dangerous compassions

I call you / from the comet's cradle

Thursday, July 31, 2008

everyone I know is acting weird or way too cool

Last night I dreamed I was in hell. This is not an uncommon occurrence. Hell had a lot of bureaucracy. My old teacher S was there. He had a beard and looked older. I woke up thinking about him and wanting to make peace. He was such an important part of my life. Then he joined a cult-like group and moved away to the east coast with his new girlfriend, and I haven't heard from him in years. Maybe I should write him a letter--I think I still have his address. Or maybe I should let sleeping dogs lie. He probably wouldn't like to hear from me. When I think of him, I think about failure. Something about our relationship missed the mark. I remember nights driving home from poetry readings, how safe I felt in his car. I remember when he loaned me his jacket. I remember sharing a piece of cake at a cafe in San Luis. Nowadays, he would get in so much trouble for having me over at his house just the two of us, when I was 16 and 17. Really, what were we thinking? Nothing ever happened between us, but maybe he wanted it to. I don't really know what was going through his mind. We were so important to one another for so long, and now nothing.

Yesterday Erik and I went to Montana de Oro. We walked on a trail to a nameless beach. I think we called it Slant Slab Crab Castle. I wrote a letter to E while Erik looked at tidepools. I sat in the sand and tried not to be bothered by the people. I looked at rocks and studied the sand, which was tiny bits of shell and rock.

Then we drove to a place called Sandspit. The beach is down a trail, and fewer people were there. It was a huge beach and reminded us of Guadalupe beach. Some kids played in the water, and I wondered if it was safe. I guess there were no signs saying it wasn't. I wrote a letter to my friend L in LA.

Then we went to Avila to the pier so Erik could look at seals. He loves seals. He took some pictures I might post tomorrow. Tomorrow we work a one day job. I should go to bed.

Today we drove home. It was exhausting. The drive home is always harder than the drive there.

Home, our good friend A in Portland chatted with me, telling me that he and his wife are splitting up for real after nine months of trying to mend things after his wife had an affair with a neighbor. They went through three marriage counselors, but it's over now, and he's glad, so I'm glad.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008


This morning we drove to Guadalupe. It was good to see the fields and the old cemetery.

We went to Gaudalupe beach. It was cloudy and windy out, cold but not too cold. There was almost nobody there. We walked for a while then sat on the sand. We saw pelicans. We saw seagulls. But most of all, we saw dolphins. We saw them leap into the air.

Then we got hungry and came back to my parents' house for lunch. We were running out of food. We were down to our last two tortillas and a few pieces of cheese, so I made quesedillas, and I found a can of split pea soup in the cupboard.

I realized we hadn't fed the fish that live in the first bedroom. I realized that this was part of our housesitting duty. I looked for the fish food but couldn't find any. I called my dad, and he said, "I couldn'd find it either. Ask your mom." So I spoke with my mom, and she said she didn't know where it was. She said she hid it from the girls. "Look for it," she said. "Look in the cabinet above the towels. Look in my bedroom. I would have put it somewhere high." So we looked, but we couldn't find it. We realized that the fish hadn't been fed in a long time. Erik was worried the fish would die any minute. I looked at the fish, and they seemed fine. I expected they would have eaten eachother's tails, but both had intact tails.

So we decided to go to the store to buy some fish food. We needed people food also, so we went to a market called Spencer's. Luckily, they had fish food in addition to people food.

There's a box of oranges in the kitchen, and last time we were here, my mom said I should take them and juice them because they have seeds in them so my dad won't eat them. I didn't take them. But coming here this time, I brought a wooden juicing tool. Erik called it a pestle, but it's not a pestle: it has ridges. So this afternoon I made orange juice, and it was very good. I found that the seeds float, so it was easy to pick them out.

For dinner we went out to Charlie Burger in Old Orcutt with my friend S and his girlfriend T. We like the falafel there. S told us about his recent trip to Croatia, Bosnia, and Montenegro. He told us how his business is going. A TV was playing, distracting us. They told us about the shows they like: Dr Who and Battlestar Galactica. I have never seen these shows. S said maybe he would burn me a DVD. I guess we're friends with T now because she didn't seem to mind me hugging her.

Over all, this day was great beccause of the dolphins. I give it an A-.

Monday, July 28, 2008

a day in Santa Barbara

Today I spent with my best friend E. We went swimming at Santa Claus Lane beach--it was my first time there. She likes it because there's clean sand, few bugs, enough people. (Near E's home there's a beach that's always deserted--this makes her feel unsafe.) It was my first swim in quite a long time. I got sunburned on my back. I should have kept my shirt on--oh well. Swimming was great. I got smacked around a bit. I liked to be in the water. I wasn't cold at all. But E got so cold her toes were numb, and we didn't swim for long. I was prepared to swim for hours, but it didn't work out that way--probably for the best.

Then we went to the Santa Barbara Mission because I wanted to look at prayer cards at their gift shop. It took us a while to find them--the gift shop occupies three rooms, and I missed one of the rooms at first. There were tons of beautiful prayer cards, but none were quite what I had in mind. I wanted a Virgin of Guadalupe one, laminated. But I liked looking at them, and looking at the medals and pocket statues.

Then we went to the small college I attended as an undergrad, the College of Creative Studies, which is within UCSB. We ran into a lit teacher E used to be close to--I never took any classes from her, but she knew my name. It felt good to be recognized. We toured the building, and the Old Little Theater. We looked at some art. In the gallery was a show being torn down before our eyes. We looked at the paintings even as the art teacher (who I knew by name, but I never took any classes from him) removed them.

It was really emotional for me, being there again. E and I visit CCS every few years. It's a place I dream about over and over again, frustrated dreams of trying to see my old teachers. It was strange to visit there in waking life, strange but good.

Then E and I went to the Isla Vista Co-op so I could buy hippie toothpaste. (Erik and I like toothpaste without flouride. I forgot ours at home.) I don't think I had ever been there before. I really like co-ops: they make me happy. This one seemed small. I noticed that the checker's way of speaking was just like mine, similar lilt. I must have a Santa Barbara accent.

Then we were going to return to E's place to clean up post-swim, but E's parents have a rule of no guests over during their dinner time. What a pain in the ass. So instead of going home to clean up, we went straight to dinner. We went to Spice Avenue, Indian food on State St. Dinner was super expensive because nothing's included--have to buy rice and naan separately.

By the time we got back to E's place, it was 7. We were exhausted. We talked quietly for an hour, and then it was 8, the time Erik and I had set for him to pick me up. I spent 10 hours with E, and it felt like less. It felt like about three or four. Again, I find myself asking where the time goes.

Sunday, July 27, 2008

where does the time go?

We successfully traveled to my hometown--I'm using my parents' computer, which runs Internet Explorer as opposed to Firefox, so my spelling isn't being checked--please pardon the egregiousness.

We stopped in Santa Cruz like usual to eat lunch at Sri. My mushroom soya and eggplant moju were first rate. Erik got the same. I treated myself to a mango lassi to go, and it was surprisingly not sweet. I think I've gotten a mango lassi there before that was sweet, so it must vary based on who prepares.

Here, we watched part of a South Park once Erik found the comedy channel. We took a walk in the eucalyptus fields. It smelled like my youth. At night, I took a bath--there are air jets, so it's fun. Then Erik took a bath too. Now it's past our bedtime, and where did the time go?


Here's Erik with fungus. Picture by Erik's hiking buddy Tom.

Saturday, July 26, 2008


Today I ended up going to Vedanta three times: worship in the morning, choir practice in the afternoon, and vespers in the evening. Vespers I had not been to in maybe a year, and I forgot how powerful it is. The final song we sing "Sarva Managala" is mind-blowing. The choir sounded like a band of super-powerful angels. We sounded about four times our size.

Tomorrow we're going on a trip to do some house-sitting. Monday I get to spend the entire day with my best friend E. She and I plan to eat a picnic lunch, go to the beach, rest in her room, go out to dinner. Usually I see her for only a couple hours at a time, so this is a real treat for me.

Today I got very sad, feeling lonely, isolated, minsunderstood. I listened to the Mountain Goats and cried. "Am I feeling sorry for myself?" I wondered as I lay there. Then I decided I didn't care. Erik was hiking, which doesn't help. So seeing my best friend E will hopefully recharge my batteries.

It was also good to see my friend P today--she had been on a trip to Oregon and Idaho. So she's back. She hugged me for a long time and kissed me and we just held one another and I asked her about her trip. She's like a relative to me. I need to make a point to see her more. She gets so busy, but she tells me, we just have to schedule me into her schedule book. She's like Swami's secretary and does so much for him. She's devoted her life to Vedanta. She likes it that way. I've devoted my life to Erik and zines and friends, to raising myself. Is it worth it? Yes, it is.

you just can't do things your body wasn't meant to

Today is the big summer retreat at my place of worship. The swami from the St Louis center comes to give talks. There's a day-long program. I went in the morning to sing for worship.

Worship is done entirely in Sanskrit except for one prayer at the end which is translated into English.

Twameva Mata, Chapita Twameva
Twameva Bhandus, Chasaka Twameva
Twameva Vidyea, Dravenam Twameva
Twameva Sarvum, Mama Deva Deva

Thou art to me, oh Lord, the affectionate mother,
constantly looking to my well being.
Thou art to me, oh Lord, the compassionate father,
whose care and counsel always guide and sustain me.
Thou art the faithful friend,
ever standing by me in trials and temptations.
And the loving companion to share my joys and sufferings.
Thou art my wisdom, my wealth—
nay, thou art my all in all, oh Lord supreme.

However, once a month J does worship, and she does it entirely in English. So when I show up Sunday mornings, I usually don't know who's going to be doing worship. I like the Sanskrit better, but it's good to hear the English every once in a while.

Anyway, worship is performed every day, but there's only singing on Sunday mornings, except for special occasions like today's retreat.

After Sunday worship, there's flower offering. Devotees go up in pairs and bow down and offer flowers. It's simple and beautiful--I go through phases where I do it and don't do it. Lately I do it. I offer two flowers--one for me and one for Erik. I might offer three flowers--one for some other friend who I feel close to. Like I sometimes offer a flower for my best friend E, or my good friend A. In the winter, in addition to flowers, there are berries offered also--a particular bush on the grounds makes a tiny orange-red berry--so in the winter I offer a little spray of those, which is for all my peeps.

Then is coffee time--I don't drink coffee. I'm the only one who drinks water. There are cookies, and there's prasad See's candy. I usually get the maple one, or a caramel. Or if there's only chocolate, I bring it home for Erik.

Coffee time I sit with B, who used to be my enemy and is now my friend, thought he's still not allowed to touch me. Every once in a while he'll break the rule and pat me on the hand. B is a monk, but he never wears special monk clothes, so he looks like a regular person.

B used to call me Laura. Now he calls me Laura-ji, which I think means "honorable Laura." Sometimes I call return the compliment, calling him B-ji.

I have to go back at 2 for choir practice and then we might sing a song around 3:45, depending on how long a special singer sings. I can't remember her name--she comes from the bay area. Something Indian.

Friday, July 25, 2008

everyone loves you--why should they not?

Something wonderful happened the other day: I went on the extended release version of one of my medications. Before, I had to take it twice a day and almost always forgot my second dose. So now I should be healthier.

Today we finished working our two day job outside the home. The morning was tough. I missed a few papers and was nearly in tears--this was after a confrontation that made me very uncomfortable, some jackass spouting jackassery at the people in charge about how they don't know what they're doing. He was incorrect anyway. I think everyone was uncomfortable, but it gave me a trapped feeling, like I needed to go, but it was work, so I wasn't allowed to go.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

alive and present

I found myself with some overripe bananas and felt tired of banana bread, so last night I looked up recipes for banana cookies and decided to try the first one google gave me. Guess what--my cookies taste just like banana bread. What the heck? I got smart and added some carob chips to the last few.

Today we worked outside the home. I have nothing much to say about it: catered lunch was fine. Socially I survived. L said hi to me (he calls me Laura--I let him) and shook Erik's hand. Mostly I avoided everyone successfully. Tomorrow we should be getting out early.

My friend A was in town today, with her husband and two little girls. She had to go to Davis for a pre-op for some surgery she's having next week. So we went out to Indian food for dinner. I had mali kofta. There were funny moments, like when the younger daughter was pretending a paneer pakora was a little dog and making it bark. Anyway, it was good to see A and interact with her in the regular world, to hug hello and goodbye, to see her beautiful hair and beautiful glasses. It's an honor to sit at a table with her and her family. I liked watching the little one tickle her dad, saying "tickle tickle tickle," and see her dad make a cute little motion, pretending that her tickles were effective. And I like the older daughter's quiet way of talking and when she says "aparently." Children are so alive and present. I want to be that way too.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

deck it out in fairy lights

Today I had a good meeting with my therapist. I no longer feel like we're speaking in code. I guess I trust her more, or we've learned how to speak to one another. Or maybe this is just a temporary thing--hope not.

Erik and I are watching The Weeping Camel. We tried watching it about a year ago, and circumstances were against us. Today we got through about half before the bedroom became uninhabitable. (The air conditioner is in the livingroom.)

The speakers on my laptop are craptastic!

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

good, happy, right

Tonight I had dinner with my friend H. We went to the tapas place we went to before. We shared some bread served with a dipping sauce of olive oil, balsamic vinegar, and garlic. We shared some eggplant, some anchovies, some cheese, a few olives. We split a piece of bread pudding cheesecake. She had lots of news for me about two trips and a new boyfriend. Maybe we'll go on a double date next time he's in town. It makes me feel good that she wants me to meet him.

My old friend J made me a new mix CD and gave it to me weekend before last when we visited in Santa Maria. It feels good to have new music in my life. Right now I'm loving a band called the 1900's and wish everyone could hear "When I Say Go." It makes me feel happy.

I also wish everyone could hear "My Year In Lists" by Los Campesinos! so here it is. Erik finds it too screamy, but I find it just right.

Monday, July 21, 2008

here's another landscape I like a lot

, originally uploaded by ELund.

shooting stars

Shooting Stars, originally uploaded by ELund.

yellow flowers

, originally uploaded by ELund.


PICT0035, originally uploaded by ELund.

rockbound pass

Rockbound Pass, originally uploaded by ELund.

Erik hiked yesterday--here's my favorite landscape shot from it. Hopefully some flowers are forthcoming.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

monsters get slain

Listening to Ghost Mice today, I have a new favorite sentence: "It's great to have this chance to fail."

Saturday, July 19, 2008


, originally uploaded by ELund.

link mania

Today we went to town--I don't know the difference between downtown and midtown, though it's been explained to me. I wanted to go to Naked Lounge, but we couldn't remember how to get there. Lost, we happened upon True Love Cafe, but it looks like it's closed--it looks like a Middle Eastern / Greek restaurant now.

So I suggested we go to Rick's Dessert Diner, which I had never been to before, but Erik wasn't in the mood for dessert (he'd eaten muffins earlier at the art gallery thing he went to with T). We found a tea place called Hina's Tea and went there. Erik got matcha, and I got a citrus-y tulsi iced. Erik was unimpressed with his matcha. It was served without froth. I liked my iced tea quite a lot and shared.

Then we went to Beer's Books, and I bought some beautiful postcards from China. I also bought some silly postcards of Sideshow Bob.

Today was an interesting mail day. My friend P sent a packet of many zines which I haven't even begun to read yet. And Pearson sent us Pearson insulated lunch bags as a token of their love. I got another packet of zines, this one in trade with a zinester I met through goodreads. Two of the zines are stuffed with poetry, and one of the zines is about being a test subject for medication trials. The latter I read years ago somehow. So I'll write to her and tell her how much the latter inspired me and showed me what it's possible to go with zines in the same way Clark 8 did.


I got a letter from my friend K--among other things, she told me she'd had her identity stolen. So the next day, I saw an ad on freecycle giving away a paper shredder. I had been thinking we should have one for a long time. I responded, and I was evidently number one, so yesterday we picked it up in a part of Sacramento we had never really been to. Freecycling leads us to interesting places.

Kitty is afraid of the paper shredder. The noise bothers him, but mostly the weird shaking motion of the paper as it's feeding down into the shredding mechanism. It freaks him out. He gets wide eyed and stumbles away with backward glances.

This morning I made box risotto for breakfast, a salty choice. Erik is out at an art thing at the Crocker with his friend T. There was something else I was going to say, but I've forgotten. Oh yeah--last night I dreamt that I got tricked and locked in a room by my old friend B from grad school. I woke up yelling. She and I have recently become reacquainted through facebook, and I couldn't be more pleased. So I don't know where this dream came from. What would my therapist say? If everything in the dream is me, then my inner B is not on my side. I do have an inner B, and sometimes I try writing poems in her voice, or I see myself making B-like moves in a poem and like them very much.

Friday, July 18, 2008

bhava sagara

Tonight was Guru Purnima. The puja was beautiful. Swami garlanded the Shankara statue and offered some delicious-smelling incense. The choir sang a song, "Bhava sagara," a guru song. Then local celebrity Dr Gandhi played harmonium and sang some more songs while everyone offered flowers. I almost touched Swami's feet but didn't have the bravery--it would have been my first time. It was hot out but not too hot--everything felt right. I spoke to my friend S. She said I was twinkling. As I drove home, I felt happy. I brought prasad home and gave the samosa to Erik. Now Erik's doing tai chi, Kitty wants attention, and it's bed time.

Thursday, July 17, 2008


Today we watched a documentary called Okie Noodling. It's about catching catfish with one's bare hands. I learned about the south and about gender.

Tonight I finished the review I was working on of The Constant Rider Omnibus by Kate Lopresti for Zine World.

This morning we walked at McKinley park and sat writing and reading at a picnic table until the noise from nearby construction bothered me enough that it was time to go.

This afternoon I worked my usual bookstore shift. I was so nervous beforehand that my stomach was upset. I'm thinking more about quitting and how to go about it. I feel so ridiculous because it seems like a very unstressful job, volunteering at the bookstore, but it's become such a painful burr, and the people at my place of worship would not understand. My anxiety is hard to explain.

Tomorrow we're not allowed to use the plumbing from 8 to 10:30 in the morning. We should probably go out.

new hiking photos

Last night Erik came home from his long hike dirty and happy.

alpine lily

Alpine Lily, originally uploaded by ELund.


, originally uploaded by ELund.


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Columbine, originally uploaded by ELund.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

like cream of wheat invented

Yesterday my friend A was in town because her three-year-old had a doctor's appointment in Davis. We went out to lunch at the co-op, but we were running out of time, and A wasn't able to eat her black bean enchilada. She subsisted on a beet arugula salad. I had a Greek pasta salad with delicious olives and a garlic lover's pasta with peas. The three-year-old ate a black bottom muffin.

Driving in A's car, the air conditioner isn't working, so we had the windows rolled down, and it was hard to talk on the freeway with the sound of wind in our ears and freeway sounds of trucks. Sometimes we leaned our heads together a bit and talked about friends, plans, my weekend, our husbands.

In Davis, I went in with A and the three-year-old to the doctor's appointment. The three-year-old was apprehensive, and I felt out of place, like I was making things worse, though I'm not really a stranger at this point. Also, doctors make me nervous. When it was time for the three-year-old to get a tetanus shot, I went to the waiting room and read a stupid magazine. "Ten Ways To Celebrate Summer!" was an article I remember. The ways included buying yourself new sunglasses and PJs.

Today Erik is hiking with his friend T. They're up in the Sierras now--they left at 7. I plan to write some letters. Also, I see my therapist today and have no problems of the week to talk about. Maybe I can bring up self-esteem. I'm afraid she'll say I'm fine and the counseling is over when I'm really not fine. But I can give that impression sometimes.

Monday, July 14, 2008

worth it

Seeing my parents, seeing my old friend J and meeting his daughter, having J meet Erik--the weekend was very worth it. Some highlights of the trip were baking a carrot cake with my mom, leaning against a large rock watching J's daughter play at Waller Park, watching kids ride ponies in a circle, when J's daughter held my hand, dinner with my parents at Natural Cafe, intelligent conversation, warm hugs, and hot milk with almond syrup.

Today on our way home we stopped in Santa Cruz for lunch at a Sri Lankan restaurant--our usual place was closed, so we went to Malabar, the restaurant formerly known as Asian Rose. The food was rich with strong flavors. Then we walked around downtown. I bought Buddhist postcards and art postcards. Again, I wish I could scan them for you. We looked at Buddha statues--Erik noted their mudras--and I eyed a tiny Hanuman statue. I looked for Christmas presents but found none. There were some super cute Frog and Toad notecards at a stationary store.

Home again, the air seems a lot better. The sky is mostly blue again. It's not too hot. The air conditioner is good enough for this weather. I'm exhausted and wish it was bedtime.

I'm behind on my correspondence. I owe a few letters to a handful of good people. So if you sent me something recently, be assured that I'm thinking of you and will write soon.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

too hot to think of a title

This morning we went to the bookstore at Rudolf Steiner College. I think Steiner is the person who started Waldorf Schools. We looked at wooden blocks and wooden animal toys and fabric dolls. We looked at books. I looked at postcards, and I bought three. I really wish I had a scanner so I could show them to you. I wanted to also buy a wooden pen. Maybe next time.

I got the notion into my head that I might like to play recorder. There's a recorder group here in Sacramento.

This morning after Steiner College we went to the dollar store to see if they had more of this tasty organic tomato soup we got there last time. We ran into my friend B. He told me about a Russian bakery nearby with really delicious day old breads. So Erik and I went there. We found cantaloupes for seventy five cents each, which pleased Erik. And we bought a day old loaf of rye. Erik just made some toast and gave me a bite--it's very good. It's substantial.

We had some overripe bananas, so I made some banana bread (despite the heat). It has pecans in it.

I got a facebook request from someone very important to me, the teacher who made a world of difference in my life when I was in high school, my journalism teacher. He has been a force of good. So I was excited to be his facebook friend. He has 266 friends, and from his comments, it looks like most are former students.

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

tonight is just like any other night

This morning I went to P's apartment to help her with her computer. She was having trouble emailing the monthly Vedanta newsletter. After those problems were solved, she gave me a Jin Shin treatment. It was my second time. Then we sat talking in her living room until I was hungry for lunch and had to go. She's going on a trip to Idaho, a family reunion. She'll be back the 22nd.

I sent some important mail today--a letter to my friend J who is in the hospital, and a bill that needed to be paid. I thought J was probably in the hospital--then I got a letter from her confirming it. They're transferring her to a different hospital, one she's been to before but never as an adult.

Then I had therapy--it went so so. We talked about ways to help myself when I'm getting depressed: engaging the five senses, going to a used bookstore or the library.... She suggested volunteering at the library reading books to children, which is actually something I used to daydream about, but now it's the furthest thing from something I'd do.

It's very smoky here--it's smoke world. I hope there's a lot less smoke where Erik is hiking. And it's very hot--I hope it's not so hot in the mountains. I'd like to escape this valley. It's days like this that made me resolve to move to Portland. It's almost the middle of July, which means I survived June, which means something.

Tuesday, July 08, 2008


This morning, gardening with P, we worked on the Shiva mound. I pulled weeds. I hacked down new growth from old stumps and applied herbicide to the stubs, something I had never done before. I picked up Oregon grape branches P had pruned off and loaded them into a large cart and hauled them to the dumping ground.

Today I don't know if it hit 109, but the heat was bad. Tomorrow's supposed to hit 111, and Erik is hiking with T and P--not the P I garden with, but male P, the tall oral historian I proofread manuscripts for. They're going up near Wright's Lake in the Sierras.

The air here is pretty bad, more smoke, and the sky right now is a dull grayish pink. I like that it's dusk. I like less daylight. I know most people are the opposite, but I feel more myself at night.

Monday, July 07, 2008


, originally uploaded by ELund.

Here's a cemetery one I missed somehow.


20080701 Leap, originally uploaded by Tom Spaulding.

This is a picture of Erik on his latest hike with his friend T. The picture is by T.

the heat

Tomorrow's supposed to be 110. In the morning at seven I'm gardening with my friend P.

headstone row

, originally uploaded by ELund.

up finger

, originally uploaded by ELund.

down finger

, originally uploaded by ELund.


, originally uploaded by ELund.


, originally uploaded by ELund.


, originally uploaded by ELund.


, originally uploaded by ELund.

tiny headstone

This morning we went to the Old Sacramento City Cemetery. Erik took pictures.

Sunday, July 06, 2008


Today I read an essay "On Language and Freedom" by Noam Chomsky. He talks about Rousseau a lot. It's short--I was just getting warmed up.

Was it yesterday? I got in the mail a book I have been waiting for for so long: my friend Katie H's book Obsolete. I'm reading it, and her poems, they make me feel like I can live. I want to give it to everyone for Christmas.

I got a call this afternoon from my bookstore boss saying that the ordeal is over: the customer came in, and his wife signed the slip, and it's over. I got scolded some more, and I still want to quit, but I can do that at my leisure.


I made a mistake at my volunteer job last week, and it's been haunting me ever since. I didn't get a signature on a credit card slip, and it's led to problems. Worst case scenario, we'll be defrauded, and I'll pay the $37. My mom has even offered to pay the $37, if all of this would just be over. Currently, the customer is set to come in Tuesday afternoon to sign the slip, but there's a complication, which is that the name on the card doesn't match the name on the sales slip...it's complicated, but the bottom line is that I'm unhappy and may be until this is resolved, and it hopefully will be on Tuesday afternoon.

Saturday, July 05, 2008


Last night we made pizza. I think it had been a year. My half had olives and onions--Erik's half had onions. It was quite tasty. We planned to watch a Sherlock Holmes movie but ran out of time. I got sleepy early, but the fireworks kept me up until I put in earplugs. I guess pizza was our way of celebrating the holiday that everyone else seemed to celebrate with stuff that explodes.

Friday, July 04, 2008


, originally uploaded by ELund.

red dragonfly

, originally uploaded by ELund.


lotus flower, originally uploaded by ELund.


, originally uploaded by ELund.


, originally uploaded by ELund.


PICT0064, originally uploaded by ELund.


PICT0080, originally uploaded by ELund.

water lily

PICT0111, originally uploaded by ELund.


PICT0150, originally uploaded by ELund.


PICT0130, originally uploaded by ELund.

happy Independence Day

Today I finally finished the documentary on women's suffrage I was watching. It was informative--I had no idea what they went through. The radical protesters were treated very badly in jail. Now I have some understanding of Susan B Anthony.

Today I had to go to Vedanta to try to straighten something out with a customer involving a charge slip. The customer didn't show up. But after waiting in the bookstore for half an hour, Erik and I went out into the garden so he could photograph some lotuses. I will post pictures soon.

Thursday, July 03, 2008


Last night I had a nightmare. I don't remember what it was about, but I remember the feelings. I woke up and asked Erik if the world is an okay place. He said yes.

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

new couch

Yesterday Erik found a couch beside the dumpster, and somehow we got it up the stairs and into the bedroom. So we have a couch now. It's white and has some dirty parts, but mostly it's clean, and it's very comfortable. Also, it's huge. I can't wait to read there.

So far today, I've been web surfing zine sites. Right now I'm listening to a zine radio show. My friend Prunella was interviewed, and I loved finally hearing her voice. Soon I'm going to Vedanta to practice harmonium.

Today Erik is hiking with T. I didn't even ask where they're going, but he's wearing swimming trunks and intends to swim. So I'm thinking they're up in the Sierras right now.

Oh, last night I was up until almost midnight working on zine reviews. I got them done but wasn't able to verify the addresses using the address database--there were problems, and I couldn't figure out how to use the database very well. But it's good to be done. I hadn't been up until midnight in a long time, and it was hard to get to sleep, but I did the thing I do when I can't sleep--I told myself, "You don't have to sleep. You can just lie here and rest," and finally that worked.