dangerous compassions

I call you / from the comet's cradle

Monday, February 29, 2016

roadtrip resolved

We are home again, safe and mostly sound. H moved the mulch--I guess he got tired of looking at it in the driveway. He also vacuumed our floor and swept--I guess he got tired if looking at that too. What a nice person. 

I'm flipping exhausted from all day passenging. It was a fun roadtrip. 

Sunday, February 28, 2016


Tomorrow we go home. Goodbye to the dog, the mom, the dad. Goodbye to the ocean and its breezes. Goodbye to fruit flies and the backyard crow. Neat neighborhood with no broken glass or empty lots at all.  No dead pigeons or even live pigeons!  Sure is another world here. 

cute in the pasty place

Saturday, February 27, 2016

my talk with Ming

Q:  Are you obsessed with squid?
A:  No more than a normal person. 



Gmorning, friends. I have more energy to walk first thing in the morning when it's cool.

This morning we saw a chunk of poo on the sidewalk and decided Chunkapoo could be the name of a camp in Michigan.

ornamental plum

Friday, February 26, 2016


Today we went to see my aunt. We took her to coffee and hung out on her back patio. I am almost 40 now. My eyesight up close is starting to go. 

I cut my nails and maybe Mom will paint them. I'm hoping for blue. With sparklies. 

Then we went to Lompoc for special Lompoc fun. I told Ming how it's called Lompuke and how it never grew up. We bought megacookies at farmers market and carrots with a good, sweet flavor. 

All I wanna do is hide. Sleep. The weather here is similar to home. 

Thursday, February 25, 2016

guerrilla gardening club


Wednesday, February 24, 2016


mint lentils


We are journeying to our undisclosed location. The sky near the horizon has been pink for a long time. The mountains and the moon. 

Soon we will stop in Baker for breakfast at the Mad Greek, my favy. 

Today I'm excited to see my bestie and my folx. And it's just nice to see something different. 

Tuesday, February 23, 2016

comedy of errors

This morning I had an anger hangover. 

Now we're having a meeting on the road. I don't know who's winning. I'm the notetaker, so maybe I'm winning.

Monday, February 22, 2016

in which our introvert hero pules

I stayed home from the vigil so I could get some alonetime but people are here.  People who were not invited by us.  It's annoying.  But they are peace movement people and think they can show up whenever they want.  It's wrong but I'm bad at boundaries and Ming's not much better.

Today I had therapy and talked about how angry I've been.  But now I'm even angrier.  Well, it comes and goes.  Also I have vegan chocolate ice cream.

I need all people to go away.


Sunday, February 21, 2016

the anarchist caucus

Last night at a-cafe tons of people showed up.  I shoulda took a picture.  It was advertised on facebook as the anarchist caucus, and I think that excited people.

It was mostly three people talking.  I wanted us to go around introducing ourselves and saying our projects, but that could have taken forever.  I had ready what I was going to say.

I cook for Food Not Bombs twice a month.
I help run Nevada Desert Experience, an interfaith peace organization.
I belong to the Catholic Worker community and volunteer with them.
I run a political prisoner letter writing night that meets every month.
I help organize a monthly vigil at Creech Air Force Base--next one's February 22nd.
I'm trying to start an Icarus Project group here in Las Vegas, which is radical mental health.
We vigil at the federal building every Thursday morning as well.

I realized, no wonder I'm so busy.  And I realized that I do a lot of good work!  I felt happy, looking at that list I wrote down in my journal.

But we left early.  The crosstalk was driving Ming crazy, and we only intended to stay an hour because it's late for us.

This morning we woke up early.  Ming turned on the beans at 4:30.  But then the propane went out, and he had to switch out the empty can for a full one in the shed, by himself, in the dark.  What a winner!  I am very grateful to him...every day.

Saturday, February 20, 2016

bathroom box

Yesterday our friend KR came over and we made vegan banana pudding using hazelnut milk.  Then he chopped veggies for tomorrow's Food Not Bombs cook.

Then we ate some pudding.  Then he pet cats.

The gas company was supposed to do stuff on our street in September, and right now (this very moment) they are doing it.  Five months late!

This morning we served the hungry, washed dishes, and attended a meeting.  At home I had energy and did some stuffs--rearranging, organizing, consolidating.

Now I'm going to look in a box called bathroom box and see what's there.

Friday, February 19, 2016



new garden



Thursday, February 18, 2016

tree space

The power went out.  It's super windy here.  I have no energy and feel like going to bed.

Tree trimmers were here.  They trimmed the trees on the street side and took out a conifer that blocked the solar panel.  I thought they were supposed to top the conifer, but they removed it.  Looks weird without the conifer.  It was over by the clothesline.

Ming is wrestling with insurance companies, the pharmacy, and a neurologist.  I hope he wins.

This wind is terrific.  It's almost like a hurricane.

Wednesday, February 17, 2016

right to rest

This is a song about homelessness by my friend Devan.

Tuesday, February 16, 2016

Calico Basin

This morning we went to Calico Basin.  We walked up a gravel road to a weird labyrinth--weird because it was spirals and spit us out strangely on a small berm.

Then we walked over a ridge into a canyon and heard / saw a creek.  It was trickling in a small waterfall and was beautiful.  We walked over to the small waterfall and I sat by it for a long time.  Ming took a walk without me.  No other people were around.

Then we followed the creek for a while.  We saw a white boulder.  We saw a distant sign.  We saw algae in the water.  We heard frogs upstream.

Then we walked back up and to the gravel road.  Tons of cars were in the lot, and people were near the lot with unleashed dogs.

At the center of the labyrinth there wasn't jewelry or coins or keys.  There was ashes, the remains of a fire.

Ming was falling asleep.  We went to the car for a pill.  He took a pill and climbed back up to read the sign we'd seen before--it was a map.  I listened to a man call after his dog over and over again.

Monday, February 15, 2016


The floor of our shower is all dark brown.  How did it get stained like that?  So we bought a spray at the store, months ago, and it didn't work.  We were like, why didn't it work?  So we went back this morning to get a spray with bleach.  Ming sprayed it.  Still didn't work.  Are we such remarkably dirty people that we make a shower floor dirtier than other people?  Maybe we have a weird shower?  It's kind of plastic, off-white plastic.

R says to use Ajax powder.  He said we can use his.  We want to get it clean because we will be sharing our shower with others during the Sacred Peace Walk.

Sunday, February 14, 2016

food not bombs


prayer life

Today I feel irritable and angry.  Everything's bothering me.  But I ate some oatmeal and drank some tea.

I need to get my show on the road, which includes buying lotion for Ming, whose hands are so dry, his skin cracked.

I wrote a poem that sux and wrote a prayer that's pretty good.  I'm going to make a book of prayers way better than the one I found at Barnes & Noble.  Life's too short for boring prayers.

Saturday, February 13, 2016

in which our hero says goodbye to the uninvited guest

We had an unwanted guest.  He kept showing up at our property, coming through the gate uninvited, and sleeping on the side of the back house.  He would poop on the ground.  He was belligerent and cursing Ming when Ming tried to get him to leave.

It's been a whole saga.  He was involved with NDE a long time ago.  He started coming around again on Tuesday, and we finally evicted him today, hopefully for good.  We assembled a group and asked our enthusiastic friend Grouchy to help.  We loaded him into the back to R's truck (nobody wanted him inside their vehicle because he has lice).

It was precious to see our unwanted guest flipping us off as R drove him away.  He flipped us off, both hands, and said we would all go to hell where we belonged.

"He's giving us the friendly finger," J said.

It was interesting to have us all together.  I almost wanted to take a picture.  I have a picture in my mind of the guest giving us the double bird.  Old man with Alzheimer's on his way to Catholic Charities.  Bon voyage!

dam nice evening

Our internet at home isn't working so I blog to you on my phone. Last night we went to the Dam Short Film Fest in Boulder City. We went with our community. We watched documentaries about the pinball museum and some tightrope walkers and knitting. 

Then we walked around Boulder City for a while. Ming got coffee at a candyshop. 

The guys went to the comedy films while J and I walked around town. Then we went to this restaurant with shotguns for door handles. We waited for the guys. 

Then they arrived and told us about the comedies which sounded horrible. I ate a black bean burger that was bland. 

Friday, February 12, 2016


squid party as it was

They prepped squid and I didn't realize I'd be so squeamish about the squid juice on my kitchen counter, cutting board, etc.  One of the best things about being a vegetarian is not having to deal with meat germs.  But it was educational.  Ming and KR had a great time.  I got some of the stir fry before the squid got mixed in.  The rice didn't burn.

Then we went out for vegan donuts at Ronald's--me and Ming and KR and JR.  It was delicious and fun.

Today Ming has a doctor's appointment.  Then in the afternoon we're going to the Dam Short Film Fest in Boulder City with our Catholic Worker community.  I'm planning to watch some documentaries but skip the comedies.  It will be my first time in Boulder City, and I hear it's cute, so I'm kind of excited.  Also we will have pizza afterward.

Thursday, February 11, 2016

squid party imagined

Gmorning, friends.  Today's mac & cheese day, and Ming brought a pretend tupperware to the soupline to catch some for us.  He's been doing this Thursdays for a while now, and I keep expecting someone to say something...he has anxiety about different things than I do.  I would have a great deal of anxiety about that.  Mine is social.

Yesterday afternoon I was sad and texted friends and they were there for me.  It felt good.  I think texting is a good invention.

Today a friend is coming over and we're having a squid party.  He doesn't have a kitchen of his own, and he's buying squid, putting it into a cooler, meeting with his lawyer, and coming over here.  Here he will cook up the vitamin S, and we call it, and I will not partake--I'm a real vegetarian.  Other people, not so much.

Last night we went to a Vedanta service, and it was good.  I liked what the swami said about chess: if you're playing chess, you have to follow the rules.  But if you decide not to play chess, you don't have to follow the rules at all.  Well, he said it better than that, but maybe you get the idea.  He was talking about maya.

Again this morning I didn't want to wake up.  I was sleeping so hard, having a dream about a mountain and some water and lack of chemistry.  Then Ming came into the bedroom to morning cuddle me and I was like damn, is it morning?

Wednesday, February 10, 2016

minimum day

Last night was our Catholic Worker mardi gras celebration.  We had that King Cake but we didn't eat even half of it, and nobody found the baby Jesus toy in it, so that aspect went unfulfilled.  We prayed a Shrove Tuesday prayer.  And now it's lent.

I slept a lot last night and didn't want to wake up.  It reminded me of when I got three wisdom teeth out and the nurse afterward told me, "Try to wake up," as I struggled.

Lunch yesterday was a success in that we all got along, they liked the food, and we talked about doing it again.  And going on a double date for Valentine's Day to the mob museum, which is free for Nevada residents that day.

I'm still enjoying this pre-spring.  Ming's gone to hospitality day lunch.  I'm trying to keep my day to a minimum.

Tuesday, February 09, 2016

king cake

in which our hero uses the word "harbinger"

Today new friends are coming over for lunch.  I'm making pesto pasta salad, fruit salad, carrot sticks, and serving smoked tofu that's made by Trader Joe, not me.  I hope it's an okay meal.  I feel pretty good about it.

Yesterday we were driving by Huntridge Circle Park and happened to see friends, so we went around the block and stopped to visit with them.  Our friend JR talked to one of the guys at length about tv shows and anime movies and stuff.  I only liked the X-Files, adoring both Mulder and Scully.

I have been writing more poems and more prayers, a good combination.  A good thing to do every day along with walking.

Ming got new shoes and bought me those cute pink shoelaces at my request.  He's working on a photo album project for NDE that's taking a ton of work and time.

It's nicely warmer here, reaching the low 70s every day.  It's easier this way, but I'm afraid of spring because it's the harbinger of summer.

Monday, February 08, 2016


Citizens of the World

This is a video of four friends including me singing the song "Citizens of the World" which is a song by our friend Vera.  We were having too much fun.


Sunday, February 07, 2016


February first was my ten year blogiversary.  My blog had 163 visitors that day, which is high, so I can only assume extra readers were tuning in hoping for a blogiversary post.  But I failed, thinking the blogiversary was a little later in the month.

My blog has changed a lot since its birth.  I started it to be able to comment on someone else's.  I was setting up an account, and it gave me a blog automatically, and I figured I'd post a joke post.  The joke continued and has yet to end.

At the beginning I tried to make it like a real blog, with story-like posts and pictures embedded.  Then it devolved into livejournal-type life documentation (without the drama).  It's been a way for me to keep in touch with occasional reader friends.  It's been a way for enemies to stalk me, I assume.

Myself laid bare.  I don't go into the deep dark secrets, but there's still a lot of me here.  So thank you for reading and for seeing me.

great white beans

I've been awake since 2:30, so it's my breakfast time.  I'm eating avocado toast, a delicacy.

I'm waiting for the beans to boil.  Not enough water got put in the pot for overnight soaking, so I hope I won't encounter a situation where some of the beans are done and some are still hard, in four hours.  We haven't had a fail yet, cooking for Food Not Bombs, so if we have a fail, it will be okay.

I wrote a letter, a poem, a valentine.  I send my bestie in Santa Barbara a valentine every year--it's tradition.

I screwed around on facebook.  I didn't feel like liking much of anything, so maybe I'm cranky.

Maybe the toast will do me well.  And tea.  But this afternoon I can't nap since we're going to Red Starburst Cool Canyon.  I mean Red Rock.

Saturday, February 06, 2016


This morning I helped with dishes at the Catholic Worker and then we had a community meeting.  It was good--low drama and affectionate.

Just now I was dancing to some Bjork, a remix album called Bastards.

Soon our friend KR is coming over to chop onions for us in preparation for tomorrow's big cook.

Ming got the new router in the mail.  It's the size of a deck of cards, which surprised us.  So he's switching that out.  We have had internet provider strife that I won't tell you about.

Tomorrow we're going to Red Rock, which is such a bad name.  So generic.  I want to rename that place.  We're having an anti-Super Bowl party.

Friday, February 05, 2016

field trip: smoke shop

Today we went to the Paiute place on Main Street for the Indian taco fundraiser.  The food was good and quick.  We saw a lady we had met at the MLK parade afterparty.  We saw the lady who had invited us.

So we chowed down and we were like, I've never been to a smoke shop.  And we decided today was the day.

I was hoping for some postcards, some jewelry.  There was a little jewelry, and some of it appeared to be from the '80s.  There were two little dolls.  There were some candybars.

But the vast majority of the store was packed tight with cigarettes and chewing tobacco.  It was kind of overwhelming.  So much of something I don't need.

And tons of people were coming in and out of there.

I was happy to escape.  I always think that when I leave empty-handed the workers will think I stole stuff.  I half-smiled to a worker as I slipped out.

the day

Last night I was up for a couple hours, and this morning I slept fitfully.  I was about two-third asleep.  It was frustrating.

Today we're going to an Indian taco fundraiser at the Paiute smokeshop on Main.  I think I will just get frybread.  I don't need the taco aspect.

This afternoon J is coming over to help Ming with the photo albums.  He needs help with getting the projects done or at least put away before the Sacred Peace Walk.

Then at 4 I have bookclub over skype.  I need to read the book, which I haven't touched since the last bookclub meeting.

Thursday, February 04, 2016

three poems in one day

I'm shivering because I decided to make myself a cherry smoothie when we got home from the grocery store.  It's cold in our house!  It was fun to run errands and be warm in the car.

Today I wrote a poem in the morning about the astronomer John Dobson.  Then in the afternoon Ming and I watched an interview with him and his memorial video, which focuses a lot on his religious views.

Then I typed up this other poem that's about my ex-therapist.  It talks about the healing power of her silent love.

Then in the afternoon I wrote another poem, this one about my community members and the different ways we express love.  The first sentence of the poem flowed out of me, and then the rest of the poem came easily--I don't think it's very good, but it might delight the people it's about.

Ming wanted Japanese curry, so we went to this Japanese curry place near Kung Fu Tea.  Our food was delicious.

Wednesday, February 03, 2016


When we were about to drive away, our community member H waved goodbye to us enthusiastically.  I thought he was trying to get Ming's attention before we left because he needed something, but he was just saying goodbye.

He had never done that before.  "Why did H wave to us?" I asked.

"Maybe he knows something we don't," Ming said.

"Maybe there's a bomb in our car," I said.  "Maybe he put it there!"

We laughed, but it was strange.  I wondered if we were going to die in the car in a terrible wreck.

Ming drove us to Savers so we could drop off a clothes donation.  It was fine.  As we left the parking lot, he was making a right turn onto Cheyenne, and a car changed into the lane he was about to turn into.  I yelled something, and he slammed on the brakes.

I wondered if that was the terrible wreck that was supposed to have killed us, and I averted tragedy.  Next up was Marianna's for cheap onions.

As we drove down Cheyenne, there was a young man dressed up in a statue of liberty costume.  I guess it's almost tax time.  I looked at him, and as we passed, he raised his hand and waved to us.  We waved back.  He didn't wave to anyone else, just us.

"Well, that's weird," I said.  "I guess people are waving to us today."

At Marianna's we found the three pounds for a dollar onions and loaded up a produce bag.  I said I wanted cake, so we looked, and there was a bakery.  We chose a large piece of tres leches cake with peach sauce on top.

In line, I paid.  The guy in line in front of us was wearing a hat and sunglasses and had a beard, so it was impossible to see much of his face.

When we got to the car, I said, "Let's eat the cake now.  Do you want some?"  Ming did want some, so I took a plastic wrapped spoon out of the glove box.  A heart sticker was stuck on it, right in the middle of it.

"How did that sticker get there?" Ming asked.

"I don't know," I said.  The heart sticker had been floating around in the glove box and I just hadn't thrown it away.

I would eat a bite or two and pass the cake to him, and he ate a bite or two and passed it back to me.  I felt very happy, like we were very close family members, sharing this piece of tres leches cake.  "The pleasures of life," I said.

So we drove home, and I was kind of surprised when we got home without a car crash.

Then a little while ago I wanted to take a picture of the vegan Hungarian mushroom soup I'm making, so I took out my phone and saw my bestie had called me.  Not the bestie in Santa Barbara but the other one.  She never calls me, so I was surprised.  I thought she probably dialed me on accident and left a voicemail saying sorry.

But I listened to the voicemail, and it was an actual phone call.

Then I burned the rice, like with actual smoke and not just brown on the bottom but black.  I don't think I've ever done that before.

tea need

Last night JR made vegan burritos with soyrizo that were very good, for community dinner, and J made rice.  There was chips and salsa too, but I didn't have any of those.

I'm sick and slept so well last night.  When Ming woke me up at 5:45, I thought it was the middle of the night.  It was so warm and nice in bed and is so cold in the real world.  My throat is stopped up and my voice sounds funny.  I can't sing and need tea.

Tuesday, February 02, 2016


Not even the slightest hint of a ghost. 

Monday, February 01, 2016



Death Valley

We enjoyed Death Valley and are now at the hotel. It's cold in here and some say there are ghosts. Not in our room specifically but here in general. I'll let you know.


Gmorning, friends.  Today we travel to Death Valley, one of my favorite places.

I caught G's cold.  Lately when I get sick, it's mild and I don't get the cough. So hopefully this will be the same.

Ming's packing coolers, washing dishes.  I'm curious about the day.