dangerous compassions

I call you / from the comet's cradle

Sunday, July 31, 2016

museum facts

acai bowl


Ming's taking a long walk to a drainage ditch.  He wanted me to put a link to a map here but I don't know how.

We ran to the store for bell peppers and pasilla chiles for Mom, for the breakfast she made us.  Good potatoes.

We wondered if WinCo and FoodMaxx were the same so I looked it up and they're not.  But they have a similar feel.

I got upset yesterday to learn that it costs $45 per adult to visit Lotusland, a botanic garden in Montecito.  I think it's criminal.  They're a nonprofit yet only rich people can afford to go there.  I don't know how they can live with themselves.  It makes me sick how I want to go so badly but can't.  Ming and I are both on disability.

There's a picture on their website of three rich thin white women with bleach blond hair among the cacti.  Two are wearing big sunglasses.  It was too perfect.

Then I had a dream about trying to break into a botanic garden.

Then I had an apocalyptic dream about an alien illness and waiting to die.

Saturday, July 30, 2016

eleven dollars for half a flat

Dad was watching a movie and I was painting butterflies with Mom and Ming so I had to listen to the movie.  "If I watch a movie about work, I think I should be getting paid," I told Mom.

We had lunch at a fancy Mexican seafood place.  My veggie burrito was okay.  I liked the mole sauce.

Then we stopped for strawberries.  I am pretend friends with the strawberry seller.  He gave me a sample but I dropped it so he gave me another.  And he told me to give samples to everyone in the car, so I did.

Friday, July 29, 2016


Ming: I didn't think I'd be doing this this morning. 
me: You mean sitting at a Krishna cult cafe playing Disney chess?

disney chess at bliss


Thursday, July 28, 2016

a memory of ice

R (in the freezer): Can I have this?
me: What?
R: Not the ice cream.  The ice.
me: We don't have any ice.
Ming: We don't have any ice.
R: It's right here.
me: What do you want it for?
R: I want to put it in my drink.
me: Okay, you can have it.
R: There's something wrong with your ice.  (Ice has black particles in it.)
me: Oh, well don't put it back.  Put it by the sink.

For some reason this memory makes me laugh.

up up

Yesterday we painted butterflies with my bestie.  Then we went out to dinner and coffee where a momentous decision about a new book idea coalesced.

Then we swam.  We had the pool to ourselves.  It was a dusk swim.  A huge moth came to us and drank from the pool again and again.

I wanted to see bats, but luckily there were no mosquitoes for bats to eat.  But a quick bird reminded me of a bat.

We soaked in the hot tub.

The drive home--oh, I hate driving and passenging on the freeway at night.  It looks unreal, like a video game.  It feels unsafe.  But we made it thanks to Ming's mad skillz.

Now the car is in the shop.  Spark plugs, spark plug coil, the worker said.  And they're going to try to figure out the gurgling of the gas tank, but it only happened after a mountainous up up drive.


Tuesday, July 26, 2016


We bought some lovely olive bread from the grocery store.  We worked hard on the NDE brochure.  We had a phone meeting then Ming had another.  He's doing thank you notes.

Today we went to the health food store Lassen's.  I had never been there in all the years of driving by.  It's totally different than I thought it'd be!  It's great.  I thought it would be stuffy and terrible with dusty old herbs.  Instead it's vibrant and likable.  We bought a few things.

I am so tired and done with this day.  Gnight.

But I'm wearing my blue Q-Bert socks.  Ming said they were Cute-Bert.

Monday, July 25, 2016


We have some mints in a little hinged tin. It's so cute. The mints are vanilla flavored and sugarfree. Ming never wants one when I offer when we're driving in the car. 

"You know what this reminds me of?" I asked him. "Those throat losenges."

"Altoids?" he asked. 

"I think Sucrets," I said. The tin closes so securely with a satisfying click. 

in Keene

how Star of Wonder is the ultimate Sufjan Stevens song

1.  Sufie flutter
2.  repetitive like crazy
3.  sleigh bells
4.  obscure lyrics
5.  horns
6.  long (seven min)
7.  multilayered solid sound
8.  piano at the end
9.  wistfilness \ poignancy 
10.  luminousness 
11.  vaguely Christian
12.  Christmasy

Sunday, July 24, 2016


I learned that a nice bookmark can be an incentive to reading.  I'm reading Ask a Mexican! and my bookmark is a pretty sugar skull sticker.  The book and the bookmark both make me happy.

at the park

Saturday, July 23, 2016

what does this mean?


Ming and H have been up on the roof for a long time working on the swamp cooler.  I thought it would be an easy fix.  Maybe they're having a wrestle.

I just knocked out a few emails.  Taking care of business.

We have a party this afternoon, a potluck.  We are famous for bringing juice that no one wants to drink.  Will this happen again?

Again I'm chugging cold water trying to get undehydrated.  Summer is repetitive.

Friday, July 22, 2016

new tent smell

Last night we camped. We have a new spacious tent. We saw our friend and I got bit by about 20 mosquitos. My right eyelid swelled up. 

I had so much pain in the night it was hard to sleep. So today as Ming drove us home, I fell asleep over and over again, slipping into dream after dream.

At home it's supposed to hit 115 tomorrow. Our swamp cooler is working poorly because the pads got all hard in our absence. 

I'm drinking cold water and trying to get undehydrated. Gnight. 

Wednesday, July 20, 2016


I'm sitting in the Home Depot parking lot,
reading only bad news. 
My friend is in solitary. 
I've got the my friend was framed blues. 
We're supposed to fax a letter
saying his character is good,
how long we have known him. 
I would if i could,
but I don't have access to a printer. 
Maybe I will write it out by hand. 
He was arrested for demonstrating,
which I understand. 


Tuesday, July 19, 2016

for Ming's

Monday, July 18, 2016


Sunday, July 17, 2016


Saturday, July 16, 2016


Today we had adventure beyond compare.  First we went to a cafe in Pismo Beach where I had a terrible breakfast burrito.  It was cold and didn't sit well with me.

Then we went to the Arroyo Grande farmers market where we bought green pluots and sat listening to the dude sing for a long time.  Ming gave him a dollar.

Then we went to Morro Bay because I wanted to return to an anarchist thrift store we went to last time.  I thought they wouldn't still be there, but they were!  I bought two notecards with dragons on them.  Then we went to a used bookstore wedding chapel where I bought postcards and more notecards.

Then we went to the hippie grocery store.  I bought some sundried tomato pesto and a box of mac & cheese for dinner.  Ming got yogurt.

Then we got frozen yogurt.  Mine was chocolate sugarfree and tasted wonderful.  Ming's was blueberry with lychee popping boba, his joy.

Then we walked the Morro Bay farmers market and I bought a barrette with beads for my hair.  It's pretty.

Then we drove back home to our undisclosed location.

This morning I finished writing the new stuff for the new NDE brochure and I'm glad to be done, sent it off to my bestie, the brochure-making artist.

Now my niece is here to bake apple crisp with my mom.  They wanted to know if I would eat some, but I'm off sugar, so the answer is no.

Friday, July 15, 2016


Wednesday, July 13, 2016


Monday, July 11, 2016


Today we took it easy.  I napped.  Ming went for a long walk.  I asked him if he had a new appreciation for the route, and he said no.  I said that when I walk a route, I feel a different intimacy with it.  Like walking to the test site.

We ran some errands.  We tried going to the natural history musuem, but they were closed.  Dad said he wanted us to bring him home some bones for the dog--fossils.  I said the stone bones would break the dog's teeth.

I wrote a letter to a friend.  The stuffs of life.

Oh, we went to sushi and spent a small fortune.  It was nice.  I got veggie tempura, avoacdo roll, cucumber roll, and inari.  I thought the avoacdo and cucumer rolls would be really small.  But they were big.  Shoulda took pics.


Yesterday we spent in Santa Barbara with my bestie. I'm drinking tea and trying to ignore the news, which is trying to tell me what to think. Commercials are too. It's sad. 

My nerve hurts and you really don't want to hear what I have to say this morning. 

I liked sitting by the beach yesterday watching the waves roll in and the people walk by. I liked hugs and delicious Indian food.

So that's good. I got some nice emails. I plan to make some potato salad.

Saturday, July 09, 2016

fear question

Will all this tv permanently alter my brain?  (Maybe when I was a kid I did the damage and now it's too late.)

Friday, July 08, 2016

postcard wall

Madonna Inn

Yesterday we went to the Madonna Inn, a fancy pink place with some history. Ming and I looked at the amazing special cake. He was unintimidated and walked around so bravely. We went to the shop and found the wall of postcards. The postcards depict the different strange rooms. 

Ming went to the bathroom where there was a waterfall urinal and giant clamshell sinks.  I went to the bathroom and there was no such finery. 

Also we went to Indian food where Ming got good spinach and I got malai kofta. Also the waiter suggested this potato bread that was good and different. It was aloo paratha. 

Today my cousin is coming over to work on his truck with Dad and my brother is coming over to go through some boxes. 

Thursday, July 07, 2016

happy arrival, bad bathroom dream bathroom, cake days

Yesterday evening we arrived safely at the undisclosed location. 

Today we went to the cafe at the local community college. I wanted a bagel but they didn't have any. So I got really hungry which threw me off. 

Hungry as we looked at everything in the community college's bookstore. I wanted to buy everything but only bought a 69 cent purple pen.

Then I ate snax in the car. Then we went to the public library where I shopped for stationery as I am wont to do. And wrote letters, nice ones. 

The bathroom was a little too exciting. Too many people and motion and abnormalities. Stuff and stuff piled in the disabled stall. People who seemed unhappy or rushed or mistreated. It was kind of like a bad bathroom dream.

Ming and I got into a serious discussion in the car about race and racism and violence and nonviolence. It was intense and I struggled to understand him. 

I remember early in our relationship I would have trouble understanding him and would just kind of nod my head and give him space to be confusing. These years I'm more inquisitive and I hope not demanding. 

Dreaming of special cake but my cake days are over. 


Wednesday, July 06, 2016

on the road

Today we are traveling nicely.  So far it's been all desert. 

I've been teasing Ming who thought it wasn't possible to see a mirage in a mirror. I said something about how vampires don't make a reflection. 

Finally I googled it to verify that he was incorrect. 

We stopped at a Panera for bagels. I have a rewards card and they gave me a free pastry. Ming is being less strict about sugar. So he took the chocolate bread. 

Tuesday, July 05, 2016

bright as yellow

We spent yesterday and last night at the goddess temple.  This morning we woke up early and went for a desert walk and sang in the temple.

Now we're home and there's lots to do.  I am mostly packed--I packed my clothes and books and other things.  Stationery.  Pens.

We took foods out of the pantry and put them in the fridge, foods that wouldn't endure high temps well.

I made tofu scramble and it's delicious.  Usually I use lemon juice as the wet thing that makes a kind of sauce with the nutritional yeast.  This time I used vegan mayo, which I had heard of doing from someone at a vegan meetup years ago.  It makes it really creamy and less bright.


Monday, July 04, 2016

longing for them

We are out at the goddess temple having a restful day of napping and reading and writing. Planning a to do list for tomorrow. Wednesday we leave town for an excellent adventure. There's lots to do tomorrow to prepare. 

We are supposed to have a bbq with our priestess friend, but the wind kicked up. 

I'm lying in bed under the swamp cooler feeling my nerve hurt. Today I wrote a letter to a penpal in Germany and a poem about musicboxes and greasy rectangles of school cafeteria pizza. 

Sunday, July 03, 2016

improve my beans

I checked our sweet little Echo's VIN to see if she has any recalls, and she doesn't.  Yay!

I registered for an online Spanish I class at the local community college then learned it will be $423 just for the class, not even counting textbooks, and I'm like, could I just teach myself Spanish online and with a workbook, spending $423 on something else?

But it's discipline--you're playing someone to tell you what to do.

We've cooked beans & rice for Food Not Bombs this morning.  The beans are terribly dull, and I haven't tried the rice, but it's always good.  The beans are great northern beans with salt, pepper, onions, garlic, and a can of tomatoes.  Any ideas?

Saturday, July 02, 2016

tomato wish

I asked Ming to look for carrots and tomatoes in the backyard.  He came back 40 minutes later with much produce including sunflower heads.  I can smell them.

We had a busy morning and restful afternoon.  Soon we'll go out to a-cafe.

I wish you were nearby and we could bring you some homegrown tomatoes.

Friday, July 01, 2016


I'm at this really hip cafe called Sunrise. It reminds me of Temple in Sacramento. I had some good times there. My hair probably smells like coffee now. 

Ming is at the big business postie sending out the mailing, the fundraising appeal I wrote a week ago. Almost 2000 people will receive it, a humbling feeling. I believe in the writing, but how many people will consider it junkmail and toss it without reading it?

It's a nice day, only 90 out right now. Yesterday there was flooding from a monsoon. Our friend King Ron saw nine cars that had tried to plow through a megapuddle and didn't make it. We marveled that the drivers wouldn't see the other thwarted cars and desist. 

fear list

wasting money on a failed appeal letter
FBI agents' community outreach

Not bad--only three real fears. 

happy July

Beautiful new month, mostly blank calendar, beautiful new month--what do you hold for me, hidden in your square days?  I feel excited to travel.  I will return to the land of my birth, go to the farmers market there, breathe the sea air and buy carrots.