dangerous compassions

I call you / from the comet's cradle

Sunday, January 31, 2016

access pass

We are going to Death Valley tomorrow to see the wildflower superbloom.  I wonder if that will make it crowded.  I love the desert.  But the high there tomorrow is 37, and it's supposed to be windy.

My sleep schedule is so f-ed that I don't ever have a feel for what time it is.  I look inside at my inner clock and it's just a big question mark.

This neighbor dog sounds like a duck.  We're going to get a free park pass for disabled people.

happy Sunday

Yesterday I posted that Do Small Things With Great Love pic on my facebook and got lots of attention as a result.  It felt good, but it happens in cyberspace, and I would rather do things in regular space.  A friend I knew as a teenager was curious about prison abolition, and we commented back and forth about Ideas.

Meanwhile, in regular space, I was up in the night for a while and wrote more poems.  I made tofu scramble for breakfast.  Mmm, it's very good.  Today is Food Not Bombs.  It's not supposed to rain until afternoon.

Saturday, January 30, 2016

do small things with great love

the knock

Today it's supposed to hit 70--sweet.  Then it will rain tomorrow, is the predication, then cool off, getting back to freezing at night.

Sorry if you don't care about the weather.  I guess it's important to me but probably not you.  You have your own weather to think about.  Unless you live in a dome.

I'm listening to Sufjan Stevens' Christmas music sampler.  Boy is he obsessed with Christmas.  And rightfully so.  Why not.  I like the way he embraces Christmas' dark side.  He loves it and makes fun of it at the same time.  I enjoy that.  I like doing stuff like that too.

Last night I couldn't sleep, got up and wrote a poem that I find valuable.  It's called "the knock."  I sent it to some people who didn't reply, though.  Maybe I'm the only one who likes it.

Ming's setting up the drip irrigation in the backyard garden with the help of our friend R.  Our community member R.  He's like a brother to me, in good and bad ways, I guess.  Did I ever tell you about how I was reading a book that told me that, in a language in the Middle East somewhere, the word for "cousin" is the same as the word for "enemy"?

This morning my community member J was fantasizing about having her own cooking show.  "I'd watch it," I said.  "I'd buy a tv just so I could watch it."

Thanks for listening to me blow of steam.  It's been almost 10 years that I've been blogging.  I'll have to do something special for my blogiversary.  Maybe I'll celebrate by migrating over to wordpress like everybody else.

Friday, January 29, 2016


did you get enough love, my little dove?

I have this statue on my desk of St Francis, I think.  Someone would love it.  I need to find that person and give this statue to them.  Maybe they'd want it at the Catholic Worker.  It's looming like a giant over my little Durga and Krishna statues.

Cleaning my desk is a constant need.

Today I attempted to clean up some poems in my fortune cookie notebook, but they kind of resisted that.  I tinkered.  I tried.

Ming's taken Little Sir Echo to the mechanic and I'm listening to music I never should--Carrie and Lowell.  It's fuckin' depressing!

Thursday, January 28, 2016

I can handle this day too

This morning I'm serving.  At 9 we vigil at the federal building.  At 10:30 I have bookclub over skype.  At 12 Ming has a doctor's appt, and at 2 we have a Sacred Peace Walk meeting.  I drank some chocolate soymilk and ate two matcha candies.  I'm ready to go!

Wednesday, January 27, 2016

today's lesson

Yes, if you put a sweet potato in your potato soup, tastes great.

sweet potato
earth balance
better than bouillon
cashew cream

I can handle this day

Yesterday we came home in the late afternoon.  We didn't know what we'd come home to--there have been handypersons for weeks.  But all was calm--no handypeople.  Just regular people.

Ming is out serving the hungry.  Last night at community dinner I got overloaded and left early.  I think I was still on retreat in my head and hadn't readjusted to humanity.  I had to come home and sit by myself.

Today we are meeting with an activist we have never met at 9:30.  There's hospitality day lunch at 11:30--I think there will be perogies.  And I have therapy at 1.

Tuesday, January 26, 2016

hot chocolate too

To me drinking tea is one of the pleasures of life. 

It's cold here. All the more reason to drink tea. 

And gosh is there a lot of tea here at this undisclosed location. Enough to choke a horse. An impressive array. 

Thanks to everyone who came here and left behind their tea. 

Monday, January 25, 2016


We made a nice vegan dinner of pasta with sauce and mushrooms and vegan sausage. So good. And we're drinking tea and enjoying life. 

I listened to some music and read a book by Corbin Harney. Ming walked in the desert without me. We are enjoying our retreat at this undisclosed location.

the center of the labyrinth

at the goddess temple

Sunday, January 24, 2016

thank you

This morning I was feeling under-stimulated and decided to go to Food Not Bombs and serve.  Our friend Peacemaker Boy came with us.  We arrived early to G's house.  There's a free little library on their street, but it's only kids books, unfortunately for me.  We looked at a few books together.

Then we loaded up Little Sir Echo with salad that G made and some rice and other foods she made too.

At the park, there were a lot of eaters.  Our friend R arrived and played guitar quietly.  I dished potatoes, on the food dishing assembly line.  It was pretty fun.

Then we sat in the grass for a while in the sun.  R played a song for me and I gave him some feedback, told him my favorite parts.  Then our friend A showed up.  He had shaved his head.  His glasses fell off.  They lack a side thing.

Then we hugged people goodbye and went to the Bronze.  I wanted my favorite drink and a tamale.  Unfortunately, there are no more tamales.  Discontinued, a Christmas thing.  Bummer.

Tomorrow we leave on our retreat.  I need to menu plan and gather ingredients and pack.

Shout out to Ming for washing pots!  I love you.  Thank you.


Trader Joe's has these vegetarian gummy candies now called Scandinavian Swimmers.  I love them!  My bag has a lot of lobsters in it.  The yellow seahorses are the best.


I'm cooking for Food Not Bombs--Ming said to make only one pot of rice because G always makes rice even though we're trying to give her a break.  And I'm making kik alicha but it's kind of bland.  I think it needs more onions and garlic?  Some oil?  But I don't want to ruin it.  It's good but not great.

I've been scattered.  I want to do all these things I never get to.  I want to read more, and bake, and cook potato soup.

Tomorrow we go on retreat for two days.  I'll pack books and our songs.  I've been looking forward to it for a month.

Even my to do list is scattered.  And my phone is full.  I need to get a young person to put the photos on a cloud.

cupcake yesterday

Saturday, January 23, 2016

papusas pic

special matcha candies

papusas! papusas!

We are at our favy papusaria waiting for the cook to make our papusas de loroco. Later our friend is coming over to chop veggies for Food Not Bombs. I feel like going to a bookstore and hanging out with all the books. Maybe later. 

something French people love

Yesterday a peace walker friend arrived.  We had a good talk in the living room.  Then he spent the day with Peacemaker Boy.

I bought some delicious matcha candies direct from their maker in the afternoon.  "Do you like them?" the maker asked.  He said you either love them or hate them, like sushi.  "Have you tried sushi?" he asked.

We went to bed very early and got up around 5.  I want to photograph the matcha candies for you when it's daylight.

We are getting spoiled by this farmers market bread--Bread by Ned.  He's from Sarajevo and went to a cooking school in France.  His pretzel brioches are heavenly.  The olive bread is great too.  Ming got a little cake thing that looks kind of burnt.  It's something French people love.  We can't remember the name.

Oh, Ming found the name online: cannele with a little accent over the final e.

Friday, January 22, 2016

fruit on a chair

peace pouch from Eartheart


A sun came.  I assume it's the same sun as usual.  Ming is serving and should be home soon.  This morning I created a facebook event for next month's peace vigil at Creech Air Force Base.

Also yesterday we went to the 99 cent store and looked around a lot, as if we were studying the 99 cent store to write a paper on it.  I got a glass dish to put a candle in, that red candle.  I got a pretty hair thing.  Some nutter butters.

Today will be low key, I predict.  I want to get some matcha candy at the farmers market.  Ming has a conference call at 3.

Last night we and Peacemaker Boy went out to dinner--Curry Leaf, an Indian food place.  It was fun.  I liked when we first walked in and it smelled like yummy incense in there and a song was playing about Krishna.

Thursday, January 21, 2016



happy birthday to Nana

Last night I slept a lot and dreamt hard.  This morning Ming has gone to serve mac & cheese, for today is mac & cheese day, the only vegetarian day on the soupline.  He will bring some home for me, if all goes well.

Today I have book club meeting after we vigil.  I need to read 20 pages or so of the book and do some writing.  It's Make Your Creative Dreams Real by SARK.  I like it, but it's dense with emotion.

I like Thursdays.  I like our life.  I like having not much to do on the calendar.  Today is my Nana's birthday, and I forgot to send a card this year.  If you're reading, Nana, I hope you have a happy birthday.

Wednesday, January 20, 2016


This morning I survived a dentist appointment.  The dental assistant even wiped away my tear with a tissue.  I was so convinced for no reason that I would need six crowns and five root canals and we'd burn through all our savings that I was shocked when I didn't even have a cavity.

The dentist is nice.  I got my gums poked at but no problem.  I stood in a weird x-ray machine that spun around my head.  I wore lead aprons.

Then we went to Trader Joe's to buy ingredients for a dish I want to make, some pesto pasta salad I like.

Then we went to the dollar store looking for a candle holder of a certain size for this candle I got when J cleaned out the Pace e Bene house.  A nice red candle.  They didn't have a candle holder big enough.  But we looked in the whole store.

I want to make some potato soup and put in a sweet potato as a prize.

Tuesday, January 19, 2016

this morning's weird dream

There was a lost soul.  She was traveling back and forth through time trying to do something.  She was getting thwarted and losing the will to live.  She had the body of a doll and her face was a white mask.  She was floating in a lake and I thought she might drown.  I was trying to help her but didn't know how.  I couldn't understand what she needed.  I carved a rectangle into a white wall, trying to help her.  I waited to see if a small worm would write something on the wall--it didn't.  I thought she would probably die.

Monday, January 18, 2016




Ethiopian food progress

The mesir wot and kik alicha are cooking nicely on the stove.  I'll make the rice and heat up the cabbage last.  Listening to music and writing letters.

Ming is at the parade--I saw a photo of him on facebook, posted from the event.  I think the parade is a lot of work, but it's over in a few hours.

Rhythm of Devotion

I think this song has the best use of sleigh bells ever.

Sunday, January 17, 2016

Sacred Peace Walk dreams and MLK Jr parade realities

Tomorrow's the MLK Jr parade that we've prepared for so much.  Well, I haven't prepared for it much, but others have.  I'm making the afterparty Ethiopian food, and it will be good, I hope.  I've made the dishes before, but never in such quantity.

I hope I get the seasonings right for the mesir wot.  I need to err on the side of mild.

Today we took it easy.  I bound a lot of zines.  I helped serve Food Not Bombs.  I got my favorite drink at the Bronze Cafe.

Ming's chopping ten onions and a lot of garlic for me.  Tomorrow he'll be at the parade and it hurts my wrist / arm / shoulder / neck to chop much.

Ming got out the table we're going to bring, a table that folds in half and the legs fold up.  We need to get out the bowls and spoons too.  Everything's got to be ready to go.

Today I called R to ask him if he's writing a little speech for the parade, to say in front of the judges.  I thought that was the procedure.  He said they didn't do it last year.  I told him we should do it to get more publicity for ourselves and our upcoming Sacred Peace Walk.  He said he'd think about it.  I said he could run it by me, if he decides to do it, to make sure it's good.

I'm already thinking about food for Sacred Peace Walk.  I found a piece of paper in the glovebox, a little to do list from last Sacred Peace Walk, and thought it might be useful.  I have a Sacred Peace Walk food binder with stuff from last year.

I've been dreaming about it too.  I like those Sacred Peace Walk dreams.  Even when things so awry and get dystopian, I like those dreams.

island food

Today I need a walk because all this dancing is not enough.  Ming is constantly going through things and cleaning up.  I am constantly writing.  I have this fortune cookie journal with a different fortune at the top of each page, and I use them as poem prompts.  I write things I otherwise would not have written.  But none of the poems so far has been a real winner.

Last night we went to a-cafe and no one else showed up.  This was after the party where we ate island food.  It was delicious even though there was celery.  And I thought I didn't like bok choy.

Saturday, January 16, 2016

have a day

Tonight we had dinner with friends, a friendly family who sells at the farmers markets. They made rice and beans and veg. It was delicious island food. 

Then the lady kind of told us her life story. It was fun to hear. 

Now we're at Rainbow's End waiting for a-cafe. I've maybe had enough day in my day. 

Monday is the parade. I'm making Ethiopian food for 40. Wish me luck. 

functionally ill 20

This morning early we served the hungry.  I like seeing the sun come up.  Then we had a meeting.  It was a bit loud but productive.

In the car coming home, our friend vented to us.  I'm glad we were there to listen.  It was the productive kind of venting.

I have a new zine.

Friday, January 15, 2016


I'm trying to draw bunnies for the cover of a zine, but I suck at it.  This morning for breakfast I toasted a bagel and sauteed vegetarian beer brats.  Ming loved the beer brat he had.  I thought mine was just okay.

Today there's not much to do.  Last night we had dinner at our friend's house--he made a curry.  We watched his granddaughter play with toys.  We talked.

Yesterday we went to our storage unit and I dug through books boxes for empty journals and found some.  I also got my current photo album, but the pages have the sticky stuff, and I think they'll dry out.  I don't have faith in the sticky pages kind.

Maybe I should take all the photos out and just keep them in a shoebox.  They'd take up less room that way.

Today we might go to the farmers market.  Also I have a skype date with a friend.  We're going to sing together.

Thursday, January 14, 2016


We thought the thing in the middle was a magic mushroom, but it's a hat on a stick. 

all life

Wednesday, January 13, 2016


Last night I made mushroom gravy for 12, only only 9 showed up, so I made too much, but it was delicious.  I'm cooking up potatoes right now to eat some leftover gravy with for breakfast.

Today I see my therapist at 10.  I want to talk to her about this problem I have trying to keep myself safe from specific harmful people and closing my heart.  I don't want protecting myself to look like hate or feel like hate or be hate.  I don't know if she can help me.

Also Ming has a doctor's appointment with this horribly-rated doctor.

Also he has to retrieve an enormous tent.

Also there's a Vedanta talk tonight.  I think we should bring blueberries.

Tuesday, January 12, 2016

I'd swim across Lake Michigan

This morning we vigiled at Creech.  I was lying in bed deciding whether I could survive 27 degrees, for that is the temperature that was predicted in Indian Springs at 6 am.  I was fantasizing about what clothes I could wear, how many layers.  Finally I decided, well, I really believe in it, so I got up.

And there are pictures of the event on facebook, so it really happened!

Then we went to Whole Foods because JR wanted some tofurky.  Our good friend's son works there, and he's the one who directed us to the fake meat section.

Then we went to Coscto to pick up some foods and get some fliers and posters printed.  That took a long time, and there were a lot of decisions to make about glossy vs matte, thickness of paper, etc.  After a while I was not caring anymore.  Just print the damn thing.

So when it was time to go to the interfaith council meeting, it's only an hour, but I needed some alonetime.  I had been social for five and a half hours straight.

So here I am listening to Sufjan Stevens, being alone.  Thanks for being alone with me.


at Creech this morning

Monday, January 11, 2016

St Claire

sorry about David Bowie dying

Hello.  My Chumbawamba cds came in the mail today from PM press.  They were half off.  They have good sales.  Actually they were more than half off.

Tomorrow morning early we vigil at Creech Air Force Base.  I'm not sure if I'll go.  Not because it's early but because it's intense.  I have to have a very good attitude.

I've been looking at this St Claire prayer card for a month or so and I think it's time for me to pass it along.

Today we had a grant writing meeting.  I had a sense of well-being.

Sunday, January 10, 2016

do small things with great love

This morning the alarm went off at 4:30 for Ming to get up and turn on the beans.  Now it's 7 and the beans are done, which means we didn't have to get up so early.  But beans can be unpredictable--we get them from a food pantry, so who knows how long they've been sitting around.  Years.

I forgot the pepper.  People like pepper, but I don't. But I put cayenne in.

I made this mix cd for myself.  It starts out with some older music, progresses to Sufjan Stevens Christmas music, and then the second half is all They Might Be Giants.

This morning I ordered some very good postcards online.  And a sticker of a Mother Theresa quote: Do small things with great love.  I believe it.

Saturday, January 09, 2016

Ming's dancing squid


Today has been strange--I woke up early with Ming (5:15 am) and we served the hungry.  Well, we had had a friend stay overnight.  So we brought him with us.  There were 18 girl scouts with many parents there, so it was an incredible amount of volunteers.

I served jalapenos.  But I wasn't given a full container to begin with.  Serving jalapenos is hard on my body--I hold the container with my left arm and scoop with my right.  It twists me up.

Then we had a meeting.  Then our houseguest was watching news clips on his computer.  Then we went for a walk around the neighborhood.

Then we had another less formal meeting.  I got a hold of some good information.

Then our houseguest left, and the meeting friend left, but then another friend showed up.  He was here to chop veggies.  Ming made him coffee, and we shared some lentils and rice with him, and then I made garlic toast for us all.  It was good.

Then my mom texted me a bunch of times but I had my ringer turned off, so I missed them.

This whole time, the handyperson was going in and out of our house, doing who knows what.

Tonight's political prisoner letter writing night.  I need to see if we have enough cards.  I feel used up.

Friday, January 08, 2016


My lentil soup tastes like perfume.  Wtf.  It doesn't smell like perfume, just tastes like it.  I'm thinking someone stored it next to soap.

So that leaves rice, spinach with garlic, and ripe avocados.  And if anyone wants perfumy lentils, they can have at it.


So much has happened, but the thing I want to tell you is that I got "Achy Breaky Heart" stuck in my head this morning and had to play it on youtube.  The video was so bad it was like a parody of itself, and I couldn't get over the guy's hair, which was a mullet.

"I need a remedy," I told Ming, and I'm playing a Sufjan Stevens song to remedy it.  The Sufjan Stevens song is kind of a parody of itself too, but in a self-aware way.

Wednesday, January 06, 2016

Christmas is about death

I made a new zine.  It's a poem zine called Christmas is about death.  It's sad but good, I think.  I wrote it at Christmastime, and it was a great comfort to me.

Also today I made kik alicha--yellow split peas.  I served it to me and Ming as well as JR and R.  I thought it was amazing.  Friends said it was good, but they didn't oo and ah like I expected.  I was surprised.  It tastes like Ethiopian food!  I made Ethiopian food!  I win!

All day I've felt negative and punchy.  I wish I could calm down.  It felt good when I meditated.  I'm trying to relax.  I wrote some letters and had to stop because I felt like I was spreading my negativity around.  But it can be hard to tell what comes through and what doesn't.

how to build community

That pinball game--I took a picture of it really quick with my phone, not knowing if taking pictures there was okay.  It's a mysterious game.  I think it's in Spanish.  You should come to the pinball museum!

Also we went to Ethiopian food for lunch, then to an Ethiopian market for spices.  I hope they sold us the right spices.

Also we went to Barnes & Noble.  I looked at Christmas clearance stuff and bought nothing.  Thought about buying some Christmas soap, but even at half off, it was $2.50.

There was a free magazine newspaper at Mr Sandwich where I have bought boba sometimes.  It had a picture of bees on it and said something like How to Build Community, so I picked it up.  But the ways to build community it listed were not for me at all.  It was more like How to Be a Good Person written by someone whose values I don't agree with.

Yesterday we avoided workers, and I think today we have to do it again.  I vote for the library.  It's rainy.  The laundry is piling up because we can't hang it to dry.  Someone outside is yelling, and I better dress in case a worker arrives at 8.

Tuesday, January 05, 2016



I really wanted to like this book about a man who lived a year without money.  But he's a jackass.  So I couldn't even read the book.  Also, I don't think he's very smart.  He explains things simplistically / condescendingly.  It's my experience that when people talk to their reader like their reader is stupid, it's because they (the person speaking) are stupid.  I mean you put the bar too low when you need a low bar yourself.

My ex-therapist ran an art therapy class, and I talked to her about teaching to the slowest / most clueless person in the class.  Lowest common denominator.  She doesn't do that.  I think she teaches to the brightest and hopes the slowest will get swept up in it.  Well, she didn't say that part.  But when I was a teacher I would pitch it for the brightest too.

Wow, I mixed a lot of metaphors, but I believe you understood me, smart Reader.

We are hanging out at home on this rainy day, waiting for either handyperson to arrive and fix stuff.  But it's raining, so that might delay someone.  But we are all ready to vacate the building when a handyperson arrives.  I want to go to the international market, the pinball museum, the library, and maybe Barnes & Noble--I was given a Barnes & Noble gift card for Christmas.

Monday, January 04, 2016


what draws you to whales?

mesir wot

This morning I woke up with energy.  I asked Ming to do some chopping for me and made mesir wot.  I had made it before at least a year ago, but I made it so hot I couldn't eat it.

This morning I tried this recipe.


But I added ginger, which turned out to be a mistake, and I don't think I perfected the method of scorching it over and over, but I tried.

Also I used way less berbere than suggested.  It's perfectly spiced, for me.

It's very good.  I'm trying with some urgency to get a recipe down because I said I'd cook Ethiopian food for the Martin Luther King day parade.  For the people making our float, for an afterparty.

Sunday, January 03, 2016


Did I already tell you my New Years resolutions?  I feel good about them and am going to post them in the bedroom.

I have a friend--her friend died, so I wrote out a poem that's really important to me for her. It's by Brenda Hillman and is from her book Death Tractates. 

Today is cloudy and I want to be a good person. That's a non sequitur. 

Saturday, January 02, 2016


Ming's making us a huge salad. It's good to be home. 

Friday, January 01, 2016


My year so far has been highly unusual. We left my parents early then went to Griffith Park in LA. There we survived the bathroom and enjoyed trees and birds. 

Then we were supposed to meet friends at a vegan breakfast place in the fashion district. But it was closed for the holiday. We ended up eating at Carl's Jr which was strange but nothing else was open. 

Then we drove back to Griffith Park and sat under a tree playing with twigs and talking. I told them about pigeon milk. 

Now we're on our way back to Las Vegas. Today has been like a pleasant dream. 

In my actual dream I was making blintzes but they were in a pan like enchiladas all packed in. I was making them for breakfast for the Sacred Peace Walk.