla-flavored dandelion tea, and it's so good.

Now that I have ground flax seeds, chia seeds, and cinnamon, I like refrigerator oatmeal again.  I got chia seeds at a Mexican grocery store for cheap.

I want to go to school for Spanish and ASL, two things I have trouble learning on my own.  I said I'd never go to school again, but maybe I need to make an exception for languages.  I'm studying some Spanish on my own right now.  It's hard work and I don't know if it's sticking.

Friday, June 26, 2015

we're fermenting sauerkraut in a mason jar

We've made sauerkraut before in a crock, but this time we're trying a large mason jar.


agave pups in the dawnlight

Thursday, June 25, 2015


"Why do they make this aloe smell like baby powder?"

"It's a nice, neutral smell."

"It's not nice or neutral!  It's nasty!  It smells like babies' asses!"

Wednesday, June 24, 2015

my conclusion about goji berries

They're like raisins but worse.

Tuesday, June 23, 2015

energy drink

We were driving out to the goddess temple yesterday early in the morning.  Ming had an energy drink and offered me some.  It's a joke between us.

"Aren't energy drinks for narcoleptics and truckers?" I asked.

"Precisely," he said.

Monday, June 22, 2015

what I saw today

Sunday, June 21, 2015


happy solstice

Yesterday we bought cabbage to make sauerkraut.  We attended two meetings.  Well, three, but the last meeting was more like a party.  But we didn't stay for long.

This afternoon we have another party to go to.  We will see friends and enjoy life, is my prediction.

This morning I read the letter my therapist wrote me in March.  She instructed me to hold onto it until the first day of summer.  It was a beautiful letter.

I wanted to drive out to the goddess temple this morning.  But it's a fur piece, and we have a busy day.  Food Not Bombs, a phone meeting, that party.

I want to go to the goddess temple soon, though.  Maybe tomorrow.

Saturday, June 20, 2015


Friday, June 19, 2015

zine reviewer blues

I don't think I like my role as a zine reviewer.  It puts me in a weird position.  I'm being evaluative, and then my review is being evaluated by the zine maker.  It's a judgey process.  And it's not friendly.  I feel friendly, but I get the feeling I'm the one with power.  It's like being a teacher, sort of.  And it's a lot of work.

I got burnt out and am cutting back.  But today we are going to a pool party.  In the afternoon when it's really hot.  We got invited by some frequent Catholic Worker volunteers.  I have swimtrunks but need a new tank top for swimming.  Where would I buy such a thing?  I'll figure it out.

Thursday, June 18, 2015

Ming's squid in ink sauce

Wednesday, June 17, 2015

nostalgia factor

Hello there.  I am up in the night sleepless because of the heat.  I'm tired of trying to arrange my limbs just perfectly for minimal contact and tired of all the sweat.

So I'm drinking cold brew mint tea and thought I'd tell you about the international market.

We had a weird morning.  We served but then we skipped hospitality day.  I am burnt out and needed a break.  It was our first time skipping hospitality day the whole time we've lived here.

Then in the afternoon Ming suggested we go out to the international market.  We had the address from a bag.  Our former houseguest had gone there and left us a bag.

So we went.  The place was about ten times bigger than I expected.  It was huge with all different cultures' foods.  I was drawn to some rosehip marmalade.  Instead I bought some candy from England and some steamed pudding from England.  The candy has a nostalgia factor, and the pudding just interested me.

My dad is from England, and his relatives would send us candy in the mail.  So I ate this special candy from a young age, and it's very good tasting for me.

There were Korean foods, Japanese foods.  I saw some ingredients that would really please true foodies.  It was fun but sort of overwhelming.

So send me good wishes that I will get unburnt out soon.  Thank you.


The El Salvadorian food was lovely.  I had plantains and a papusa.  Ming had eggs and beans and tortillas.

Today a cop was in our courtyard.  He was looking for someone and had a German Shepherd.  I was unhappy to see him.  Ming talked to him.

Ming does so much for me.  He gets the good partner award every day of the week.

I made broccoli, carrots, and rice noodles in peanut-pumpkin sauce for lunch.  It was amazing to actually cook something.  We had been living on sandwiches.  It's the heat.

This weekend it's supposed to hit 111 both Saturday and Sunday.  This morning we walked at 5:45 and there were a ton of people on the track.  It was 84 degrees but felt cooler.

We know the grackles.  We know the park plants--the tree with bees, the agaves with their pups, the aloe-things with their huge inflorescences.  The big trees.  The grass.

Sometimes a teenager grackle begs from its parent.  It's cute to see the parent feed the big baby.

Tuesday, June 16, 2015


Today we needed to return some cuphooks and buy some smoke detectors.  So we went to the hardware store then a different hardware store.  I went to the dollar store and accidentally bought about a 20 year supply of hair things.  Ponytail holders.  I went a little crazy, I guess because they're only a dollar.  Oops.

Today we're going to an El Salvadorian restaurant for early dinner with friends.  We already saw two of the friends today because they came to look at the water heater they'd installed.  There seemed to be a leak.  But I guess it's a pipe in the wall.  So a plumber has to come.

"Do plumbers break through walls?" I asked Ming.  Of course they break through walls.  They do whatever it takes to get to the pipes.

Fears vs concerns--getting used to the heat vs learning to live with it.  I like words and sometimes split hairs, but some distinctions I don't understand.  Sometimes it's just semantics.  Not to be confused with seeds.

Monday, June 15, 2015

trunk water

Yesterday afternoon I napped two hours then slept all night so maybe I'm caught up now.  But it's supposed to hit 109 today and be 100 by 11.  I don't think I want to go to Food Not Bombs on account of heat.  But it would be good to see friends.

I'm binding zines and listening to Of Montreal, which is so strange.  We danced to Hissing Fauna, Are You the Destroyer? and now I'm hearing Skeletal Lamping.  We need to go to our storage facility and pick up meds after 10.  I should have requested an earlier time.

Sorry for the mundaneness.  I'm thinking about when we visited our friend S in Salt Lake City and ate ice cream with microwaved hot fudge a lot.  I'm thinking about the contrast of cold ice cream with hot fudge.  S wanted the hot fudge really hot while I was happy with warm.

I'm afraid of driving when it's this hot because what if our car breaks down and we get heat stroke waiting for the tow truck?  I guess we can pour water over our heads.  The water in the trunk.

Sunday, June 14, 2015



We cooked the perfect amount of food.  Five pounds of black-eyed peas was supposed to be 61 servings, according to the bag, but we fed about 30 people.  And we served it all.

The rice was a little burnt on the bottom but so tasty otherwise.  We just had to avoid the char when we scooped.

The snap peas were a hit with some people but that's the only thing we had leftovers of.

The potatoes were decent.  I think the red bell pepper was a nice touch.

I think the foods went together nicely--nothing clashed.  And we got lots of thank yous.  I feel stupid that not all the food was donated.  But otherwise it was a complete win.

big cook

Five pounds of black-eyed peas are cooked.  I put cayenne pepper, black pepper, salt, onions, garlic, canned tomatoes, olive oil, cumin, and spinach.

Nine cups of brown rice are cooked.  I put olive oil, onions, garlic, carrots, better than bouillon, and chili powder.

Ten pounds of potatoes are cooked.  I put salt, olive oil, and red bell pepper.  Maybe I should add some black pepper?

A few pounds of snap peas are bagged up in foldover sandwich bags--Ming washed them and bagged them.  Ming also chopped veggies and has helped me pull out the potatoes from the oven so I could stir.

It's not as hot in here as I thought it would be.  I think the swamp cooler is working better today.  We have to leave here at 10 to get to G's at 10:15 or so to pick up the condiment box.  And then be at the park at 10:30.

Last night we went to a meeting.  Then our friends were going to a dry lake bed.  I hope it didn't rain on their fire too much.  I can't stay up all night like they can.

Saturday, June 13, 2015

putting my hat back on

When I forget to blog, it's kind of like a cowboy's hat falling off.  It indicates something is wrong.  Unless I'm out of town, in which case it just indicates that I'm on a computer very little.

Right now I'm cooking up a test batch of some rice I was given.  I'm going to use it for the Big Cook tomorrow morning.  Tomorrow morning I'm cooking for Food Not Bombs.  Black-eyed peas, Mexican rice, potatoes of some kind, and some snap peas raw.  I'm nervous.  It's going to be my first time cooking for 30 by myself.  Well, Ming will help.

Anyway, last night was the first political prisoner letterwriting night, and I made it happen, with Ming's help, and it was perfect.  I was so worried something would go wrong.  There were six of us for most of it, and that was actually the perfect amount considering card space.

Afterward we went to the bar we go to, and I sipped grapefruit juice from two small red straws.  The guys talked about anarchy and I listened in my attentive way.

The rice smells good.  This morning I dragged my ass out of bed at 5:10 to shower, walk, and serve.  While serving I tried to have a good attitude, but I am cumulatively beyond exhausted from stress and sleep deprivation, a bad combination.

But Ming was just on the roof fixing the swamp cooler, so hopefully it will be less than 90 in here soon.

Thursday, June 11, 2015


I siesta dozed for an hour.  Then I ate a bunch of cherries and we went to Reclaimed for a community meeting, but I was done after an hour.  I guess they'll be there until 11.

I need to finish printing some stuff, read a letter, finish reading a book-length zine I said I'd review, text people, help J set up her etsy, test the brown rice I'm supposed to cook up on Sunday for 30 people, and be ready for prisoner writing night.  Can I do it?  Yes, I can do it.

keep it simple, silly

This morning I was slow-moving in my ablutions and we didn't make it to the park to walk before serving the hungry.  But we'll stand for an hour peace vigiling at the federal building.

Tomorrow night's the prisoner writing night I'm hosting.  Then Sunday we're cooking for Food Not Bombs.  Busy weekend.  I need a good vegan black-eyed peas recipe.  I think I should keep it simple.

Wednesday, June 10, 2015



This morning I didn't want to get up.  But we walked at the springy track park and served the hungry.  Washing dishes, G remarked at my blue-painted nails.

Later we went back to the Worker to play with our friend's grandchild.  We made homemade playdough.  We wanted it red, but it turned out pink.  It was a "no cook" recipe.  I made a spider, a carrot for the nose of a snowman, and an arm.  I made cubes in hopes we could make an igloo.  But we had way not enough cubes.

Tuesday, June 09, 2015

fake flowers and good feelings

Okay, we're home.  Sorry about the break in regularly scheduled programming.  I am back on track with fake flowers and good feelings.  Happy to be home.  The drive home was uneventful.  I ate a banana tootsie roll pop (my favy) and enjoyed life.  It rained on us between Santa Maria and Goleta.  Then we walked on Goleta pier and it rained on us there.  It made me want to move to Goleta, it smelled so good and oceany there.  Who knows where's next.  And I wrote a poem.

Sunday, June 07, 2015

sewing with family

Saturday, June 06, 2015

peanut butter shake

We played cards again, this time with Ming, and didn't make it to 250 even.  Mom had 215 when we called it a day.

I saw my bestie yesterday.  We went to El Pueblito and had chile rellenos.  We went to the park and walked around the ponds a little and talked.  We went looking for a peanut butter shake.  Natural Cafe doesn't have them anymore, but I got one at Blenders by ordering peanut butter banana without the banana.  It was a good quest.

Have I told you about my parents' dog Buddy?  He's a half-lab, half-pitbull.  He has an anxiety problem.  He barks at me and Ming.

My parents are talking about who else in our family is a pain in the butt.  "I'm easygoing," I claimed.

"Do you want another cuppa?" Dad asked Mom.

"I'll have a Constant Comment," Mom said, which is my fav.

"I'll give you a constant comment," Dad said.  "You're a pain in the butt too."

Friday, June 05, 2015

glitter blue

We are absent with leave. "How are the hungry people going to get fed?" Mom asked. 

Today I see my bestie. Last night Mom and I played cards and tied. We called it a day at 250. Mom painted my nails glitter blue. 

Wednesday, June 03, 2015


I got a cute fake flower to clip onto my bun.

Tuesday, June 02, 2015

candy thrill

Yesterday Ming had free yoga at the library.  It was a different instructor, and she counted a lot.  I was writing a letter to my penpal who's in solitary at Pelican Bay while listening to her "one two three four five six seven eight nine ten."

Then we went to Rani's where we got some dinner.  I need to review it.  And we bought some different kinds of curry powder that may or may not work for what I want (to curry some rice).  And they had Smarties, which thrilled me.


8:30 walk
9:00 meeting at the Worker
noon lunch at C's
3:00 conference call meeting
4:00 mystery thing on the calendar we don't know what it is
5:30 community dinner (we're not cooking)

Monday, June 01, 2015


The washing machine broke.  I'm eating breakfast rice and drinking licorice tea.  It was warm this morning for our walk but not too bad.  Today we have errands and Food Not Bombs.  I used up the case of ramen our houseguest left, so I'm not bringing any food today.  My self-esteem is low and things feel wrong.  But breakfast is accomplished.