dangerous compassions

I call you / from the comet's cradle

Friday, September 30, 2016

vegan roasted tomato soup

Yesterday evening King Ron came over for dinner.  I made vegan roasted tomato soup.  It turned out delicious.


Then we had some vegan pumpkin banana bread, which was not as good.  It tasted too nutritious.  I quadrupled the recipe to use up more bananas.  My plan is to put portions into baggies and deliver them to Food Not Bombs tomorrow.

But I gave mini loaves to H here and J.  J just happened to be around.  Might've been better with nuts?  But H is missing teeth, Ming said, so the nuts might've been a problem.

Thursday, September 29, 2016

vigil as it was

Vigil was mellow.  Someone yelled we should get a job, someone flipped us off.  But mostly it was nice.  Lotsa honks.

Then our friends King Ron and SJ and T showed up.  SJ dropped off King Ron, stopping in the middle of the street, stopping traffic.

So Ming and King Ron held a giant Food Not Bombs banner as SJ and T parked.  SJ and T ended up arriving at 9:55 and the vigil ends at 10.  T held a sign I had never seen before that said ARREST KILLER COPS.

Then it was 10 and we held hands and prayed.  Then we walked back to our vehicles, and J was clowning with something she found on the street.  She didn't know what it was.  "It's a glowstick," Ming told her.

"Raver kids like to put them in their mouths and chew on them while they're high on ecstasy," R said.

So J put the glowstick in her mouth and chewed on it, which I still can't believe.  Then they drove off.

Ming and I tried to go to the Beat.  We heard it was closing in October.  But we were wrong--it was gone already.

Ming went to Walmart to buy chips because it's guacamole day and finger cots because J cut her thumb badly.  Then we delivered those and a bunch of leftover JFOD fruit, and Ming happened to see glowsticks for 79 cents, so he bought J a red one.

vegan pumpkin banana bread baking

I have this vegan pumpkin banana bread recipe in the oven right now.  I'll let you know how it turns out.


vigil imagined

I want to make some vegan roasted tomato soup.

And I want to make some vegan pumpkin banana bread.  I never even thought of that (pumpkin and banana in the same bread) until now.  But the internet has plenty of recipes.

I'm having a lot of pinched nerve pain.  It complicated my sleep.

"What should I blog, honey?"

"We're bumpin' up the vigil today.  Bringing banners, livestreaming, nonviolence covenant."  I'll have my new sign.

Wednesday, September 28, 2016

what the anarchist believes

The postal worker delivered the mail but didn't pick up the three postcards I had waiting to be picked up.  Wtf!  "That should be illegal!" I told Ming.  Maybe it was just a random thing.


I'm sitting in the car while Ming mails a charger to a JFOD participant. She forgot her charger and people often forget things in that room.  

We ran errands and walked a little. Humid morning after rain.

We have lotsa food left over from the event. I should make apple crisp but can't be bothered. 

Yesterday we bought a pumpkin. "What are we going to do with a pumpkin?" Ming asked. 

"Look at it and feel happy," I said. 

How long am I allowed to feel exhausted after the event?

Tuesday, September 27, 2016

got arrested again

Forgot to mention I got arrested yesterday morning. It was a beautiful line crossing. It felt so right. Ming and I crossed first, holding hands. Turns out six out of seven of us crossed.

In the holding pen everything felt so vivid. The grasshopper, an iridescent fly, the peace sign a previous protester had scraped into the desert dirt. When S and I said we loved each other. 

I told her that when she pets me I feel like one of her doggies. She said I'm better than a doggie. 

The guards were downright sweet to me. They had listened attentively to R's speech at the line. Officers Jordan and Ericson asked me to congratulate JB on his becoming a grandfather.  That's why JB wasn't there. 


Another event lived and survived.  Last night King Ron made us dinner: lentils, brown rice, roasted root veggies, and Ming made salad.  This delicious meal concluded Justice for Our Desert 2016.  We'll have a meeting Friday to debrief.

A dog across the street is barking a lot.  Rurff, rurff.

This afternoon I see my doctor person and feel dread.

The event was under-attended and we have way too much food left over.  I think we will buy some back from NDE.  But how much banana bread can I make?


new sign

Monday, September 26, 2016

love you

It's the third and final day of Justice For Our Desert.  Ming and I are singing a song in a ceremony and serving lunch at the Goddess Temple.  Ming has run around this morning packing a big cooler and gathering foods and packing the car and just helping his butt off.

Last night some filmmakers came over and sat with us for a while in our living room.  We talked about what's happening tomorrow.  I'm concerned because Lockheed got a contract to run the test site and I don't know if the arrest procedure is the same.  I might not get arrested today.  I'll see how I feel.  I don't know when Lockheed takes over.  The news article I read left something to be desired.

Sunday, September 25, 2016

illegal and immoral


It's day two of Justice For Our Desert. Coincidentally it's the last Sunday of the month so the Secular Franciscans are here. They use the back house for hours. We always forget about them and then are like, oh yeah.

I've been relaxing and trying to hold onto what well being I can. 

Saturday, September 24, 2016

red pears



Friday, September 23, 2016

to do

A big event starts this evening, Justice For Our Desert.  I can't believe it's today.

Today I need to do a shit ton more shopping--I'm responsible for shopping for three breakfasts, three dinners, and a lunch.  We expect 20 people at each meal.

I bought some rolls yesterday at Costco that are not vegan.  I momentarily forgot that everything has to be vegan.

Tomorrow I'm leading a desert appreciation exercise and speaking on a panel.  Other days I'm singing a Mother song and preparing lunch.

1.  get easel with paper and sharpie
2.  make lyrics sheet for Jaya Jaya Janani
3.  shop till I drop
4.  prep veggies on Sunday
5.  organize ingredients into different boxes for the different people who need them
6.  deliver ingredients
7.  let King Ron know when to come over to make dinner Monday
8.  grind flax seeds and teach R how to make a fake egg out of ground flax seeds

Thursday, September 22, 2016

like an exotic locale

Writer's Block

This morning I have a 7:30 phone date.  I need a walk.  I need to peace vigil at the federal building at 9.

Yesterday we went to my favorite bookstore Writer's Block.  We brought my bestie, who's in town but is going home today.  She loved it too.  I showed her the mailbox for King Pigeon.  We talked about adopting an artificial bird.  She said it would be too much work.

I was up before 5 and feel sleepy.  Making tea...!

Wednesday, September 21, 2016

it's not my birthday

birthday survival

Well, I survived my birthday.  Now I'm safely on the other side of 40 and feel fine.  Kind of birthday hungover.  My community was so sweet to me.  We had pizza, stuffed mushrooms, breaded eggplant.  We had pretend champagne.  J baked me a cake.  It was amazing.  G made homemade custard ice cream.  It was hard work, being honored.  But I did it.

Now I need a walk and some rest.

Tuesday, September 20, 2016


I changed my setting on facebook so that people could see my birthday and bazillions of people are spoiling me with love.  It's fun.

Ming's out hiking the Narrows.  He should be back at the hotel in two hours to check us out.

Turning 40 is a big deal.  I remember an acquaintance who was Ming's friend turned 40 a few years ago.  We went to her birthday party.  I remember thinking she was a good sport and feeling awe of her and thinking I would be 40 soon.  I remember her birthday necklace with its gold Mardi Gras beads and the plastic middle part that had lights that flashed.

Another friend's 40th birthday party is where Ming and I met five and a half years ago.  Those 40ths are important.  She had a vegan chocolate cake from Freeport Bakery and K played the song "The Final Countdown" when it was candle time.

I feel weird because I had sugary instant oatmeal for breakfast but hopefully the soymilk will balance it out.  The upstairs hotel neighbors clomp around.  The kids are screamy.  Last night when they were running and screaming I wanted to ask Ming, "Aren't you glad those aren't ours?"

Sunday, September 18, 2016

tea genius

I hope when my bestie comes to town she will paint my nails. We are safe at the fancy hotel. I wrote a letter and dozed. Then I made dinner. I like it here. 

Now Ming's going swimming. His earl gray tea smells delicious. "Whoever put bergamot in tea was a fuckin' genius," I said.


We're near Zion National Park by the river. Ming's gone to investigate a nature trail that I spurn because there's also a dog park. Flies keep landing on my legs.

We can't check into our hotel for three hours. I don't want to ride the bus. Zion you have to ride the bus. Maybe I can watch an IMAX movie?  Oh but wait. I don't like movies.

I remember last time we were here. It was with our community. We took pictures with the earth mother statue. I think it was mother's day.

A butterfly just flew to the sunflowers. Now it's time to move on. 

white spider

Saturday, September 17, 2016


I'm going to bed. Tomorrow: birthday journey.

Friday, September 16, 2016


This morning I was up early.  Just now I ate bran cereal.  The sun's starting to warm up the sky.  Tea.  It's quiet because the swamp cooler's off.

Today I have therapy in the afternoon and a small group UU thing in the morning.  It will be my first time at the UU thing and I'm checking it out.  After three times they want a commitment.  I'm going partially to make friends.  I could use one or two more in person friends.  I have so many penpals and far away friends I feel spread thin, sometimes.

It's almost my birthday.  There might be thunderstorms on my birthday.  That would be kinda cool.

Thursday, September 15, 2016

nobody stole the sandwiches

This morning I meditated ten minutes and read this article on how the sugar industry paid off scientists in the 1960s to say sugar doesn't cause heart disease.  It's amazing how wrong western medicine can be and why.  So saturated fat became the culprit.

Then we went to IHOP for my birthday breakfast.  I had blueberry pancakes, and they had sugar in them.  I made the wrong choice.  Oops.

Then we walked in Lawyer Land.  Then we peace vigiled.  Our friends King Ron and SJ joined us, and their presence changed things.  For example, an old white guy driving an old big truck flipped us off, and SJ flipped him off back.  Also King Ron wanted to livestream the vigil and J said no.

Then G was giving me a ride home, but I asked him what he was up to today.  He had to do sandwiches, which means delivering sack lunches that a church makes to individual homeless people on the street.  So I asked if he wanted help, and he said sure.  But I didn't actually help--I just sat there.  I told him I'd be his body guard.  "You can make sure nobody steals the sandwiches," he said.

Wednesday, September 14, 2016

I don't like games either

Games are kind of like movies, for me.  You can get sucked in.  You can go into another world where different things matter than in real life.  That's one reason I don't like them.  But I have other reasons too.

tree collard at the Catholic Worker

Tuesday, September 13, 2016

night message

The world is vast and I could say anything. I was looking for the book version of the They Might Be Giants song "Bed Bed Bed." I was looking on the internet and failed. I wanted Ming to hear it. 

Now he's asleep beside me. I'm bathed in phone glow. The world is vast and I could have said anything. 


Monday, September 12, 2016


bulletin board

thoughts about a proposed policy

No shovels in the house.


This morning Ming didn't wake us up in time.  So I wagged my finger at him.  Then he told me hundreds of spiders hatched in our kitchen in the night.  "Hundreds???" I asked.

"Okay, maybe a hundred," he said.  He told me he did some spider killing and cleanup.  He told me they were tiny.  Yes, I looked--they were tiny.

Then we went to the wild desert.  We went for a walk on a trail.  Then I sat on a rock for a long time, meditating and then just sitting there.  We talked about friends, feelings, and Ming's compass app.

Then we grocery shopped.  I ate a crisp apple slice as a sample at Trader Joe's.

Then we came home and some baby spiders were by the window.  Maybe 15 of them.  They had made a web.  Ming burned them to death with the long-nosed lighter that was right there by the stove.  I ate sweet strawberries.

I got a hole in my shirt from a fence wire.  I got some fancy tea in those pyramid teabags.  That's all.

Sunday, September 11, 2016


This morning Ming was up at 4:30 to turn on the beans.  I was up at 5:30 to tend to them.

Last night was political prisoner letter writing night.  It was lotsa people and loud.  I just about lost my mind.  But we got out of there and I got home and eventually slept and regenerated spoons.

So that's the news, readers.  Some funny things are happening but I don't think I can tell you about them.  Like my friend cut off all his dreads and then someone made a facebook comment that seemed negative so he seemed to flip out a bit.  It happens.  I wish he had some grains of salt to take things with.

See, I probably shouldn't have said that, but does it make for a better blog post?

Now Ming's on the phone with our matriarch J getting counseled about other facebook drama.  Oh, facebook.

Saturday, September 10, 2016


letter writing night

pancake day

This morning we got up at 5 again and we went for a walk in the half-dark at the springy track.  We were the only ones there!

Then we went to the Catholic Worker to serve the hungry.  It was pancake day, and I did syrup.  I said good morning to a lot of people and poured syrup on their food.  I got called honey and sweetie, which I take with the intention it was given.

Then Ming gave me a ride home and returned to the Worker to help with dishes.  Then there's a seed planting workshop he's co-leading.  I said I'd go, before, but changed my mind.  It's going to be a busy day.  I have a meeting in the afternoon and political prisoner letter writing night at 6.

Is it Saturday already?  Yes, it is.

Friday, September 09, 2016

you must be a Christmas tree, the way you light up the room

This morning I'm up before dawn.  We're going to the goddess temple today.

I was just listening to music and binding zines.  I got this rainbow thread, but the rate that the color changes to another color is such that only one color shows, per zine.  Know what I mean?  So that's kind of a fail.  But it's cheerful.

Every day is a new chance to be good to myself.  That's one of the things I pray for the most--asking for help taking care of my body and mind.

Last night in my dream I wished some people happy Friday then dream-doubted myself.  Usually in my dreams I am so uncertain about reality, which is slippery.

My bestie sent me a ton of typed up letters from when we were teenagers.  I read them last night and laughed and cried.  And I didn't even get to the sad part yet.

Thursday, September 08, 2016

not bad

I danced to Bjork for my exercise because I don't go for walks by myself and Ming is out serving the hungry.  We were going to wake up at 5 and walk early, but Ming turned off his alarm and went back to sleep.

I dreamt of an expensive hotel.  It cost $5000 to stay there.  We couldn't afford it but were desperate for a place to stay.

This morning I meditated imagining I had roots growing out of my tailbone, reaching down into the earth.  I meditated like this for 10 minutes.  It worked okay.

Was I pretending I was a tree?  The roots were thick and brown, so I think I was pretending to be a tree.

Wednesday, September 07, 2016


I just listened to a facebook friend singing opera music through a youtube link.  It was pretty.  He's someone I knew in grad school.

Yesterday I felt bad, but today I feel better.

This morning we had a meeting with R.  I was feeling kind of crazy, partially because a loud action film was playing in the other room.

I said I felt crazy.  Ming said he felt sleepy.  R said he felt like helping people.  We were playing our roles perfectly.

R gave his shirt and flipflops to a homeless person a couple weeks ago so he's been without flipflops.  He's wearing regular shoes.

"He'd give someone the shirt off his back," was a saying I've heard all my life, but R is the first person I've known who lives it.  You can't fake that.

Tuesday, September 06, 2016


I came home and made myself a cherry smoothie, using up the last of the frozen cherries.

Last night we had a houseguest.  I was sleeping when she arrived.  She called me and I had to put on my clothes and welcome her.  She was standing outside on the street at 8 pm getting barked at for five minutes.  Oops.

But we had a good time.  She had me pull a medicine card and I got Spider.  We talked and sang to each other.  She ate a banana and drank some orange juice.  And some homebrew kombucha.

I need to do some stuff I don't wanna do.  But for now, pasta.

Monday, September 05, 2016


Yesterday when we were driving home, we stopped for fuel at a Pilot, and when Ming went to start the car again, it wouldn't start.  So we were scared.  It was pretty hot.

Turned out it was our battery.  A nice lady gave us a jump.  We made it to the next town--Barstow?--to a Walmart which does batteries.  We waited more than an hour.  I was anxious in the small blue waiting room with loud sounds and people coming in and out.  I meditated for a minute but didn't want to look like a weirdo.

So then everything was fine but we were a couple hours behind schedule.

Now I'm up in the night because my pinched nerve is hurting me.  I replied to some mail and bound some zines.

Sunday, September 04, 2016


We stopped for lunch at a Mexican restaurant. Everyone was having buffet. Ming investigated and told me it was sweets and meat. I longed for the chocolate pudding. We ordered off the menu. 

Saturday, September 03, 2016

from the road

Tonight we'll camp at a place with no cell reception. As for now we're on the freeway soon to exit. Oh, we exited.

Talking about what it means to make America great again. When I think of Trump, I think of a big wall and deporting Arabs. But Ming says he's all promise, no plan. 

Friday, September 02, 2016


We're wrapping up our summer travels.  We have one more trip planned for my birthday.  But I'm so ready to be home.  I am so ready to be home with my community and do the weekly things like peace vigil and community dinner and Saturday meeting.  We've been away for so long it's uncomfortable.

But I made a new zine and believe in the poems and feel happy about that.  It's small and pink.

Thursday, September 01, 2016

new zine

my sweet