my status update

is ready for something wonderful to happen.

"Directive" by Robert Frost

We went to the park so Erik could run and I could walk. I wore shorts and got four mosquito bites on my legs.

Then we went to Trader Joe's so I could get tortillas and a few quarters for laundry. The worker asked me, "Did you find everything you needed today?" I thought about it and said, "I think so." Then I wanted to ask her if she was finding everything she needed today, but I realized that would be a weird thing to say.

The banana bread turned out delicious, but it's kind of overkill. Chocolate chips or streudel. Not and.

The ful turned out very good, but I will never again buy fava beans with the shells still on. Erik read me one of our favorite poems while I shucked.

Directive
Robert Frost

Back out of all this now too much for us,
Back in a time made simple by the loss
Of detail, burned, dissolved, and broken off
Like graveyard marble sculpture in the weather,
There is a house that is no more a house
Upon a farm that is no more a farm
And in a town that is no more a town.
The road there, if you’ll let a guide direct you
Who only has at heart your getting lost,
May seem as if it should have been a quarry—
Great monolithic knees the former town
Long since gave up pretense of keeping covered.
And there’s a story in a book about it:
Besides the wear of iron wagon wheels
The ledges show lines ruled southeast-northwest,
The chisel work of an enormous Glacier
That braced his feet against the Arctic Pole.
You must not mind a certain coolness from him
Still said to haunt this side of Panther Mountain.
Nor need you mind the serial ordeal
Of being watched from forty cellar holes
As if by eye pairs out of forty firkins.
As for the woods’ excitement over you
That sends light rustle rushes to their leaves,
Charge that to upstart inexperience.
Where were they all not twenty years ago?
They think too much of having shaded out
A few old pecker-fretted apple trees.
Make yourself up a cheering song of how
Someone’s road home from work this once was,
Who may be just ahead of you on foot
Or creaking with a buggy load of grain.
The height of the adventure is the height
Of country where two village cultures faded
Into each other. Both of them are lost.
And if you’re lost enough to find yourself
By now, pull in your ladder road behind you
And put a sign up CLOSED to all but me.
Then make yourself at home. The only field
Now left’s no bigger than a harness gall.
First there’s the children’s house of make-believe,
Some shattered dishes underneath a pine,
The playthings in the playhouse of the children.
Weep for what little things could make them glad.
Then for the house that is no more a house,
But only a belilaced cellar hole,
Now slowly closing like a dent in dough.
This was no playhouse but a house in earnest.
Your destination and your destiny’s
A brook that was the water of the house,
Cold as a spring as yet so near its source,
Too lofty and original to rage.
(We know the valley streams that when aroused
Will leave their tatters hung on barb and thorn.)
I have kept hidden in the instep arch
Of an old cedar at the waterside
A broken drinking goblet like the Grail
Under a spell so the wrong ones can’t find it,
So can’t get saved, as Saint Mark says they mustn’t.
(I stole the goblet from the children’s playhouse.)
Here are your waters and your watering place.
Drink and be whole again beyond confusion.

streusel

Yesterday while researching at Ikeda's I realized it's possible to put streusel on banana bread. So I just made vegan banana bread--it's in the oven. Erik wanted chocolate chips, and last few times I haven't used chocolate chips, so I agreed. And I found a nice vegan streusel recipe and put that on top. It adds a lot of sugar, but we'll see if it's very good.

food safe

There's this blue plastic mesh that our elephant garlic comes in. I was frustrated with my cheesecloth because its holes are not uniform and sometimes little things want to slip through. So I covered the mouth of a jar (the one my whole dried peas are soaking in) with that blue mesh and secured it with a rubber band--perfect! But I don't know if it's food safe. Maybe since it was touching the elephant garlic, is has to be?

cost note

I got the dried fava beans for $3.55 a pound. Soaking them to make for dinner tomorrow.

trip out

I visited myspace today. A friend occasionally posts to his blog there, and so I read his post, and he's moving, so I messaged him for his new address. I always send him zines. Anyway, I looked at my profile there and started cracking up at some of the things I said like, "If you're not really smart, I'm not really interested."

Guess what? I made chia pudding tonight. It's okay. I told Erik, "I'm not really convinced this is pudding, but do you want to try it?" He liked it. You just take a cup of soymilk or whatever and mix it with a fourth cup of chia seeds and add a pinch of salt and a generous dollop of agave nectar. Mix. Let it sit for 15 minutes on the counter or overnight in the fridge or whatever. Yeah.

Guess what else? We went to Auburn today. We had massive amounts of fun. We ate and shopped at Ikeda's. I got some exciting stuff, like dried fava beans so I can make ful and dried whole peas which I'm soaking already so I can try sprouting them.

Then we walked on some hiking trails near rivers and through woods and sat reading and writing and all that kind of thing. I saw the most beautiful and awesome manzanita trees. I will remember their excellence forever. I also saw the confluence of two rivers, which delighted me.

But Erik couldn't tell me the names of the rivers. There was a signpost there like there used to be a sign saying the names of the rivers, but someone took the sign.

another sentence

I'm thinking of what I could tell you--we got sick with another cold, we went to Whole Foods and I got a vegan crumb donut, dinner tofu scramble wasn't as good as usual and I don't know why, I slept like a log last night, I think I've quit choir indefinitely because I'm not going to practice today or the puja tomorrow, February is almost over, we've been having intense conversations for hours, and last night we ate guacamole and chips in bed and it felt like a slumber party.

one sentence

Tonight my friend H picked me up, and we went to her place, where she cooked us bean tacos and we made cards.

61 cents

Today we went to our favorite cafe and the co-op. Then we walked half an hour at our favorite park.

Erik's best friend T was at the cafe. He was using his computer, on the far side of the room, and Erik spotted him after we'd been there about 20 minutes. T showed Erik pictures, like a picture of the woman he's dating. Then T left--he was going to the gym.

I made some delicious tofu scramble for dinner. Lately I've been adding broccoli.

Today I went to the post office and waited in line about 15 minutes. I picked up a package that was waiting for me. My friend G sent me fabulous, fabulous things. I wish the damn mail carriers would leave packages in front of my door. But I bought some stamps too, nice red New Year ones, and sent some copies of Please Pass the Plants.

rewinter

The weekend was good--I yarn shopped with my mom. We made apple crisp. We went out to Mexican food, and at El Pueblito there was a mariachi band. The trumpet made me feel really uncomfortable. We watched a lot of Jeopardy, and we watched Erik play a video game for a long time.

Today some medicine I was waiting for came in the mail. It's raining a lot, so we feel like winter came back.

got home this afternoon

Didn't disappear off the face of the earth--just went to visit my parents. Posting will resume tomorrow.

tulip trees

First I photocopied while Erik meditated in the car. The price is right, but the copy machines leave much to be desired. I think I need to find a new place. Last time I had a problem with margin creep. This time I thought everything was fine, but today while I was collating and folding I realized that it had happened again.

Then we went to a few stores, and I bought a little stationary. My favorite are some lotus notecards. Erik looked at Japanese buckwheat hull pillows.

Then we went to the botanic garden in Tilden Park and ate our sandwiches then walked in the garden and sat on benches reading and writing. I told Erik how when you first go to a new botanic garden you're all dazzled and excited and maybe overwhelmed, and then the more you go there, the more you get to know it, and some of the excitement goes away, but comprehension gets better.

Then we went to early dinner. We loved this Indian-Pakistani place for so long, but I think this might have been our last time going there. Erik says he doesn't like the way his body feels after eating that heavy food. So maybe we will start going to vegan Japanese all the time though it's much more expensive.

Then we went for a dusk walk in neighborhoods. The tulip trees are blooming.

entrepreneur

I've been really annoyed by poorly-designed websites lately. I should become a consultant, and companies could hire me to tell them whether their website sucks.

our day

Tomorrow I will tell you all about our day in Berkeley.

everything

pros:
sunlight, received beautiful letter, tofu scramble, vegan donut

cons:
everything else

Eden Foods beans

That's nice to know Eden Foods has BPA-free cans of beans.

http://www.edenfoods.com/articles/view.php?articles_id=178

the story of our afternoon

Yesterday a combination of events occurred such that we went out to Thai food downtown. It had been a super long time. The food was delicious. And we had the perfect table, right at the window, and there was a stoplight so cars would stop, and I could stare at the people and they had no idea I was staring at them. We went at about 2. I didn't feel crowded or rushed. It was great.

Then we still had an hour left on the parking meter, so we decided to try to find Zanzibar, this store Erik thought I would like. So we walked kind of far and found it. It's a fair trade import store with lots of little statues and trinkets and jewelery. They had a ton of Day of the Dead stuff, soapstone statues from Africa, amber, malas, incense, statues, soap.... I bought some expensive beautiful cards, a little hand of Fatima, a little pin of skeletons riding bikes, and a present for my brother. His birthday isn't coming up, and Christmas is far away, so I guess I will just send it for no reason.

Then we realized we were going to get a parking ticket, so Erik decided to run ahead and get the car and pick me up. So I stood on a street corner near Zanzibar, waiting. Then my friend's boyfriend N came by on his bike. It was good to see him. Then Erik picked me up, and we didn't get a ticket. The end.

baking frenzy

Last night I baked vegan banana bread. Then I baked vegan pumpkin bread. I thought it would be easier because I already had everything out. Both turned out great, but I think I like the pumpkin bread more. The spices are delicious. However, I put chocolate chips in neither.

The pumpkin bread called for half cup of applesauce, but I had a lot of overripe bananas, so I used about half a cup of mashed banana instead, and that worked great.

My banana bread had spots that were kind of underdone even though I cooked it for the recommended time and my inserted knife came clean. This is the second time this has happened to me, and I'm confused.

advice

My friend Matt's got a poem here.

http://www.zocalopublicsquare.org/thepublicsquare/2010/02/15/advice/

guess what?

Well, we went to our favorite park yesterday for a walk, and then we sat at my favorite picnic table. I wrote a letter to my friend who's having a birthday--a beautiful card that says "You are a rare bird." Then mosquitoes started swarming us! But we didn't want to leave. But then it was getting ridiculous. One bit me right next to my wedding ring. "There's one on your head!" I told Erik and smacked him upside the head. So we left.

We went to our favorite cafe. Yesterday was warm, so they had the doors wide open, and guess what? There were mosquitoes there too! But only a few, and I don't think they bit us.

Started reading another graphic memoir called Epileptic. Like it a lot more than Blankets.

vegan peanut butter cups

Yesterday at the co-op I bought some vegan baking chocolate and some cupcake papers so I could make vegan peanut butter cups. Supposed to be very easy.

http://www.loveveggiesandyoga.com/2009/11/raw-vegan-peanut-butter-cups.html

Toadlily Press

Another friend directed me to this press. I missed their January open submission period. Maybe next year.

http://toadlilypress.com/

Sacrifice Press

My friend directed me to this press. Maybe one day I will see about submitting there.

http://sacrifice-press.tumblr.com/

delicious garlic problem

The other day we were at the co-op, and we really needed garlic. It was critical. But all they had was elephant garlic. I knew nothing about it except it's supposed to be milder. And of course it's big.

So we bought it reluctantly. I love garlic and have no need for mildness. But it was all they had.

So I used some in the tofu scramble I made for lunch yesterday, and it was very good--I had no complaints.

Then for dinner Erik wanted red lentil dal, and I was open to that, so I made some dal using the elephant garlic thinking it would not be as good as usual but no big deal. The dal calls for 8 cloves of garlic, so that's a lot of garlic. I used two huge cloves of elephant garlic cut up so they would fit in my press.

OH MY GOD! It's the best dal I have ever tasted in my entire life! It was like some magical food I wanted to eat more and more of. And I'm pretty sure its extraordinary excellence is due to the elephant garlic. It seems to have a subtle sweetness and great depth of flavor and delicious richness.

So now I think I'm addicted to elephant garlic.

humorous true story

When I was in jr high, there was this guy--I think he played baritone--and I guess he liked me-liked me. I was really clueless about these sorts of things--I had no self-esteem and would not believe that anyone could like me-like me. Anyway, he gave me a valentine that he had made for me, and on it he had written (among other things) Happy VD.

this one's going out to all the lovebirds out there

Friday night I skipped Shiva puja and went with Erik to his best friend's art opening. It was Valentine's Day-themed. It was kind of fun. It was our second time at this place for an art opening, and I'm getting to like it.

A little boy tried to teach us greater than, less than equations at the white board in the food room. He was super-cute. "You're just in time for the lesson!" he said when we walked in. T told us about the roller derby.

Then we went to our favorite cafe. I finished Blankets. It was very quiet there. Perfect for reading. We sat on the couch.

Yesterday we ran errands. We went to Target for a mop, and we ended up getting new headphones too. Mine were falling apart. The black spongy ear things were ripped and would fall off sometimes, and the headband had become so loose that the headphones would slip off my head. So it was time. My new ones were only seven bucks and are really great.

Today I slept in, which felt luxurious. For breakfast I ate a leftover sweet potato biscuit and some plain soy yogurt--plain is my favorite flavor because it's not too sweet. The brand of soy yogurt I like is on sale at the co-op.

And today I finally figured out how to print the new cookzine's pages. Took me a while! But then I ran out of ink. So we need to go to the office supply store.

This afternoon I'm helping P do bulletins, which is unusual for a Sunday. Tomorrow's a holiday, so we don't want to go to Berkeley. We like the parks and botanic garden to be all abandoned for us.

Well, happy Valentine's Day to all the lovebirds.

freecycle

Someone asking for an EMF detector and digital recorder for their paranormal investigations group.

unseasonal

Yesterday we went to the park, and a mosquito bit me. What the heck? It's winter. A few days ago, same park, same picnic table--happened then too.

Bay Area Anarchist Book Fair, Ed Brown

The 15th Annual Bay Area Anarchist Book Fair will take place March 13th and 14th. I planned to go a couple years ago and didn't.

http://sfbookfair.wordpress.com/

Unfortunately, someone very important is coming to Sacramento that weekend--Ed Brown. Erik's planning to attend a retreat with him on Saturday, and I want to go to a talk with him Sunday night.

http://www.sbmg.org/calendar.htm

zine review zine

Yesterday I got the new Zine World in the mail even though I quit reviewing for them--I guess since there are reviews I wrote in this issue, I got this issue. I read reviews for zines I know and had some disappointments. But Redgaurd's zines got good reviews, which is heartening.

sprouts

Lentil sprouts are really good for sprinkling on salads, but garbanzo bean sprouts are great to snack on by themselves.

chia seeds

I got interested in chia seeds and looked up recipes. There are a lot of vegan chia pudding recipes out there. Here's one.

http://swellvegan.wordpress.com/2009/02/18/chia-pudding/

I hope to find some in a bulk bin so I can buy just a little.

Burning Man

A friend invited me to go to Burning Man with him, so I spent a couple hours today reading the whole Burning Man website. I don't think it would be what's best for me in that it's kind of like one big party, and I'm not good with parties. And it's kind of expensive. If I wanted to ask for a low-cost ticket, I'd have to do it now, but my mental health's unpredictable. I really like intentional community, though, and art, and radical self-reliance. And there's no work that time of year anyway, and it might be really fun. I enjoy thinking about it, anyway.

renaming

There's no Sears Tower anymore--it's now Willis Tower.

cookies reconsidered

I decided the cookies have too many chocolate chips in them. They're sort of like eating candy more than eating cookies. That's why I like Mexican wedding cakes so much--all cookie, all the time.

Virtual Friendships & False Intimacy

This is an interesting article about facebook and touches upon a couple of my reasons for quitting. The title bugs me, and I think there are some audacious assertions, but it's food for thought.

http://news.infoshop.org/article.php?story=virtual-friendships

When the world is conceived of as a global marketplace, every interaction can seem to be about buying and selling. People are encouraged to blur the distinction between self expression and creating a marketable image. The forms of expression supported by social networking technology are one recent example of this, but all of our communication is potentially affected by this posturing.

a knock

Yesterday I proofread and got sucked into Wikipedia where I researched for hours. I was avoiding responsibilities because I've been overwhelmed--I was overwhelming myself with information to avoid the other stuff that's overwhelming me.

This morning Erik left for work at around 7:30 and I went back to sleep, slept in until 10 when I was awoken by a knock at the door--wonder what they wanted.

I have more proofreading to do today.

Frog and Toad

I loved Frog and Toad when I was a kid. Well, I still love them. One of my favorite sentences is "HEY BIRDS, HERE ARE COOKIES!" The cookie story is quoted here in this sermon.

http://www.motherflash.com/sermons/range/pentecost7a5.html

Blankets

Last night I started reading a graphic memoir called Blankets. It's pretty disturbing so far, but I like reading about kids.

vegan tollhouse chocolate chip cookies: baked

Yesterday I wanted to bake and asked Erik want he wanted, and he said chocolate chip cookies, so I made these, adding a cup of broken up walnuts.

http://www.beansandgreens.net/?p=819

They are not health food by any stretch of the imagination. I used white whole wheat flour, and I guess nuts are good for you? But otherwise, a ton of Earth Balance. The recipe calls for two sticks, same as Mexican wedding cakes.

I made them small, so they're cute. They taste very, very good. They're made with ground flax seeds as the egg replacer--oh, ground flax seeds are good for you. I think I can taste the flax seeds, and maybe that's a flaw, depending? Next time I think I'll try Ener-G as the egg replacer and see how we like that.

Anyway, made a ton of cookies, and I put some in the freezer.

The Rebecca Project

I have a great deal of sympathy for women in prison. When I hear about women giving birth in shackles, it really upsets me. Anyway, this project seems worthwhile.

http://www.rebeccaproject.org/

Why We Love Dogs, Eat Pigs, and Wear Cows

Interesting interview snippet with Dr Melanie Joy who talks about animal rights in an academic way--found it thought-provoking. Didn't watch the video. Here's my favorite quote from it.

"incorporating nonhuman animals into one’s body is often the most intimate and frequent contact humans have with other species."

http://bitchmagazine.org/post/the-biotic-woman-a-conversation-about-carnism-with-melanie-joy-pt-1

book news

I read Burma Chronicles today, a graphic memoir about a French guy's year in Burma. It's pretty good.

fruit protocol

I live by First In, First Out--if we get a new box of mandarins, we have to eat the old ones before we start the new box. But Erik--I think he operates from a position more like Fresh Is Best, so he starts in on the new box immediately, and I'm the one eating all the old stuff.

Ideally, we would only buy new once the old got used up, but some things we like to have a continuous supply.

ATC supplies

I really like ATCs but have never made one. Some people do it scrapbooking-style, which I find hokey. But some people do it actual art style. I'm not a visual artist whatsoever, but maybe I should be.

Anyway, looking for thread, this site came up.

http://youratcstore.com/index.php

still paring down

Quit livejournal too, but I'm pretty sure that one's temporary.

surgeon's knot

Nice stranger in a forum told me about a knot called the surgeon's knot. They said to try it on my zine binding. I looked it up and found a couple different versions. The way I understand it is to make a knot like I always would only add an extra twist at the end. But some websites seem to say the extra twist should be at the beginning. Kind of confusing. Anyway, I could have found some bright green #10 cotton thread and waxed it myself, but I decided to use what I have.

My prompt scored out yesterday evening, so I am all done, but Erik got up early because his was and still is going. It's his second day in a row getting up before 4 am.

I kind of wanted to get my originals all ready and go to Berkeley today to photocopy Please Pass the Plants, but there's no way, so the soonest day we could go is Saturday.

Erik's working outside the home Tuesday through Friday. I don't know what I'll do. I finished the novel I was reading. Got plenty more out from the library, though.

Yesterday we went to our favorite park so Erik could run, and it was great to get some sun. (I haven't even peeked an eye at the manuscript P sent me to proofread.)

waxing my own thread

http://www.pburch.net/dyeing/dyelog/B1063361308/C1691090068/E20080109170851/index.html

Paraffin, a petroleum-based solid wax, is occasionally used, for a smoother, less sticky result. Hold the thread against the side of the block of paraffin with your finger as you pull the thread. You can usually find paraffin in the grocery store among the canning supplies, as it is used the seal the tops of jars of homemade jellies.

dal facts

Last night I made red lentil dal for dinner. The recipe calls for a can of diced tomatoes, but Erik's paranoid about canned foods but especially canned tomatoes because of BPA. So I guess we will be avoiding buying canned foods form now on, what a pain in the ass--canned beans are so convenient! Canned garbanzo beans are / were big around here.

Anyway, we happened to have three large organic roma tomatoes on hand, so last night I used those instead of canned--once the onions and garlic were cooked, I threw the tomatoes in the onion pot, chopped up small, and cooked them for 10 minutes or so.

This was one of the best batches of red lentil dal ever, so I am happy to report that fresh tomatoes are excellent in this recipe.

vegan tollhouse chocolate chip cookies recipe

I am so ready to let these into my life.

http://www.beansandgreens.net/?p=819

hang in there

After much discussion, we went out. We decided to go to our favorite park so Erik could run but to stop at the co-op beforehand. So we did that. It was raining, so we almost turned back.

Anyway, I got kale chips. At the park I walked half an hour and then read. It was good. Next we plan to make sweet potato biscuits and dal.

Kids are shooting baskets outside. I'm listening to Clap Your Hands Say Yeah and trying to hang in there.

SF Zine Fest

September 4th and 5th are the dates for this year's SF Zine Fest.

http://sfzinefest.com/

vegan waxed thread

Well, we were going to Art Ellis today so I could look for waxed thread in the shade of green I require, but then it hit me that it's probably waxed with beeswax, which I would normally just ignore, but seeing as this is a vegan cookzine, uh, I should be fastidious.

So then I was researching vegan waxed thread online and found nothing, and then I thought, well, I could find some vegan waxed floss and use that, but people are arguing over which floss is actually vegan, and I got overwhelmed.

So I guess I'll just use my regular cotton thread and hope the knots don't come undone. Any ideas?

crap

Last night I didn't go to the monthly meeting of my women's religious group. Today I'm not going to choir practice. Yesterday P emailed me part of an interview transcript to proofread, and I haven't even downloaded it yet.

Supposedly last day SAT scoring is tomorrow. SAT scoring is a weird intense thing. However, Erik maxed out his hours for the week, so he has today off.

food news

Our lima beans aren't sprouting at all.

Also in food news, the other day I forgot to poke the sweet potatoes with a fork before microwaving them, and they didn't explode.

our favorite salad

organic baby spinach
organic very small tomatoes, sliced in half
lentil sprouts
Annie's Naturals woodstock dressing
broken up walnuts

mysterious day

Wrote an essay about quitting facebook for the next ELM. Don't know what I did all day, but it wasn't score SAT. We tried to go for a walk but it was cold and raining so we only made it around the block. We're nearing the end of the scoring session. P called and I called him back and he wants me to do some proofreading for him starting tomorrow, but he seems to have the transcribing under control. Tomorrow night's Samiti, but I don't know if I can do it. Still haven't baked pumpkin bread. When SAT's over we will have fun. I need to go to the Art Ellis place to see if I can find green waxed thread in the shade I'd like, we need to deposit checks, we need to get groceries. Clean the apartment. Um, what's fun? Soon Please Pass the Plants will be all done and we can go to Berkeley to make copies. Today I got fabulous mail from the ButterSwords: a funny letter, a neat dice game in its own little case, dino stickers, animal superhero stickers, promo minis.

the most meaningful job of my life

I got a poem in this zine.

http://freehandzine.com/

god hates hate

Some jackasses are coming to Sacramento on their hate tour. I got an email from the Sac gay center saying not to counter-protest because the less publicity they get, the better. They're going to synagogues, for some reason, and the Jews asked us not to counter-protest. Anyway, yuck.

tofu scramble variation

I made tofu scramble for dinner using smoked paprika rather than regular. The whole time it was cooking I was like, "This smells different!" and it really is. Erik likes it better--I like it less.

Critical Hit

Last night I finally got some flour. Either Trader Joe's is carrying white whole wheat flour all the time now or this stuff's left over from the holidays. Either way, I was happy, and if I had a way to store it safely, I would buy a ton at once. I hate running out of flour!

I want to bake some sweet potato biscuits today if I have time, and there's a new recipe for pumpkin bread I want to try soon from The Joy of Vegan Baking, which I got out from the library--I have almost 30 items out from the library right now, and it's pretty ridiculous.

I was really down for a few days, but last night when Erik came home from work, we went for a walk, and I actually had things to say and thoughts about things other than my own stupid shit. I was feeling better, but then when we went to Trader Joe's I was feeling overwhelmed and had to go sit in the car while Erik paid. Do you know that scene in Labyrinth where Sarah just took a bite of the poisoned peach and she has that dream of being at a costume ball and dancing with David Bowie? And all the people in weird masks are leering at her, and she's all bewildered and panicking? That's how I felt. Only David Bowie wasn't there.

But when I woke up this morning, I felt fine, so possibly it's over. It's actually been a hard three weeks or so, extreme moods one way or another, and I'm afraid in the notes I've written to go with zines I was sending I might have said some weird things, so I hope I'm not freaking people out.

I'm going to try scoring my full three hours today, because I think I can do it, but I am so behind, there seems to no hope of catching up, and I'm worried about getting fired, but if I do get fired--well, I guess I would strive to find another bearable part time job, but if I couldn't, I would be eligible for SSI/SSDI in a year. That would not be a great idea, but it's a plan b.

I've been listening to Ghost Mice and there's a song called "Critical Hit" that's about playing D&D and keeps saying not to give up, and at first I found it annoying, but now it's kind of my theme song.



When you're deep in a dark dungeon
And the cleric's down and dying
And you've taken all the potions you had left
And you feel like you are doomed
Because the demon you set loose
Is coming after you and you can smell/hear it's breath.
And the door between you and it is pretty thin.
The wizard is all out of spells.
The fighters took a few too many hits.
This thing, it came from hell,
It seems like it can't be killed.
Don't ever give up! not all fights are won by skill,
Some are won by luck. don't ever give in!
You've gotta keep fighting until you lose or you win.
Cross your fingers roll the die.
Wait with hope for the big two-oh (20).
Cross your fingers roll the die.
Let it go. let it roll. don't give up yet, no, don't ever quit.
There's always a chance for a critical hit.
The biggest baddest beasts have easily been beat with one lucky shot.
Dragons have fell and kingdoms have been saved
By people giving everything they've got,
By people who never gave up.
By people who know just to let the dice roll and see what comes up.
No we should never ever give up.

mail trick

My former yoga teacher told me when she checks the mail and she gets mail she doesn't want, she just leaves it in the mail box. Eventually it gets crammed full of stuff and has to be cleaned out. That had never occurred to me before. I like the feeling of slamming the mailbox door shut and ignoring what I don't want. Of course, it's not possible to ignore it forever, but it's fun for a while.

Anyway, today I got a letter from my only penpal in Mexico. Normally I would go on facebook and tell her it has arrived, but I am a non-facebook user now. It's kind of like being an ex-smoker. I like it.

dog

There's a dog outside--someone's leaving it outside?--and it makes a weird cry, a squeaky howling sound, from time to time. This has been going on for a few days now. The dog's obviously suffering, but we are afraid of our neighbors and don't want to start an apartment complex fight. Don't know what to do.

DAR

I read this whole comic, finished just now, liked it!

http://www.darcomic.org/

BQE

I got Sufjan Stevens' BQE out from the library and it's due today but I never watched it. I think I will watch it tomorrow and take the fine.

The Subconscious Art of Graffiti Removal

You know me and how I don't like movies, but I heard of this a few weeks ago and finally watched it today. It's narrated by Miranda July, and I do love her. I always have enjoyed those squares of color.

close

Two weeks ago or maybe longer we were driving toward the freeway and were at the intersection of Arden and Exposition where people panhandle a lot. There was a young guy with a backpack, drum, and dog. He had a sign that read "There's no nation like a donation," which made me laugh.

offensive

A week ago I got a letter from a prisoner (a lot of zinesters get prisoner mail). He wants someone to share erotic stories with. He said, "I write good XXX Stories" He signed it "Love you Bye." At least he's honest about what he's looking for, right?

facebook

I decided to take February off facebook. It was getting me down, and I need to batten down the hatches and take better care of myself, so I'm letting some things go. It's for the best. I think I'll blog more and keep up on my emails more and other good stuff. Wish me luck!

Today and tomorrow Erik's working outside the home, and I've got lists of things to do. I might not score SAT--not sure. If I want to bake anything, I need flour.