dangerous compassions

I call you / from the comet's cradle

Friday, May 30, 2014

street snack

Ming and I are playing vocabulary games on jetpunk, and it's fun. 

We had panipuris yesterday at Myalpore in Folsom.  Panipuris are the best!  You tap a hole in them, put in some potato, and then pour some delicious liquid into them.  I'm salivating right now telling you about them!  Yum!  Chutney optional. 

Thursday, May 29, 2014

cutie with flowers

Beale Air Force Base pics

scarf pics

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

silk scarf

Today I painted a scarf.  It was at the women's center I go to.  I would like to show you a picture and might tomorrow.  It's yellow and orange with green.  I used paint and epsom salt and an iron.  A paintbrush, my hands.  Soap and water, water, the wind, the air.  It was fun but nerve wracking because everyone's looking and judging, sometimes commenting.  I wish I could make art lower pressure.

I was there a long time, making two scarves--one for me and one for them to sell at a fundraiser.  I had to choose which to keep.  I wore it as I walked home, and it matched my shirt. 

I got too hungry and asked for a snack.  M gave me a granola bar.  My therapist was there, and she side-hugged me.  I explained to her that I thought there were about 30 people interviewed for the video, but I found out there were really six.  I realized they would undoubtedly use some of the footage featuring me, and I was like oh shit.  When I thought there were about 30 people interviewed, I felt way safer.

What else?  I wanted to go to an All Bodies yoga class this morning, but I had some questions and no one called me back, so I didn't go.  I worked on a new zine.  We walked to the co-op for quick oats and summer fruit.  I like making refrigerator oatmeal in the summer.

Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Beale, gardening, video games

This morning we went to Beale Air Force Base.  We were there from 6 to 8, demonstrating with friends.  It was fun.  We said stuff to the guards and cops, and we chalked outlines of people on the asphalt to represent the innocents killed by drone strikes.  I held a cardboard sign that said PEACE.  We got a few hugs.

Then Ming gardened with a friend for two hours while I did some writing.

Then we went to Davis because I wanted to play Bust-a-Move.  I had tokens left over from last time.  We played Street Fighter while we waited for the Bust-a-Move machine to become available.  I was Chun-Li and used a lightning kick.

Bust-a-Move's controls were malfunctioning--the joystick would return to center rather than staying put, so aiming was hard.  We played anyway.

Monday, May 26, 2014

away from my desk

This morning we visited our friend P at her assisted living facility.  She couldn't remember the words for backpack (that thing you put your stuff in) or sleeping bag (that bed you roll out on the ground).  It was funny but sad but she's getting old.

Hot here.  We got cheap falafel and corncake.  Seems soaked in syrup. 

And I wrote some letters and need to step away from my desk now.

Sunday, May 25, 2014

shallot pizza for the win

Made pizza for dinner, and we had shallots, so we used them instead of onions as a topping.  It was very delicious.

Folsom prison

This morning I went to visit my cousin at Folsom prison.  I was there very early.  I got bit by two mosquitoes while I wanted outside for them to open the door. 

It was interesting.  It was way easier than Susanville.  At Susanville, the visitors and guards were snappy with one another, which created a terrible mood.  At Folsom, everyone seemed okay.

My cousin and I talked for more than two hours, longer than we had ever talked in our entire lives.  But we've written lots of letters.  We drank corporate beverages and ate ice cream sandwiches.  We enjoyed sitting outside.

I'm glad I went.  Thanks to Ming for driving.  Then we had brunch in Folsom and bought grapes at Trader Joe's.  The end!

Saturday, May 24, 2014

buckwheat for breakfast

This morning I made kashi for breakfast.  That's the name of toasted buckwheat groats.  It's pretty good.  It's got protein kind of like quinoa.  I made it with water and soymilk and put sugar in mine.  Ming put raisins.

one cup kashi
one cup water
two cups soymilk

Bring to a boil and simmer for 12 minutes until most of the liquid is absorbed.

We actually grow buckwheat in the backyard.  So I asked Ming to harvest some of its seeds for me so I can soak them and sprout them.


Dear Reader,

Gmorning.  How are you?  I am achy. 

Yesterday afternoon at Tower Bridge was great.  I held up my half of a banner that said there's no flag big enough to cover the shame of torturing people.  I handed out some postcards about closing Guantanamo to passersby.  I was brave.

"What that mean?"  someone asked.

Our friend B tried to explain that torturing people is wrong, and flag waving doesn't make it okay.

"Shit, I was in Vietnam," the man said and walked away.

Then I was brave again at the five dollar vegan party where we ate a dinnerlet of Ethiopian food, which was delicious and salty, and talked a little bit to people we know and met someone we didn't.  She was a very nice high school English teacher, and I wanted to talk to her about books, but Ming pulled us away.

Not that I actually read anymore.  I've been reading Never In a Hurry for half a year.  I check out things from the library and return them.  Where has my concentration gone?  Why is it a hundred times easier to write than to read?  Reading books feels like such a commitment.  I read the internet and zines sometimes.  There is hope for me.

Today we march against Monsanto with thousands and thousands of people.  We're going to take light rail so we don't have to worry about parking. 

I'm going to make some buckwheat groats though I have never had them and don't know what condiments to use.  We picked them up at the Davis co-op yesterday. 

I dreamt of holding hands with a friend, singing, and a necklace that looked like mine.  I hope you had such good dreams, Reader.

all love,

Friday, May 23, 2014

shut down Monsanto

This morning we got up hella early to pick up two friends and go to Davis for a shut down Monsanto event.  It was our first time there, so we didn't know what it would be like.  Monsanto, ironically, is right across the street from a Davis community garden with its beautiful sunflowers. 

We got there at 6 am, and there were supposed to be Aztec dancers--I was disappointed there was no dancing.  I held a sign about Monsanto--Ming held a sign about bees.  I felt awkward that it was not a peace event; I sang "This Little Light of Mine" anyway. 

I also felt awkward about the overly-serious white guys wearing all black trying to take control of the situation.  Just because you're an anarchist doesn't mean you have to play anarchist dress-up and smoke so many cigarettes.  Look at me--I'm a stereotype.  Be afraid of me because I might whatever at any moment.  Etc.

That's my gripe.  I liked some of the chanting.  I was leery of the cops at first.  I really didn't want to get arrested today.  I knew I wasn't going to do anything illegal, but sometimes that doesn't matter.  But the cops were okay. 

Our friends from the non-sacred peace walk were there for an hour or so.  I wanted T to teach us "Bella Ciao" and asked her to, but she wanted to talk to people about drones, so hopefully another time. 

Tonight I think we're going to a bridge to see our peacemaking friends do a close Guatanamo event at 5 and after that a party for Sac Veg Society.

And tomorrow's March Against Monsanto at the capital, and Sunday we go to Folsom so I can visit my cousin in prison.  I gotta plan my outfit.  There are so many things not allowed.

Thursday, May 22, 2014

may garden beds five and six

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

cut it loose

Today I went to the dentist.  It's my home away from home.  I got a crown put on.  It was supposed to take less than half an hour.  It took longer.

Today we went to the capital for end hunger day.  We saw my therapist.  She got to meet Ming.  It was fun.  Two hugs.

Today I went through tons of papers and threw a lot away.  But I still have a lot.  How does that happen?  I'm not good enough at cutting things loose.

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

a maypole and our windbreak at Pena Adobe Park yesterday

more of Saturday with roses

bella ciao bella ciao bella ciao ciao ciao

Yesterday by the lake we held hands and sang this song, but a different way and in English.


Monday, May 19, 2014

ain't gonna study war no more

This afternoon we peace vigiled at Travis Air Force Base.  I held one side of a banner that said QUESTION AUTHORITY.  Loved it.  No cops or guards bothered us, and tons of people took the fliers our friend M was handing out.  So it was good but very windy. 

Then we went to a park near Fairfield and had dinner with the peace walkers.  There were vegan tamales, salad, juice we brought, and vegan raspberry chocolate cake.  We sang songs and held hands in a circle, my favorite. 

But I got a sunburn on my sunburn and need to stay out of the sun for a while.

Sunday, May 18, 2014

article about this peace walk we helped kick off yesterday

fun with Food Not Bombs

This morning I got an email saying Food Not Bombs really needed volunteers today because three of the loyal four were not going to be there.  Ming had a gardening class to help teach.

So I took the bus as close to Loaves & Fishes as I could and walked the rest of the way.

There I got some Kool-Aid ready, some instant iced tea, some water.  I got the asparagus into a pan with oil and salt and garlic powder.

I talked to P about where we're from and everything.  I watched him cook some soup.  The tofu was already baking.  The beans were done.  The rice was in the big rice cooker.

He had the situation under control.  Someone else showed up, and I seasoned the soup.  I'm afraid it was pretty bland.  Sorry, guests.

Ming arrived.  He'd eaten a vegan waffle and smelled of vanilla.

We loaded up the vehicles and drove to Cesar Chavez park.  We set up the tables and set up everything.  I was in charge of drinks, offering guests their choice.  I really wanted some of the Kool-Aid, but we ran out!

Then we loaded stuff back in the vehicles and did some cleanup back at Loaves & Fishes.  Ming and I set a boundary of cleaning up for only half an hour.  We left them with a ton of dishes to wash, which I felt a little guilty about, but I was very tired.

I guess that's kind of like yesterday.  The experience ended with some guilt, but overall good feelings.

a walk to peace

Yesterday we went to San Francisco for day one of a peace walk from San Francisco to Beale Air Force Base.  We gathered on the SF side of the Golden Gate Bridge and talked for a long time, waiting for our friend T.  Then we walked together to the center of the bridge and back.  It was very windy, the traffic was noisy, and it was emotional. 

I carried MOTHERS SAY NO WAR.  On the backside is a picture of mothers crying.  I've seen the picture before and thought it was famous, but google images isn't giving it to me.

Then the walk went along the shore to the Ferry Building.  But I got very tired around Fort Mason, and we peeled off.  We walked toward Russian Hill, where we were parked.  Altogether we walked about four miles, which was enough to tire me out.

I felt a little guilty for not being able to walk the whole day's walk, but I also felt happy for the good experiences I shared with friends.

Friday, May 16, 2014

off season

I bought an acorn squash today which was silly of me since they're not in season.  But I was optimistic.  But it's a pale yellow inside and bland.

earth day every day

This morning we walked to the co-op for soft foods.  I got some delicious hummus in a cute paper container with a plastic lid. 

As we walked home, I said we should do more for the earth.  I suggested we bring our own mason jar to the co-op for when we buy olives from the olive bar.

Then we went to McKinley park and walked more.  My mouth where the tooth was pulled throbs a little while I walk, but I think that's okay. 

We went to the bank, got gas, went to the post office and bought stamps, went to home depot so Ming could buy three clean boxes. 

Yesterday as the numbing wore off, Ming and I played cards.  We hadn't played in a long time.  And listened to Joanna Newsom. 

I really have nothing to report other than my painlessness.  At least the recovery is turning out easier than I imagined.

Thursday, May 15, 2014


I survived getting my last wisdom tooth out.  I don't know if I'm biting down enough on the gauze.  Maybe I should make a zine about it.  But that's done.  Onward and upward.

fava beans

Today I made fresh fava beans sauteed in olive oil and garlic over rice, and Ming put some harissa on there to make it prettier for the picture.  But it tasted good too.

five little sunflowers growing up

If you look closely, you can see one of the grape vine's tendrils encroaching.

little free library

Remember that day Ming and I walked to Trader Joe's?  We passed this Little Free Library and were so charmed by it.  Took photos but no books.


Last night was Buddha puja.  Lots of funny things went wrong.  It was like a sit-com.  I can't tell you the funny things, so I'll leave it at that.

Jackhammer going outside.  I got dirty water on some paper--it went on the edges, so I cut off the edges with my paper cutter, which is poor.  I lost the extra blade, and the current blade is dull.

Today is very special because I get my last wisdom tooth pulled.  My appointment's at 3:45 though I got texts from the dentist's office saying 4. 

What's the difference between having a good attitude and being in denial?  Maybe they can work together.

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

today in a paragrpah

Today it's hot.  I made a pretty bracelet, oranges and yellow, but it's too big.  I've got a mystery flavor Dum Dums from group--they had a bowl of snacks and candy.  I met with my case worker--she did a breathing exercise with me.  We met with a business librarian at Central and learned stuff.  We had Thai food for lunch.  Now the air conditioner is blasting and the mail hasn't come.

And that's my life. 

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

new poetry zine: hat genius 6

Monday, May 12, 2014

vegan garlic lover's pasta

This morning we were at the co-op.  I thought about getting some garlic lover's pasta from the deli, but I thought I could make it.  So we came home, and I made it.  It was so easy and is so good.

about a quarter pound of pasta
a few cloves garlic
about a quarter cup frozen peas
about a quarter tsp granulated garlic

Cook the pasta, drain it, and rinse with cold water.  Put in about half a cup vegenaise and some salt--mix.  Cook the peas and add them too.  Add a little pepper and the granulated garlic.  Put the raw garlic through a press and mix that in.  Chill and enjoy or eat it right away warm.

Of course you can make more than this, and I would advise it, but that was how much pasta I had.

my hope

Yesterday we spent in the Bay Area with family and friends.  On the way home we stopped in Dixon for a mango lassi.  It was one of the best I've ever had.  They didn't have it in the right sized to go cups so served it to me in two little cups.

Today we see my literacy learner and help him fill out some forms.  And I have an afternoon phonedate with my bestie.

Thursday I get my last wisdom tooth pulled.  I'm scared but trying to have a good attitude.  My other three wisdom teeth were extracted while I was under general anesthesia.  So this will be new.  I'm kicking myself now, wishing I'd gotten this one extracted at the same time as the others.  But it was growing in just fine, and I thought why not let it live.  Because there's no tooth under it to bite against, it's drifted.  I've grown long in the tooth.  So maybe it will be easier to get out.  That's my hope.

Saturday, May 10, 2014

leave the past in the past

This morning I went through clothes and chose a whole white kitchen grocery bag stuffed to get rid of.  It was hard.  I was holding onto this sweater from grad school, for example, for years and years.  But I'm finally setting it free.

And I went through a box of papers from high school.  Yes, I still have papers from high school: band pictures, graduation cards, bassoon music, tons of old letters, the newspaper articles I wrote.  I threw away a lot, which is sad.

But it's over.  The throwing it away is over, and the past is over.  Ming is thinking about going to his 30 year high school reunion.  It will be a BBQ and cost $25.  At a park.  It's something social he can do.  I would never go to a high school reunion.  I've never been to one.

"Leave the past in the past" is a fortune cookie fortune my therapist told me last time I saw her.

But I have this rose quartz that matches the one I lost 18 years ago, and it's like the past came back.  How confusing.

Friday, May 09, 2014

crazy for you

Today we daytripped to Folsom on the lightrail.  It was fun.  Ming bought me a rose quartz crystal to replace one I accidentally left in a frat house bathroom in Berkeley about 18 years ago.  It's very satisfying.

As we walked home from the lightrail station, we passed the co-op, where someone was busking.  He was playing Madonna's "Crazy For You" on guitar and singing his heart out.  My dollar was inadequate. 

today's perfect oatmeal

Ming's: oatmeal with a ton of raisins, like a fourth of the bowl is full of raisins

LM's: oatmeal with hippie sugar, pretend butter, soymilk, broken up walnuts, flaxseed meal, and one raisin as a prize

Thursday, May 08, 2014

green garlic

Today I sent Ming to pick collards in the backyard as a dinner ingredient.  He came back in with an onion, saying the onion was in his way.  But then he washed and trimmed it, and it wasn't an onion--it was garlic! 

So I chopped up the whole head for inclusion in our dinner.  "Are we going to smell like garlic for days?" I asked Ming.  We decided that would be okay.

But it doesn't seem to be happening.  But it's great in the burritos to get a big chunk of mild, crunchy garlic. 

so thank you

This morning we opened our front door to go outside, to go to our community garden plot and do some work, and there outside our door was a box!  It was a package.  We got presents from our friend L in LA: a small birdhouse, some chocolate money, and an elephant windchime, all in a pretty basket.  All are beautiful. And a card and letters too.  It's wonderful to get such blessings from friends.  So thank you.  I ate half the chocolate money, which is delicious, wrapped in red and gold foil.

Then we did work at our garden plot.  Someone gave us some fennel.  I ate a bite raw, and its texture reminded me of celery, which I detest.  But the flavor was interesting. 

Then we went to Safeway for plastic floss and some foods.  We bought batteries for our camera too.  They were locked up--I guess there's a lot of battery theft.  I sense a joke there--assault of batteries?  Lock up batterers, not batteries?  It reminded me of a grocery store we go to in Las Vegas where lots of things are locked up, including feminine hygiene products.  It seems sad.  Sad that people are poor and driven to theft.

I gotta think of something happy to say to wrap this up!  Oh, here's one of the happiest songs ever.

Wednesday, May 07, 2014


Yesterday we had fun being busy.  We tutored, delivered collard greens from our garden to Swami, visited the Carmichael library, ate an early dinner at Sunflower, and then went to an art journaling class at Orangevale library. 

I collaged a lot.  It was wonderful because I just got rid of all my magazines for collage at home through freecycle a few days ago.  I was very focused and used up my close-focus brainpower and then we left.  It was great.

Also in the morning Ming went to a garden day and had fun helping a friend.  I stayed home and wrote poems and caught up on some emails.

Did I tell you we're moving?  I need to get rid of a lot of stuff, which seems impossible seeing as I can't even accomplish cleaning my desk.  Well, I went through books and have two grocery bags full to sell.

Tuesday, May 06, 2014

why I don't read the newspaper

I can hear the kids outside waiting for their bus.  I can feel the cool air coming in through the door.  The temps are creeping up again.  But this is a nice morning. 

We walked to the co-op for paperwork and breakfast.  The burritos we had were pretty good.  There were old people in the dining room reading newspapers.  I read a headline over a shoulder.  It was disturbing. 

Ming got coffee with stuff in it.  He's going to a garden day this morning, but it lasts three hours and I only have an hour of happy gardenwork in me. 

The bus came and gathered the children to take them to school, ostensibly.  I'm glad I don't have to go to school.

Monday, May 05, 2014

walking machines

I was telling my bestie that I hate going to the dentist more and more.  So what will happen when I'm old?  I gotta reverse the trend. 

Today we went to the co-op for summer fruit.  It was good to walk.  We're walking machines.

Sunday, May 04, 2014

what work is

This morning we worked on our community garden plot.  We cut the flower buds off masses of oregano.  Ming hacked at the huge lavender bush.  I pulled out some overgrown California poppies.  I pulled a few weeds, and Ming trimmed the asparagus.  We went early, before the bees were up.  I also ripped out some sweet alyssum and a little yerba buena that was growing over the edge.

Then we went to Fox & Goose for breakfast.  I was in a grouchy mood but had a good breakfast, which improved my outlook.

A week ago the passenger side window got broken in a more complete way than it was broken before.  So the downstairs neighbor looked at it this afternoon, and he's going to order a part online and fix it.  Right now it's disassembled but functional.  I mean it's stuck up, which is a lot better than stuck down, though we're not expecting rain.

Saturday, May 03, 2014

fun had

Sacramento reception was a wild success!  The vegan chocolate cake was a win, though way fewer people arrived than expected, so we cut the pieces huge.

Here are friends.

Blessing the cake before cutting it.

Fun had by all, and thanks to the people who worked hard to make it happen.

Friday, May 02, 2014

saga of BOB

Trouble with BOB.  It was not starting.  It would click.  Parents advised it was a battery connection problem, but we took it to a battery place, and they said the connections were fine.  So we took it to a mechanic who lives within walking distance to us (we don't have a mechanic we always go to--we haven't found a good, close mechanic) and he said he'd call by noon.  He called at 5:15 and said it was the starter and they'd put on a new one by this afternoon.

So hundreds of dollars lighter, we have a falling apart BOB who we need to sell, but we will get so little for it, we won't be able to afford another car, so I don't know what to do.