dangerous compassions

I call you / from the comet's cradle

Friday, June 30, 2017


I've been informed that I forgot to blog yesterday.  Oops.

I finished the book I was reading.  I'm thinking about books.  Now that I've broken through, I want to read another novel.  It had been nonfiction only for so long.

E told me she bound the books with waxed thread.  Yesterday we went to Santa Barbara.  We went to the beach.  I felt close to nature and creation.

Wednesday, June 28, 2017

tree collard

We were at a farmers market and a guy was selling plants.  One of his plants was separate from the others.  It looked like a tree collard.

"Is that a tree collard?" we asked.

He said yes and explained what a tree collard is and how big it would get and how to propagate them.

It was five bucks.  We took it.

This morning, Ming planted it in Mom's backyard.  We hope to harvest lotsa tasty greens soon soon soon.

Lots of mint grows in Mom's backyard by the side of the house where we planted some mint long ago.  I picked some this morning and made some delicious tea.

Yesterday I bought a permaculture magazine at Whole Foods.  It has stuff about edible lichen.  That sealed the deal.  Nine dollars.

Tuesday, June 27, 2017

ten things I'm really good at

1.  ordering tater tots off-menu
2.  forgetting the funny thing I was going to blog
3.  wearing my new purple purse like a camera bag
4.  carrying around a banana
5.  complaining
6.  accessing an inner quiet place
7.  dancing poorly but unafraid
8.  remembering song lyrix
9.  loving independent coffee shops
10.  being me

just an update

The sky is gray from the marine layer.  Love it.  Ming is loading the dishwasher.  The soup last night turned out wonderful.

Monday, June 26, 2017

elixir size, fairy size, microdog size

This morning Ming went for a walk with me at the track then took off up the hill on a hike.  I read and wrote.

I'm reading a sci-fi book I like.  It's been forever since I read a novel.

Then we got juice.  I got grapefruit pineapple orange ginger and couldn't finish it though it was delicious.  With juice and kombucha I always wish for smaller sizes.

Conference call this afternoon at 4, but I plan to make soup for Ming and Mom.  Gingery sweet potato soup with coconut milk.

Sunday, June 25, 2017

nice morning

So I asked Ming, "How was Boss Baby?" and he said it was fantastic.  I was amazed.  Then I asked Mom and she said, "Kinda stupid."  I just slept while they were gone.

This morning I woke from a dream about a performance artist mass murderer.  It was terrible yet fascinating.

Then we went to the grocery store and spent more than $50.  I bought some ingredients for making dinners for the three of us.  Ginger, sweet potatoes, curry powder, white beans...  It was good.

There was a street person buying an alcoholic beverage in line behind me.  The checker talked to him in a very friendly manner.  That amazed me too.  I was so glad.

My good friend txted me and I felt loved.  Basically it's been a nice morning.

Saturday, June 24, 2017

don't go to swap meet on a Saturday

This morning we went to breakfast at Plenty on Bell in Los Alamos.  I love that place so much I want to write them a love letter.  My food was the best!

Then we picked up my nephew and went to the swap meet in Nipomo.  It was really weird.  Very few stalls were open.  It felt dystopian, and when we escaped with our lives, we cheered.

Then we went to the farmers market.  It was pretty fun.  But kind of rushed.  There was no guy singing music.

Then we went to the outlet mall for the chocolate factory.

Then we went to the strawberry stand where I bought a three-pack for $7.

Then we dropped me off and they went to the movies to see Boss Baby.  I napped.  Soon they will be home with Taco Bell.

And that's life as of this moment.

Friday, June 23, 2017



It's cool here.  Ming and I have no real plans.  We might go to Lompoc for farmers market.  It's peaceful and quiet here.

This lady at the famers market in Morro Bay yesterday kept calling us kids.  "Hey, kids," she said when we walked up.  I loved it.

A citrus lady was rude to me.  Mom and I are analyzing it.  "They seem to be more attentive to a certain type of person," she said.

"What, rich people?" I asked.

"White people?"  Mom said.  "I could be mistaken."

Then Mom changed her mind and said they're just more attentive to people who need information.  "Let's be positive and think that."

I was telling Mom I want the job naming nail polish colors.  "That's my dream job," I said.  Or naming streets.

"Who does name the streets?" she asked.

Thursday, June 22, 2017

Sanskrit hat fantasy

I'm at our favorite cafe eating tater tots and drinking jasmine kombucha.  I feel really glad to be here.  Trying to count my blessings and adjust to coastal life.  I bought a book on meditation yesterday.  Maybe I'll meditate this summer.

I want a Sanskrit hat.  Ming looked online for me and nothing matched what I want.  The hats were baseballs caps, mostly.  I want a different kind of hat.  A gay hat.  With Sanskrit on it.

So I'm thinking of becoming a seamstress just so I can make this hat I saw once on a Hare Krishna in LA.  It was blue with white Sanskrit.  Wish me luck.

Wednesday, June 21, 2017


Yesterday when we arrived at the undisclosed location, I was so hot.  I think it was only 70 here.  But I sweat like crazy.  I thought maybe I had an inner fire or brought the desert heat with me.

Mom says I'm too young for a hot flash, but maybe it was my first sign of menopause.  It could happen.

The drive yesterday felt pretty easy.  We didn't stay at a hotel.  Our trip was ten hours and 45 min.  We stopped a lot.

I send you a smile.

Tuesday, June 20, 2017


Well, this Panera is very familiar, here in Barstow.  I drove an hour this morning, from Jean to Baker.  It was okay.  I was proud of myself.  I think Ming was proud of me too.

I hope to drive again.  Outside little birdies are hopping around.

We intend to take it really slow today, maybe stopping at hotel, even.

I have a phobia of hotels, though.  We are talking about getting a van, for our next vehicle, so we can sleep in it when we travel.  There's gas mileage to think of.  And hoping not to buy a lemon.  Our little blue Echo has been so good to us.

Did I tell you about the party?  About Mt Charleston and the cabin?  R played music--V too.  It was fun and relaxing--maybe a little too relaxing.  I need to exercise more, in the undisclosed location.

Love to you wherever you are, reader.

Monday, June 19, 2017

party win

It's Mt Charleston day.  We will go to the cabin.  I love it.  We'll go for a little walk.  We'll eat veggie burgers.  I've been looking forward to it for a long time.

Last night's party was lovely.  The birthday boy had fun.  Alcohol was flowing, but nobody got obnoxious or anything.  The caramel tres leches cake from Costco was a hit.

There was a guitar being passed around.  My friend R played some music I loved.  His music.  I danced, once.

My complaint: too much cigarette smoke.  Oh and also people are too repetitive.

Yesterday was so hot.  I had intended to make rice, but it was sweltering.  I could barely function.

Related, we're going to the undisclosed location soon.  We leave tomorrow.  The cool coast.

Sunday, June 18, 2017


Ming:  I'm not crazy.  I'm just observant.

Thursday vigil

Las Vegas Radical Mental Health Collective yesterday

the opposite of cake

I tried baking a cake for my friend's birthday.  I don't have a mixer, so I tried to beat it like crazy with my arms and a spoon.  The instructions say two minutes.  But it's hot, my arms aren't so stamina-y...  I failed at the equivalent of two minutes.

So Ming helped me by dumping the batter into the prepared pan.  It looked like way not enough batter.  This happened to me before.  Four years ago for Ming's birthday I made a tough cake, same reason.

We're baking it but I already know it's a fail.  Our plan is to go to Costco and buy a cake.  I feel dejected, a little bit, but at least we have a plan.

Last night was a meeting of the Las Vegas Radical Mental Health Collective.  There were 14 people in attendance.  I ran out of nametags.  It was a wild success, and I loved it.

Ming says the cake is looking fine and smelling good.  The batter has filled the pan.  I used an odd-shaped pan--it's white--what do you call that kind of pan?  It's like pryex but white?  Corningware.  I think my first mother-in-law gave it to me.  It's square with rounded corners and has a glass lid.

"Don't let it fool you," I said.  The problem with cakes is they're all or nothing.  I can't really try the cake before the party to make sure it's good.  So I am faced with a decision, and I suck at decisions lately.

Saturday, June 17, 2017

friend's song


It's almost afternoon and I haven't blogged yet.  I was txting with Mom.  Wishing for a father's day cry party.  I told her it's supposed to be 117 Wednesday.

She was like, What does that mean?  117 Wednesday.

I was like, degrees!

Friday, June 16, 2017

dog sad

There's a cloud of things I can choose from to decide what to tell you this morning, reader.

The NDE newsletter has been mailed.  I'm eating a breakfast burrito and my tortilla overfloweth.  Ming's out serving the hungry and will come home to pick me up and take me to the Worker for some cleaning.  I'm just about done with the text for the Catholic Worker job zine.

We're making friends with this young anarchist and having his birthday party at our house on Sunday.  BYOB.  I will buy hummus and carrots and stuff--I'll even buy celery--but not alcohol.  He's turning 32, I learned this morning from facebook.

So, I met five dogs yesterday.  Cora, Button, and Wolf-Mother.  Then I met Picasso and Jamal.  Pica and Jamal are the more pertinent dogs because they will be living in Freedom House.  I feel sad.  At least the dogs are pretty.

Thursday, June 15, 2017

this town in Belgium that supports the crazy people


This radio show was informative and made me cry.

gotta clean my desk

I am listening to a podcast from NPR.  My friend sent me the link.  It's hard to type as I listen.  It's pretty disturbing too, talking about examples of "mentally ill" people who do dangerous things.  But there's supposed to be a solution.

This morning I woke up early.  I talked to a friend on facebook and he's going to come to the vigil.

I really don't like this podcast but am hoping it will get better.

My desk has never been this messy, I think.  I need to do something about it.  The newsletters stack up, the library books, the zines, the letters.  The thread, the little bottle of lavender water, the blue aluminum carabiner, washi tape, little plastic cups with little plastic lids, holy pictures, a fan, a tin that once held mulling spices, my stamp box...chocolate covered almonds, tissue box, fake flowers.  I guess I need to get rid of some of this stuff.

Anyway, I love you and hope you're having a good day.

Wednesday, June 14, 2017

favorite narcolepsy story

I read this fascinating article about this guy who analyses google searches to learn things about United Statesians.  The most surprising thing he's found is people googling how to induce abortions in places where it's hard to get an abortion.  I find this very sad because I don't think people should have to do that.  I wish everyone who needs one could get a safe abortion.

But I guess that's a controversial thing.  But I wish women's health was a given.

I danced to my favorite cd to dance to: The Tourist by Clap Your Hands Say Yeah.  I found out about this band via an former friend's ex-girlfriend.  I'm so glad I did, because they're one of my favorite bands.  They suit me.

Ming and I went to a house show by the main guy in Berkeley.  Ming was yawning, and I was embarrassed, which is one of my favorite narcolepsy stories.

Can't you see me sitting there, burning with embarrassment?  We were seated closest to the musician.  Everyone could see him.  Oh, my mortification.

Tuesday, June 13, 2017

weird eggplant


I sat at a picnic table for five hours yesterday while Ming and our friend hiked.  I thought their hike was five miles, so I was confused when it took them five hours.  Turns out their hike was more than seven miles.

Still, it was a long time to be alone.  I got some good stuff done though.  Wrote a few letters, wrote a prayer, wrote in my journal, finished reading a magazine I started last year, watched clouds.  Breathed the fresh air.

This morning Ming is out--he and two friends are going to pick veg at Gilcrease then walk at Lamb Park.  I wasn't invited.  I feel left out.

You missed the whole saga of Ming losing his glasses.  He left them in a tow truck (you missed that saga too).  He's gone to pick them up this morning before the veg and walk.  Hopefully his glasses are in good condition.

I woke up to an email that makes me sick.  Yes, drama.

Today I want to do something nice for myself, but I don't know what it is.

Monday, June 12, 2017


Soon we will go to Mt Charleston where Ming and friend will hike while I read and write in nature.  I am keen on some nature time, to get away from the city.  I want to leave my troubles behind for a little while.

Sunday, June 11, 2017

walking a mile, the canner, mail jackpot

We are meeting with R in fifteen minutes to do thank you notes.  I asked Ming to wake me at 5 so we could go for a walk, and our walk was good.  I went a mile.  Ming went a mile and a third.  There were lots of birds.  I got into my head the line / idea "starling-shaped."

No one else was there except for the middle-aged Asian canner who's always there.  She goes through the park's trash cans for plastic bottles and aluminum.  Why is she always there right when we're there?  Maybe there's more than one and I'm getting them confused.

I want to take some of the load off Ming and decided to take over emailing for the street medic collective.

Yesterday NDE got a huge grant check.  We worked kind of hard on that grant, so I'm happy.  Also I got two letters from someone I love and had never received any mail from.  I'm still reeling.

Saturday, June 10, 2017

Laura-Marie was curious

Working on the LV Catholic Worker job zine.  I've got some great ideas, all of a sudden.  I started talking with Ming and he gave me a great phrase.

This morning we served and met.  Then we took our friend King Ron to rent a car.  But that place was too expensive.  So we went to Jack in the Box to regroup--he wanted to look at rates on the internet on his phone.  He found a much better rate.  That Enterprise was in a casino.  I had to breathe the nasty casino air and almost had a kind of panic attack.

Or maybe more like a discomfort attack.  It was a step below panic, but I did need fresh air.

At Jack in the Box, King Ron told us they had a powerful soda machine that could give you most any kind of soda.  So I got a diet Dr Pepper.  Poison certainly, but I hadn't had Dr Pepper in years and felt curious.

Now I need to work on that zine more, but my desk is seriously a mess.  I need to make space.

Friday, June 09, 2017


I just don't feel very good.  Maybe it's a passing morning thing.  Didn't want to get up this morning.  Don't wanna care for myself.  There's a visioning meeting at 8:15.

Thursday, June 08, 2017

safe to feel

Gmorning, world.  I am a little bird peeping its gmorning to you.

I have some dangerous cookies.  They have three grams of sugar each.

My poet friend sent me a couple zines and a letter and an affirmation yesterday.

Today will be busy: peace vigil, meeting with J, meeting with Reverend Rachel, and in the evening a fundraiser at a bar.  I don't like bars and don't really understand Ming's interest.

Wednesday, June 07, 2017

bringing joy to the Catholic Worker movement

Gmorning.  I slept in, dreaming.

Today we have a conference call.  I nominate Ming to be the designated caller.

Yesterday I had therapy.  Ming's meeting with our friend went fair.

In the afternoon I cooked dinner, which is more like assembling ingredients for dinner because that's how taco salad works.  People didn't listen to the format.  They basically just made a burrito or ate burrito foods without a tortilla.  They didn't put down a bed of lettuce and do it right.

R even made a quesadilla, unauthorized.  The only ingredient bowl that was empty, at the end of dinner, was the cheese bowl.

Then we went to Freedom House to look around and goof off.  I said some withering apples were shameful.  I sang them a song.  It was inappropriate.

This land is my land--
this land ain't your land.
If you don't get off,
I'll blow your head off.
I've got a shotgun,
and you don't got one.
This land is private property. 

"Where did you learn that song?" J asked.

"Childhood," I said.

We talked about the new black sofa in Freedom House.  I didn't like it.  R wants to get rid of it and get some colorful smaller sofas.  When R wants to tease me, he tells me Freedom House looks boring.  One time I said it looked boring, and they never let me forget it.

R has a face app on his phone.  He took a picture of this serious Dorothy Day icon, and the app made her smile.  It was hilarious.  Bringing joy to the Catholic Worker movement.

Tuesday, June 06, 2017

purple sketchbook, taco salad, smoke smell

My right thumb is twitchy again.

I started the sketchbook for the radical mental health collective.  I bought a journal and painted it purple.  But maybe I should use a fixative.  The paint is already getting scratched off.

But the journal was purple in my dream.

Right now Ming's at an important meeting with our friend who might not be our friend much longer.  The drama among the anarchists.

I have therapy at 11 and will cook for community dinner.  I'm making the ingredients for taco salad.  Vegetarian taco salad.

Starting up a zine for the radical mental health collective.  I interviewed a friend.

Ming and I both had nightmares last night.  Also there was the smell of smoke.

Monday, June 05, 2017

wild and wonderful

Few days ago Ming and I were in our Echo waiting to turn left at a red light.  The light turned green, and Ming hesitated.  I was thinking, "Why are you hesitating?" and said nothing.

Then I saw a car fly through the intersection, running their red light.  If Ming had gone, when our light turned green, we would have been t-boned.

I was elated to be alive.  I was so grateful to Ming for his defensive driving.  I wanted to give him a treat but couldn't think of one.

And that's the wild and wonderful thing.  Thanks for reminding me, Mr Ming.

not like me

I made a snarky comment on facebook, which I never do, and I feel scared now.  There's something called Inaugural Diversity Breakfast for Harvey Milk going on at the Center, and tickets are $25.  Can you guess my snarky comment?  It was, "At $25 a ticket, how diverse can this breakfast be?  Was Harvey Milk only for rich people?"

Ming tried to find my snarky comment to like it, but it was nowhere to be found.  Maybe they already deleted it, or maybe it was only for the ad.  Anyway, I feel kind of bad.  It's not like me.  But I fully believe what I said.


There's something wild and wonderful I wanted to tell you, but I forgot it.  Maybe if I keep typing for a while, I'll remember.

Yesterday while Ming was gone I generated a shit-ton of mail, which is my way.

Trying to think what I'll cook up for community dinner tomorrow night so I can shop today.  I thought maybe pancakes, asparagus, veggie sausage, and eggs, which I've done before, sort of, but the pancakes were corncakes.

But maybe that's boring.  Maybe I should make something fancier.  But I don't want to bake anything because it's summer now, here.  Supposed to hit 105 today, last I saw.

Well, I didn't remember the wonderful thing, but maybe soon.  Meanwhile, peace be with you.

Sunday, June 04, 2017

bad joke

Once upon a time, when I was in grad school, I had a friend who loved cilantro.  I hated it.  But I bought some for him at a farmers market and put it in a vase so I could take it to school for him the next day.

The joke was on me when the smell of the cilantro drove me crazy.

That's how I feel about that picture of R drinking.  I don't like him drinking, so why put a pic of something I don't like on my blog for me to see over and over?  Again, the joke's on me.


Ming did the laundry of Eileen and the In-Betweens, towels and sheets, and I helped hang it.  They left yesterday in the late morning for LA.  Last I knew they were looking for LA housing.  I hope they found some.

Ming is heating up some pasta for Food Not Bombs.  It's taking longer than expected, so he will be late.

There's a hike afterward, so I'm not going.  I will be home alone for a long time.  I made a list of fun things to do while I'm alone.

Saturday, June 03, 2017

last night

R drinking beer.  This is evidence that, contrary to popular belief, he is not a saint.

Eileen and the In-Betweens!

Friday, June 02, 2017


So much has happened, I'm like, how can that much have happened?

1.  Eileen and the In-Betweens concert where Ming and I danced and I got to sing along with one of my favorite songs "Bernadette"
2.  made rice and lentils and mushrooms for ten people with lotsa leftovers
3.  slept
4.  friend drama to the extreme
5.  grocery shopped for parties
6.  farmer's market for brioche and apricots and olive bread and social contact
7.  printshop for thank you note postcards
8.  cleaned house
9.  peace vigiled at the federal building
10.  care for self and others

Remind me not to do this much stuff.  Oh, but tonight's the second concert.  I will again dance and hopefully again get to sing with "Bernadette."

Thursday, June 01, 2017


I forgot to tell you that as we drove home on Tuesday, we passed through Barstow and were headed to Baker when we saw a huge traffic jam on the other side of the road.  It was a 20 mile queue.  I guess there was an accident with a semi.

Baker was full of people.  We got frozen yogurt and it was so full of people we could barely walk around in the shop.

We felt sorry for the people stuck in the traffic jam.

Mom got me a weird skirt with hanging down things on the sides.  I tied them up.  The skirt is blues.  I'm wearing it today in an experimental run.

Used to hate blue--like it now.  I made friends with the sky.  She is a bit aloof, but we love each other.