dangerous compassions

I call you / from the comet's cradle

Monday, April 30, 2012

functionally ill 13

In functionally ill 13 I interview four friends with various types of crazy.  They talk about mind control, BDSM, automatic behavior, activism, the Icarus Project, queerness, mental health zines, PTSD, psychiatry, and more.  It's new! and available for trade or $2.50.

Demonstrators on Roadway, 25 MPH

My new zine Demonstrators on Roadway, 25 MPH is about my time in Nevada for Sacred Peace Walk 2012.  It's about the desert, Las Vegas excess, friendship, pain, transformation, and getting arrested for peace.  It's available for trade!

Sunday, April 29, 2012

potato / onion

Someone on freecycle is giving away a potato / onion cabinet.

Saturday, April 28, 2012


Just wanted to mention that bison are my favorite megafauna.  However, according to some definitions, I am a megafauna!


Today M and I saw this great cow wheatpasted to a utility box.  There used to be three, but now there's only one, which I could tell from faint outlines.  I discussed with my bestie how strange it was that only one of three cows remained.  She suggested that it was the result of someone's aesthetic sense, which made me laugh.  Isn't it a beautiful cow?

M and I talked quietly at central library.  I showed him where the zines are.

Then we went to the train museum.  It was my first time.  He's a member, so he got us in for free! I love the brass toy trains.  I love the old box labels.  I enjoyed looking at the dishes, an old sewing machine, a paper of old buttons.  I was claustrophobic in the sleeper car, but it was okay.

Then M and I had lunch.  We shared a meal, which felt comfy.  We talked about how to make chile rellenos--I made them long ago, in college.  I like roasting the chiles on the stove.  We talked about chips being a substrate.  We discussed whether alcohol thins the blood and the definition of "viscous."

Then we walked from Old Town to M's house after considering light rail.  I have never ridden it!  But I said there will be other chances.

In the evening, Erik and I went to Fair Oaks for dinner at Sunflower and some time by the river.  I walked, talked on the phone, and enjoyed the beauty of the vetch which is blooming all over the place.  Erik was running, and he tripped and fell during his run.  Luckily he survived with only a few scrapes. 

Then at home Erik finished proofreading the new functionally ill, and I can lay it out now.  Night, friends!

Friday, April 27, 2012


LM:  How dare you speak ill of the trombones!

Erik:  When they do the elephant trumpeting thing.  Can't handle that.

near Southside Park

La Virgen and wishing well.

Wednesday, April 25, 2012


Here is some midtown window graffiti and a beautiful brick.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012


"It's all good," Erik said, in reference to the neighbors playing music so loudly that our windows are rattling.

"No, it's not all good!" I said.

"What are you listening to?" I asked Erik, who is listening to music on headphones. 

"I don't want to tell you.  Stupid pop song," he said.

"Tell me!"

"No!  I can't!"

"Have you seen my twisty time Allen wrench?" Erik asked.

"You mean the one the neighbor kids have?" I said.

"I really walked into that one.  You give a kid a tool that's perfect for tightening and untightening the bolts of his skateboard, you think he's going to want to part with that?"

"If you saw what music I was listening to, you could never ever blog it."

dharma seed

Yesterday I scored Texas, washed dishes, and walked to the nearest office supply store for ink.  I was waiting for a phonecall from M, and finally we spoke in the afternoon.  I came over, bringing olive bread, and we ate that with delicious tomato soup that smelled like Spaghetti-Os

We worked, rested, walked to Doughbot for vegan donuts but they were closed, finished up the interview for functionally ill 13, worked, rested, and finally went to dinner with Erik at Andy Nguyen's.  Erik and M spoke of Erik's favorite things, like matcha, theanine, and nature recordings.  I mostly just listened and ate my dharma seed.

Monday, April 23, 2012

printer success

I walked to the nearest office supply store and bought ink for the latest thrift store printer, the one that was printing blank pages.  And with new ink, it works perfectly.  Hurray!

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Earth Day

Today I went over to M's place to help him clean.  We did some good work.  I feel happy to have helped.  I dusted some books with a rag which was made from an old teeshirt.  I had my hand in the teeshirt's pocket.

Then we went to Fremont Community Garden to dump some kitchen stuff in the compost bin.  Someone was there turning the compost, and M asked her if she was enjoying it.  She said no.  So when she was exhausted, we took over for her.  I used a pitchfork to loosen the plant matter, then a shovel to shovel it into the next bin.   It was hot outside, and the sweat poured off me.  I had not seen so many bugs in a long time.  Eventually I took a break in the shade of the shed, and M finished for us as I felt my arm muscles burn.  Later he said something about how it was Earth Day, and how turning compost was more appropriate than going to the Southside Park celebration. 

Then we worked on an interview.  I typed M's words as he spoke.  It's for functionally ill 13, the interview issue!  I'm excited.  It's almost done.

Then we had lunch at the Chinese place across from Beer's Books.  They really didn't have all that much vegetarian food, but it was inexpensive.  And we were the only customers there.  A tv played the news in another language and a non-customer sat watching it.  I liked M's noodles more than I liked my, uh, whatever it was.  Tofu with veggies in a clearish-white sauce.

Then we went back to M's place and did some consolidation of boxes.  Then I came home and fed Erik some of the leftover Chinese food.  He's sick with a cold. 

I always remember that Earth Day is my ex-father-in-law's birthday.  If you're reading, ex-father-in-law, happy birthday.

The new blogger thing is showing me analytics, and I learned that 106 people viewed my blog on the 16th.  Wtf?  I'm famous!  Thanks, readers.

Saturday, April 21, 2012

tale of five printers

We had a printer that worked for many years.  I think it was from before Erik and I were together.  Is that possible, 12 years?  I do not know.

And it stopped feeding paper, so it no longer worked.  So we decided to get a new printer at a thrift store.  We bought one and the driver downloaded automatically and it printed but poorly.  The output isn't good enough for my needs, and probably wouldn't be good enough for most people's needs. 

So I asked for a printer on freecycle, and someone offered me a printer with no ink--I thought I could do better and never replied.  (I should reply.)

So we bought another thrift store printer.  But it didn't work either.  We couldn't get the computer and printer to communicate.

And so we bought a third thrift store printer this afternoon.  It prints blank pages.

At this point we are wondering why people donate non-working printers to thrift stores.  I am also wondering if we had incredibly bad luck or if a printer's just not the kind of thing that should be bought at a thrift store.  I'm also wondering how to proceed. 

My bestie offered that I could email her the pages and she could print them out and mail them to me, but I use OpenOffice which she doesn't use, so I don't think that'd work.  Also, we need our own printer because Erik always prints maps before he goes hiking. 

Any ideas of what we should do?

vampire bats

This morning we went back to M's house to help him more.  It was productive and good. 

Then we took a break for lunch.  I ate vegan Indian food from a truck. 

Then we worked more and came home when Erik wasn't feeling well.  He thinks he's sick and needs to sleep.  But we bought another thrift store printer and hope this one works! so I can print my new zine and we can make copies soon.

Home again, we were lying in bed talking when my monitor began to smoke.  Luckily it turned itself off and didn't catch fire.  Also luckily, we had a spare monitor (why I do not know) in the closet. 

The old monitor took about 20 minutes to warm up, and this one is fine, so I don't know why I was using the old one. 

My hands still smell like vegan Indian food.  I liked when we were sitting on the grass at Southside Park and I started laughing about vampire bats.  I liked the hugs.  I liked finishing buckets.

last night

Last night we went to a Nacheez party. We saw M, and I met some vibrant, interesting people. I talked to someone about zines and will mail her some zines today. She knew them from punk rock. I showed her the latest functionally ill, and she liked the cover.

Then we went to M's house and helped clean. It was good to help.

Then we went to a bar called R 15 and met with some CouchSurfers. Erik wanted to meet T who he might go backpacking with. They want to climb Mt Whitney, but they want to do it in spring, which won't work for Erik because of scoring.

Then we walked to our car and drove home in the warm dark. It's getting into the 90s here!

Friday, April 20, 2012

Demonstrators on Roadway, 25 MHP

I have a new zine that will be out soon. It's about my trip to Nevada and is called Demonstrators on Roadway, 25 MPH. My printer died a couple weeks ago, so I need a new one so I can print out the new zine and do the layout and copy it in Berkeley. We bought a printer at the thrift store for $6, but it doesn't work right. I think we're going to try again.

fuckin' a

Blogger redid the way posts are made. I hate it when things change! This would be the "new look" they've been threatening. That's Erik's trail name, by the way. Fuckin' A. "We were on the summit plateau of Mt Conness, and there was a gap in the rock, so you could hold onto a boulder and lean your head over the edge of a several thousand foot cliff and see straight down," says Erik. And that's when he said it, and his name was given by P.

Thursday, April 19, 2012

M at McKinley Park

I'm totally disoriented by how light it's getting. It was almost time for my best friend in New York to go to bed, but it felt like the middle of the afternoon here. And now it's our bedtime here but feels too early.

Today I saw M. We met at my favorite park. He showed me the parts of his bike and explained everything to me, offered to let me ride too. I declined. I feel like I love him more now that I understand a little about his bike. Visit M's livejournal blog.


We walked the park's perimeter slowly. Then we had lunch at a picnic table near the tennis courts--I'd made tofurky sandwiches with mustard and vegan mayo and CSA lettuce. I ate an organic granny smith apple. And we had carrots, which was like a joke because carrots is one of the main foods we lived on during our time in Nevada. Oh, I can't help but grieve that our time in Nevada is over.

We walked around the duck pond and looked for the three goslings I'd seen earlier, but they were no where to be found. We sat together on a bench and talked in the shade.

Then I noticed he was falling asleep--he got too sleepy to ride his bike home, and we nestled it into the trunk of my Blazer. I drove us to his house, which was too much excitement for me, seeing as I am not really a driver. He helped a lot, telling me where to turn, listening to me think out loud about the stop signs, and when there was construction, he helped me understand what lane I was allowed to be in.

At his place, I parked in the middle of the alley. He locked his bike up in a shed. "Do you want to see the garden?" he asked. I pretended I had not already seen the garden. He showed me some baby tomato plants. He invited me upstairs, and I wanted to go upstairs, but I didn't feel comfortable leaving my truck blocking the alley.

So I drove home on the 16 and felt like I could do anything.

what Erik said

There should be a law that if your boss says, "If you're here 15 minutes early then you're on time, and if you're on time then you're late," you should be able to SUE HIM.

bad restaurant names

Erik and I long ago had a conversation about bad restaurant names. My favorite we came up with is Crab Crisis, and we've mentioned it often throughout the years. Yesterday Erik came up with a new one--The Golden Anus. And one of its dishes is BBQ Jello with Sauteed Multivitamins. Oh, the things we think of to entertain ourselves during April, the cruelest month for standardized test scoring.

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Salford Zine Library


Here's a kickstarter for Salford Zine Library in Manchester.

Tuesday, April 17, 2012



Here's my friend sinoun's kickstarter--she wants to print up a zine that I've actually already read and it's quite fantastic. So please chip in, if you're interested in seeing a great collaboration between her and Celso.

more Peace Walk pictures

Las Vegas zine library

Here's me at the Las Vegas zine library. I had fun showing M the Zine Yearbook that published an excerpt from functionally ill as well as the Fat-tastic that I had an essay published in.

times table

Some of the utility boxes in Las Vegas near intersections had great art on them. I loved this multiplication table.

me vigiling

This was at the federal building in Las Vegas.

Doom Dong

Tonight we went to the Press Club to hear Doom Dong. That's the band of my best friend's brother Dan Weiss. I hadn't been to a rock concert in more than ten years. Doom Dong is made of band members who live in LA and Minnesota. So hearing them perform is a rare treat.

I loved the music of the first band. I think they were called Instagon. I liked the barefooted trumpet player and how he jumped. I liked to feel the music in my body, it was so loud. But Erik wanted to move away from the stage, so we sat, and I texted Dan to let him know we were there. We drank orange juice with ice.

Dan found us, and we went outside to talk. He was soon joined by his bandmate Jason, and later the dummer came out too. We spoke of the default Portland, pirate movies, the blooming jasmine we could smell from down the street.

Then we all went back inside when it was time for Doom Dong to play. I was so impressed by their energy and power. Erik and I stood near the stage again. Little lights twinkled on us. I was alert to every note and watched the musicians with a lot of pleasure as they performed.

Afterward we bought a cd for $7 and hugged Dan and Jason goodbye. Dan apologized for being sweaty. He was having voice problems and had squirted lemon juice down his throat from time to time. They have to be in Olympia by tomorrow night. Good luck, Doom Dong!

Monday, April 16, 2012

Fresno then Sheep Ranch Catholic Worker Farm

Yesterday we drove from Las Vegas to Sheep Ranch Catholic Worker Farm. M and Pegasus drove. We started in the desert and passed through snow in Tehachapi, snow by the road, and finally arrived in a coniferous forest.

We stopped in Fresno at Forestiere Underground Gardens. Someone long ago wanted to be a citrus farmer, and he bought a lot of land, but the hardpan prevented him from farming it. So he started breaking the hardpan into pieces and building underground living space. It included skylights and citrus trees.

No one else seemed to notice that the orange trees were blooming. The fragrance makes me feel drunk. Some grapefruit trees were blooming too. We took a tour. I wanted more garden, less living space.

We arrived at Sheep Ranch Catholic Worker Farm at night after so much getting lost. The farm is hard to find. We were welcomed with hugs and dinner. I met S and T and C. They were very kind, and I was very tired. I slept soundly on a futon in the livingroom.

In the morning we had breakfast together. I was in charge of frying the potatoes. We held hands to pray.

Then we took a tour of the farm, and we pulled purple-flowered weeds. I retired early to help with lunch. The bread was still a little bit frozen, so T set it out on a tray, and I took it out to the deck so I could guard it from birds as it warmed / defrosted in the sun.

So we had lunch together then left for Sacramento. We didn't get lost--to Lodi and took the 99 north to Elk Grove then Sacramento where we convened at M's house. He put the last of the pictures on his computer and gave me my camera back.

I will post some wonderful pictures tomorrow.

Saturday, April 14, 2012

pancake day

This morning was pancake day at Catholic Worker. We got up at 4:40 to get there early. I ate yogurt sweetened with agave nectar, something I've been eating a lot of lately, as well as M's carrots.

What did I do this morning? At the serving site, I dished eggs on thick paper plates. I said a lot of good mornings. There was also sausage, pancakes of course, and potatoes mixed with sausage gravy. And juice, and tea, and syrup, and condiments like salsa.

I heard that about 200 people were served. There was some leftover food which is unusual, but it was raining a little bit, so that may be why fewer people came by.

Then we went back to the Catholic Worker house. Someone washed dishes very quickly, and I was the rinser, which I enjoyed, dousing the huge pots in the rinse water, setting the dishes on a counter behind me for high school students to dry.

Then I was waiting for a ride and dropped in on the tour J was giving. He's tall with dreadlocks and briskly purposeful yet has kind eyes, and I loved what he said. He explained the Catholic Worker movement, gave some history of the house, told us about Christian anarchism, talked about getting arrested and civil disobedience, seeing people as individuals, Catholic Worker philosophy vs institutional, Sacred Peace Walk--he pointed me out to the group as a Catholic Worker, and I felt a good feeling inside that I was included. I'm really not a Catholic Worker, but I liked that he saw me that way.

Later I heard him explain the pro-life stance, which I am totally opposed to, but I'm willing to stand in a kitchen and listen.

Friday, April 13, 2012

red yucca

This morning we served with Catholic Worker again. I washed dishes in the huge three-sink sink. I added some salt to some salad for a volunteer with messy hands from mixing. We did prayer, and this one was about sin a lot. I am not that into sin and purity, but I'll say The Lord's Prayer.

Then I got a pink apron and we went to the vacant lot where we feed people. This time instead of dishing hot food, I was pouring cold tea. I was pouring into styrofoam cups but also into the people's own bottles, so I had to be careful not to let my pitcher touch their bottles. I dipped my pitcher into a huge pot of iced tea over and over again.

I said a lot of good mornings. I was asked a lot of "How are you?"s and I was replying "fine" then "good" then "great" so I guess the service improved my mood.

Then we went to lunch with M's friend K. We went to Thai food. I had vegetarian green curry and a little bit of some garlic fried rice. The food was very good. K has a lot of energy and was full of words. I was even quieter than usual, feeling sleepy.

Then we went to a botanic garden on the campus of UNLV. I was tired to the point of stupor. But I saw some good plants.

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Mt Charleston

This morning we vigiled at the federal building. I carried a sign that said "End War" and "Love One Another." I like that one. We vigiled for about an hour. We got some honks for peace.

J made us matzo pancakes. I ate mine with agave nectar.

Then M and I went for a hike at Mt Charleston. We hiked on a trail for bristlecone pines, but I don't think we saw any. I ate an orange. There was a lot of snow, and it was cold. There was a cold wind. I said, "My thumb is numb."

And that is my sleepy account of the day, friends. Tomorrow we'll help serve at Catholic Worker again. Night!

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Las Vegas Catholic Worker

This morning we got up at 4:30 to get ready to go to Las Vegas Catholic Worker and be there after 5 to help cook and get ready to serve food. There's this empty lot where 200 people gather to eat. They're fed hot food and different drinks. I dished hot food into thick paper bowls and dispensed tomato juice into styrofoam cups or their own bottles. Everyone was nice. Our friend E played his guitar for the eaters. There was no conflict. It seemed like everyone knew what to do--I mean, there were set norms that everyone was following.

M and I washed some dishes when we first got to the Catholic Worker house. It reminded me of long ago when I worked at the dining commons during my undergrad years. There are huge three-sink sinks and huge pots stirred with metal oars.

Then there was a prayer time--we read a psalm from a book and there was extra stuff. Gee, I'm sleep deprived again--can you tell? What do I mean by extra stuff? I mean it wasn't just the psalm. For example, we said the Lord's Prayer, which I remember from my childhood.

Then right before we left to serve we gathered around in the kitchen and all held hands and read together from laminated pieces of paper about our intent. Catholic Worker is about service and giving what we have. I am far from Catholic, but there are things about it I can appreciate (stained glass, incense, ritual, costumes, sacredness). And I always like holding hands.

So then we went to the vacant lot to serve, and I wore a colorful apron. I worked with a person who called everyone honey and baby. I didn't like being called baby at all. I said goodmorning to the eaters sometimes. I felt honored to help. I felt matter-of-fact about it but also tender, maybe because it was my first time.

The food was vegetarian, which I like. I think it should always be vegetarian because for me, vegetarian is the default type of food that almost everyone can eat. I guess vegan would be best, but a lot of people wouldn't agree with me about that.

Someone helped me serve the tomato juice. He titled the bucket while I worked the spigot. I liked them teamwork.

Then we loaded up the truck and went back to the Catholic Worker house. People washed dishes quickly, and M and I dried them. Then I took apples out of bags so someone could make a cobbler.

The friend I really wanted to see who I met on the Sacred Peace Walk wasn't there, but he'll probably be there tomorrow, so maybe we'll go again.

This whole trip has been one big experiment with sleep deprivation and new experiences.

Monday, April 09, 2012

sunrise ceremony

This morning we got up at 3:40 to drive to Peace Camp for a sunrise ceremony. There was drumming, and we offered tobacco in the fire. We spoke from our hearts. I began to cry--I was feeling a strange mixture of feelings related to child victims of nuclear tragedies, our proximity to the Nevada Test Site, the Sacred Peace Walk being over, and my own life issues. I cried more, and my nose was running. The sun came up.

My favorite part is when we all hug one another. I used to find it creepy to hug people I didn't know, and now it's normal. You can communicate a lot of warmth hugging someone even if you don't know them. Suddenly you know them, or sort of know them. Maybe you know the best part.

Then we went to the line at the Nevada Test Site and vigiled for a while. It was only the three of us--me and M and Pegasus. I carried a banner, and M carried a sign as well as a stick with many, many paper cranes. Pegasus carried a sign that says, "Jesus says love your enemies. What does your church say?" I like that one.

A few more people joined us. We went to the line and talked to a cop. Some of us took a picture with the cop. Pegasus wished the cops a happy Easter.

Then we left and went to breakfast at the casino. I ate food that was decidedly not vegan. I liked to sit at a table together though M and Pegasus have lots to talk about that I don't know about. I enjoy listening.

Then we went to the Las Vegas Zine Library. It was fun to show M the Zine Yearbook that has a functionally ill excerpt in it. He also read an essay I have in issue one of Fat-tastic. I felt vulnerable but happy.

Then we were back at the Friary where M and I listened to this mix cd I made him back in January before he went to Wyoming. I gave him background on the songs, and it was fun.

Sunday, April 08, 2012

Shadow Children

Here's the photo I promised you of anti-nuclear art Shadow Children.

red bird

Here are some pictures from the tunnels.






Peace Camp

This weekend is Peace Camp reunion. It's taking place in the desert across the street from the Nevada Test Site. Today I went there with M and our friend Pegasus. We met many people who were new to me. Some kids were having an Easter egg hunt, and it was fun to see people celebrate the holiday. We were invited to join but only ate a little candy. I had a jelly bean that was actually good.

We talked for a long time with an elder and his family. He led us on a walk in the desert where we saw art. He gave us directions to the thing we wanted to see most: Shadow Children, a sculpture artwork about child victims of nuclear tragedies. With a lot of effort, we found it, though Pegasus had turned back already. I wish I had a picture to show you--maybe I'll get a picture later. It's truly beautiful and very sad. I saw a lizard on the art, but it didn't look different from regular fence lizards I've seen all my life--maybe smaller.

M and I went into some tunnels that are filled with anti-nuclear graffiti. I want to post pictures of that too. So stay tuned.

cob bench building

I forgot to say that yesterday morning we visited Las Vegas' permaculture group at a community garden and helped them work on a cob bench. Cob is a mixture of sand, clay-y dirt, water, and straw. It's worked into loose spheres and lumped together to make a structure, in this case a bench. I mean, when it's lumped together, the lumps, which are the cobs, don't look spherical, not anymore.

There were maybe ten of us, including two kids, and I liked all the people. When I hear "workshop" I think of handouts and different topics with transitions between topics. But it was cob building only. We mixed the straw in with out feet. I mean, I didn't, but others did. A scary thing is that the dirt could have glass or nails in it, so we screened it with a screen. But I was still leery of people smashing the straw in, in case a piece of glass was still there.

We had cookies, water or suntea, fruit. It was fun to help.

Saturday, April 07, 2012

passover seder at Congregation P'nai Tikvah

Today M and I went to a seder. It was my first one. I expected the salty water and bitter herbs--I had heard about that somewhere. I knew it had to do with Moses and the oppression of Jews by a pharaoh and the Jews leaving somewhere, Exodus-ing.

M paid $100 for us to go, $50 each. I thanked him, but I don't feel like he's been adequately thanked. Maybe I should write a thank you letter. If you're reading, M--thanks again.

So he wrote the check and we got the tickets and went into a large room at UNLV. There were many big round tables. We were a little late, but it hadn't started yet. The cantor seemed really nice and was funny though he self-deprecated sometimes.

I wanted a really traditional seder so I could see how it's supposed to go. Then again, I don't have any dress up clothes with me, and wearing jeans to a traditional seder is probably a no no. They had a traditional haggadah in a book that was falling apart as well as a strange childish one in the style of Dr Seuss. We skipped a lot of the elements, like there was no handwashing at all.

Our tablemates left early. There was ceremony with some small instances of eating but not the main meal until toward the end of the seder.

I liked the bitter herbs. I didn't like the parsley dipped in salt water, but it wasn't too bad. M and I are both vegetarians, and the side dishes we were able to eat were mostly sweet. I like sweet desserts but not sweet other foods, and one really sweet carrot portion I almost gagged on.

It was good to do something new, be in a room full of Jews, see the different kippahs, hear Hebrew.

Then M and I got lost and ended up deciding to drive to Hoover Dam, sharing beautiful conversation. At the dam, we were turned away. I guess you can't go over it at night? M said something about fear of terrorism. Oh, and we went to Arizona on accident.

Now friends are watching a movie in the livingroom and I am waiting for it to be done so I can go to sleep. Sweet dreams, world.


I was interviewed by Tamera Bush about radical mental health in Sacramento. Please go read this article!



At the bottom of this press release is a picture of me being released.


Friday, April 06, 2012


Today was the last day of the Peace Walk. We went to the Nevada Test Site where more than 900 nuclear detonations have taken place. A Native American spiritual person led us as we walked to the line, which is the boundary to the test site. Ten of us crossed the line in an act of civil disobedience. A new friend explained how getting arrested there is very easy. This is how it happened.

Someone told me not to have my cellphone with me when I got arrested, so I put it in my bag and handed my bag and sign to M, who was not crossing the line. I listened to some small speeches given by the Native American spiritual person as well as a minister. Several of my friends had already crossed the line. I weighed my options. I knew the arrest would be easy, and I was not too scared. The cops seemed nice, and there's no handcuffing involved.

So I crossed the line, and I wasn't even taken by the arm like a friend said I would be. I was directed to a large pen, where a cop let me in, where two friends already were. There's a pen for women and a pen for men. The pens are huge with three rows of barbed wire on top. My two friends were sitting on the ground while I remained standing. We sang songs about peace, and we were in good spirits. It was fun.

Oh, I forgot to say that when I crossed, my friends cheered for me. It felt really good. I felt supported.

Then everyone that hadn't crossed left except for M. The women's pen was done first, and I was the first to be let out. A cop told me where to stand, asked if I had ID, and I gave my driver's license to him. He took down information and gave me a ticket. "Am I free?" I asked. He said yes. On my way out I nodded to another cop. Then I recrossed the line, this time exiting the site. I was greeted by M and got my stuff back.

Why did I do it? I knew there would be no real consequences and it was a nice starter arrest. Also a new friend described it so glowingly while he drove me somewhere in his car, carefully telling me the details. I wanted to make a statement against nuclear weapons.

And that's the story of my arrest. I slept for three hours last night and three the night before, so I'm half-delirious, and please excuse my poor storytelling, but I hope it's clear.

Thursday, April 05, 2012

friends getting arrested

Wednesday, April 04, 2012

vigil at Creech Airforce Base

Today we vigiled at Creech. We held signs to be viewed by the people driving in and out of the airforce base. The signs were about peace, and some said things about drones, unmanned planes that kill people in other countries, and the government doesn't report how many civilians are killed. Someone yelled, "Morning, faggots!" our their car window. We got some headshakes and got flipped off, but we also got some waves and peace signs. It felt really got to know that the airforce base workers were affected by us, and maybe we planted small seeds of peace.

It was beautiful to be in a group of people. It felt meaningful and vivid to share our views and energy with the workers at Creech. Four members of our group were arrested for civil disobedience. It was moving to see their enthusiasm for being arrested, and I felt love for them.

One of our leaders spoke through an electronic megaphone to us and to the people in their vehicles passing by. I liked when he told the drone pilots to stand down because it was using heir own military language. And I liked when he said, "They're not bugsplat, they're people," though it's upsetting to even think about that. Some military personnel refer to civilian casualties as blugsplat.

Then we got back to the goddess temple where we're staying. I'm camped out near my friend M who brought me here in the first place. He showed me the temple, and it was beautiful. I looked at the statues and the small items placed with the statues--the candles and rocks. I signed the guestbook, thanking the goddess for life. I looked at some desert art and the maypole which was from a ship, a ship that was found out in the desert.

I'm dirty from not taking a shower for days and happy to have had today's authentic experiences.

Tuesday, April 03, 2012

my first three days

First day we walked through Las Vegas. I cried on The Strip. I was having problems with the excess. Also, I was having problems with gender. I was upset by the portrayal of naked women as commodities. It made me feel vulnerable / violated. So I cried and cried as we peacewalked. It was painful but okay. I think my reaction was sane, a sane reaction to an insane place. Have you been there? The lights, the sounds, everything larger than life, billboards that are like huge tvs.

Then at night a new friend helped me. She invited me to her bedroom at Nevada Desert Experience and I sat on her bed while we talked about my feelings, and then we did a grounding exercise. It felt good to breathe. Then she smudged me with sage, and I smudged her with sage (my first time doing that). I was grateful.

Oh, also I was crying that first day because I was in a lot of physical pain too. My shins were hurting and tight, pain with every step.

Second day my right leg stopped hurting, so I was in pain every-other step. Sorry I'm complaining a lot. I want to tell you what's beautiful.

First morning out in the desert, I was elated despite the pain. I told a new friend, "This is what I signed up for!" The desert is beautiful. Creosote, joshua trees, gorgeous mountains, and huge expanses of glorious open space.

Today was more of the same. New friends walked with me by the roadside. We talked about religious experience, radical mental health, Hanuman. I'm peace signing all the vehicles that pass, which is my blessing. Some drivers flip me off, most ignore or seem to ignore, and many wave, honk, or flash peace signs back.

I got sunburnt despite sunscreen and overly socialized and wasn't too functional at lunch, and people noticed, which was embarrassing. I was encouraged to drink Gatorade. It was orange.

I walked less today than yesterday. I estimate I only got about five miles today? I enjoyed singing Nanya Spriha and Sarvamangala to myself over and over again.

Monday, April 02, 2012

Sacred Peace Walk 2012


Here is an article by a local Las Vegas newspaper about Sacred Peace Walk 2012. I can be seen in a couple of the pictures wearing a turquoise scarf.