dangerous compassions

I call you / from the comet's cradle

Sunday, May 31, 2015

oh and a bullet

Our friend H found a bullet by his door, an un-exploded bullet.  It disturbed him so much that he walked into our house to show it to us.  He lives on the same property as us.  He comes in without knocking.  Usually only to deliver the mail in the afternoons, so I was surprised to see him in the morning.

Ming is worried it's a threat.  That H pissed somebody off.  H said maybe someone threw it over the fence.  I think the latter.  Anyway, bad bullet on a warm morning.  It's supposed to hit 104 today.

what are these?

dystopian grading factory dream, one of many

The other day--the day we went to the Mt Everest restaurant where we had the best Indian food in Las Vegas--we went to this Mexican grocery store called Mariana's.  The produce was so cheap.  I got tres leches cake, and Ming got flan.

But at the checkout, among the impulse buys, there was a deck of cards.  I was curious about it, so Ming bought it for me.  The suits are coins, swords, cups, and some weird clubs.  I will post a pic for you later.  The clubs look like diseased squashes.  I don't understand them.

We haven't played a game with them yet.  We are so busy, too busy.  We need more downtime.

Last night I dreamt I was working at a grading factory with Ming.  They offered us a promotion, but we couldn't get a straight answer about whether it came with a raise.  But it was way more hours.

Then we were at a dining commons with Korean food and nothing was vegetarian except some meaty-looking popsicles.  I asked if they could make us some sushi (it was Korean with sushi) just cucumber or avocado, and they said no.  It was dystopian and bad.

Saturday, May 30, 2015

what weekends are all about

This morning we served then attended two meetings.  The first meeting was short, second meeting long.  I ate graham crackers.  They were light and good.

"Aren't graham crackers supposed to be kind of like eating cardboard?" I asked earlier.

Ming's making coffee.  Later there's a poetry reading of someone who was a drone pilot.  I don't feel up to hearing about killing people and will disappoint my friends.  I have not felt like myself for a few days.  I'm not strong.

Then is the Kathleen Hanna movie that I am skeptical about.  Skeptical that it's actually happening.

Then's a party in the evening.  Too much stuff.  But I guess that's what weekends are all about.

Friday, May 29, 2015

better day

1.  peace at the line
2.  farmer's market
3.  fav cafe
4.  zine layout
5.  photocopy fun

Thursday, May 28, 2015

bad day

1. a fight on the soup line
2.  interpersonal stressors at the peace vigil
3.  an argument
4.  a stressful meeting
5.  confusion

Wednesday, May 27, 2015


celebration time

Today I feel the need to celebrate.  There is a series of wins.  But how do people who don't drink celebrate?

I feel like taking good care of myself.  Extra walks, tooth care.  Is that a way to celebrate?

Later we'll go to my favorite cafe.  That's a way to celebrate.  But it's mild.

Tell me if you have any ideas.

Tuesday, May 26, 2015

bad beets

I finished a draft of functionally ill 19.  I think it's good--it talks about my hearing, my new psychiatrists, the good news, self-care, and other-care.  All I need now is some proofreading and a cover.

Today a medical insurance person came over to talk to Ming about her company.  She was here for a long time.

This morning we made beets.  But they turned out kind of weird.  They were too oily and maybe a bit burnt.  It was my first time roasting beets that didn't turn out.

Monday, May 25, 2015

office mysteries

"Should I even be washing this pitcher?"  He's washing a beige plastic pitcher.
"As opposed to throwing it away?"
"Does it have a lid?"
"Where was it?"
"In the office."
"Why was it in the office?"
"I don't know."  One of many office mysteries.

Sunday, May 24, 2015

the band looks left

food not bombs

Star of Wonder

Today is Food Not Bombs' 35th birthday.  We're supposed to have a cake.  Friends are coming to play music.  It's raining a little this morning.  I hope it's done.

I've been writing poems--it feels good--and listening to music a lot.  Maybe those two go hand in hand.

We're bringing a table and a battery and a solar panel to the park.

I changed my tag line to "I call you / from the comet's cradle" which is from a Sufjan Steens song that I love so much, "Star of Wonder."

Saturday, May 23, 2015


Friday, May 22, 2015

lunch win

Today we had friends over for lunch.  I made vegan garlic lover's pasta, roasted beets, and collard greens.  Ming helped.

We ate then Ming made coffee.  They were here for three hours.  We had good conversations.  I feel happy.

Thursday, May 21, 2015

Stutter -- Tim'm West

There's this hiphop song I like called "Stutter" by Tim'm West.  It's so brill.  But I couldn't find lyrics online, so I decided to transcribe it myself.  Please comment with corrections.


Stutter--Tim'm West

This is for any kid out there struggling with language, 
like I did as a kid--
trying to get the words right,
trying to win the fight over fear,
'cause we're still here
even if we outgrow the stutter and the words seem clear.
Never have no shame in your game.
Everybody stutter when they say my name.

if no man can put us under.
We hesitate and wonder
afraid to be it manifest in speech.
Insecure we
if no man can put us under,
we hesitate and blunder
just like the beat, repeats.
Sometimes we--

I ain't got no speech disorder,
I just sometimes sort of experience
a disruption and repetition
when I'm in a mission
to be dissin'.
Anyone who say I can't put on my sounds
makes a little bit closer,
rhythm and grounds,
my words never becoming absurd.
Unable to start words,
'cause boys are more likely to stutter than girls,
little kids searching for the right words.
Get it right like right's prefer,
speech impediment, deterred.  
I am powerful beyond measure.
Words are my treasure,
poetry my life blood, pleasure.
I can speak,
therefore I am--
speech therapists say I can.
Even when I didn't know where the words went
when I had to vent,
people so critical, it make no sense,
of a brother on some other,
a fighter and a lover,
had to learn to be confident.
To mm-mmm-mmm-mim-
born to be baptized to begin again.
Sometimes I say stuck on how that feels,
but we overcome like Winston Churchill.


We kick it speak if we skir--
the words won't come out if we stutter.
Stuck in the muck,
this terrain that's called to earth.
I say we do it,
flow like fluid.
Just like Obama, "Yes we can,"
but we gotta comprehend the plan
to embrace whatever makes us afraid.
Caught in a maze
of all the times before, 
when more seems less
and less didn't give us anymore.
The score had us losing,
sometimes choosing
to defer our magic alphabetic
punk points like in the Harlem xx
making the people like fire.
Zora and Langston and Bruce inspired.
Rather conspire to express,
word becomes flesh,
no longer object.
Become the subject of an intelligent freedom.
I believe a stutterer will lead them.
Smooth like James Earl Jones.
Can you feel that freedom poem?


I'm so smart,
too quick I think.
So tight on the mic,
my eyes blink.
Not trying to wink at you,
just doing what I got to do
to spit my truth.
It ain't always
been this easy,
for sheezy,
nervous, the words that leave me.
But when I sang or I was laughing,
seldom stuttered when I was
happy or laughing. 
The words always came out right
despite the fight 
between capacity and might.
With the tension I'm aight
cause they helped me see the light.
I'm a die hard stutter
though I don't do it no more,
like Bruce Willis in the picture shows,
or like Marilyn Monroe, 
Carly Simon, voice of kill.
And I'm just the next installation 
of a stuttering nation,
reaching back and relating,
'cause the words that didn't kill us 
make us stronger,
even if it took a little little little longer.

Wednesday, May 20, 2015


This morning we watched TV!  Intentionally!  On the internet!  It was a music show from 1984, Morrissey and George Michael talking about some bands and a Joy Division book...I have a thing for Morrissey, of course.  It made me laugh to see his funny expressions and hear his "envious jabs."

This morning we served.  There were bagels, which are popular.  Some were pink, maybe raspberry.  Then we washed dishes.  I talked to a guy who was visiting from near Ashland, asking him many questions, some about faith.  He talked about Jesus.  I don't know what kind of assumptions he was making about me, if any.

So now I'm listening to the Smiths.  I think Morrissey taught me how to sing.

Tuesday, May 19, 2015

beet greens

This morning, we picked beets then followed the sound of happy voices to the pluots, which are so delicious.  The happy pickers told us to go for the reddish ones.

Now Ming's waiting for R to be done with court so they can go to the goddess temple and pick up tent poles to recycle.

I need to cook up beet greens.  This is what I'm listening to this morning.

please accept

Yesterday at Food Not Bombs there was rain as well as thunder and lightning.  We went under a shade structure.  We brought our friend C who filled the air with words.  I enjoyed the weather yet was cold in short sleeves and flip flops.

I made ramen noodles with green onions, sesame vinaigrette, black pepper, and cayenne pepper.  They went!  People seemed to like them.  There was watermelon too, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, twinkies, ho-hos.  Bottled water.

I like those friends.  Tonight is community dinner and I'm making two kinds of pasta salad as well as some soup from Trader Joe's (tomato roasted red pepper).  And we have raspberry sorbet for dessert.

Well, I've been up since 5 but have not just had breakfast.  So I better make something.

I feel a lot of love for humanity today as well as the plants and animals and earth.  And stars and stuff.  Everything, I guess.  So please accept my blessings.

Monday, May 18, 2015


Yesterday afternoon Ming went to a vegan sushi making class (raw too--they use sprouted quinoa for the rice) and I went to the library.  I hung out for an hour then went to this taiko concert.  It was wonderful.  First the taiko kids performed.  Then the grown ups.

I was comfortable, but then people came in late and my row filled up.  I was smooshed next to a stranger and very annoyed.  I left at intermission.

I liked the drumming very much, and one song even had a dancer.  She had a red fan she would gesture with then flick open at a dramatic moment.

We are supposed to have a party at 1, but the guest of honor might be sick so it might be canceled.

I'm thinking of making a ramen noodle salad for Food Not Bombs today.  I would need to buy green onions.  I have some sesame dressing already and the case of noodles the houseguest left.

Sunday, May 17, 2015

yesterday at vegenation

the banner

Last night we were driving home from an event.  Driving driving, la la la.  All of a sudden, Ming says, "Oh my god.  How did that get there?"  I look to my right and see a blue banner hanging from a fence and instantly realize it's an NDE banner.  It's about nuclearism.

"Do you want me to get it and you'll circle around?" I asked.

"Yeah," Ming said.  We were at a light.  I hopped out of the Echo and approached the banner.  Someone stuck it on the chainlink fence with rusty wire.  On the right it looked like a barb from barbwire.  On the left it looked more janky.

So I got the banner off the fence.  It was dirty.  I stood around waiting for Ming to come get me, wondering his initial question: how did that get there?

We wondered if our houseguest might have done it.  We wondered if the banner got lost on the Peace Walk and someone found it.

"Someone went through a lot of trouble to hang it up," I said, thinking about how it was hung so neatly.

"It's definitely ours," Ming said.

Home, it's on the kitchen floor waiting to be washed.  But we gotta clean up.  We're having a small party tomorrow.

bread research

This morning we went to a French bakery.  They had an amazing amount of treats.  And some bread.  We are researching good bread in Las Vegas.  In Sacramento there was an Iraqi bakery that won our hearts.  So we are looking for something here.

I got something called a Napoleon?  It was three layers of flakey pastry stuff with some layers of yellowish creamy stuff and some frosting on top.  Wow, it's good.  It was a huge piece too, so I still have some.  Ming got a blueberry pastry that he gave me a bite of and it's delicious.

We got bread and a rose-flavored cookie.  The bread is so so.  Not my favorite.  I haven't tried the rose cookie yet.

Then we shopped for this dinner, this community dinner.  We're cooking--I'll make pesto pasta salad, garlic lover's pasta salad, and some tomato red pepper soup from Trader Joe's.  And some raspberry sorbet from Trader Joe's.

That's the plan, anyway.  I wanted some bread to go with the soup.  That's why we were researching local bread.  But we have to keep looking, I guess.

the bee

This morning a bee got stuck in my hair.  We were walking very early at the park, so early the clouds were still pink.  I heard a buzzing very close to my ear and knew something was wrong.  The bee was freaking out.  But it didn't sting me.

I ended up taking off my shirt, not sure if it was stuck in my shirt.  Ming was there and tried to help.  Luckily no one else was around.

Finally the bee was liberated, and we were relieved.  It was a little too much excitement for that early in the morning.

Saturday, May 16, 2015

invitation to read Mixed Up

I read more than half of this zine about being queer and mixed race.  Some of the writing's really good.



This morning I was serving bread and an English muffin had a soggy part, so I put it in my pocket.  The trash can was too far away.  But I threw it away later.  But now I have crumbs in my pocket.

I talked to my homeless friend A.  She and I have a good heart connection.  But I worry about her, of course.

Today Ming is working on the earthship.  And we have something tonight.  I need to make some phonecalls.

My hair is getting really long and turning straight.  I don't want it to be straight, but it's not like I'm one to intervene.

Friday, May 15, 2015

Watch the Film You Paid to See


Ming is out at game night with the Workers.  I didn't feel like something loud.  I imagined going upstairs to the prayer room while they played cards.  But I thought that might be too weird.

So here I am home alone drinking cold brew tea and relaxing.  I'm still recovering from the houseguest's company.  A wok he bought is on the desk as well as a fan made of feathers.  Not sure what to do with these things.

I made some refrigerator oatmeal.  That's kind of like cold brew tea but with oatmeal.  I like putting powdered peanut butter in mine.  It mixes way better than regular peanut butter.

I think that's pretty weird too.  Most people don't spend their Friday nights in quite this way.  But I love my life and today's coolness.  The windchimes chime--I've learned to enjoy them.

Thursday, May 14, 2015

how tired I am

I'm really tired.  Sorry that's not in the least bit interesting.

Our houseguest left, so we've been cleaning up after him.  All the things he moved or left behind.  Distributing goods to the Worker.  Why the box of toothpicks on the table, we do not know.  Why the case of Japanese ramen noodles, we do not know, but we'll eat them.

How tired I am: I feel like lying down and turning into a mountain range.  I feel like my body is made of bowling bowls?  No, I feel like my head is floating.  Sort of.

Wednesday, May 13, 2015

this is sort of what the oriole looked like

good news

Today I received excellent news.  I am overjoyed.  Please take a moment to share some joy with me.

Tuesday, May 12, 2015


I look into my heart and try to see what it is that I most want to say to you.

Some friends are here working on the back house, I guess, and one of them is cursing wildly.  I am home trying to get some rest as I had a nurse appointment this morning and having a houseguest is stressing me.  I am trying to relax and enjoy life.  Sometimes it's difficult.

But I'm blessed with so much good.

Monday, May 11, 2015

house painting day

Right now I'm at the Catholic Worker house doing laundry while Ming and R go to a clinic for R's toe. I was helping J sort donations but needed a break. So here I am blogging to you. 

I need a lot of breaks. 

We couldn't do laundry at home because they're painting the back house today Kermit green (as opposed to Oscar green) so we wouldn't have been able to dry our laundry on the line. Or it would have been painted Kermit green. 

Sunday, May 10, 2015


We have a houseguest who is here for a few days, maybe a week.  He was on the Western Shoshone walk / run and needs to get back to Big Mountain in Arizona in a while.  But he has a problem with his toe--he does't know if he just dislocated it or broke it or what.  So maybe he needs to get someone to look at it.

He has bought us a lot of things, like quinoa cookies, a car blessing crystal, lunch at a taco truck, and an energy bar flavored with orange and cranberry.  He is generous and kind.

I've been having neck pain.  Last night it was keeping me awake.  I don't know what I did.

But our friend V is coming over and will be here soon.  I don't know what we'll do--just sit around and talk, maybe?  Eat quinoa cookies?  I have some lemons I need to use.  I've been intending to make lemon cookies for a while.

This morning we went to the Food Not Bombs serving.  Our houseguest made fruit punch.  So we brought that.  Ming helped hand some out in paper cups.  Mostly we just stood around in the shade or sun.  We were offered food and didn't eat any.

I need some downtime and will be social for an hour or so more then retreat.

Friday, May 08, 2015

eating seeds in a creosote bush

Today I did a shitton of stuff. The hightlight was seeing an oriole in the desert. 

Thursday, May 07, 2015


I need some foamcore to make a sign.  It will say "no torture no drones" on one side, but I haven't decided about the other.

We're planning some trips, and I'm feeling excited.  Last night I dreamt of my lawyer.  My worry about SSI is seeping into my dreams.

Wednesday, May 06, 2015

serving with friends last night

free therapy

The echo is fixed!  It was the blower motor.  Now the ac works again.

I started reading this book about runes.  I'm interested in runes.  But I don't think I'm willing to engage them.  But it's fascinating reading about what these Heathens do.  It's fascinating to learn a little about Norse mythology.

I love libraries and readers and writers.  I love handwriting.  I love librarians.  I love patrons, who are now called customers.  I love art and galleries.  I love abandoned galleries where I can view the art quietly and comment to Ming whatever stupid thing that comes to my head.

I also started reading this book about the desert by Edward Abbey.  I'm not going to read the whole thing.  Who is Edward Abbey anyway?

And I started reading this book about therapy.  It's talked about all different kinds of therapy, and I'm trying to figure out what kinds have been done to me.  I think most recently it was a combination.  I wasn't paying, so I didn't ask.

Tuesday, May 05, 2015

some Kronos Quartet tunes

This sounds like the soundtrack to a movie I don't want to watch.

food at the mela

At the mela we had delicious foods.  My favorite was something I'd never had before called rabri mal poora.  In the picture on the event menu, it looks like pancakes.  But they were not flat--they were more three dimensional.  More like dumplings.  And they were in an amazing sweet sauce.

Ming and I shared an order then he went back for more.

Also we liked the aloo tikki with chana.  We had never had that before either.  The aloo tikki is potato cutlets.  And the chana's just garbanzo beans.

Ming liked this thing I found strange: khaman dhokla.  It's cake-like yellow cubes made of fermented batter.  I didn't really like it.

Besides that we got some palak paneer that had a tomato-ness to it, unlike any palak paneer I'd had before.  It was delicious.  It came from India Palace, a restaurant we haven't been to yet.

The rabri mal poora came from Origin India, as did the aloo tikki.  I want to go to Origin India soon.

Monday, May 04, 2015


Last night I went to a Vipassana meditation group meetup at a library.  The guy who runs it talked a lot.  But I had a great time meditating for half an hour.  So maybe I'll go back.

I'm searching.  Nothing feels quite right.

Then we went to this utterly fantastic art show that's at the same library.  The art is amazing.  It's about death and GPS and the night sky and human bodies.  I liked it amazingly much.  Ming liked it too.  It ends May 9th.

Then we went into the library and looked at movies.

Then we went to this Indian-Pakistani place called Shalimar for dinner.  The food was good, but the atmosphere was lacking.

Today our car is in the shop because the blower stopped working.  I talked to my dad on the phone.  He said it might be the blower motor, and it was.  So we will be $167 lighter when the mechanic is done.

I made asparagus fried rice for lunch.  It was delicious, but I should have put a dash of cayenne pepper.

Sunday, May 03, 2015

cow's tongue and purple pancake

chocolate factory, cactus garden, roadrunner

This afternoon our friend C who is staying here asked for a ride to Henderson.  So we took him out to Henderson, and then Ming was like, "Is there anywhere else you want to go?"  For years I'd wanted to go to the chocolate factory.

So we went to the chocolate factory.  They have a cactus garden too.  They were great.  We got a chocolate sample and bought some sunflower seeds--the kind you plant.  We looked at lots of desert plants.  It was kind of hot, but some of the cactuses are in bloom.

Oh, and we saw a roadrunner!  We watched lizards and strolled.  We liked the pencil cholla, the purple pancake cactus, and the saguaro skeletons.  I thought the big bushy Mormon tea looked untidy, but Ming liked it.

party like it's 1999

Later I found two forgotten tickets in my pocket.  So we went back to St James and bought some cookies.  I got peanutbutter while Ming got oatmeal raisin.

Then we went to a party--it was at the house of a friendly couple Ming and I know through NDE.  We met some characters there, including an old French woman who spoke quietly in the loud room, a weaver who makes art dolls and gave us her business card, a woman who said she wasn't smart but had good ideas.*  We stayed a couple hours and ate a lot of sugar.  We left when some obnoxious drunk people got too loud.

*She said to fill a water bottle halfway and freeze it, then add water to that and your water will be cold for hours.  And she said to always bring water with you wherever you go and keep a case in your car for emergencies, never to get caught without water.

I've noticed hollyhocks around town.  Maybe they like the heat.  I'm afraid we're missing tomato time.

"When are you supposed to plant them?" I asked Ming.

"R's already got two tomatoes in the backyard," Ming said.

Saturday, May 02, 2015

gender trouble

This morning we served then bought juice.  I needed decaf Constant Comment, but the store we went to (our best bet) didn't have any!  Arg!

So we came home and ate breakfast and I ordered some online from this herb company in Korea.

But I bought this cherry flavored tea and am drinking some right now.  It tastes like Kool-Aide without the sugar, which is great.

After breakfast, we went to St James for this fest they were having.  I wanted to see the books at the book sale.  We ended up buying Ming a pair of shorts as well.  And we ate rice & beans, drank strawberry horchata, and ate some potatoes and corn.

Sorry this is turning into a list.

1.  serving
2.  store
     a.  juice
     b.  tea frustration
3.  internet shopping
     a.  tea satisfaction
4.  St James
     a.  books
     b.  shorts
     c.  foods
          i.  rice & beans
          ii.  horchata
          iii.  potatoes
          iv.  corn

Then I read upcoming events listings on the library website and found a soap making workshop in June that Ming and I want to attend.  She was fine with me signing up, but when Ming wanted to sign up, she acted like we were weird.  Is there something wrong with a man making soap?  Is that it?

Friday, May 01, 2015


We went to the May Day march.  I carried a sign about trans lives mattering.  We saw some friends and heard good speeches, not too long and not too many.  We chanted and marched--I only lasted a short distance, in the heat and flip flops.  But I'm glad we went.  It was all very heartening.

A journalist for the Las Vegas Review Journal briefly interviewed me.  I'm afraid I had nothing insightful to say and don't trust journalists anyway.  She took my picture too.

We estimate there were 175 people.  One of the speeches was entirely in Spanish.

Que queremos?
Cuando la queremos?


May Day

This morning we served the hungry.  Nothing weird happened.  I'm always afraid a pigeon's going to bean me.

Today's excitement is that a friend's coming over for lunch.  I'm making broccoli soup.  I want to make baba ganoush too.  But I think I lost my lemon.  And those two dishes don't really go together, do they.

Today's other excitement is the May Day parade at 4:30.  But it's going to be hot.