dangerous compassions

I call you / from the comet's cradle

Friday, June 29, 2007

yippie dog, walking, fruit, medication

There's a dog outside--it sounds like it's in the Dairy Queen parking lot--that's been yipping and barking for hours now. At first I thought a Dairy Queen visitor had left their dog in the car, but it's been too long for that now, and I'm confused.

This morning I went for a walk at the nearby park again and its adjacent quiet neighborhood. It's good to get a little exercise early in the morning while it's still cool.

Then I went to Trader Joe's for some needed groceries and indulgent fruit: blueberries, strawberries, sliced mango. Erik loves blueberries lately, and they're supposed to be really healthful.

The new medication I started last week seems to be working really well for me. I have energy again, and I feel more restless than desperate. I'm less depressed. Maybe as my dose increases I'll feel more and more well.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

doris zine blog

Probably my favorite zine in the world is called Doris. It's made by someone named Cindy. Something wonderful happened, which is that Cindy started a blog. Here it is, if you want to read it.


I just read everything there.

Monday, June 25, 2007

mysterious automotives

Saturday when I drove to choir practice in my truck, the check engine light was on. But today when I ran errands, the check engine light wasn't on.

Sunday, June 24, 2007

Berkeley and San Francisco

Today we went to Berkeley and San Francisco. We went to Long Haul Infoshop, where I donated about 40 zines to their zine library. We ate delicious food at a Thai temple for lunch and delicious Indian-Pak food in the Tenderloin for dinner. We rode the BART. It was really good to get out of town.

Saturday, June 23, 2007

poor Kitty

Kitty is terrified of our houseguest's crutches and darts away like a gray streak whenever he sees them.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

visit, appointment

This evening a friend is coming to visit from out of state. We're picking him up at the airport. He was our friend at grad school years ago. He'll stay with us three nights then head to San Francisco and stay at a hostel there for four. I predict we'll eat good food and have good conversations long into the night.

Today I had an appointment with a psychiatrist I had never met before and may never meet again, Dr R. He was personable, kind, smart. "I liked him right away," Erik says. After some discussion, Dr R prescribed a new medication and gave me a starter pack, so I'm starting it tonight.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Icarus chat

There's a new Icarus chat. It's for the mentally interesting. Here's the url to a Java client you can use to go there.


music, two kinds

Yesterday I went to my friend P's house to talk and practice harmonium. I'm learning the Sunday morning worship songs. It's interesting to get to know a new instrument--it's been years. The left hand works the bellows, and the right hand plays the keyboard. P says I'm working too hard, so next time I'm going to try more gentleness.

Then we went shopping for her son because he needs clothes for when he gets out of jail, which we think will be next week. We both don't like shopping, but we found some appropriate shirts, socks, shoes, underwear. The only thing we couldn't find was jeans. We think he's wrong about his size, which complicates things. Would it be better to second-guess him and get something that will fit, or should we obey orders and get the wrong size that he asked for? She's going to talk to him.

Listening to State Songs again, I like "Iowa" a lot. Iowa is a witch. It's funny. I like "Montana" a lot too. It's spoken as someone in his hospital bed about to die when he realizes that Montana is a leg. It's funny too. I feel like this album didn't find a lot of success, and I don't know why. Maybe it wasn't promoted very much. Maybe it was meant to be low-key.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

three media consumptions

I watched Gigantic: A Tale of Two Johns, which is a documentary about one of my favorite bands, They Might Be Giants. I found it inspiring. It made me feel like there are more possibilities in the world for me, a badly-needed feeling.

I've also listened to two new CDs lately (new to me)--Unplugged by Wah! and State Songs by John Linnell. Wah! is a singer who I like best for her yoga music, and this CD was all in English. There are some good messages in the lyrics, but overall I wasn't too crazy about it.

John Linnell is half of They Might Be Giants and had this project to write some songs about the states. Some are easy to like right away, and others didn't stand out, but I will listen to this CD some more.

Monday, June 18, 2007

the weekend was good

Erik scored SAT for 10 hours on Saturday. Sunday the system was down in the evening. I had a good weekend doing my usual activities at my place of worship.

Also, Saturday was karma yoga day, the annual work day at the center. I was senior sitting and did some cleaning in the bookstore. Glass cleaner and lemon Pledge, paper towels, listening to the other workers chatter and joke, laughing about a purple web-getting device called Webster and how the one wielding him was the Web Master. Silly.

Today I went to Whole Foods for some tea Erik wanted which was on sale, and we needed dish soap. I thought about working there. It's supposed to be a good company to work for.

I also tried to recycle, but the places are closed Sundays and Mondays. This is CRV bottles only.

I was talking to a 96 year old woman on Friday afternoon (senior sitting the same person as Saturday) and she called the internet "that network," which I loved.

Sunday, June 17, 2007


At the co-op today I saw a very tall man in a very cute dress.

Thursday, June 14, 2007

but a good mail day

I got four letters today. One from the P who is ranger-ing at Mesa Verde, one from a famous zinestress who lives in Texas, one from another famous zinestress who lives in Pennsylvania, and a short one (more of a note) from a mysterious zinestress who lives in Canada. I am blessed with good mail.

At my shift at the bookstore this afternoon, I wrote a letter to a P in New York and my dear R in Berkeley in reply to hear strangely beautiful Twig & Fig card and possibly Jade Emperor red envelope. I'm reading Hello, Cruel World: 101 Alternatives to Suicide for Teens, Freaks & Other Outlaws by Kate Bornstein in addition to the other stuff I'm reading such as Women in Love by DH Lawrence on tape.

bad times

I was supposed to have a psychiatrist appointment today. Erik and I showed up and were told it had been canceled. They canceled it and scheduled me an appointment with a different psychiatrist in August, more than two months from now. That would put me at more than four months between appointments, while my medication is being adjusted. I feel crushed. I plan to try to see the nurse tomorrow, tell him what happened, and see what can be done.

The problem is that I don't know how much strength I have to fight for what I need. If I had the strength, I wouldn't need the help.

Elsewhere in the news, it hit 101 here today. It was 92 degrees in the livingroom with the air conditioner on full blast. All I could do was lie on the floor half-dressed with a fan pointed at me. I wrote a letter to the landlord this morning and called (left a voicemail). I have no faith in them getting back to me in a timely manner. I'll try calling again tomorrow.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

off to San Rafael

Today I'm going with my friend P to San Rafael (which seems to be pronounced San Ra-fell by those in the know) to see about getting a harmonium repaired. It will be nice to get out of town because it's supposed to hit 100 here.

Yesterday I got my second ever Jin Shin treatment, and I was much more comfortable this time now that I knew what was going to happen.

Monday, June 11, 2007

lunch, what I did while Erik scored, a conversation

Yesterday we went out to lunch for a treat at Thai Basil, not the one in midtown but the one off the 99. I got a creamy red curry with tofu, and Erik got a green curry with eggplant and tofu. The food was delicious, and it was nice to go somewhere different. We hadn't been there in about three years, when we first moved to Sacramento.

I wrote letters to a cousin in prison and a friend in Idaho. Erik scored about 16 hours over the course of the weekend. I finished The Giver and will write a review that will appear in Erik and Laura-Marie Magazine #42.

Yesterday after vespers I had a conversation with a friend who lived in a spiritual community for 20 years. She was telling me part of her life story. She's a gentle, considerate talker, and I'm a good listener, so it was a very enjoyable fifteen minutes.

Saturday, June 09, 2007

stir crazy

This morning I went to the farmers market. I got cherries, nectarines, broccoli, and eggplant. Choir practice was fine.

I'm going nuts at home. The apartment is totally cluttered and just too small for our stuff. I wish we had a study so the computers would be out of the livingroom and we'd have space for a sofa. When it's hot like this, only the livingroom is cooled by the air conditioner, so I feel trapped in this one room.

I want to move, but I'm scared because I don't know where. In Sacramento I'm attached to my friend P and to my Swami, but otherwise, I would be just fine moving away. I would like to be closer to my parents, but that area doesn't have some of the things we need.

I'm scared because we need to live somewhere that doesn't seem to exist. Wherever it is, Erik would need to find work there first. Let me know if you have any ideas about this.

Friday, June 08, 2007

surviving through the days

Yesterday I made Erik some white brownies. I had problems with butter exploding in the microwave as I tried to melt it. The first time was one thing, but the second time was another.

For dinner, I made rice and lentils. Usually I would put curry powder, but this time I tried it with just some chili powder and cumino, and it tasted really good.

This morning I went for a walk at the park by myself. I don't think I had ever done that before. A jackhammer was jackhammering here at home, which helped me decide to go.

SAT scoring session started yesterday. We're surviving.

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

the La-La Theory

This is a new distro made by my zine friend Katie H. It's for lit zines, and she's carrying issue 40 of Erik and Laura-Marie Magazine.


Tuesday, June 05, 2007


This morning I gardened with my friend P. I found a four leaf clover.

Sunday, June 03, 2007

Bodega Bay and the Sonoma coast

Yesterday we went to Bodega Bay and the Sonoma coast. We looked at beaches and went for little walks on cliffs. We ate sandwiches. I bought some postcards at the hidden visitor center in Jenner. We saw this huge flowering plant everywhere called Pride of Madeira. I saw radish, California poppies, dudleyas, some shore asters, seals, pelicans, and a beautiful monument to those who make their living from the sea and have found their death in the sea. See Erik's Flickr site for some pictures.

Friday, June 01, 2007

pumpkin pancakes

Yesterday I made pumpkin pancakes. They were delicious. However, I had trouble because the batter was so thick. I should have thinned it with more soymilk.