dangerous compassions

I call you / from the comet's cradle

Thursday, December 31, 2015


Today we stopped in San Leandro to see Ming's mom before heading south. We ate breakfast together at Zolaco. It was good. I liked the bigness of the room. 

Omg, Ming tells me this is probably my final post of the year. 

I would say that 2015 was the best year of my life because of Ming. I feel optimistic too about 2016.  Lots of fun is in store because I learn more and more about how to be good to myself. 

In the new year I would like to let go of tension and let in smiles. I would like to meditate almost every day. I would like to make peace with my body. 2015 was the year of the throat chakra for me. The color for 2016 is orange. 

Wednesday, December 30, 2015

leaf litter


Credit union parking lot this time!  Ming is trying to get a payable upon death form. Fun!

Today we saw Swami. He talked with us for more than an hour in his office then invited us to stay for lunch. But we have a date with a tree collard. 

But Swami loaded us up with prasad. He told me the apple was real prasadum which I think means it was actually on the altar. 

The tree collard we will transport to Las Vegas for the matriarch of the Las Vegas Carholic Worker as a gift. 

Ming has been in the credit union for a long time. I hope they aren't holding him captive for his weird request. 

Oh, he came out to ask me my ssn. I guess it's working. 

Tuesday, December 29, 2015


Lately--parking lots. Now's an auto parts store where Ming is getting a windshield ice scraper. It's been below freezing here in the mornings. Las Vegas is as cold but dry.  So I don't know if we'll need it there. But I have hopes for snow. 

Monday, December 28, 2015

gmorning again

Today we see Ming's mom and kids. It's exciting!  We are in San Leandro right now. 

Yesterday we saw old friends. Because I'm sick, one of the friends didn't hug me. But the other friend did. 

At starbux I got a free coffee because there wasn't enough decaf to fill my cup. 

Now I'm sitting in Ming's mom's apartment complex parking lot waiting to see if it's possible for her to go to breakfast with us. She may be too shakey. 

Sunday, December 27, 2015


Yesterday I had caffeine which kept me up last night. But it was fun. 

Today we ordered a vegan chocolate cake, went for a walk, ate cookies, visited the farmers market, and grocery shopped.  In that order. 

Soon we'll lunch with our friend, the one whose birthday party brought us together. 

Saturday, December 26, 2015

travel day

Almost to undisclosed vacation location numba two. I'm definitely sick with a cold but am otherwise of sound mind and body. 

We went to a Japanese store looking for special meditation cushions for me, but they don't have orange as an option. The closest they had was pencil yellow. I guess I'll order online. 

Friday, December 25, 2015


I've used up all my spoons. The Lompoc Christmas party was not bad. I lived to tell the tale. 

But I had enough Christmas. Till next year. 

Thursday, December 24, 2015

Christmas win

Successfully decorated the tree while listening to the muppets Christmas album. 

Wednesday, December 23, 2015


I like blogging almost every single day since 2006. I like writing sometimes in my journal and prayer book. I like being almost vegan. 

I don't like being not really of color and not really white. 

It's okay being somewhat crazy--I'm mostly used to it. 

Not really a driver tho I have a license. Not really a movie watcher but I have favorite movies from a long time ago. 

I'm not at all Christian but celebrate Christmas. And heaven and hell are in my head as if I did believe in them. But I don't. 

Anyway, we are pointed toward my ancestral home and I'm at a starbux while Ming sleeps in the car.

I'm not really here nor there--I'm in Fillmore. 

Tuesday, December 22, 2015

intergalactic telepathic penpal

parking lot post

Ming and I went to a fantastic pasty place here in Las Vegas. My mushroom walnut spinach soup was without compare. The pasties were good too, but someone sat behind me with her chair up against mine and was in a state of constant motion. So here I am in the parking lot having fled. 

It's warm today. Feels like spring. 

happy solstice

Yesterday I got a really long letter from my penpal T who's from Germany but lives in England.  It's about 25 pages long, which is her norm.  She also sent a receipt--for a movie she went to, I think.  I'm not done reading the letter.

Yesterday our friend P came over to help Ming with photos.  It was good to see her--I don't know her very well.  We sat talking for a little while as she drank coffee.  I get the feeling she's shy.  We see her weekly at the soup line, and she came out to vigil with us at Creech once so far, the new monthly vigils.

My penpal A who lives in Wolverhampton send me an email this morning, and she sent a link to something she recorded for the blind, so I got to hear her voice.  It was fun.  Her voice is lower than I expected.

I ordered two books from PM Press.  They have half off everything sales at the end of the year, which is nice, but I wish they just sold books cheaper all year.  Anyway, I got a book about anarchist pedagogy and a book of poems for a friend. 

They look great, but I'm swamped with books.  I should take some days off and just read all day.  I have a goal to read an hour a day, which is nice because sometimes I feel guilty for reading when I have a lot of other things to do.  But giving myself this goal, it's like an excuse to read.

I never bought the orange meditation cushions, as I couldn't justify bringing two more largish objects into my life.  But I'm still thinking about how to do it.

Monday, December 21, 2015

lovely dream magical bookstore ambiance

The sidewalk connecting houses in our compound and leading from the parking space into the courtyard is uneven.  So this handyperson is fixing it, and it's loud and involves drilling through concrete.  So I'm listening to that right now.

I had some nice tea and noodles for breakfast.  Today we wrap presents at the Catholic Worker, I have skype book club (which I didn't read for), Ming meets with P who will help him label old photos, and there's library yoga Ming might go to.  But now there's "aura reading" along with the yoga--wtf.

I've been dreaming of magical bookstores, and sometimes they're kind of evil, but I wake up thinking, "That would make a great movie!" only I don't like movies.  But the ambiance is so lovely.

Sunday, December 20, 2015

have a holly jolly Christmas

Ho ho! the mistletoe 
is hung where you can see. 
Somebody waits for you. 
Kiss her once for me. 

Is this creepy?  Is it a particular person he wants kissed, or he just wants some vicarious action generally?

food not bombs

We got some donations--frozen cooked garbanzo beans and lentils.  Collard greens.  Carrot shreds.  I decided to make a soup out of all those things.

It seemed good but I thought some canned diced tomatoes would really pull it together.  So Ming went on a tomato run.

I put some onions and garlic, some better then bouillon, some salt, some paprika and cayenne.  I think I seasoned it pretty well.

And it turned out delicious.  The more I ate, the more I liked.  It was pretty salty.  But it was good.

I also made rice.  Our brown rice source dried out, so we bought rice, white rice, and it turned out great too.  I seasoned it with chili powder, garlic, onions, salt.  I forgot to put in the canned peas.  No worries--next time.

I worked on a new functionally ill.  Ming and JR went to serve the food at the park.  Someone's coming over at 3 for coffee and to talk about NDE.  Someone's got the lawn mower motor scooter going back and forth in front of our house over and over again.  Just another day.

Saturday, December 19, 2015

vegan paella as it was

The flavors were great, and it tasted wonderful, especially the vegan sausage, but it just wasn't paella.  But Ming loved it and even ate leftovers in the night.  I think the saffron might be critical.

Friday, December 18, 2015

vegan paella imagined

I'm making vegan paella and it smells great but I didn't have saffron or fake shrimp--I think it will be good though.  It's its own thing.

olive oil
onion, diced
5 cloves garlic, pressed
red bell pepper, diced

1/2 tsp turmeric
1 tsp paprika
1/4 tsp cayenne
1 1/2 cups white rice

two roma tomatoes, diced
tsp Better Than Bouillon
three cups water


two large vegan Italian sausages, sliced into coins
a cup of frozen peas

lemon wedges to squeeze

please support me for Sacred Peace Walk 2016

bad vigil

Last night we went to a vigil.  It had a program--speakers, singers.  They sang the national anthem for some unknown reason.  It was the worst event I had ever been to.  The more I think about it, the more horrible I find it.  But our friend J liked it.  So maybe my perspective is skewed.

The mic worked only minimally so we couldn't hear much.  Someone read a long essay she'd written about her son's heroin addiction, and I couldn't figure out how it fit.  She had a lot of pain and grief about her son, but why did I have to listen to that?  I couldn't figure out how I was supposed to be the audience for it.

And when people talked, she would stop reading and stare at them and tell them to stop talking while she read.  And toward the end the person running the show asked her to stop reading and she insisted on continuing.  It was just bad.

The only part I kind of liked was the reading of the names of the homeless people who had died throughout the year.  It was solemn and I tried to think about those people and send love to them and honor them though they are gone.

I also liked the candlelight.

Thursday, December 17, 2015


I'm feeling better today--I have some hope--I have a little energy.  Today all I have to do is vigil for peace at 9 in front of the federal building.  There's another vigil for the homeless at 4 that I don't know much about.  But it's at the federal building too.

This morning I made a facebook event for the Sacred Peace Walk.  I shared it some places.  I hope the pic is okay.  Another host can change the pic.

Ming ordered some photo albums for NDE because the old ones were falling apart.  They came in the mail yesterday.  We have to invite someone over who knows who all the people are to help label the photos.

Wednesday, December 16, 2015

Once, Twice, Seven Times a Werewolf by Half-Handed Cloud

This is one of my favorite songs I have been listening to for a long time.  I wish I could catch the words at the end.  Please feel free to comment with corrections.

Before I go to sleep, 
can I be excused from dreaming?

Before I go to sleep now,
can I get you to promise me that I won't dream?
Last time I dreamt a general, 
because he showed me all his medals 
were kingdoms that a 
stone rolled down a
statue that a
stone broke down.

I threw them in the furnace
because they didn't like my head
that spread throughout the body
everybody's in but four instead.

Oh, oh, oh oh!
Oh, oh, oh, oh!
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!

And so I dreamt another.
Did I mention that I was so far out?
Nobody could interpret
what Daniel said that it's about,
how you could see the 
quiet before
chopping down my 
trunk of tree.

Ten minus three a werewolf
with mud beneath my fingernails.
The what [something]
my kingdom [something] mine will fail.

Tuesday, December 15, 2015

what I said about some yogurt yesterday

This ice cream doesn't taste right!

rough neighborhood

I forgot to tell you night-before-last there were gunshots in front of our house at 8:30.  About eight gunshots and no screaming.  If I was getting shot, I would scream.  But maybe it happened too fast.

Then Ming saw (I was in bed) silent cop car light out front.

There was no pool of blood on the ground yesterday.  So I don't know what happened.

cookie party realized

I was fond of decorating with the gray BB-like candies.  They're not as metallic as when I was a kid, but they're good!

I was also fond of using red hots.

I shoulda took some pictures for you.  I probably decorated about 40.  Toward the end my close-focusing energy was used up.  I had to go.

They are to give away at the soup line.  So we brought two dozen and took home none--actually, we took home a few Hershey's kisses and a partially full bottle of Coke.

Monday, December 14, 2015

cookie party imagined

Windy here.  I ate some green noodles for breakfast and have tea.

This morning is therapy and Ming's dentist appointment.

Tonight's a cookie party.  I gotta bake two dozen cookies for the party--sugar cookies, plain.

Sunday, December 13, 2015


I've got two letters that came yesterday that I haven't opened.  I'm feeling overwhelmed by life.  But here's a pic of Ming and me at political prisoner letter writing night last night.  I was looking up how to spell "apparently" on my phone.

Saturday, December 12, 2015

reportback on pink rice

It tastes kinda like brown rice--nutty and hearty--but takes only 20 minutes to cook.  It's pretty good, but I was hoping it would be my new favorite rice.  It's good to try.

stop killer drones

Our friend made this video of stills of drone resistance.  Ming and I are in it!  On some activists' signs are graphic images of children killed by drones, so trigger warning.

putting pink salt on pink rice to see what happens

Yesterday we went to WinCo (a worker cooperative) with its amazing bulk bins like Whole Foods but cheap.  They have nutritional yeast back in stock.  We bought some pink rice that intrigued me, and I'm cooking it up for breakfast though Ming is not here--he's serving the hungry.

I think I might opt out of this morning's MLK parade meeting and might skip the party too.  But for sure I'll go to political prisoner letter writing night because I run it.

Friday, December 11, 2015

peele nuts

I'm eating my sweet potato.  JR is here. Ming is at the earthship.

I was shopping for a zafu and zabuton.  Shopping is a little maddening.  I want orange ones.  Orange as the flesh of this sweet potato.

It's supposed to rain this afternoon at the goddess temple, but we're going anyway.

But I want more peele nuts from the farmers market.  Maybe we can make a quick stop.

Thursday, December 10, 2015

peanutbutter mocha

I am an artist!  I must create!  Create a blog post!

Right now we're at Madhouse Coffee with JR. He's drawing on a coffee stir stick. I got a peanutbutter mocha but it wasn't what I had in mind. 

Today I went with J to Publicus for lunch. Then we went to a dysfunctional / dystopian museum. I was glad to escape with my life. 

things wrong with the museum
--bad lighting
--bad art
--random placement of arts
--weird sounds
--hot and cold spots
--social sadness
--in a mall

Thank you for celebrating my survival. 

Wednesday, December 09, 2015

tonight's comparison

That's like carrying around a copy of the alphabet when you're supposed to be teaching Shakespeare. 

Tuesday, December 08, 2015

what's a hippie?

Last night I was at Creech Air Force Base holding "no torture no drones" in the cold and dark. I had one of those "how the hell did I get here?" moments. 

Then I remembered how in high school I was voted most environmentally aware. That was code for biggest hippie. 

I told Ming that story and he asked if hippies really hold signs. He said he thinks of hippies as lounging on porches in Berkeley. 

We don't use drugs or drink or anything. We don't live in Berkeley or have a porch. But I think we're hippies. 

Monday, December 07, 2015

postal hopes

I'm in a postal parking lot hoping Ming is successful in sending a mailing--it's our holiday appeal. He's missing something and hopes they'll help him. The business mail place is half an hour from home. 

Yesterday we had the folding party, the envie stuffing party. R was there for a while playing Christmas music on his phone. It was nostalgic and made me a little sad. I think it was from the '50s. It made me think of relatives who are dead and gone. 

After the party, friends got a big fridge through a little doorway and were happy. 

At Ross I bought something for my cousin. I almost bought some olives too that were marked down to a dollar. For me. 

It's a beautiful morning. 

Sunday, December 06, 2015

problem we don't have

Gmorning.  Today I'm trying something new--making lentils instead of beans, for Food Not Bombs.  Making rice as usual.  I thought lentils would be faster and nice for a change.  And we have a lot of them.  It's still the beginning of the month so fewer eaters.

I wrote letters on salmon-colored index cards Mom gave me.

I played some Janis Joplin for my friend JR yesterday.  I gave him a stamp to send a letter, and it was a Janis Joplin stamp.  He is 22.  We talked about the sadness of people dying early from drugs.  We were glad we don't have that problem.

Saturday, December 05, 2015

more recycled propaganda

recycled propaganda

Friday, December 04, 2015


Today I copied a new zine. It's a zine about zines for a presentation I'm giving Tuesday--a roundtable. It's called zines. 

Also I wrote a Christmas poem for my bestie. It's about salmon. 

Thursday, December 03, 2015

Ming with lion

hot springs revisited

Yesterday Ming served.  Then we went to Tecopa to the hot springs.  We soaked twice and thought about a third time.  The second dip we were in a different pool than usual and it was too hot for me.

Then we went to China Ranch for date shakes and Ming took a walk on the mesa.  I saw him up there while I sat in the car writing a letter to my penpal D.

Then I wasn't feeling well, and Ming drove us home.  They were nice drives full of quiet and conversation.

I found out people don't drink the water, in Tecopa, because it's hot springs water and full of minerals.  That the government tells them not to drink it.  I was about to fill my pink water bottle at a spigot when someone told me.  He gave me some of his bottled water from a huge bottle.  It was at a restaurant.  They were nice.

You come with two canes, then progress to one, and then you use no cane at all, someone told us about Tecopa. The power of the hot springs to cure people.  I got the feeling he had said it a lot.

We have a lot to do.  I have low energy and a cruddy attitude.  Or maybe it's just a slow attitude.

Tuesday, December 01, 2015

trigger warning: cat death

One of our cats is sick.  His name is Tiger.  Or, for all I know, her name is Tiger.  Ming and JR just took him to the vet in a towel.  I don't think Tiger's coming home.

One step up from a stray, Tiger is an outside cat.  Our friend who also lives here, H, is the one who feeds the cats.  We still have Nonchalant, Rainbow, the white cat, and Wally.  Orange cat.  Maybe someone else I'm forgetting.

It brings up old cat feelings for me.  Guilt and shame, because with enough money, could his life be saved?  Should we have given him a better life?  But it seems like he had a very good life.  Grief and loss, because death feels like a tragedy and such a weird thing.  Here one day, gone the next.  Here one minute, gone the next.

To cremate him will cost $130.  My last cat who died, Kitty--I guess I'm still not over that.  Cat in a blanket, that time, and a crying ex-husband.  What a mess.